Seven Letters

by Sinéad Moriarty

  Mia sipped her wine. ‘I didn’t realize how lonely he was. But she’s so irritating. I wish he could have found someone less over-the-top. She’s always pawing him and talking over him and she’s just so … so …’

  ‘Annoying?’

  ‘Yes, very bloody annoying.’

  ‘Look, I know she can be a bit overpowering and territorial around Dad, but the important thing is that he’s happy. And, you know, he really is. His face lit up when he talked about being married again.’

  ‘Well, I guess I’ll just have to suck it up, even though she drives me nuts. God, I miss Mum. She’d hate Olivia. I’d say she’s shouting from the grave, “Get that cow out of my house.”’

  They laughed.

  ‘She’ll probably haunt them,’ Sarah said.

  ‘I still talk to her sometimes,’ Mia admitted.

  ‘Do you?’

  She nodded. ‘When Johnny lost his job, I asked her to help me with the stress, and I ask her advice on what to do with Riley.’

  ‘Does she answer?’ Sarah asked tentatively.

  Mia grinned. ‘I’m not nuts – of course she doesn’t. But … I often remember her advice, things she said to me growing up, and I try to use her wisdom. She was always good at giving advice. I miss that.’

  ‘It bothered me that she never really liked Adam.’

  ‘She did like him,’ Mia lied. Her mother had never warmed to him. She could see he was good to Sarah and that he adored her, but she felt his ambition would be a problem in their marriage. His desperation to prove himself as a businessman in order to put his awful childhood behind him had worried Penny. ‘I admire his drive,’ she’d admitted to Mia once, ‘but it seems to consume him. He might never stop trying to prove himself and never be able to enjoy what he has. I’m worried Sarah will end up raising her kids alone while he’s working all the time.’

  She’d been right. Adam did work day and night, and Sarah was alone all the time. She said she didn’t mind and she understood him, but Mia knew it bothered her.

  ‘She always used to say, “Make him come home for dinner,” or “Make him take holidays,”’ Sarah said, ‘but Adam is rarely home for dinner, and when we go on holidays, he’s on his phone a lot of the time. We had a big fight the day of the scan when he didn’t show up, and I told him that he has to be around for this baby. I think he will be because it’s a boy and he wants to teach him football and all that stuff. I hope so anyway.’

  Mia patted her sister’s hand. ‘It’ll all work out. Adam’s a family man at heart. He adores you and Izzy.’

  They were silent for a bit. Then Mia said, ‘Is it normal that I’m jealous of my father’s sex life? Dad and Olivia seem to be having great sex. Johnny and I are in a total slump.’

  Sarah covered her eyes. ‘Stop! I really don’t want to picture it. All I can see is wriggly bits and saggy bits and … arggh …’

  Mia laughed. ‘And her boobs swaying. I mean, they’re like watermelons.’

  ‘Imagine Dad’s face stuck between them!’

  They both cracked up laughing.

  Izzy came in from the TV room wearing a white T-shirt with purple bobbles across the chest and purple leggings to match. ‘What are you laughing about?’ she asked.

  Mia wiped her eyes. ‘Just something your mum said.’

  ‘Tell me,’ Izzy said, climbing onto her mother’s knee.

  ‘I was just being silly, Sweet-pea.’

  Mia decided to distract her niece. ‘Are you getting excited about your Communion?’

  ‘Yes! I can’t wait. Mummy’s getting me a bouncy castle and a chocolate fountain, and we’re making special party bags for everyone and there’ll be millions of pink balloons and pink cupcakes with sparkles on them!’ Izzy squealed.

  ‘Seriously?’ Mia looked at Sarah.

  ‘Yes, the party is going to be completely over the top and fabulous.’ Sarah kissed Izzy.

  Mia smiled. Sarah’s parties for Izzy were always over the top and fabulous. Mia wondered if she should have had bigger and better parties for Riley. Izzy’s childhood memories were going to be of magical times and a calm, loving, endlessly patient mother. She was a very lucky little girl. ‘It sounds amazing, Izzy. I can’t wait to come, and you know how proud I am to be your godmother.’

  ‘I’m proud too.’ Izzy beamed at her aunt. Then she said, ‘Was Clara in big trouble today? I saw you giving out to her in the corridor after break.’

  Mia shook her head. ‘She did something a bit silly.’

  Clara was an over-indulged, spoiled eight-year-old who had ordered the teacher to pick up her jumper from the sports pitch because she was too tired. When the teacher had reprimanded her for being so rude, Clara had said she’d get her fired.

  Mia had spoken to her about her behaviour and told her to go and apologize. Clara had refused. Mia had called her mother, who seemed to think it was hilarious.

  ‘Oops,’ she’d said. ‘We have a lot of help at home, you see, so she’s just used to people doing things for her. She didn’t mean to be rude.’

  ‘Whether she did or not, Clara must apologize, and she must understand that in school the only person picking up her belongings is herself.’

  ‘I’ll talk to her tonight. Maybe we could send in a gift to the teacher. What do they like? Red or white wine? A voucher for Harvey Nichols?’

  ‘No wine or voucher is necessary, just a simple verbal apology.’

  Mia had tried not to let her frustration show. Wine? Vouchers? Seriously? The woman needed a reality check, as did her daughter. The Celtic Tiger was well and truly back if this was going on in people’s homes. Staff running around picking up after an eight-year-old? Ridiculous.

  Mind you, it would be nice to have no money worries.

  ‘All right, I’ll have a word with Clara, but I really think this teacher is overreacting. It’s just a silly misunderstanding,’ Clara’s mum trilled.

  Misunderstanding? A teacher being mistaken for a slave? Mia thought.

  ‘Good. I’ll bring Clara to Mrs Hagan tomorrow to say she’s sorry.’ Mia hung up before Clara’s mother could try to backtrack.

  ‘Mummy, can we do baking tonight?’ Izzy asked Sarah.

  ‘Sure. What will we make?’

  ‘Cupcakes.’

  Sarah laughed. ‘We always make cupcakes.’

  ‘I know, but they’re so yummy and we can put melted chocolate on top and eat them all.’

  ‘OK, sweetie, whatever you want.’

  Izzy reached up and hugged her.

  Mia smiled at them. Sarah was so good with Izzy. She was never impatient or short-tempered with her. Mia felt ashamed as she remembered Riley asking her to bake after a long day at school and her own response: ‘Not today, love, maybe at the weekend.’

  She’d rarely baked with Riley. She was always too busy or tired, or something else had taken precedence. Mia felt bad about that. Still, Sarah didn’t work: she had more time and no financial worries. Maybe if Mia had given up work when Riley was young, she and her daughter would be closer. But they had been close. Mia closed her eyes and remembered the feeling of Riley’s soft cheek against hers as they cuddled in her bed when she read bedtime stories. Mia longed to put her arms around her spiky teenager and tell her she loved her. She’d do it when she got home, she decided. No time like the present.

  Johnny was sprawled on the couch, reading the paper. Two coffee cups and a half-eaten packet of Chocolate Digestives were strewn on the coffee-table. Johnny jumped up when he saw Mia.

  ‘Before you ask, I haven’t been lounging about all day. I had a meeting with a head hunter earlier.’

  Mia had to admit that she hated coming home to find Johnny lying about. She knew he was looking for a job, she understood it was hard, but it upset her if she found him on the couch reading or watching TV. She felt he needed to be constantly looking, meeting people, networking and trawling the internet for jobs and options. She was terrified he’d be out of work for years and they’d lose the ho
use, or that he’d get depressed and never work again. His self-esteem would be in the gutter and he’d end up on anti-depressants feeling like half a man.

  She knew she was a catastrophist, her mother had often told her to stop worrying so much, but Mia couldn’t help it. She always imagined the worst-case scenarios. She was really worried about Johnny and had a constant ache in the pit of her stomach. She wanted him to be happy, she wanted him to be fulfilled and, if she was being honest, she wanted him to be earning money so that all the pressure wasn’t on her shoulders. Bills seemed to mount daily, and the stress was keeping her up at night as she tried to tally incomings with outgoings in her head.

  ‘Great,’ she said enthusiastically. She wanted to show support. Mia pointed to the ceiling. ‘I see Riley’s still listening to the same song.’

  ‘That’s the sixth time since she came home from school. She’s in a foul mood. I’m making her chocolate pancakes to try to cheer her up.’

  ‘You’re so good.’ Mia went over and put her arms around her husband.

  ‘Well, thanks. You’re not too bad yourself.’

  Mia pulled back from the embrace. She took off her jacket and hung it over the back of the couch where the fabric had split. She sat back, untucking her shirt and kicking off her shoes. ‘I was watching Sarah with Izzy. They’re so close. I miss that with Riley.’

  Johnny nodded. ‘Me too. But our little girl is still in there, underneath the teenage angst and anger.’

  ‘It’s hard to see it sometimes.’

  ‘We have to be patient with her. It’s just a phase.’

  ‘You’ve always been better at patience than me.’

  ‘True.’

  ‘You didn’t have to agree quite so readily,’ Mia said.

  ‘Much as I love you and much as I admire all of your good qualities, patience has never been among them.’

  Mia grinned. ‘I’m trying to work on it. In fact, I’m going up to Riley now to tell her I love her and give her a hug.’

  Johnny’s eyes widened. ‘Are you sure? She’s in a grump.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good luck.’

  Mia climbed up the stairs and opened Riley’s door. The usual mess greeted her and music blared from the speaker in the corner. Riley was lying face down on the bed, bawling into her pillow. Above her hung the poster of Caitlin Moran with a bubble coming out of her mouth: ‘Do you have a vagina? And do you want to be in charge of it? If you said “Yes” to both, then congratulations – you’re a feminist!’ Riley had bought it with her birthday money from Charlie last year and proudly hung it up. Mia would have preferred a more eloquent quote about feminism, but she was pleased that Riley was embracing the empowerment of women.

  Her heart went out to her sobbing daughter, her baby girl. She went over and put her arms around her. Riley jerked up, hitting her mother accidentally in the face with her elbow.

  ‘Ouch!’ Mia cried.

  ‘What the hell, Mum? Don’t sneak up on me like that! You gave me a fright.’ Riley quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

  Mia rubbed her cheek. ‘Oh, sweetheart, I know you’re upset about your ex-boyfriend. Break-ups are so difficult.’

  ‘I don’t give a crap about him,’ Riley snapped.

  Mia tried putting her arms around her daughter again. Riley wriggled to get free.

  Mia held on firmly. ‘I love you, Riley, and I know you’re upset. I want you to know I’m here for you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I set eyes upon you, almost sixteen years ago.’

  Riley pulled out of her mother’s embrace. ‘Oh, my God, stop.’

  ‘You are a beautiful, brilliant girl. Don’t ever forget that.’

  ‘If I’m so great, how come he doesn’t want to know me?’ Riley sobbed, then pushed past Mia and locked herself into the bathroom.

  Mia sat on the floor outside the door, listening to her daughter’s sobs. Her heart ached for her.

  9

  Sarah clutched the basin and bent over. She tried to breathe deeply in and out. God, this headache was worse than any of the others. She tried to relax her body, but the pain was making her feel nauseous. She retched but didn’t vomit. She could feel perspiration running down her back and beading on her forehead.

  ‘Mummy?’

  Sarah held a cold facecloth to her forehead and turned to her daughter. ‘Yes, sweetie?’

  Izzy was standing in her navy school skirt and white blouse. ‘I can’t find my school jumper.’

  Sarah rinsed the facecloth under the cold water tap and rubbed it on the back of her neck. ‘I’ll help you. Just give me a second.’

  ‘Is your head sore again, Mummy?’ Izzy pointed to the facecloth.

  ‘A bit, yes, but I’ll be fine in a minute.’

  Izzy pottered downstairs to talk to her father while Sarah tried to fight the urge to crawl back into bed. She didn’t want to call Mia, but she really didn’t think she could drive. This headache was so bad that her eyesight was blurring. She’d have to ask her sister to take Izzy to school. But the last thing she wanted was Mia fussing over her. She just wanted to go to bed and sleep it off.

  Adam was chatting to Izzy when Sarah came into the kitchen. He turned to look at her. ‘Izzy said you’ve got another headache. You’re very pale. I think you should go back and see Ingrid Johnston.’

  Sarah waved her hand. ‘I’m fine. It’s a bit better already,’ she lied. ‘I think the bedroom was too stuffy last night.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Adam asked.

  ‘Yes.’ She forced herself to smile, even though it hurt to move her facial muscles.

  ‘Well, if you feel worse later, please go and see her. I’m paying her a bloody fortune to look after you and the baby, so don’t be shy about booking in.’

  Sarah nodded. Ouch, that hurt too.

  Adam kissed Izzy, then bent to kiss his wife. ‘Seriously, you don’t look great, call her. You need to mind yourself and my son. I’ve gotta fly. I’ve a meeting at nine. I’ll be late again tonight so don’t cook me dinner.’

  ‘Adam!’

  He put his hand up. ‘I know. I’ll try to be home for dinner tomorrow, but it’s a crazy week.’

  ‘It’s always crazy,’ Sarah said.

  ‘Will you not tuck me in again tonight, Daddy?’ Izzy grumbled.

  ‘Sorry, Sweet-pea, but I have to work so I can earn money to pay for our house and all the things in it.’

  ‘I wish you didn’t have to work so hard. Riley sees Johnny all the time.’

  ‘Yes, well, that’s a whole other story,’ Adam muttered.

  ‘Let’s not go there,’ Sarah said. ‘I guess I’ll see you when I see you.’

  Adam kissed her. ‘Don’t be annoyed with me. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll book Franco’s for dinner on Saturday night.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘Damn it, I’m late. See you, guys.’

  When the front door closed, Sarah sank onto a high stool at the kitchen counter. This headache was flooring her. She’d have to go to the doctor and get something for it. She could barely stand up. ‘Izzy, can you help me make your lunch today?’ she said.

  ‘What shall I do?’

  ‘Get me two slices of bread and some ham and cheese from the fridge …’ Sarah instructed her seven-year-old on what to do because she was afraid if she stood up, she’d faint. She decided that, once Izzy had left for school, she’d call Ingrid to make an appointment. This headache was in a different league from any of the others.

  While Izzy got her lunch ready, Sarah texted Mia to ask her to pick up Izzy.

  No prob. U OK?

  Mia always texted her straight back. It drove her nuts when Sarah didn’t do the same. But Sarah hated her phone beeping and pinging. Half the time she didn’t even know where it was. Now she typed a lie: All good. Just ate something that didn’t agree with me.

  Izzy wrapped her sandwich in a large piece of tinfoil, then put her apple and crackers into her lunchbox. ‘I made my own lunch!’ she said, delighted.


  ‘Well done you.’

  ‘When the baby comes, I can help you loads,’ she said.

  ‘That would be amazing, Izzy.’ Sarah reached out to hug her. ‘You’re such a star.’

  ‘I don’t mind so much about the baby, now I know it’s a boy. When I thought it was going to be a girl, I was worried you’d love her more than me. But you can’t do girly stuff with a boy, so I know you and me can still do our own thing. Daddy and the baby can do stuff together, can’t they?’

  ‘You never needed to worry even if it was a girl. You know how much I love you, don’t you?’

  Izzy nodded. ‘To the moon and back.’

  Sarah kissed her head. ‘Yes, and don’t ever forget that.’

  They heard Mia beeping her horn outside. Sarah walked Izzy to the door. Mia jumped out of the car and came towards them. ‘Are you sure you’re OK?’ she asked her sister.

  ‘Yes,’ Sarah said, in as strong a voice as she could muster. ‘Thanks for bringing Izzy. Go on, I don’t want to make you late.’ She tried to hustle them into the car, so she could go and lie down.

  ‘Call me if you need anything.’ Mia turned to get back into her car.

  ‘I will. Thanks, you’re a life-saver.’

  Mia smiled at her. ‘That’s what sisters are for.’

  Sarah forced herself to stand at the door and wave them off.

  ‘Oh, no!’ Izzy shouted. ‘I forgot my maths workbook. I left it in my bedroom. Miss Dixon is going to be cross with me.’

  Mia cursed silently. If she turned back now, she’d be a few minutes late for school. She hated being late – it looked really bad, especially for the deputy head. Still, Izzy was upset and she didn’t want her to worry.

  ‘OK, pet. We’ll whizz back and get it.’

  ‘Thank you so much, Mia.’

  ‘Great! Now I’m not going to be able to finish my homework before school,’ Riley huffed.

  ‘You should have finished it last night,’ Mia reminded her.

  ‘I was working on my art project until eleven and I left my history book in school. Give me a break.’