Shadows

by Amber Lacie

  "I miss you."

  "I miss you, too. Why did you have to go?"

  "I don't know. I was supposed to, I guess."

  "I would have loved you. I would have tried my hardest. I want you back. I want you here with me. You would know what I'm supposed to do next. You're my best friend and now I'm all alone. I really need you, Matt." Sobs escape my lips. He pulls me to him, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

  "I know, Eve. I'm sorry I'm not there. I wish I could be, but you know what?"

  I sniffle, "What?"

  "You did love me. Unconditionally, even. We were best friends. It’s not something easily dismissed. I just couldn't give you what you needed, what you deserved."

  "And what is that?"

  "Fireworks, Eve. I can’t offer you fireworks, but he can." Matt points to a boy walking along the edge of shore. He turns to face us, taking off his sunglasses, beautiful eyes stare back at me. I'm instantly lost in his gaze, I move towards him like a moth to a flame. As he approaches me his features shift. He's older now, with broad shoulders and hair just below his ears. I reach for him, running my hands across his jaw, feeling his soft stubble beneath my fingers. Looking up into his eyes, I notice how one is emerald green and the other is a deep golden brown. I turn to look back at Matt. He's standing looking over his shoulder, the sweetest smile graces his face. "He's your fireworks, Eve."

  I feel myself pulled to the other man. "Theron."

  "I miss you, Eve. Come home."

  "Not yet."

  "When?"

  "When I don't feel so empty anymore, when I feel like me again."

  "I love you, beautiful." He gently places a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes for a brief second. When I open them, they are both gone and I'm all alone sitting on the edge of pier.

  "Eve!"

  My eyes flutter. I swear I heard someone calling my name.

  "Eve!"

  Sitting up, I rub my hands over my face. My cheeks are damp.

  "Eve!"

  "What?"

  "Turn off your damn alarm. I can't believe you didn’t hear it going off. The damn thing is loud enough to wake the neighbors."

  "Screw off, Robert." Reaching over, I grab my phone from the floor, and silence my alarm. "There. Is that better?"

  "Yes, thank fuck. Why do you have your alarm set anyways?"

  "I'm working at the bookstore today. I promised Olivia I would be in by nine."

  "You better hurry then. It's already eight."

  "Shit. I really did over sleep." I jump up out of bed. Quickly grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt, I head to the shower. This has to be the fastest shower I've ever taken in my entire life. I comb my wet messy hair into a bun, throw on my clothes, and grab my purse before I head out the door. I have twenty minutes before my shift starts. Sliding into my car, I wish I was driving Badass instead. I miss that car, I miss Theron too. From what I can remember from my dream, Matt told me Theron is my fireworks. My mom warned me not to get burned, but it happened anyways. I really want to see Theron again, but first I'm going to talk to Isa. Maybe she can help me understand everything.

  It seems I'm lucky today. I've found a front parking spot right in front of the bookstore. I turn off the car and grab my phone. I'm not sure if it's the anticipation from calling Isa or beginning my shift at the bookstore, but I can feel my heart thumping in my chest. My lungs are tight, but I feel my heart expand. I can do this. I send Isa a text asking if we can meet tomorrow while the guys are at the Cub's game. I'm not ready to see Theron in person, until I know exactly what's going on. I won't be able to pull myself away from him again.

  Walking in to the bookstore, I hear the familiar ring from the bells above the door. It doesn't take me long to fall into a routine here. I'm in the back surrounded by boxes, trying to figure out a way to sort their online orders. Absolutely nothing is organized. It's taking forever to search for things to fill each order one by one. I start cutting the tops off the boxes, then I lay them on their sides. Grabbing a marker and tape, I start labeling the boxes by genre. I sort the books by audience range, genre, and then alphabetically. I'm not sure how long I have been back here, but I now have twelves rows of boxes stack three high against the back wall. This is going to be so much easier.

  "Oh my word. What is all of this?"

  Standing up from the floor, I wipe my arm across my forehead. "Um, sorry. I guess I got carried away. I couldn't find anything and then this kind of happened. Sorry."

  Olivia walks along the boxes and glances back at me. "I was just coming back here to let you know you have a visitor. I had no idea you were knee deep in organizing my mess."

  "Sorry. I had an idea and I just kind of went with it."

  "Don't apologize. This is amazing. Anyways, you have a visitor up front."

  "Did they say who they were?"

  "Yes, um, Kelly or maybe it was Katie."

  "Kayla?"

  "Yes, that's it. Kayla is here for you. Go ahead out front. Take a break, Evelyn, you've been working hard."

  I wipe my palms on my jeans as I head to the front counter. My stomach is sinking with every step I take. Kayla is leaning with her back against the counter. I freeze mid-step. What the hell am I supposed to say to her? What does she know? How did she find me? The last time I saw her she stormed off, completely pissed at me. I debate turning around and going back to help Olivia, but I think better of it. Robert is right. I need to grow up and deal with everything. I close my eyes, take a deep breath in through my nose, and walk over to the counter. I'm not sure what to say to her, so I say the first thing that comes to mind. "So, you found me."

  "I did. Didn't think you would be hiding from me though."

  "I'm not hiding from you, I'm hiding from everyone. I just need to be me for a little while."

  "So, do you want to get lunch or something? We could go across the street if you want."

  Ricci's is across the street. I've avoided looking at it since Matt died. I can still see him falling onto the sidewalk, the melting snow turning red.

  "No!" It takes me a second to realize I was the one that screamed. "Sorry. I mean, no thank you. I don't think I'll ever be able to go there again."

  "I didn't think. Maybe we can just take a walk then?"

  "Sure. Let me grab my sweater." I grab my sweater walking into the back room, and peak my head inside. Olivia is still mesmerized by my makeshift shelves. "Olivia, I'm going to take a quick walk. I promise I won't be gone long."

  "No problem, sweetie. Take your time with Kerry."

  She's never going to get her name right. Kayla and I walk around the corner towards the courtyard. I take a seat on one of the stones surrounding the fountain. "Do you think if I wish really hard, it will come true?"

  "I don't know, Eve. What's the wish?" Sitting beside me, Kayla reaches into her purse and pulls out a penny. "Here. Try it."

  I take the penny and feel its weight in my hand. The coin is light, but my wish feels heavy. I toss it into the fountain, and close my eyes as tight as I can. When I open them, everything is the same. So much for wishes. "It didn't work."

  "What was your wish?"

  "For things to be different. For Matt to be here when I open my eyes, to be back with Theron at his place, and for you and me to be friends again."

  "Oh, quit being such a whiny bitch already. We've all lost someone dear to us, Eve. Give it up already. I didn't hunt you down to watch you wallow in self-pity. I came here to apologize to you. I shouldn't have doubted you, I was jealous."

  "Jealous? Jealous of what? No, wait. Don’t say anything. It's fine. It doesn't matter now."

  "Have you talked to him?"

  "Not yet. I hope I can see his gram tomorrow. I miss her."

  "Whatever you do, you need to do it fast. He came to my place looking for you. He doesn't know where you are. Your parents aren't telling him anything and neither has Robert. I don't see it staying a secret long since we are going to the game with him tomorrow."

  "W
ho's we?"

  "Robert, Paul, and me."

  "So, my boyfriend hides shit from me, his father absolutely hates me, his ex-fiancé was hired to be my boss, and no one, but me has an issue with this?"

  "He was engaged?"

  "Yes, to Bridgette. She knew who I was and played me like a fool. I'm sure she felt amazing crushing me like a small insect under her shoe."

  "Oh, I didn't hear that part. All I know is Theron's dad, bought National Clerk Accounts after he found out you worked there. He wanted to destroy you, but Theron found out. That's why he kept asking you to come home."

  "Why didn't he just tell me that? Why did I have to find out in a public restaurant, he used to be engaged to my boss? You should have seen her face Kayla, it was complete evil when she watched him walk into the restaurant. Oh, my God! Thomas set me up. I bet he hired that bitch on purpose. To hell with this shit. I don't want any of this drama."

  "Eve, stop. Listen to yourself. You're going to give up on him, just because you had a little bump in the road?"

  "This is not a bump in the road, Kayla. This is a caution: Warning! Bridge Out."

  "Then build a new bridge."

  "I can't."

  "Why?"

  "I just can't. I'm going back to work. I'll talk to you later sometime."

  I cannot believe everyone is taking his side on this. As I walk back to the bookstore, my phone starts ringing in my purse. Not in my right state of mind, I yell when I answer it. "What?"

  "Eve?"

  "Yes. Who is this?"

  "Isa, dear, I'm calling you from my office. I'm just trying to tie up a few odds and ends. My apologies for not getting back to you earlier. The gardener came by again to lay some new mulch down, and I had to make sure he did it correctly. He always bends at the knees, but he's young. His back can handle it if he bends over at the waist. I don't think he believes me, though."

  A laugh escapes my lips, "I can't imagine why he wouldn't". Rolling my eyes, I walk back into the store, waving at Olivia as I head to the back. "Isa about your text message."

  "Say no more. I know you would like to meet tomorrow, but can we do tonight? I'm not feeling quite myself and I would rather make my peace now."

  "I don't know. Will Theron be there? I don't think I'm ready to see him just yet."

  "I won't let him bother us. If I need to, I'll send him on a wild goose chase for Spanish chocolate covered strawberries."

  "Do they even exist?"

  "I don't know. I guess he'll find out. Evan will be at your place at six o'clock sharp to pick you up. Text me the address, and I'll forward it to him so he can put it in his GPS."

  "Will do."

  "Great, see you then."

  Staring at my phone, I notice the time and I start filling more orders. It's so much easier, now that it's organized. I love getting lost in books. Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turn around to see Olivia with her purse on her shoulder.

  "It turns out Harold isn't feeling well. I'm going to try to get him in at the doctor. I went ahead and put up the closed sign for today. You can stay if you want, but you don't have to."

  "I think I'm done for today too. I'll follow you out, just let me grab my purse."

  I'm walking to my car and I notice a pink paper tucked under my wiper blade. For some reason, instead of tossing into the garbage like I normally would with a flyer, I turn it over to read it.

  "Where's your pretty car now?"

  My heart slams to a stop, my skin crawls, and the hairs on my arms stand on end. What the fuck is this? It has to be Bridgette or Thomas playing games with me. I decide whoever left this is probably still around somewhere. I don't know want them to know they got to me, so I crumple the note and toss it in my back seat. Turning my radio up, I sing along to the songs playing on my drive home.

  Chapter 17

  Robert must still be at work when I get home. The house is completely empty. Taking advantage of the quiet, I hook up my phone to my Bluetooth speaker, letting Hozier's voice belt out across my room. I flop down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. If I'm going to meet Isa today, I might as well tackle everything at once. I can be brave. Setting the box down Matt left for me on the bed, I slice the tape open with my keys. I slowly open the box, pulling the flaps back, and look inside. The first thing I see is a dried corsage. It must be from one of our dances. Matt and I had an unwritten agreement. If neither of us had a date by the time the dance came, we would go with each other. Looking back, I can't remember Matt ever having another date. I'm sure those were his intentions all along.

  I lay the corsage on the bed and pull out a small shoe box. Peeking inside the box, I see it's full of tickets from movie, concerts, and dances we went to. I never knew he kept all this, of course, I didn't know he was in love with me then either. There's a rather large blue and white striped book. I pull it out thinking it's a photo album, but it's more of a scrapbook. I set it on the bed by my pillow so I can look through it. Grabbing the box to move it, I notice there is still one more book in it. It's not as large as the scrapbook, but it's really thick. I lay it on the bed placing both books in front of me. The blue scrapbook instantly brings a smile to my face. It's filled with pictures of the three of us goofing off in the apartment, taking vacations together, and just messing around. A laugh escapes my lips with delight, when I see our pictures from last Halloween. I went as naughty librarian, Kayla was a zombie, and Matt went as a cowboy. He wore these ridiculous chaps. They were made with a fake ass stitched in them, so he appeared to be naked under them. He went shirtless and tried to lasso people all night with his rope. He never caught anyone, but I remember him getting it stuck on a mailbox during our walk back to the apartment.

  Closing the scrapbook, I grab the smaller book. I open it to find it full of pictures from when we were little. Each picture has a caption, and some have notes tucked in with them. One picture is from second grade on the first day of school. I was totally rocking my Spice Girls t-shirt with some flared jeans. I thought I was so cool in that outfit. Matt was dressed in a yellow polo shirt and jeans. He was always so neat, he used to organize his clothes by the days of the week.

  Turning the page, I look at pictures of us at the beach. They have to be from the first summer we spent there on our own. My mom would always make us sit with her, but when I turned twelve I remember she would sit farther away from us so we could be on our own, so to speak. We were all moving up to the seventh grade. We wanted to be cool, but we were far from it. As I flip through the pictures, I realize they are all of Kayla and me. Matt isn't in any of them. I remember when Matt got his first camera. It was his birthday. He was so excited, we spent most of the day watching him try to figure it out. I never thought I would be his muse. I'm staring at a picture of Kayla and me trying to bury someone in the sand. It's the boy with the sunglasses. I turn a couple more pages, and the boy just keeps popping up in the pictures. In every picture, whether I'm looking at him or not, his face is turned towards me with a soft smile on his face. I never knew he was looking at me like that.

  I pull out a note tucked behind a picture of the boy with the sunglasses and me sitting on the beach, our backs to the camera. I unfold it and tears slips down my face. Wiping my cheeks, I take a deep breath trying to find my courage as I read his words.

  Eve,

  I remember this summer. It was the first time I have ever felt true jealousy. I don't remember his name, but I do know he captured your attention. He would show up and instantly you would be by his side. He never talked to Kayla or me, he just followed you around. He would look at you and this amazing smile would appear on your face. Your laugh would get lighter, and you seemed to float when he was near you. I was so jealous of him. I wanted you to look at me the way you looked at him. I never did get that incredible smile he got. I'm glad I was there. You were so upset when he had to move away. We had only known him for a summer, but you were swearing up and down your heart was broken. I remember Kayla and you making a pact not to date until high s
chool. I was so relieved to know no one else would be able to be close to you like that for a while. He was skateboarding, showing off in front of you and your mom when his dad came for him. You were so sad. It took me days before I got you to smile again, and when you finally did, it was all for me. I'm so relieved you know how I feel about you now.

  I love you,

  Matt

  A tear lands on the page and the ink starts to run. I wipe my face, putting the note back in its spot. I wonder how long ago he wrote all these letters, and what would have happened between us if he would have told me sooner. It doesn't matter now, I can't change the past. I need to figure out today. Does Isa know about Theron and me meeting when we were younger? The thought catches me by surprise, but I'm sure she does. Why didn't she tell me? I put everything back in the box except for the photo album, keeping it to the side so I can take it with me to Isa's. Glancing at my phone, I check the time. It's four thirty. I have plenty of time to shower and get ready for Evan.

  I'm drying my hair, when I hear Robert yelling for me. Turning the hair dryer, I look in the mirror at him. "What?"

  "I was just letting you know I'm home. You got plans?"

  "Sort of. I'm going to Isa's for dinner."

  "Are you going to see Theron?"

  "Isa promised me I won't have to. Evan will be here at six to pick me up."

  "Cool. I'm going to chill and play some Call of Duty then." He gives me a simple wave of his hand, and I go back to finishing my hair.

  It's exactly six o'clock. I'm watching out the door for Evan. It's raining, again. I watch as he pulls up into the drive in the familiar black BMW. I've never noticed before, but Evan is built. He looks more like a bodyguard, than a driver. A thought slips through my mind. Why would Isa need someone like him? I pull my hood up, trying my best to cover myself. I hide the photo album in my jacket, protecting it from the downpour of rain, and run to the car. Evan holds my door open for me, never flinching as the rain soaks his jacket. Slipping into the backseat, I put my seatbelt on. Evan starts the car and we are on our way. I watch the rain fall outside my window for most of the drive, occasionally I look up and catch Evan watching me in his mirror.