by S. Nelson
“Stairs it is,” I whisper, more to myself, before rounding the corner to find the exit. I’m almost free when a strong hand catches hold of me and tugs me backward. “What the hell?” I yell before I see who it is. Drayden starts dragging me back toward his office, not paying any attention to the fact I’m trying to escape from him.
“Knock it off, Essie. You’re not going anywhere until I say so.”
He slows down when he realizes I’ve stopped resisting. “Where’s lover girl?” I ask, not holding back the contempt etched into those three words.
His answer to me is an aggravated look in my direction.
Once we’re safely in his office, I peer around quickly to make sure she isn’t still in here. After I deem the coast is clear, I breathe a small sigh of relief. But before I can do or say anything more, he shoves me back toward the couch again. “Sit,” he barks at me, yet again. When he sees I’m actually going to comply with his demand, he makes his way back over to his desk, ruffling through some papers.
“Are you really going out with her tonight?” I throw it out there, my insecurity rearing its ugly head. I can’t help it; I have to know.
He stops moving and looks at me. His penetrating eyes are trying to read me, possibly even mocking me. He rounds his desk and inches closer, stopping only when his leg makes contact with mine. I look up at him before he speaks and it’s a grave mistake. I see anger in his face, and I know it’s all directed at me. I should be used to this by now, but this is a different situation. Before, it was just him and I throwing punch for punch with our words. Now, there is another woman involved in the equation and I’m not sure how to handle it.
“What do you care?” He takes a step back to emphasize his next words. “What? Are you jealous of Dahlia? Are you upset with the fact I’m going to fuck her tonight? Are you thinking about her crying out my name as I stamp my claim on her?”
“Fuck you,” is the only thing I can think to say to him right now. Am I jealous? No.
Maybe.
Hell yes, I’m jealous.
I’d been secretly hoping he would take me again, but all hopes were lost when I laid my eyes on her. There is no way in Hell he’s going to ever visit me in that way again, especially since from now on I’m going to get bigger and bigger, forever turning him off from being attracted to me.
It’s just another part of my reality slapping me in the face.
“Fuck me?” he shouts back, his shoulders tensing with anger. But then he takes a deep breath, leans forward so I don’t miss the look on his face, and arrogantly asks, “Don’t you wish?”
That’s it! I can’t take any more of this today; there have been too many ups and downs for me already. I was hopeful today would have been a nice day out, but that turned to crap at the restaurant, and everything after has just compounded the ugly truth. Although I carry his supposed miracle child, I will never be anything more than the deceitful bitch who tried to trick him.
I get up from the couch in anger, fisting my hands so as not to physically lash out at him. “No, I don’t wish. Not anymore. So go, go and sleep with that clueless bitch as many times as you want.”
“You’re so jealous, Essie. I must say, it’s quite endearing. Really it is,” he says before retracting his body and heading back over to his desk.
The rest of the time at his office is coated in silence, neither one of us making eye contact with the other. Whatever Drayden works on takes just enough time for the elevator to be fixed, which is convenient because I’m not sure I would have had the strength to contain myself enough from shoving him down the stairwell.
I’m can only take a much needed breath when I’m finally able to slam my own bedroom door this time, separating my desperate, angry self from his arrogant attitude.
{ Chapter 20 }
“Are you even going to tell your family I’m pregnant? Or better yet, are you even going to tell them about me? You know, I’m past the safe zone now. You can tell people with reduced risk.” We’re sitting at the dining room table having dinner together, a rare occasion due to his late-night work hours and the simple fact we annoy each other.
He glances up from his plate for a brief moment before looking back down to stare at his steak. “What do you mean ‘safe zone’?”
“The book says it’s pretty safe to start telling people about the pregnancy after the first trimester. The first three months. Before that, there are too many things which can go wrong, I guess. I’m fourteen weeks today, so you can tell people if you want. It’s all I’m saying.”
“Fine.” He moves his fork around his plate, not really looking like he’s hungry after all. He looks stressed, but then again, it’s a common look for him now. His dress sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, as if to appear more relaxed than he is. His whole body is tense.
“Fine what? What do you mean by that? Are you going to tell them about me, about your future child? Or are you going to keep us hidden away forever? The dirty little secret you don’t want anyone to know. The bitch who tricked you and your bastard child.” I’m pissed. He is so blasé about the whole situation. I know this isn’t conventional in any way, shape or form, but I’m a living, breathing person. Plus, didn’t he mention once before he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks?
He hangs his head and lets out a deep sigh. When he speaks, he’s unnaturally calm, “Not tonight, Essie. I’ve had such a shit day today. I can’t handle any more drama on top of it.” He goes right back to picking at his dinner, completely dismissing my little outburst.
“Shit day? You had a shit day? Try being cooped up in this house all day long, trying everything to entertain yourself so you won’t go crazy.
“You have full run of the house now. I told you that. You just can’t go beyond the grounds without me or Hedge.”
“I know. But still.” My eyes start to fill up with impending tears because I’m beyond frustrated. He isn’t hearing me, not at all. “I’m so bored. I have no one to talk to, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand this.” All of my anger and frustration travel down my arms and comes shooting out through my hands. I flip my plate over in anger, sending my uneaten food flying to the floor. I get up from my seat, dead-set on escaping to my room.
“What the fuck, Essie?” he yells before jumping up from his seat. “Can we have one Goddamn day where you’re not throwing a hissy fit over the stupidest thing?” He makes his way around the table and catches me before I’m able to leave the dining area.
“Let me go, Drayden. I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now.” His face is so close to mine right then, threatening to be my undoing if he leans down and kisses me. Why am I even thinking these thoughts? Why? Because I’m slowly going insane, and I have to come up with crazy scenarios in my head just to remain seated on this planet.
I continue to struggle against him when all of a sudden, he picks me up and carries me outside toward the pool. My eyes get wide when I realize what he’s thinking about doing. “I think your whole problem is that you’re hot. And when you’re hot, you get overly cranky, sweetheart. So I think a nice dip in the pool will do you some good.”
Then just like that, he launches me in the pool, turns around and walks back toward the house. I fly through the air, limbs scrambling to find solid surface to save me from the grips of the water, but of course there is nothing. I hit with a splash, instantly sinking right toward the bottom of the deep end. I come up sputtering water, blowing out what went right up my nose.
The bastard tried to drown me. Okay, I know I’m being dramatic, but what the hell just happened? If he thinks I was out to get him before, he better watch out and sleep with one eye open from now on.
I will get him back for this. I make a promise to myself not to let him get away with treating me this way. What is good for the goose and all that.
And get him back I do, a few days later. It’s almost dusk outside and he makes the mistake of being out by the pool. He’s talking on his phone--quite heatedly
, I might add--still dressed in one of his designer suits. He doesn’t hear me slide the glass door open and walk up behind him. When I know he’s going to be extra distracted, yelling into the phone at whomever he is speaking with, I run at him and shove him in the pool.
He makes this weird loud noise, as if he’s surprised and scared all at the same time, his emotions plastered all over his face when he pops up from underneath the water. I throw my head over my shoulder, yelling something about tit for tat before making my way back inside. I close the door behind me but not before I’m audibly subjected to the longest string of expletives I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
I laugh all the way back up to my bedroom.
~~~~
The next few weeks pass by pretty much without incident. Drayden and Hedge have stopped bringing me my food, something I have to admit I kind of miss. Ever since he gave me full run of the house, I venture out for my own breakfast, lunch and dinner. And of course, any snacks I’m craving at any given moment.
Oddly, I’m adjusting to my new life here in his massive home. I still see him when he comes home from work, but our conversations are short. He always asks me how I’m feeling, obviously only concerned about the baby, and I always answer I’m fine. When I try and lengthen the back and forth between us, asking him about work or his family, he is always curt in his answers, dismissing me quite often.
As my belly grows, so does my love and adoration for my unborn child. Our unborn child. I never thought I would ever feel this way about anything, so the revelation is quite a shock to me. Whenever Drayden catches me rubbing my belly, something which has become instinct now, I think I see a look of happiness pass through him. But it’s so quick I convince myself I imagined it.
He still hasn’t introduced me to his family, letting them in on the biggest surprise of his life. I’m seventeen-weeks pregnant, just over four months. There is no doubt I am with child. My belly definitely popped out, taking with it my security. I’ve always relied on my looks and my body to get what I wanted, not all of it good. Obviously. I still have my looks. Actually, I think they are a bit more enhanced due to the pregnancy, which makes me feel good. My hair is longer and thicker, no doubt from the vitamins I take every day. And I do have that glow which was predicted. Thank goodness for my pregnancy books. My survival guides. They help me to remain calm while my body shifts, changing to accommodate the new life growing inside me.
But because of my ever-expanding belly, I feel fat most days. My body is retaining a bit more water than I’d like. In a weird sense, my body is betraying me. I can’t strut around half-naked in front of Drayden, vying for his attention. I can’t entice him to notice me, to want me. I gave up trying to get him to visit my bed. It’s useless and I’m not going to degrade myself for him any longer.
I stop pressing him about meeting his family, though. He can’t keep us a secret forever. The truth will come out eventually and when it does, I’m not going to be the one who has to deal with any fallout. He does.
I find myself often taking naps during the day, sometimes for many hours. I know I’m overly tired due to my condition, but sometimes I think I sleep out of boredom, willing the next day to arrive. The closer I get to my due date, the better. I start to picture my life outside this house and although it’s hard to do, I dream of a day when I will have my own place. Just me and my child. But then my thoughts waver back to the realization Drayden won’t let me live too far from his watchful eye. Will he even let me leave at all? Will he take possession of my child without me? There are too many questions still lingering, and I’m not ready to find out the answers.
So I never ask him.
One night, I’m overly exhausted so I head to bed early. Drayden hasn’t even come home from work yet, so I eat dinner by myself, something I’m not unaccustomed to these days. I think the bigger I get, the more he stays away from me. I know I’m probably disgusting to him, even though his lifeline grows within me each and every day. One day, I’ll have my life back, even though that day seems forever away right now.
I awake to someone’s hands on me, tracing the outline of my inner thigh. I continue to sleep naked, especially since I’m more apt to become warm than not. The covers have been removed from my now-aroused body. The touch is so feather-light, I think I’m surely imagining it.
Maybe I am.
Maybe I’m dreaming.
I part my legs, silently pleading for some sort of release tonight. My back arches off the bed, causing my breasts to push into the air. My hands travel down my body, slowly inching toward my aching need. My core is swollen with my desire, and whatever fleeting touch I just felt sets my body on fire. I push my hips into the air again, begging for another touch, but there is nothing. My hands snake back up my body, resting on my breasts, kneading and twisting my overly-sensitive nipples. I release a moan which has been pent up for what feels like ages. The rotation of my hips fuels my need for relief.
Then I think I feel a flicker of a tongue, warm breath cascading over me. But I quickly realize the excitement is my own hand, hovering over my most private area. Getting my fingers wet, I trail them back down to my need, teasing my tight bundle of nerves until I start to feel the familiar pull deep within me.
And there it is again. Warm breath. It’s quite the contrast, blowing on me. Wet need mixed with an intoxicating warmth. I’m slowly spiraling out of control. My fingers find their way inside me, thrusting and teasing my poor body. I know how to please myself, have been doing it for a long time. So I know exactly what to do to get myself off, to do it as quickly as possible. But tonight, there is no rush. I want to enjoy this. I want this to last for as long as possible.
I picture Drayden’s mouth on me, sucking and licking my desire away. I imagine his hands roaming all over my swollen body, bringing me to the depths of release in only the way he can. I envision his lips on mine, tasting me, devouring me. Claiming me. I want nothing more than to be filled by him, his fingers deep inside me only to be replaced with his massive cock, rocking back and forth, thrusting deep until I convulse all over him.
My thoughts spur me closer and closer to flying off that cliff. My hips gyrate. My fingers tease. My core clenches. And when my fingers find my clit again, I rush to my much needed escape. A bolt of electricity shoots through my body, causing every muscle to tighten and convulse, sending a shockwave of pleasure through me. I moan. Loudly. I call out his name, willing him to come to me.
I know he never will.
I know it’s all just a fantasy, something which has to remain locked up in the recesses of my own mind. But it’s okay. At least this way, he won’t hurt me. He won’t devastate me with his words, or with the look he bestows upon me which tells me he hates me.
No, this way is much better. Much safer.
As I’m about to drift off into a satisfied slumber, I think I hear the faint click of my door being closed. I still and wait for more. Nothing. I don’t hear footsteps in the hall or anything else remotely indicating what I’ve just experienced is anything more than my own doing.
My own release at my own hands.
{ Chapter 21 }
“I don’t want to deal with this right now, Mom. How about we discuss this some other time?”
I hear Drayden’s voice ring out as I round the corner, coming closer and closer to the one room which holds every fantasy imaginable. I stop outside the library, pertly listening to the voices within. Fortunately for me, the door is not closed all the way, so I can peer inside without giving it away that I’m eavesdropping on their personal conversation.
“Son, you can’t keep her hidden any longer. Frankly, I’m quite offended you haven’t told me about her sooner. Hell, I still wouldn’t know anything about her if it wasn’t for Eli.”
They’re discussing me. Does she want to meet me? Do I want to meet her?
I think I do.
If I can win her over, then maybe eventually, Drayden will follow. I’m not delusional enough to think we can live hap
pily ever after or anything, but I would love a shot at a second chance. Not even being sure if that’s exactly what I want, I push my hopes aside and force myself back in the moment.
His gravelly voice brings me back to their conversation. “It wasn’t anything personal. I just wasn’t ready to make it public knowledge.”
“Make what public knowledge? The fact you’ve finally found someone?” There’s a short pause before she speaks again. “Why wouldn’t you want us to know, honey?”
“Because she’s pregnant, Mom. That’s why.” He’s pacing back and forth, holding on tightly to his glass of liquor as if it’s his saving grace.
Even without looking at his mother, I know he shocked the hell out of her. I’m sure it’s the last thing she expected him to say.
But if his mother is thrown for a loop, she recovers rather quickly. “What is wrong with you, Dray? You should be shouting from the roof tops that you’re going to be a daddy.” There’s a brief silence. “I don’t understand you anymore.”
“Well, you don’t have to understand me. You just have to let me figure all this out on my own. It’s complicated, Mom. Please, give me some time.”
Before she can respond to him, I push the door open and walk inside as if I own the place, pretending I don’t know anyone else is in there.
I stop short, looking pensively between the both of them. Because I catch him off-guard, he doesn’t have the same look of contempt he usually shoots my way. His main focus is dodging his mother right now and I take full advantage of it.
His mother is busy eyeing me up, as if I’m the lost treasure which has just been found after years and years of searching the deep blue ocean. But I guess I can’t blame her. The only thing she knows about me is I’m giving her son a child, a child which was never supposed to even be a thought.
“Sorry. I didn’t know you had company.” I’m a pretty good liar. “I’ll come back later.”