The Forever Song

by Julie Kagawa

  I strode up the walkway and ducked through the window above the submerged front door…and stepped into the Pit.

  The place was a mess. What was once the foyer was now a tangle of charred, broken beams, rubble, dangling wires and blackened walls. The walkways circumventing the room had collapsed and were now poking out of the water at odd angles. I picked my way over downed pillars, piles of brick, and scattered shingles, searching for a way into the grand hall. The stairwells leading to the upper levels had been destroyed or completely blocked off, so I followed the wall until I found a section I could climb. Ducking under a fallen beam, I stepped through the door frame and looked around in grim amazement.

  I barely recognized the place. Before, this had been an enormous circular room filled with folding seats and aisles where raiders had gathered. I stood on the second-floor balcony, though most of it had collapsed to the flooded ground level, and chairs lay twisted and molding beneath the surface of the water. At the front of the room, a floating stage had once sat beneath an enormous red curtain—the spot where I’d seen my blood brother for the first time. The place where Jackal had stood and promised his raiders he’d find a way to make them immortal.

  Now, it looked ravaged. The stage and curtain were gone, burned to nothing, and the once-majestic ceiling was charred and black. From where I stood, I could see that the rows of folding seats were now reduced to black metal frames. Part of the roof had fallen in, creating a giant crater in the center of the room, and water lapped sluggishly over the uneven floor. Far overhead, past jagged beams and collapsed floors, I could see the sky. A faint blue glow filtered down through the hole, creating a hazy light in the center of the room and making me shiver. Dawn was close. Whatever I did, I had to do it fast.

  Drawing my sword, I stepped onto the balcony, walked down the aisle of charred seats, and dropped to the first floor. Water sloshed against my boots, soaking the hem of my coat as I made my way into the room, and got deeper the farther I went. By the time I reached the middle of the floor and the circle of hazy light in the center, it was up past my knees.

  I paused, gazing around the darkness, searching for him. It was quiet, the only sounds being the rhythmic lapping of water and the faint groans of the building above me. Nothing moved in the shadows. But I knew he was here. I could feel him, watching me.

  “I’m here, Zeke,” I said quietly, knowing he would hear my voice, that he was close. I hoped that he could not sense the anguish stabbing me through the heart. “Let’s get this over with.”

  There was a faint rustle behind me, and I turned just as Zeke dropped from somewhere overhead, landing with a splash several feet away. His machete was already in hand as he rose, his expression a vacant mask, the hazy light falling around him and making him glow. Meeting my gaze, he smiled, and the light caught the gleam of his fangs as he stepped forward.

  I backed away, raising my katana, and Zeke gave an empty chuckle that made my skin crawl.

  “Too easy, vampire girl,” he said. He shook his head and gave me a mock-sorrowful look. “You shouldn’t have come back. You should’ve left the city, gone after Sarren, and left me here. But you couldn’t do that, could you, Allie? Because you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving me like this.”

  I swallowed hard, gripping the hilt of my sword, keeping the deadly blade between us. “I don’t want to do this, Zeke.”

  He cocked his head, smirking. “You could always let me kill you,” he suggested. “Make it easy for both of us.”

  “That’s not going to happen, either.”

  “No? Why not?” The grin faded, and he turned serious. “I would think it’s the least you could do, Allie. After all, I’m dead…because of you.”

  It felt like he had punched me. I staggered away from him, ice spreading through my veins, and my voice came out choked. “That’s…that’s not true,” I protested weakly. “You don’t mean that, Zeke.”

  “Don’t I?” Zeke sneered at me, his face hard. “Think about it. Everything that’s happened—from New Covington, to Eden, to here—is your fault, vampire girl. Jebbadiah is dead, because you couldn’t save him. Kanin was tortured and nearly killed, because you had to see if Stick was all right, and he betrayed you both to the Prince. Everyone in Eden is going to die, because you let Sarren get away.” His eyes glittered with hate. “And I…I’m dead, because you came into my life, and I was stupid enough to fall in love with a monster. You killed me, Allie. Not Sarren. I’m a vampire now, because of you.”

  Every word, every accusation, hit like a knife, slicing me open. But the last nearly dropped me to my knees. Tears blurred my vision, and I turned from Zeke, slumping against a section of roof that had fallen in. My fault. Jackal had been right. It was my fault that Zeke was dead, my fault for everything.

  “You should have died,” Zeke went on in that cold, ruthless voice, stepping forward. I looked up, blinking through tears, to face that accusing glare. “If you had only refused Kanin’s offer, if you had just let yourself die as a human, instead of becoming a monster, none of this would have happened.” He raised his machete, the light gleaming down the deadly blade, and pointed it at me, narrowing his eyes. “You owe me, vampire girl. Let me end it, tonight. No more pain, no more grief, no more senseless, bloody deaths. I promise, you won’t feel a thing. And you can take your evil from the world for good.”

  I blinked, shaken from my paralyzing indecision, as Zeke’s voice came back to me. Something he’d told me once, not very long ago, before he’d died and become this twisted monstrosity.

  You’re not evil. No one who fights so hard to do the right thing is evil.

  I backed away. This wasn’t Zeke, I reminded myself. Zeke, my Zeke, was dead. This was a vampire who’d been sired by my worst enemy, who knew exactly what to say to throw me off, make me question everything. He could get to me because he knew me, or he had when he was human. He knew my secret fears and worst nightmares. The difference was, the real Zeke would never use them against me.

  “No,” I said, bringing my weapon up in a gesture of defiance. “I admit, I made some mistakes in my life, but what’s done is done, and I can’t go back and change them. And even…even if what you say is true, that it is my fault that you died…I don’t regret anything that happened between us. This is Sarren talking, not you. Not the Zeke I remember.” He stared at me blankly, and I straightened, wiping away the last of the tears. “I promised someone I’d keep fighting, and I intend to do that, for however long it takes. No one gets to decide what kind of monster I am but me.” I remembered my vow, made in that tiny closet when I’d nearly lost myself, and my resolve grew. “And I’m not going to kneel down and die. Not for you, not for anyone.”

  Zeke smiled. Not one of his old smiles; this one was cruel and bloodthirsty, his fangs sliding out of his gums as he bared them in an evil grin. “All right, vampire girl,” he said, twirling his blade in a graceful arc. “You want to do it the hard way. That’s fine. I was actually hoping you’d say that.”

  And he lunged.

  Chapter 9

  I dodged, bringing the katana up to meet his blow, and the two blades clashed with a metallic screech that rippled down my spine. The shock of it vibrated through my arms, even as I ducked Zeke’s second swing, a vicious cut to the neck that would’ve severed the head from my body if I hadn’t moved. Stumbling back, I blocked yet another strike to my face, seeing Zeke’s eager, hungry gaze across the swords. His blows were savage, lethal; he wasn’t holding back, and if I didn’t get my act together, he was going to kill me.

  I snarled my anger, my rage at the unfairness of it all, and lashed out, putting all my hatred and grief behind the blow. The katana met Zeke’s sword, hammered through, and bit deep into his shoulder even as he twisted out of the way. He hissed in pain, stumbling back, and I went for him again, sweeping my blade down at his neck.

  He dodged, swiping his machete at my face, leaping away to put distance between us. Retreating a few steps, he reached back and grabb
ed the twisted hulk of a theater chair, half buried in water and fallen rock. With a snarl, he wrenched the entire seat free, metal frame and all, and hurled it at my head.

  I ducked, nearly flattening myself to the ground to do so, and the chair crashed into the rubble pile behind me with an earsplitting screech. Bits of rock and stone showered me as I scrambled upright, barely raising the katana in time to deflect Zeke’s sword as he attacked again. I caught his blade, but didn’t see the rock clutched in his fist until it hammered into the side of my head, knocking me down.

  Pain erupted through my skull as I hit the water and instantly rolled to my back, hearing the hiss of the machete strike the place where I’d just been. I could feel something hot running down my face as I kicked out desperately, striking Zeke’s knee and causing him to fall, too. We both stood unsteadily, dripping with water and blood, raising our weapons to circle each other again.

  Blinking blood from my eyes, I struggled to contain the Hunger and bloodlust, which had emerged with the sudden violence and was burning like fire through my veins. I couldn’t lose control now. Zeke, facing me across the water with blade in hand, had lost that eager, bloodthirsty smile. His fangs were out, his eyes flat and cold as he circled, every inch a predator. My stomach twisted. Human Zeke, for all his determination, grit and stubborn resolve to fight, had never been a killer.

  “Come on, vampire girl,” he taunted in a low, snarling voice. “Don’t tell me that’s all you’ve got.”

  I hissed in return and lunged, cutting at his head, and he leaped back. As I slashed at him a second time, he darted forward, blocked with his weapon, and lashed out with his fist, striking me in the temple. I staggered, pirouetted with the motion, and brought my blade sweeping up, slicing a gash across his stomach and chest. He snarled, backing away as blood seeped through his shirt, and reached for something at the small of his back. I realized what he was going for and tried to get to him before he could pull it out, but wasn’t fast enough. Zeke yanked a pistol from beneath his shirt and fired six shots into me, point-blank. My chest exploded with blood and agony, and I screamed, knocked back with the force of the eruptions.

  Slumping to one knee in the water, I pressed a hand to my chest, feeling blood seep between my fingers as the wounds slowly healed, and the Hunger surged with a roar. Gritting my teeth, I raised my sword to meet Zeke’s weapon slicing down at my neck. The katana met the knife edge and thrust it away, but the weapon was knocked from my hand. The machete instantly whipped back at my face, and I threw myself aside, feeling it miss my head by millimeters. Landing in the water, I rolled to my feet and instinctively raised my arm to block the vicious slash coming at my neck. I struck Zeke’s elbow with jarring force, felt something snap with the blow, and Zeke howled. Lashing out with a kick, he struck me in the chest and sent me flying backward.

  I hit the ground again with a splash, striking my head on a fallen beam lying in the water. Dazed, I looked up to see the blade in Zeke’s other hand, slicing down at me, and jerked to the side. The machete struck the pillar behind me, sinking deep, leaving him exposed for a split second.

  Lunging to my knees, I ducked beneath my enemy, grabbed Kanin’s knife from beneath my coat, and stabbed up, plunging the thin, straight blade through his chest, into his heart, and out his back.

  Zeke went rigid, his mouth gaping in shock and pain, and for just a moment, I was staring right into his eyes. Zeke stared back, eyes bright with agony, but I thought I saw a flicker of recognition, a hint of the boy I’d known before. Then his eyes glazed over, and the reality of what I’d done caught up to me. With a sob, I tore the blade free and stumbled back, and Zeke swayed a moment in place before falling to his knees in the water.

  My hands shook, and I gazed down at the form kneeling in front of me, head bowed and the back of his neck exposed. This was it. It was time. One quick slash; that’s all it would take to end this, put Zeke out of his misery for good.

  My arms shook as I raised Kanin’s dagger, aiming for the back of his skull, though the tears running down my face were making it difficult to see clearly. Zeke didn’t move, kneeling motionless at my feet with wounded arm cradled to his chest, as if he knew what was coming. I took a deep breath, steeled my emotions, and brought the blade slicing down.

  It never touched him. Halfway down, I jerked myself to a stop, shaking. The blade hovered in the air for a long moment, and try as I might, I couldn’t make myself complete the motion. Dammit, what was wrong with me? This wasn’t Zeke any longer. If I didn’t end this now, he would only heal and come after me again. I couldn’t let myself remember. I couldn’t allow myself to see those memories of the past, of myself and Zeke…before. Our first meeting in the abandoned town, a vampire and a human boy with wary blue eyes, aiming a gun at her head. That first, secret kiss in absolute darkness, my entire being consumed with wanting him. Lying with Zeke in my old room, my fangs inches from his throat, just listening to his heart as I fell asleep. His smile, his touch, the way he looked at me, with complete and utter faith that I wasn’t a monster.

  Stop it, Allison. I choked back a sob, cursing my stupid traitorous thoughts. It didn’t matter now. This had to be done. Zeke had to die, and there was no one around to do it but me.

  I’m so sorry, Zeke.

  I gripped the weapon tightly and raised it again, trying to focus through the tears. One cut, I told myself. One quick slice, and it’ll be over. He won’t feel a thing, and then you won’t feel anything, ever again.

  “Do it.”

  The voice was a strangled whisper, and I froze, staring at the hunched form in shock. Zeke hadn’t moved, his head was still bowed, but I could see his shoulders trembling. I tensed, remembering the way he had tricked me in the tower, when I thought he had come back to himself. This was likely another ploy to get me to lower my guard. I’d be stupid to fall for it again.

  And yet…I still hesitated, that crazy, stubborn hope insisting on rising up to torment me. What if he was still in there? What if Sarren hadn’t destroyed him completely? I gripped Kanin’s dagger, feeling like I was being torn in two. I knew the thought was foolish; I knew I should end it right now. This was what my sire had warned me about; I was letting my feelings get in the way of what had to be done. But if I killed Zeke now, I would question this moment for the rest of my life. For eternity.

  “What are you waiting for?” Zeke gritted out, and his hands clenched on his knees. I knew he was healing, was probably almost healed, but he still didn’t move. And even though his head was bowed, I heard the tears in his voice. “Do it, Allison. Kill me. Please, get it over with.”

  I made my decision. Foolish, emotional and irrational as it was. Lowering the blade, I stepped back, shaking my head. “No,” I whispered, and he gave a strangled sob. “No, I won’t kill you, Zeke. Not like this.”

  “Allie…” A violent shudder racked Zeke’s body. Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet, dripping water and blood, wrapped his arms around himself, and didn’t move. He stood with his back to me, shivering, the machete shining in the water at his feet. Cautiously, I stepped toward him, and his head rose and turned, just a little, in my direction.

  “Wrong choice, vampire girl.”

  He whirled with frightening speed, clamped one hand around my throat, and slammed me back into a pillar. I instinctively brought my weapon up, but Zeke grabbed my wrist with his free hand, the one that had been fractured a few seconds ago, and turned the weapon back on me. I felt the razor edge of Kanin’s dagger against my throat and looked up to meet Zeke’s blank smile.

  “You should’ve killed me,” he whispered, and pressed the blade forward.

  I tensed, fighting his arm, feeling the knife’s edge bite into my neck. “Zeke,” I gritted out, straining to keep him and the dagger at bay. “I know you can hear me. I know this isn’t what you want. Please…stop….”

  Zeke suddenly closed his eyes, and a shudder racked his body. “Allie,” he whispered, his voice strained and desperate. “No. No, I
won’t do this. Enough.” The knife halted, and the arms pinning me to the cement loosened, though Zeke’s eyes stayed closed. “Allison,” he whispered, like he didn’t have much time. “Kill me now. I can’t fight this much longer. Hurry!”

  “I can’t.” My eyes burned, and I blinked hard to clear my vision, to keep my gaze on him. “I can’t kill you. Please don’t make me do this, Zeke.”

  He growled again and shoved the knife at me. I grabbed his arms, whirled around, and pushed him back into the pillar, wrenching the dagger from his grasp. His eyes snapped open, vicious and crazy once more, and he bared his fangs in my face.

  “Make your decision, vampire girl,” Zeke snarled, and at that moment, I didn’t know which personality was in control. Or if both were speaking. “You’re running out of time.”

  Tears streamed down my face, and I shook my head, frantically trying to think of something. Dammit, there had to be something to shock him out of it. What could stop a vampire in its tracks besides a stake to the heart? Was there nothing I could do? Only watch as Zeke slipped from me once more, and in the end, be forced to destroy him after all?

  No, I couldn’t. I would not lose him again. Not this time.

  “Allie,” Zeke groaned, and I sensed him slipping, changing into the thing Sarren had created. He tilted his head back, squeezing his eyes shut, and I made my choice. As Zeke opened his eyes, his expression savage once more, I dropped the dagger, stepped forward, and sank my fangs into his throat.

  He gasped, going rigid against me. His hands came up to grip my arms, crushing them in a grip of steel, but I barely felt them. His blood seeped past my lips and spread over my tongue, a thick, sluggish river. Different. It was different than when he’d been human, sweet and earthy and very much Zeke. This was darker somehow. Hot and strong and powerful, and completely intoxicating. I could suddenly feel him, the real him. I could feel his thoughts and churning emotions. Confusion. Despair. Fear. And below that, a rippling undercurrent of something so powerful it was almost overwhelming.