Catch My Breath

by Wendy L. Wilson

  “I won’t be long.” Placing a long, sultry kiss on Alyssa’s lips, I contemplate not even leaving the comfort of her bed or her body.

  Her fingers clamp onto my shirt as I lean across the bed with each of my fists sunk into the soft, mattress on either side of her.

  “Don’t leave yet,” she whines and I’m half temped to give in.

  “Okay …” Grinning against her lips, I press the full weight of my body onto the bed, carefully hanging my feet over the edge as I scoot on my knees closer to her. “We’ll just skip class and work.”

  Her eyes shift to the clock and the excitement quickly fades. Laughing at her sudden realization that we are running late, I sit back on my heels and study her as she lets out a mournful groan.

  “Do we have to go to class?”

  Yep, she and I are on the exact same page. “I’m afraid so. Otherwise, I would have never stepped out of this bed.”

  Knowing I barely have enough time to shower now, I offer her another kiss then slip out the doors to race home. My usual twenty minute trip to her apartment takes me twelve minutes flat. As I jet to my room to get clothes, the rattling of a dresser drawer from Evan’s room tells me that he must be running late as well. I waste no time gathering a fresh shirt and jeans from my closet then hurry into the shower.

  Stepping beneath the warm, relaxing stream of water and bearing in mind that showers are not near as fun without Alyssa, I scrub up quickly, anxious to get back to her apartment. Once my feet hit the cold linoleum floor, I nearly second guess jumping back in to knock off the chill, but instead I hastily pull my shirt and jeans onto my still damp body, struggling a bit like I did the other night. As I hop on one foot to pull on my last sock, the door snaps open and like a vacuum all the steamy, humid air is sucked out as Evan walks in.

  “When did you get home? I thought you had class this morning,” he says, glancing at his wrist watch.

  I breeze past him into the living room, scoop up my shoes and collapse onto the couch with a thump. He follows me. Pulling and prying without wasting the time of untying my laces, I shove my foot into my sneakers.

  “I didn’t grab an extra pair of clothes before going to Fairview this weekend, so I just came by real quick to get changed and cleaned up. I’m running late. Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

  Evan flashes me a smartass smirk, “Oh yeah. How did meeting the ol’ fam go? You tell them you’ve been bumping uglies with their daughter?” he laughs, standing at the island with a glass of orange juice in hand.

  Rolling my eyes, I grab my keys and ignore his remark.

  “Oh and grandpa is at the site. He needs me to do some runs and pick up a few things for him,” he adds in a drab tone.

  Scrambling to the front door, my hand grips the door knob and I pull it open, in too much of a frenzy to register the conversation at hand.

  “I have to go. I’m going to be late. By the way, I’m staying at Alyssa’s again tonight,” I shout out as I tread through the door and begin to close it behind me.

  “Aww, honey, are we breaking up?!” Evan calls out igniting a burst of laughter from me.

  Nodding my head, I snicker, snap the door shut behind me and yell out, “Bye, Evan!”

  In no time, I pick Alyssa up and we speed to class, barely making it. Fortunately, our classes line up fairly well on Monday, allowing me time to drop her off at work before I have to be at my two afternoon classes then back to pick her up after work.

  Pulling into the back parking lot of the dentist office after a long day, I shut off the engine and slouch down in my seat. One thing I have put off all weekend is calling my brother or going and seeing him like he had suggested. I should have put that at the top of my list. Looking down at the blank screen on my phone now, I know I should call him. After all, I do believe that was his effort of trying, for once. Clutching the phone nervously, I press the hard surface to my ear and wait … one ring … two rings … three …

  “Hello,” Tristan’s voice comes on the line, sounding groggy and half asleep.

  I pause, not really sure what to say. “Hey,” is all I manage to get out.

  “Hey, I thought you were coming by this past weekend?”

  His assumption makes me feel like an ass. Usually it is Tristan leaving me and Jake hanging, not the other way around.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I ummm …” I really don’t want to talk to him about Alyssa. Last time either of us talked about her and Abby, it resulted in both of us spending a significant amount of one-on-one time in a hospital bed. “I sort of got hung up and couldn’t make it. That’s why I wanted to call.”

  “Aaah … what was so important?” he spits out like a spiteful little kid.

  “Listen, I just felt bad for not coming by and wanted to see if I could come by later this week. Tristan, talking to you isn’t the easiest thing. I mean, I’ve been trying the last few months but you were always mysteriously gone or busy.”

  “Easy?! This sure in the hell isn’t easy for me, either. I feel like I have wronged everyone in my life and now I’m being punished for it. Oh and FYI, I wasn’t mysteriously gone … I was probably at the hospital. I am still there half of my damn week.” The level of his voice rises with each word and it’s as if we are right back in that car, preparing to speed right over the embankment again.

  I have no idea how to talk to him. We are both so damn stubborn that we end up talking in circles each time we try.

  “Tristan, I don’t even know all the details of what happened to you. Jake told me you have therapy a couple times a week and he said you have a lot that you may never recover from, but when I ask him what is wrong, he says it would be better if I ask you. Yet, all my attempts have gone unanswered.”

  “Damn, Judd … I almost killed you. I almost killed us both, because of my bitterness and anger. I didn’t want to face you all this time. I didn’t know what to say. What?! Sorry!?” he pauses to take a breath, both of us getting way too worked up over something that should be so easy for other families. “… I don’t think that would be good enough. I haven’t wanted to see you and the truth is I’d rather no one ever see me like this, but I figured …” he lets out a long winded, frustrated sigh and stops mid-sentence.

  A movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention and I flick my eyes to the side to see Alyssa coming my way.

  “I’ll come by, okay?” I ask, feeling ashamed for not reaching out to him more.

  “I have to go to therapy. We’ll talk. Later.”

  The phone clicks in my ear right as Alyssa hops up into the window of my truck. Perfect timing. Dropping the phone into my lap, I twist, catching her face in my hands and covering her lips with mine, thankful that the day flew by, but still troubled by the conversation with Tristan.

  “Hey you,” she breathes out as our lips part.

  I keep my hands on both sides of her face, savoring the smoothness of her skin and the sweetness of her warm breath. “Hey,” I say pressing my forehead to hers as she teeters at the waist on the window ledge. “I missed you.”

  That ignites a giggle out of her and has her wrapping her arms around my neck as she climbs through the window. I crack up, my lungs burning and a spark of pain tingling in my shoulder as I pull her through as if the door is welded shut.

  Later that night, we wind up in bed early and in a serious discussion about her dad.

  “How did you handle it?” she asks hesitantly, with a pained expression in her eyes.

  The turn in conversation takes me by surprise. I know this isn’t something that is easy for her to ask me. Alyssa always shies away from bringing it up and I am truly grateful for her respect over my lack of communication on the subject, even though I really need to fill her in on more of my life if we are going to have a future together. I guess I just assume I will receive some grand sign from above when it is time to share everything with her. I’m not ready to unload it all on her now, but if my pain could help her just a little, then it is wort
h ripping open an old wound. I’m just not sure how I dealt with Mom’s death would help her.

  “I didn’t really. I just went from one day to the next; moving on because I had to,” I take a deep breath to gather my courage on this subject and tighten my grip on her hand, “… until I met you.” That is the honest truth, too. She is what saved me from the pain. The day I saw her made me realize so much. “That was the first time I felt real happiness since she passed away. I didn’t remember what truly laughing was until you came along.”

  I chuckle over a few forgotten memories of Evan trying to make me laugh the summer we had first met; the summer following my mom’s death. He was having an equally difficult time in his life and though neither of us would talk about our troubles, we both could sense that we needed a friend. He needed one and I desperately needed someone to keep me from becoming an irresponsible, careless idiot; Tristan was already shaping up to take on that role.

  “Sure, Evan could always manage to make me laugh but you … with you … I really laugh. With you, I see a happy future for the first time in my life,” I pause, seeing a flicker of understanding in her eyes. My story may not help her near as much as hearing about what I see when I look at hers. “You know, I think your dad is more worried about how everyone he loves will be affected by all this rather than scared of what will happen to him. I think he has made peace with it and he truly is grateful for the time he has had. He knows there is no promise as to how long each of our lives are going to be or how each of our ends will come, but he knows he has lived the best he could. I truly believe he is ok with that. He just worries about if you all will be able to let him go when the time comes.”

  Her eyes fill with tears bringing forth an ache in my heart as well. She already knows all that, but sometimes hearing the obvious said out loud can shed new light on how you view a situation. Nuzzling into my chest, her breath sweeps over my skin in a soft laugh before she pulls away.

  “You learned all that from one weekend with my dad?” her voice quivers as a few more tears slip down her cheek.

  Clearing my throat to push back the surge of emotion that is threatening to break free inside of me, I smile, thankful for the conversation between Alex and me.

  “Well, I have to admit, you have some pretty awesome parents and your dad is one of a kind. I wish my …” I stop talking, thinking carefully about what I wish for. My dad chose to leave and never came back. No, I don’t think I do want someone like that in my life. “He loves you so much,” I tell her, because that, I know without a doubt.

  Pulling her against me, her lips meet mine and buzzes of electricity tingle through my body as her fingertips trail up both sides of my rib cage and over the tissue at my scar. She focuses her attention on that one area, tracing the deep groove and the sensitivity is about to drive me insane.

  Trailing a steaming path down her chin to her neck with my lips, I lift her sweater over her head and toss it to the floor before concentrating on the clasp of her bra. Wouldn’t you know it, when a guy finally masters unhooking the back clasp of a bra they go and switch it up to a crazy front one. Twisting and gently tugging at the contraption, a content breath escapes me as she spills out and I pitch the bra down to the floor alongside her sweater.

  Sliding back over her body, our skin melts together as I look into her eyes and let my lips hover only a breath away from hers.

  “I love you, Alyssa,” I whisper, my heart raging out of control.

  A slamming from the next room has Alyssa panicking beneath me and in a hurried frenzy to get up. I jump as well and land with my knees dug into the mattress. Reaching to the floor where her discarded clothes rest, I scoop them up and toss them her way, knowing full well what she is freaked about. Bethany must have come home early and we are caught with our pants down.

  I WATCH ALYSSA, MORE amused than concerned. She scans the room anxiously, looking from beneath the bed, to the closet, to the bathroom, then landing on the window with a determined expression on her face.

  “Oh, no no …” Hell no. I chuckle at what she must be thinking. “I’m not climbing out the window. If that’s what you’re thinking, you can forget about it.”

  She spits out a quiet breath of laughter and covers her mouth, waving her hand back and forth to keep me from making her laugh anymore. Once her clothes are back on, I walk to the closed bedroom door, her hand grasped in mine.

  “I guess it’s time you talk to her. You want me to wait in here or come out with you?”

  I’m half tempted to go out regardless. I really don’t want her facing Bethany alone. I’ve never trusted Bethany and I wouldn’t put it past her to make Alyssa feel like crap.

  Squeezing my hand, she places her other one on my chest and leans up to whisper in my ear, “No, I better do this alone. She is going to freak as it is, but if she sees you here she’s liable to tackle me.”

  Her words make me want to hang back even less, but I respect her wishes and watch as she gives me a brief smile before slipping into the living room and closing the door behind her. My ear is automatically magnetized to the door as I listen to their muffled voices, barely able to catch all that Alyssa says over Bethany’s shrill, enraged tone.

  “… you’re damn right … .How could you!?” Bethany screeches, nearly making me fly out of the room, but Alyssa stays calm and stands her ground, trying to explain.

  “Let me …”

  “I thought you were my friend ….” Bethany’s voice carries through the door as if she is standing in the room with me.

  Alyssa says something in response, but I cannot make out the words. All of a sudden, Bethany’s voice levels to a firm, commanding tone as she admits to Alyssa that she saw us Thursday night in my truck and had hoped we would be here tonight so she could see for herself. What a conniving little brat! My hand makes contact with the doorknob and I am ten seconds from busting in on their chat, but I finally hear Alyssa get through to her by demanding that she sit down and listen. Their voices get quieter, and I assume that the storm may have passed so I twist the knob, barely opening the door so that I can hear better; that’s when I hear my cue.

  “It’s stupid for him to hide in there! Just tell him to come out!”

  Sure thing, because I sure as shit have had enough of you talking to Alyssa like a piece of dirt. I pull the door all the way open, both of them so fired up that they do not even register my movement.

  “He’s not hiding! I told him to wait …”

  Bethany cuts Alyssa off mid sentence, “You should have told me, but just don’t flaunt it in my face!”

  With that, I am fully pissed off and have had enough of letting my girlfriend stand alone in this. “Bethany, I was always straight forward with you. I told you I was not over my ex and Alyssa was who I was talking about. I just didn’t want to discuss anything with anyone until I understood, myself, what had happened between us.”

  My bitter tone sparks a look of shock across her face as Alyssa turns to look at me, her shoulders tense and rigid from the interaction.

  “Be honest! Did you use me to get close to her?”

  She asks me a question that I can’t quite figure out how to answer right off the bat. I didn’t use her, but I did take advantage of the situation in a way, especially when I wanted to leave a gift for Alyssa, but I never made her believe there was anything between us. Never.

  “No, because I told you from that very first day that I was only interested in being friends with you, and I never gave you any indication that that would change. You were the one that was always texting and calling me to come over, not the other way around. The only thing either of us is guilty of is not being honest about knowing each other, but I am in no way sorry for being with her now.”

  With this, Bethany retracts her claws and simmers down.

  Feeling a bit unwelcome and uncomfortable, and also at Bethany’s request, Alyssa and I hustle to my apartment for the night with a week’s worth of her clothes in tow. Shaken and guilt ridden for no r
eason at all in my mind, she quickly falls asleep with her head nestled in the dip between my shoulder and neck.

  The next few days we juggle hectic schedules, with peaceful evenings hanging with Evan and warm nights curled up together. Unfortunately, Evan’s relentless moans and groans about seeing Piper in one of his classes starts to wear on our personal time, when he gives us only a three second warning a couple nights in a row before coming in to vent. Caught in a precarious position on the last bust in, I decide to take matters into my own hands and make sure there will be no more interruptions.

  “Hey, I have to run. You got everything squared away?” I announce as I race to the door of the work trailer. “Alyssa gets off at 6:00 and I need to make a run to the hardware store before picking her up.”

  “Hardware store? What for?” Evan asks, leaning against his desk as he looks over some invoices.

  I feel a little awkward answering Evan’s question, because I know he’ll have some sort of smartass comment, but I figure what the hell. “We’ve been together for a week, so there is something I wanted to get for her … a surprise.”

  Evan scrunches up his face in confusion, “At the hardware store?” His eyes glimmer like a dog that just spotted a long, lost bone and I know, here it comes. “Ahhh, a hardware store …” he air quotes with his fingers, flicking his eyebrows up and down, “Nice.”

  I shake my head at his insinuation, “Aaaa, not that kind of hardware store. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

  His eyes widen in surprise. “Me!? Oh … Oh, my mind is the one in the gutter?” he tosses the paperwork to the desk and clutches his stomach. “You two are the ones that are constantly humping like a pair of crazed rabbits. Seriously, do you ever sleep?” he widens his eyes and takes on a serious tone, “Are you vampires? Horny vampires?”

  I roll my eyes, craning my neck to look at the clock above the door. 5:35, shit, I’m going to be late.