Hate to Love You

by Isabelle Richards

  “My hands are tied. I swore to him that I wouldn’t reveal anything about his condition to anyone, but I think I’ve come up with a solution that helps everyone. I’d like for you to join him for the rest of the season under the guise of expanding your opportunities.”

  I wince. I don’t do things “under the guise” of anything.

  “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. He won’t let up for anyone except for you. He’ll do anything to give you the opportunity you’re looking for, even if that means giving up control, and it’s the only thing I can think of that will help him.”

  My emotions whirlpool into a confusing blur: fear for my father, gratitude for his friend’s devotion, utter disappointment that my new career path is a colossal non-starter. David isn’t interested in Arianna Aldrich. He wants Aiden’s daughter, and not for her football knowledge. But I would do anything for my father, even suffer the indignity of going where I’m not wanted.

  I slip into PR mode and give David my best Arianna PR smile. “You’re a wonderful friend. Daddy and I are lucky to have you. I couldn’t have come up with a better plan myself.”

  “I know you were hoping for more, and I wish things were different. I watched your spots from the pre-season, and you were outstanding.”

  He gives me this pitiful look that makes me want to punch him, but I look at him with warm adoration, just waiting for the “but.”

  “America just isn’t ready for a woman in the booth for professional football.”

  And there it is.

  He walks over to his floor-to-ceiling windows. “It’s just so hard for me to believe. This doesn’t happen to people like your dad. He’s super human. If he can be taken down, what luck do we mere mortals have?”

  David shares a few sentimental and mildly embarrassing stories about him and Daddy at Stanford. After a rather sweet story about my father getting the whole football team to serenade my mother, tears well up in his eyes. I walk over and pull him into a hug. I feel his shoulder shudder. I hold him longer than I normally would, knowing he wouldn’t want me to see him cry. After he calms, I let him go and kiss his cheek.

  “Okay,” he says, pulling away. “Let’s call in the vultures to work out the details.”

  After Aaron and a handful of executives and lawyers enter the room, we sit around the conference table. Aaron takes over and does what he gets paid so handsomely for. I mentally check out, completely ambivalent about the details. I’d actually prefer not to take a dime from them. I’m not going to be working. I’m going to be my father’s caretaker, and taking money for that is wrong on so many levels. Once the season is over, I’ll return the money.

  As soon as the meeting is over, I beg off joining Aaron for a celebratory lunch. This isn’t something I wish to celebrate. I rush to LAX and take the first flight back home. While waiting to take off, I text Charlie. Need to go out. Meet me at The Hidden Vine 7:00. The Hidden Vine is a spectacular wine bar in my neighborhood. From what I’m told, their selection is the best in the city. Unlike other wine bars Charlie has dragged me to, the staff there has yet to tease me for swirling my wine rather than actually drinking it.

  Charlie’s already seated when I arrive, and she spots me as I walk across the room. From her expression, I can tell she’s trying to read my mood.

  She hugs me. “Your poker face is too good. I can’t tell if we’re drinking champagne or wine.”

  “I’d rather be drinking scotch,” I reply as I sit.

  “Oh.” She sits and chews on the inside of her lip, looking at me cautiously. “We’re in the wrong place then.”

  I pick up the menu and look it over. “Well, if a man tried to hit on me or ask me about my father, tennis, or Henrik, I may have to chop his balls off. I figure here, all the men will probably be gay or on a date.”

  She gestures to my clothes. “In that outfit, you’re smart to worry. I’m not sure what happened today, but you looked smokin’ doing it.”

  I wore my favorite Tony Burke dress. It shows off the perfect balance of curve, cleavage, and leg to be flattering and feminine, yet it’s not too much for a business meeting with an old family friend. I take that back—it used to be my favorite.

  She pulls the menu from my hands. “That might as well be in Japanese as far as you’re concerned. I’ll pick us something deep and red, and you can tell me all about the meeting. Fair warning, the bartender is straight and very much a player.”

  I check out the guy behind the bar. Too cute to castrate. “As long as he doesn’t mention football, his manhood will remain intact.”

  Our waitress recommends a local cabernet that they’re featuring tonight, and I order a bottle.

  “Either you’re trying to get me drunk, or you’re actually planning on drinking,” Charlie says when the server leaves.

  “The second time in two years. Watch out world, Arianna’s gone wild.”

  After our wine is delivered and poured, Charlie asks, “Are you ready to talk about it, or should I aimlessly babble about my crap for a while?”

  I take a sip of my wine. “They close at ten. I don’t have enough time to stall. My big opportunity was nothing but a ruse. They never really wanted me.”

  She looks at me with pity as I regale her with the drama from the day.

  “Ari, that’s bullshit. I love David as much as you do, and I’m going to send him a cupcake tower for how he’s looking out for Aiden, but that is complete bullshit.”

  I take a long sip. “Be that as it may, it’s reality. The deck was always stacked against me. I never had a chance, and it infuriates me. I feel like an idiot that I actually thought they were considering me.”

  She shakes her head and holds up her hand. “Stop right there. Be pissed—you’re entitled to be. Don’t think for a minute that you’re a fool. You’re the smartest person I know, and that’s saying something, you know, since I went to Stanford and all.”

  “Don’t you wave that fancy degree in my face! I’m already depressed. Do you have to remind me how uneducated I am too?”

  She wipes a fake tear from her eyes. “Oh, boohoo. Traveling the world as the number-one ranked tennis star. You had it so rough.”

  “Lay off. This is my pity party. You’re supposed to be nice to me.”

  The waitress stops by to refill our glasses, and I order a glass of water. I don’t need to extend my misery into tomorrow.

  I run my finger along the grain of the table. “I think the most exasperating part of this is that I really don’t have the right to be angry. This whole scam is to protect Daddy. David’s one hundred percent right. We’re only a few games into the season, and it’s already too much for him. I’ve begged him to stop, but he won’t. As much as I detest it, this is a brilliant plan. He’ll let me take work off his plate because he’ll think it’s helping me gain experience. Hell, he’ll make me do as much work as possible just to make me earn it.”

  She puts her hand over mine. “This is the last thing you want to hear, but this is a blessing. Think of all the time you’re going to get with him. Father-daughter bonding, NFL style.”

  I shudder at the thought. “Going to strip clubs with your father is really not as amazing as it sounds.”

  “You always blow that out of proportion! It was one time, and it was for one of his best friend’s, and one of your favorite uncle’s, birthday. The party just happened to be in a club that had strippers. In a way, it’s cool that you and Aid have that kind of relationship. Could you see me doing that with Pop? Hell, no!”

  “Ah, the joys of growing up with a single father and a slew of ‘uncles’ who are professional athletes, or worse, agents. Their moral compasses are always a bit off.”

  She looks at me over the rim of her glass. “But their hearts are always in the right place. Just like David’s is.”

  We both sigh, letting the weight of the moment settle between us. I feel like Daddy’s mortality is a guest at our table.

  The people at the table to our right start arguing about
the Niners and the Raiders. Every time one of the two women tries to chime in, the men shush them, talk over them, or discount their points.

  My wine glass slips out of my hands and miraculously doesn’t break or spill. “Why do men think you need a penis to understand the advantages of man versus zone defense and the benefits of playing the quarterback in the shotgun?”

  “I don’t know what any of that means, but when I watch football, I’d rather hear you explain it to me than the stuffy asshats they have on there. Not Aid, of course. I love listening to his games. He’s hilarious.”

  “Everyone loves Daddy. No matter how much I know, I’ll never be him, and I’ll never be able to fill his shoes. I don’t know why I bother trying.”

  She tops off her glass. “You sound like Chase.”

  “Please. He’s always been the golden boy, the light in everyone’s eyes. His entire life, he’s been like his own cosmic body—the whole fucking world orbits around him. No one compares him to Daddy because he’s just that good.”

  She tilts her head back and laughs. “You say that as if moonbeams don’t shoot out your ass. The whole fucking world has always orbited around you too, in case you didn’t notice. You two were always at each other’s throats, vying for the top spot as if such a thing exists. You both operate on a completely different plane than the rest of us. You just never realized that there’s room for two of you on that plane.”

  “Well, he figured it out. Now he’s going to fly off into the sunset with Jenna.”

  She waves her finger back and forth. “Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Clearly, you didn’t watch TMZ like I told you to.”

  I roll my eyes. “I don’t watch that trash, and you know it. You said I was on there, and I have no interest in seeing myself up there.” I avoid her gaze by looking around the bar at the nauseatingly happy couples. “Okay, tell me what I missed.”

  She smirks and leans in. “They had footage of Chase getting smacked. Their tagline was that he was obnoxiously hitting on a girl and she got sassy by slapping him silly.”

  “Wine makes you go crazy with the alliteration, huh?”

  She pushes my shoulder. “Shut up! I’m not done. The footage is really fuzzy, but said Slapping Sally is none other than Jenna. When I harassed Chase about it, he said he broke it off with her, and someone caught it on film. She showed up drunk and got crazy, and he was done. So the moral of my story, my lovely, is that Chase is suddenly unattached. Flying solo. Completely available.” She stares at me with these wide eyes, reminiscent of when we were eight and she found where her mom hid the secret stash of candy.

  “I’m not sure what you want me to say. This doesn’t change much. If Jenna is the monster bitch you’ve described to me, then I’m really happy he, and you, are free of her, but I’m not sure what this changes. I may be haunted by feelings for Chase that won’t seem to go away, but it doesn’t change that he doesn’t feel the same about me. He hurt me over and over and over again, and I hurt him in return. We’re toxic together.”

  She slaps her hand on the table. “And you’re both empty and bereft without each other.”

  I sit up straighter and push my shoulders back. “I’m not empty.”

  She points her finger at me. “You keep telling yourself that, but denial won’t keep you warm at night. You’re not getting any younger, you know.”

  I scrunch my face. “Oh no, you did not just go there!”

  She crosses her arms over her chest. “Sure did. Spence and I are united in our front to drive you two back together if it kills you.”

  “We’re not getting back together. If I wasn’t me, I’d start singing Taylor Swift songs, that’s how never getting back together we are. There’s way too much bad blood here.”

  She grimaces. “Oh, that’s so sad. Your life is a collection of Taylor Swift songs.”

  “It’s the wine. But that doesn’t change anything. We’re not getting back together. But we are doing some sort of weird friend-ish thing. I think.”

  She raises her eyebrows and takes a sip. “Extrapolate please.”

  I swirl my glass. “We had a moment. We ran into each other on the trail the other night, and we talked. Like really talked. We didn’t antagonize each other. No tormenting, just he and I talking for the first time in years.” I lean back in my chair and smile. “It was nice. It made me realize how much I miss him.”

  “All the more reason you two should get back together.”

  I shake my head. “No. All the more reason we can try to be friends. I actually think we could be in the same room without me needing to stab him.”

  She shrugs. “It’s a start. Just so you know, I’m not giving up. You two belong together, and I won’t permit either of you to keep wasting time making mistakes when you should be together.”

  We keep drinking until the bar closes. Spencer swings by to pick us up on his way home from the office. He works long hours for a man whose trust fund contained more money than he could have spent in a lifetime. Spencer tells us about his day and the current financial crisis he’s working on. A soft snore comes from the front seat. “Fertility drugs” Spencer whispers. “She’s so exhausted all the time.”

  When we arrive at my building, Spencer insists on walking me to my door. “Let’s not make a habit of this, Aldrich,” he says as we ride the elevator to my floor. “My wife gets in enough trouble on her own. She doesn’t need you taking a walk on the wild side to spur her on.”

  I kiss his cheek. “Thanks. This was a one-night-only deal. I had a horrendously bad day and a moment of weakness. I promise it isn’t the start of a bender.”

  “Charlie gave me the rundown while that bartender was hitting on you.” He gives me a brotherly hug. “I’m really sorry, Ari. I know it’s a blow to your ego, but the upside is priceless. I played a round with Aiden this morning, and I had to cut it short at the turn. He couldn’t even make it nine holes without getting winded. I faked a work emergency and drove him home.”

  I rest my head on his shoulder. “Thank you for that. You’re the son-in-law he’s always wanted.”

  He pats my head. “No, I’m not. But I’ll do his job until the two of you get your shit together.”

  The elevator doors open and I walk into the hallway. “Don’t you start too. I’ve already gotten an earful tonight.”

  He takes my keys and opens my door. “I can only imagine. Getting you two back together is her new favorite obsession. It helps take her mind off the whole pregnancy thing.”

  “Fabulous. She’s going to fire on all cylinders. Someone should warn Chase.”

  Spencer is the ultimate gentleman. He walks in first and turns on all the lights. After making sure everything is safe and secure, he comes back and helps me out of my coat.

  “Speaking of warning Chase, I think someone needs to talk to him about Aiden,” he says, hanging up my coat. “I know Aid wants to wait until the end of the season, but after seeing him today, I…”

  I somberly walk to the sofa. “Don’t know if he’s going to make it that long?” I’m barely able to get the words out.

  “I didn’t mean that. Well, I sort of did. I just know Chase will feel betrayed and gypped once he finds out. Especially when he finds out that everyone knew but him. But most importantly, he deserves to know.” He sits beside me on the sofa.

  “It’s not my call. Daddy was adamant that he did not want Chase to go into this season with that over his head. Chase has a real chance at the Super Bowl, and Daddy doesn’t want to be a distraction. But Daddy’s been going overboard trying to spend time with him, so that…” I take a deep breath as I try to find the words. “So that if anything happens, Chase won’t feel like they lost time together.”

  He holds up his hands. “I know. I’ve heard all the excuses, but I’m telling you, Chase deserves to know. At the rate Aid is going, he won’t be able to hide it much longer anyway.”

  “I’ll talk to Daddy. I won’t go behind his back, but I’ll talk to him.”

  He stands. �
��I’ve got to get back to the car and get Sleeping Beauty home.”

  I walk him to the door.

  He kisses my forehead. “Lock up, drink some water, and take some Advil.”

  I slug back to my bedroom and change. Digging deep into my drawers, I pull out Daddy’s old jersey. It’s a million years old and worn thin, but it’s the most comfortable thing I own, and it makes me feel close to him. As I slide into bed, my phone dings.

  C: Stop corrupting my sister ;)

  I suppose this is us being friends-ish.

  A: Yeah, I’m the big bad wolf. Look out.

  C: Don’t I know it. How’d the meeting with the big wigs go?

  A: About as good as your secondary was against the Rams.

  C: We still won the game. A W is still a W, even if it’s ugly.

  A: Of course you did. You had me as your tutor. Just like how you passed history and chem and sociology and….

  C: If I ever go back and finish my degree, I’ll have to get both our names on it.

  A: It would only be fair.

  C: So….

  A: ….

  C: You want to talk about it?

  A: Not much to talk about.

  C: Classic defensive maneuver.

  A: Based on your performance on Sunday, this is a tactic we should visit in our next class.

  C: …

  A: Oh, did I hurt your feelings by bringing up the three times you were sacked?

  C: Nope. Not even close. Was thinking how much better I would have done in school if my teachers looked like you.

  Am I that drunk, or is he flirting?

  A: I think the only reason you got any work done in high school was because the nuns were the only women in school you weren’t screwing. If I recall, you did much better in high school than in college. We both know you screwed several professors. Don’t think ‘hot for teacher’ works out well for you.

  C: Ouch. That was a compliment that went seriously awry. In the past, I would have come back with an equally nasty comment, but this is the kinder, gentler Chase. I’m just going to let that slide.

  A: Have you joined a cult?