Shadows

by Amber Lacie

  My pillow is damp from my tears. Why are my dreams always so real? I roll over onto my back, rubbing my eyes with my hands. I feel loved and content. I should never have ran from Theron. I stretch my hand out reaching for him, but all I feel is emptiness and cold sheets. I open my eyes, sitting up I search the room for him. Glancing around, I notice my clothes are still strewn across the room, but his are gone. I quickly throw on a t-shirt and some shorts as I head upstairs, in search of him. I walk into the living room, but I find it empty. I head into the kitchen and everything stops. A magnet is holding a ripped sheet of paper on the fridge. My heart is pounding as I take the note down. Five words have completely destroyed my world.

  I'm letting you go.

  -Theron

  A sob escapes my lips followed by a shrill scream. I try to look around for what causes the noise and I realize it's me as I fall onto the kitchen floor.

  "Eve? What the fuck was that sound?" Robert is standing in the entrance to the kitchen. I can't speak, tears stream down my face. I hold the note I have tightly gripped in my hand out for him to take. Grabbing the note, he picks me up from the floor setting me back on my feet. "Is this from Theron?"

  I nod my head. I feel hollow and empty as I head for the stairs. I'm lost and broken. I crawl into my bed, burying myself beneath my covers. I can hear Robert pacing upstairs above me. He's talking to someone, but I'm not sure who until I hear him yell, "You stupid mother fucker! You fucking broke her. I don't give a shit what she fucking said. You're a dead man. You stay the fuck away from her! Do you hear me? I don't want you near her. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Go to hell, Theron!"

  I clench my eyes tight as another sob rips through my heart. Fucking Matt, making me feel like things were fixed. Fucking Theron, making me feel love for him, and making me feel like I need him. Fuck them both. They both left me ripped open and exposed. Fuck this. Fuck feeling so hurt all the time. I'm so done with this shit. I walk to the bathroom completely pissed off and determined not to let them get the best of me. I turn the water on and take a hot shower. I let the water pelt my back, scalding me as it washes away my pain. I stand under the shower head until the water turns cold, and I feel completely numb.

  I'm brushing my hair sitting on my bed, when Robert knock on my door. "Are you decent?"

  "I have clothes on.” I hear the doorknob click, and Robert stands just on the other side of the door.

  "Can I come in?"

  "It's your house."

  "It is, but I'm asking permission,"

  "Fine." I watch him walk into my room, pacing back and forth. He trying to gather his thoughts. It doesn't matter. Whatever he has to say won't change anything.

  "He's an asshole. I don't know what happened, but when I got home last night and saw his car, I just thought you guys worked it out. I thought you came to your senses, but now I see why you didn't want to see him."

  "It's fine."

  "No, it's not. He fucking left you in the middle of the night, and he couldn't even talk to you. He ran like a scared child leaving a note behind."

  "It's fine. I'm done with it. Look, I've had a rough start to my day. I'm going to go back to sleep like it never happened. Wake me, only if you are dying or the house is on fire." I crawl into bed and turn my back to him. I don't care what Theron said to him on the phone and I don't want any pity. I just want to be left alone. I hear Robert sigh, then my door closes. I let out a deep breath. I close my eyes, one lonely tears slides down my face, and I decide that's the last one I will cry over any of this. I fall asleep building a brick wall around my heart. I don't dream. I fall into a dark void, and my mind finally comes to a rest.

  Chapter 19

  I'm sitting on the floor in the back room of the bookstore. I'm knee deep in new orders. Ever since I showed Olivia how to use her website to its potential, and a quicker more efficient way to track her inventory, her online business has taken off. She's even adapted a new used book program. People can now sell back their gently used books, instead of trading them in for store credit. Her inventory had immensely increased, and with cash in their hands, people tend to spending right back in the store. I check my phone for the time. It's almost one o'clock. I'm meeting Kayla for lunch today as I have done every day for the past few weeks.

  Brushing my hands off on my jeans, I head to front of the store. I find Olivia behind the front counter on the phone. I mouth to her I'm taking my lunch. She smiles at me and waves me out of the door. This may not be what I went to school for, but I am loving the business side to the bookstore.

  Kayla is standing outside against the building waiting for me. She nods towards Ricci's, but I still don't have the courage to go back there yet. I don't think I ever will. We walk around the corner and stop at one of the food trucks. I order us both a sandwich and some drinks. We take our food over to the courtyard, plopping down on one of the benches.

  "Eventually, we are going to have to talk about this, Eve."

  "There's absolutely nothing to talk about. I've come to terms with everything, and working at the bookstore is helping immensely."

  Kayla sighs. I know it's not what she wants to hear, but we have had this same discussion every day for a month. She's relentless. I think she hopes to crack whatever shell she thinks I'm hiding in. That's just it, I'm not hiding. I've pushed everything so far down, I can't feel a thing. It may not be the healthiest version of dealing with things, but it's working so far.

  "Paul says he's beside himself. Theron mentioned something about his gram, too. I guess she's not feeling too well lately."

  "Kayla, do not use his name."

  "Sorry, it slipped."

  I doubt it actually slipped. She knows I can't handle hearing his name. My heart sinks at the thought of something happening to Isa. She is such a lovely person, I hope she can beat whatever it is.

  "Look, my break is almost over, so I should go."

  "We just sat down. I'm sorry, Eve. Don't go."

  "No, it's fine. I'm not really hungry anyways today." I stand and toss my sandwich into the closest garbage can. "Besides, I'm totally swamped with online orders today. Olivia could really use my help."

  I lose myself in book orders and the rest of the day flies by. It's a little after five when I plop down on my bed. I've moved most of my stuff into Robert's house now, including my bed from my old apartment. Sleeping on it has been a dream, compared to sleeping on the futon. There are no metal bars underneath my back now.

  My phone is laying on the nightstand beside me bed. It's been quiet except from the occasional text from Kayla or call from my mom. I close my eyes enjoying the quiet, and the sound of the waves hitting the beach. My phone rings making me jump. Grabbing it, I look at the screen to see who it is. Every feeling I have tried to push down for the past month pushes to the surface. My phone rings again as I watch Theron's name light up on the screen. I have no idea why I didn't just delete his number. That's a lie. I know I kept it, in hopes he would call me or, at least, attempt to explain on why he walked out on me, on us. I let it go to voicemail and drop the phone beside me. It stills for a second and begins to ring again. It's Theron. I hit ignore. He calls three more times, and each time I hit ignore.

  I hear Robert pull into the driveway and the front door slam open.

  "Eve! Eve! Where the hell are you?"

  Before I have a chance to answer Robert, my phone rings again. This time it's from a number I don't recognize. My stomach sinks as I stare at my phone. Something awful has happened, I just know it. My phone rings again as Robert runs into my room. He's completely out of breath. I swipe my screen to answer the call, and a look of pure fear takes over Robert's face.

  "Hello."

  "Eve?"

  "Yes, who is this?"

  "Eve, I'm so sorry to have to call you like this."

  "Who is this? What's going on?" I look over to Robert. He's staring at me, trying to judge my reaction to whoever is on the phone.

  "This is Evan. I'm sorry to have t
o tell you this, but Isa passed early this afternoon. She had another episode earlier this week and Theron had her admitted to the hospital. Thomas came to visit her this morning, while Theron stepped out for some coffee. She had another stroke after Thomas left, and she didn't make it."

  I'm shaking my head back and forth. This can't be happening. She was such a wonderful person. My thoughts stray to Theron, and I can’t imagine his pain. She was the only person he had left, that was worth anything. My heart stops and my voice is shaky as I process my next thought. "How is he?"

  "That's why I've called you. I tried calling you from Theron's phone first, hoping you might answer. When you didn't pick up, I called your brother. He's the one that suggested I call from this number instead."

  "Evan, you didn’t answer my question. How is he?"

  "He's fucked up pretty bad. He's in the waiting room and is refusing to leave. He's threatened anyone who comes near him including security. They were going to call the police, but I've talked them out of it. I promised if they left him alone, I would get someone to calm him down. So far they've listened, but I'm not sure how much longer they will be patient. He's destroyed the room. He needs you, Eve."

  "Me? No, you've got to be wrong. He walked out on me, Evan. He doesn't want me."

  "I'm not sure what happened, and I'm sorry if that may be, but you are the only person I know who can help him right now. You are all he has. Please, Eve."

  I imagine him locked in a room, lonely, and heartbroken. It kills me. "Okay. I'll come."

  "Thank you. I'll be watching for you." He ends the call and my phone slips from my hands.

  Robert looks at me, hurt and pity fill his eyes. "Do you want me to drive you?"

  "Please."

  "Okay. I'll be upstairs whenever you're ready."

  I run my hands over my face. How am I going to help a man who wants nothing to do with me? I take a couple deep breaths trying to calm my nerves. I toss my phone into my purse, and slip back into my shoes. My hair is still up in a ponytail and I smell like musty books, but it will have to do. I nod to Robert as I walk out the front door. I slide into the passenger seat of his car. He opens his door and carefully puts on his seatbelt.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?"

  I don't look at him. I turn my head to face out the window, trying to hide the few tears that have escaped and are running down my cheeks. "Just drive, Robert."

  The engine roars to life and we are on our way to the hospital. Robert drops me off at the curb outside the Emergency Room. I immediately spot Evan leaning against a post, waiting for me.

  "Eve." Evan nods his head to me.

  "Where is he?"

  "He's in the Family Waiting Room. It's just down the hall to the left and then an immediate right."

  "I know where it is, thanks."

  Evan follows me as I walk down the bright white corridors. I stop in front of a door with small blue lettering on it. The last time I opened that door, I found Matt's dad in there. I was confronted with what I thought at the time was horrific scene, but it's nothing compared to what I find now when I open the door.

  I push hard on the door to open it. I can't get it to budge. I look to Evan and he helps me push. We are able to open just enough for me to be able to slide in the room. I look down as I step inside and see the table Theron has pushed in front of the door, trying to block it. Glancing around the room, I see overturned chairs, and magazine racks thrown about. I take a couple steps forward and I hear glass crunch under my feat. I don't hear him, but I can sense Theron in the room. My body is immediately drawn to him. I can feel the goosebumps race across my flesh.

  He's sitting in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest. His arms are wrapped around tightly around his legs, his head hidden behind his knees, as he rocks back and forth. More glass crunches underneath my steps, alerting Theron to someone else being in the room.

  "Leave. I said I want to fucking be alone. Fucking leave!" His voice bellows around the room, I have never been so scared in my life. I carefully approach him. His shirt is ripped and torn on one of his shoulders. It's soaked with blood. I can only assume it’s what he used to break all this glass. I try to move some of the broken glass out of the way with my shoe, but there's too much. He's rocking back and forth again. I can barely hear his voice, it's strained, and sounds as if he's mumbling no over and over again. I gently kneel down on the glass. I have jeans on and few pieces of broken glass can’t hurt me as badly as he is hurting right now.

  I gently place my hand on his forearm. "Theron."

  He stops rocking.

  "It's Eve. I'm here to help you, but I need you to look at me first. You're bleeding and I'm worried about you." I am not prepared for what I see next. I have never witnessed a person pushed so far, that they break. He is completely and utterly destroyed. His entire world had been obliterated. The man I see before me, is not my Theron. This man before me is broken, shattered, mere shadows of the man he used to be. He slowly lifts his head to look at me. Every feeling I have running through me right now, instantly pales and is quickly replaced with fear. His eyes are dark. I can feel his anger emanating through his stare. A malevolent look takes over his face, any light that was left in him is gone. I have never heard, nor seen such hatred come from a person before. He stares straight into my soul and I'm not prepared for his words.

  "Thomas did this. He did this! He fucking took her from me. He's taken everything from me. He's going to pay for this. I will ruin him. I won't stop until he has felt every ounce of pain he has brought into my life. I will fucking destroy him." His voice grates against my body. The hair on my arm, stands on end. I can't remove my hand from his arm. I'm completely frightened by him.

  About the Author

  Amber Lacie grew up in Chicagoland and now lives in a quaint little town in Northwest Indiana. She has two beautiful children and a husband who worships the ground she walks on (or at least he should). She is an avid reader and coffee drinker. The love of being able to be transported into another world and experience adventures through someone else’s imagination has always captured her attention. Now, she is expanding that love into writing and is looking forward to producing many books.