Hate to Love You

by Isabelle Richards

  Chase

  Another game and another big win. We’re eleven and four, and we’ve clinched the division with our slaughter of Arizona. Champagne is spraying all over the locker room, and the boys are going nuts! Wheels are up in an hour, and as team captain, I’m the lucky one who has to make sure these assholes get on the damn plane in time.

  “Come on, boys! You can drink on the plane! Let’s get the fuck out of here.” My phone buzzes in my pocket for the millionth time. I pull it out to silence it, but it’s Ari. “I owe this win to you,” I say when I accept the call. “You were so right about that thing Warren does with his left foot when he’s about to blitz. I picked up on it every time.”

  “Chase, you need to get on the first flight to Denver.”

  “Oh yeah?” I grin. Holy shit, are things finally turning around? “What’s in Denver? Oh, that’s right. You’re in Denver, aren’t you?”

  “No, Chase, Daddy’s had a heart attack. You need to get here. Please. I… I need… Daddy would want you here.”

  I can tell she’s trying her damnedest not to cry, to sound strong. “I’ll be on the first flight.”

  I hang up before asking her the million questions that are running through my mind. My PA organizes a charter plane, and I’m in Denver a few hours later. Once I land, a car drives me to a medical office building.

  I call her from outside. “Ari, I’m at the address you sent me, but it’s not a hospital.”

  “You’re in the right place. Come to the door. I’ll get them to buzz you in. Suite 704.”

  After getting buzzed in, I take the elevator to the seventh floor. Ari’s waiting for me. It’s one of those rare moments where her walls are down and she’s stripped bare. Is it wrong that I find her the most beautiful when she’s vulnerable?

  She stares at me, and I don’t know what to do. In the past, I would have swept her into my arms. Even when we were off again, we put everything aside when we needed each other. But I don’t know what we are now. If I rush to her, she might throw a left cross. I have to play this carefully, because I want her to let me be here for her. One false step and she’ll shut me back out. I step out of the elevator before the doors close.

  She hesitantly steps back and crosses her arms. “Daddy, um… Daddy… He…”

  I step closer. She doesn’t retreat, so I reach out and pull her in. She breaks down in my arms.

  “Shhhh, it’s going to be okay. I promise. Just talk to me.”

  She pulls away and wipes her eyes. “Late last winter, Daddy had this cough that wouldn’t go away. He was really tired all the time, and he’d get out of breath easily. When he came to see me in Johannesburg, he fainted. The doctors there diagnosed him with cardiomyopathy. That, among a few other reasons, is why I moved home. I was petrified I was going to lose him, and I didn’t want to be halfway around the world… just in case.”

  I can’t believe I’m hearing this. I want to scream at her for not telling me, but if I do that, she’ll close up. I run my fingers through her hair and whisper that everything will be okay.

  “The doctors want him to stop working. It’s putting too much strain on his heart. Today was a particularly tough day.” She takes a deep breath before beginning again. “The game went into double overtime, so he was on his feet for too long. Then R.J. Schmitt was injured in a dirty play. Helmet to the spine. The doctor’s aren’t sure if he’ll ever be able to walk again. Daddy got so worked up about it.”

  “I bet he went into Papa Bear mode. All of his old players are like his kids.”

  “Yeah,” she replies with a slightly bitter tone. When Aid decided to coach me at Stanford, Ari was forced to share him with a hundred twenty-five new brothers. She became close with them all, but there was always a little resentment. “He got so upset when R.J. was carted off. Later, when he was talking to Mr. and Mrs. Schmitt, his heart rate when through the roof, and he collapsed.”

  Confused, I look around at the random doctor’s office waiting room we’re sitting in. “Why are we in some office building? He should be in a hospital.” I’m a little louder than I intended, but I’m pissed. This is Aiden Aldrich. He should be getting the best care.

  She puts her hand on my arm. “Calm down. Daddy refused to go to the hospital, said he refused to let his heart condition become fodder. He was being so damn stubborn, so the Bronco’s team doc arranged this. This is a private surgical center for the best cardiologist in the city.”

  Typical Aiden. He’d rather kill himself than become a headline for anything off the field or philanthropic. The irony is lost on him. It’s not fair of me to give her a hard time. Not only is Aiden a stubborn son of a bitch, I know this must be killing her. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm down. “So what’s the good doctor saying?”

  Tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears, she swallows. “It was a minor heart attack, but it’s a sign that things are only getting worse. They told us in April that in less than two years, he’ll need a heart transplant. But he has a rare blood type and an even more rare tissue type. It’s a one-in-a-ten-million chance.”

  I pull her in and hold her so tight, I’m probably cutting off her air. I can’t believe this is happening to Aid, to Ari. I just want to close my eyes and make it all go away.

  “Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask quietly.

  “Daddy didn’t want you to worry. He planned to tell you after the season.”

  I pull away and look at her. “But why didn’t you tell me Ari? Things between us were never so bad that you couldn’t come to me.”

  She looks at me with tears. “Yeah, Chase. They were.” She wipes the tears from her eyes. “Come on. He’ll want to see you.”

  We walk through a set of double doors and down a long hallway. It’s after midnight. The place is dark and empty except for the light coming from a room at the end of the hall. The hair on my arms is standing on end. I stall halfway down the hall. I don’t want to go in that room. As soon as I go in there, this is all real. The man who has been a second father to me, my coach, my mentor, and my friend can’t possibly be sick. He drinks wheatgrass, for Christ’s sake.

  Ari threads her fingers through mine. “Not going in won’t make it go away. Come on.”

  When I walk in, Aiden’s sleeping. He’s hooked up to heart monitors.

  Ari squeezes my hand tighter, then lets go. “I’m going to go see the doctor. I’ll be right back.”

  “She gone?” Aiden asks as soon as she leaves the room.

  I sit in the chair next to his bed. “Yeah. You’re safe.”

  He opens his eyes and sits up in the bed. “She really called you. I wasn’t so sure she would.”

  “She’s scared, Aid. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” I try not to sound like a pissed-off asshole, which is hard considering I’m really pissed off.

  He pulls at a thread on his blanket. “I didn’t want to burden you.”

  Trying to contain my anger, I grip the arm of the chair. “That’s bullshit. We don’t keep secrets. We’re family. How can we be there for each other if we’re keeping secrets?”

  He starts to laugh, then winces. “Oh, it hurts to laugh.”

  I have no idea what he finds funny in this situation. Maybe they’ve got him on drugs or something. “Then don’t laugh, dumbass.”

  His smile fades. “Then don’t bitch at me about secrets, son. People in glass houses and all that.”

  I shrug. “Am I supposed to know what that means? Can we skip playing games and just talk about what’s going on?”

  “Fine. Play it your way. When you’re ready to come clean, I’m here.”

  Ari walks in. “Oh good, you’re awake. The doctor says we can leave tomorrow. They’re going to make up a bed for me to stay in. Chase, your PA just booked you a hotel room. She emailed you the info. I chartered a plane to take us all home tomorrow.”

  “You’re not staying here, Arianna. It’s bad enough I have to stay here,” Aiden says. “Go to the ho
tel with Chase. I’ll be fine. Get out of here and let me rest.”

  Ari crosses her arms. “No, I’m staying.”

  Aiden crosses his arms and glares back at her. “You’re not, and if you fight me, I’ll get so upset I’ll have another heart attack.”

  She scowls. “Low blow, old man.”

  “Aid, I just got here,” I reply. “Let me hang out for a bit.”

  The doctor enters the room and introduces himself. “I think both of you should clear out. I know the nurse said you could stay, Arianna, but I’d prefer Aiden to get a good night’s rest. I’m going to stay all night, so you don’t have to worry. My nurse just called you a cab.”

  “Wow, Doc, I’ll try to not let the door hit me on the way out,” I sneer.

  “Mr. Brennan, I assure you, if it weren’t almost one in the morning, I’d be pestering you since you’re on my fantasy team. Thanks for today by the way,” the doctor replies. “But it’s late, and Aiden needs to get his rest or else I won’t release him tomorrow. Now say good-bye, or I’ll drag you out of here.” He flashes me that “Don’t mess with me, I’m a Doctor” look, then leaves the room.

  “Dr. Plotsky is as subtle as a freight train,” Aiden says. “Snickerdoodle, come give me a kiss and get out of here.”

  Ari doesn’t move. “I don’t like it, Daddy. I want to be here.”

  He smirks. “I invoke Daddy veto. Now get out of here. Make sure she gets in her room safely, Chase.”

  Ari hugs Aiden, then leaves to harass the nurse. Aiden hold his hand out, which I knock away and hug him.

  “I’m not done with you, Aiden. You’ve escaped answering any questions today, but we have a nice long flight tomorrow for me to grill you.” I pull away.

  “Good luck getting through my daughter,” he says. “She’s all about insulating me from anything stressful. I suspect if you start lecturing me, she’ll sock you. Between the two of you, my money’s on her.”

  I put my hands up in defense. “Okay. But if you’re just going to shut me out, why did you ask me to come?”

  He smiles. “I didn’t ask you to come for me.” He points at the door. “I asked for you to come for her.”

  I laugh and walk to the door. “They must have you on some heavy drugs. I’m the last person she’d want here.”

  He pulls up the blankets. “We both know that’s not true. Take care of my daughter! Turn the light out, would you?”

  Opening the door, I turn off the lights, go downstairs, and meet Ari at the door. “God damn, he’s frustrating,” I say as our cab pulls away.

  She doesn’t respond. I’m not even sure she heard me. Her eyes are fixed on the window, watching the cars pass by. Her hand rests in her lap, trembling slightly. Taking her hand in mine, I say, “I wish you would have told me. I could have been there for you, so you didn’t have to do all of this alone.”

  “I am sorry, Chase. He was insistent.”

  “I’m sure he was. I know what he’s like. But I know what we’re like more. You should have called me even if he hadn’t insisted.”

  Pulling her hand away, she slides to the other side of the cab. “You seriously expected me to just pick up the phone and call you? How well would that have gone over?”

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t have dropped everything and flown to Johannesburg? That I wouldn’t have come with you to doctors’ appointments after you came back? I would have been there with you every step of the way.”

  “Why would I think that? Like you flew to China? Or Florida? Or Sydney? Yeah, Chase. You have a long history of coming when I need you.”

  The cab pulls up to the hotel. She gets out and slams the door in my face. I barely catch her as she enters the elevator. She’s been in Denver for a few days and already has a room. I check in at the front desk and make my way to my room. What the hell was she talking about? China, Florida? I don’t see… Oh… I’m an asshole. I’m a complete asshole.

  Pick up, Ari. Come on, pick up the damn phone. Voicemail, three times in a row. I call the front desk next.

  “Front desk.” It’s a chick. Score.

  “Hi, who am I speaking with?”

  “This is Tiffany.”

  “Good evening, Tiffany. Can you tell me which room Arianna Aldrich is in?”

  “I can ring you through.”

  I move the phone from the table to the bed and lean against the headboard. “The trouble with that, Tiffany, is that she’s not answering. I wanted to knock on her door.”

  “Sir—”

  “Oh, please. Call me Chase.”

  She giggles. Oh, I’ve got her now. “Okay, Chase. So, I’m not really supposed to do that. I could lose my job.”

  “Here’s the thing, Tiffany. I was a complete jackass to her tonight, and if I don’t apologize, I’ll just never forgive myself.”

  “I apologize but, honestly, I can’t give out her room number. But if you wanted to come down to the lobby, I could tell her she has a package.”

  It’s frustrating, but I’m happy they take guest security so seriously. Any whack job could call and say he’s me and end up in her room. Desperate, I call Charlie. “Can you get me Ari’s room number? I need to talk to her and she’s not taking my calls,” I say when she answers.

  “How’s Aiden?” she asks. “I’m so worried.”

  “I’m not really sure. I was only there a few minutes,” I reply. “We are going to have a long talk about how everyone has left me in the dark later. Right now I have to talk to her. Please, find out her room number.”

  She hangs up to call Ari’s PA. Five minutes later, my phone buzzes alerting me to a text. C: Room 1835. I expect details!

  Three minutes later, I’m banging on her door. “Arianna, open up. Please.”

  She opens the door wearing her father’s old jersey. It hangs loosely on her, exposing her left shoulder. Her hair is tied up in a knot, and she looks breathtaking. I seem to find her irresistible when she’s beyond mad.

  She leans against the doorframe. “You’re going to wake up the whole damn floor. When I ignored your calls, that wasn’t a clear enough signal for you?” she says.

  After nudging the door open, I walk past her. The further into the room I get, the harder it will be for her to throw me out. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m an ass.”

  With one hand on her hip she points to the open door with the other. “You said that already. Can you go now?”

  I shake my head. “No, I can’t. You don’t believe me.”

  She rolls her eyes, then closes the door. “Of course you’re sorry about Daddy. You love him as much as I do.”

  Cautiously, I step toward her. “That’s not what I’m sorry about. I’m sorry about that, but that’s not why I’m banging down your door.”

  Her muscles tense. “What are you sorry for?”

  “China. Florida. Sydney. I–”

  Shaking her head, she steps back. “I don’t want to talk about this. It’s ancient history. There’s no point in going back over that.”

  I put my hands together as though I’m praying, which in a way I am. “Please, just let me say this. You think I wasn’t there for you, and I wasn’t, but I wanted to be. I didn’t know how you’d respond to me, and I was a coward. But I was watching China when it happened. I knew something was wrong the second it happened, and there wasn’t anywhere else in the world I wanted to be. But everyone got on the first flight out, and you didn’t need me.

  “You wouldn’t remember this, but I talked you through until the helicopter got to you in the Bahamas. I wanted to get on the first plane to Florida, but I didn’t want to make things worse. I wasn’t with you when you needed me, but I wanted to be. I was just so damn stupid and stubborn. I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing.”

  Her cheeks turn red, and her fists clench. Knowing what her right cross can do, I flex to prepare myself for the punch I know is coming.

  She throws her hands in the air. “Exactly! You did nothing. You didn’t fly to my rescue
. You didn’t call. I got flowers and a personal phone call from the President of the United States. The leader of the free world found time to reach out, but I didn’t get even a text from the man who claimed to love me at one point.” She counts out four fingers. “Hope. You. Are. Okay. Four words. Would that have been too tough?”

  I jump up and walk away to put some distance between us. I came here to apologize because I know I fucked up. I should have been there, and I wasn’t. I don’t want this to turn into a fight, but she always knows which buttons to push. She acts as if our end had anything to do with me.

  “You wanted me out of your life! You made that very clear in your voicemail!”

  “I blew out my god damn knee,” she screams. “My career was over. My life was over, and you were too busy to give a fuck.” She holds up her hand. “I take that back. I’m sure you were too busy fucking someone to give a fuck about me.”

  I throw up my hands. “You didn’t want me!”

  “Because you couldn’t keep it in your pants!’

  I stalk to the door. “This was a mistake. I can’t have this conversation again. I never cheated on you. I fucking love you so damn much it hurts. I would have moved heaven and earth to get to you, but you said you never wanted to see me again. So I didn’t want to make things worse by showing up where I wasn’t wanted. I was sure that if I walked in that door, you would kick my ass. Now I’m going to go before this gets any uglier.” I open the door and slam it behind me.

  Fuck, did I say love?

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chase

  I spend the morning with Aid at the surgery center. Ari flitters in and out, doing her best to let me know she would rather eat nails with a lead paint chaser than be civil to me. I have nothing to say to her, so I suppose the feeling is mutual. Aid gives me the stink eye, but he won’t come right out and tell me what’s going on. Everything he says sounds as though it’s straight out of a fortune cookie. It’s not all his fault—he’s on some trippy meds.

  Around two in the afternoon, the doctor agrees to discharge Aid as long as we promise to take him straight home. Ari asks to see the doctor in his office. Poor guy has no idea the grilling he’s in for. Now that she’s out of here, it’s time to cut the shit.