Captive Heart (Club Risque Book 6)
Page 15
"Um, I don't think he wants to," she admitted shyly. "I offered to be his slave, but he refused and said he would only be my master in name only until I was able to stand on my own two feet."
Trinity pursed her lips and nodded sagely. "Yes, I imagine that scenario wouldn't have appealed to him."
All eyes were on the spiky haired pixie now, as if they realised there were secrets she might shed light on, but it was Melody who replied.
"Because of the ex-girlfriend who died?" she queried.
Trinity swung to face her with a start. "He told you about Sara?" she asked in surprise.
Melody shrugged, mentally tucking away the name. "Only that she wanted a Master/slave relationship and he didn't, so she left him for someone else instead of trying to find a compromise…and that she died."
"It's not something he likes to discuss. Especially not at this time of the year." Trinity confided to the group at large, before turning her attention back to Melody. "The fact that he mentioned her to you is pretty significant."
"Why not at this time of the year?" Laurel asked, curiosity getting the better of her as usual.
"Laurel!" Charlotte and Luanna both cautioned her at the same time, but Trinity answered anyway. Maybe to shut them all up and close the subject down.
"Because it's approaching the anniversary of her death. It's coming up four years, later this month."
Chapter 10
Silence hung around the room for a moment before Laurel cheerfully filled the awkward void again.
"Well, it's about time we found him something else to concentrate on then," she decided. "And I think Melody's up for the job."
Melody gave a noncommittal shrug and mentally braced to put herself out there. "He thinks anything I offer is out of gratitude," she admitted reluctantly.
"Is it?" Charlotte entered the conversation for the first time, though Melody was aware that her speculative gaze had never wavered.
"Maybe in the beginning," she conceded shyly, looking from woman to woman so they could see her sincerity. "I wanted to repay him for everything he's done for me, and I had nothing else to give except myself." Melody paused, embarrassed at how it sounded when she said it out loud. It was different, somehow, when the idea had just been in her head, but now that it was out there, she sounded like a prostitute, trading favours. No wonder Micah didn't want her! God, sharing this had been a bad idea after all. Melody drew up her legs and wrapped her arms around them, dipping her head until her forehead touched her knees.
"God damn!" she cursed, muffled in the protective cocoon she had created. "I sound like a whore!"
A gentle hand rubbed her shoulder, and Luanna's soothing, modulated voice cut through her mortification. "Of course you don't," she assured comfortingly. "You sound like someone who has been through a nightmare and is thankful to have survived. One who is willing to reward with the ultimate gift. There's no shame in that, Melody, although I can well understand why Micah would refuse. He'd be the first person who would consider that acting on that offer to be taking advantage, and he would be right."
Melody lifted her head. Put like that, her humiliation took on a completely different flavour.
"But things changed," she insisted, raising her head but still hugging her knees tightly for support. "I can't really explain it, because I've never felt like this before, but I know it isn't gratitude that I feel now. If it was, then I would happily be able to put it aside and feel that I had made the offer and it had been declined, and that would be fine because it's the thought that counts and all that." Melody swallowed and, with some effort, uncurled herself from the ball she had wrapped herself into, clasping her hands together instead.
"Now it's something far more driven. What I feel when I look at Micah, makes my heart beat faster and my palms feel sweaty. I look at him, and I feel an awareness I've never known with a man before and it makes me want to…do things." Jeez, she still didn't know how to explain this. Was what she was saying making any sense to these women? Or was she just making a fool of herself?
"Do things?" Trinity questioned, one eyebrow raised in query. "What sort of things?"
"Things like lick him all over to see if he tastes as good as he looks!" Melody replied in a rush then slapped her hand over her mouth as she realised what she had said. Her eyes grew round, and her cheeks heated along with her confession.
Thankfully, the four other women all just burst out laughing.
"Ah! Good old-fashioned lust!" Laurel grinned waggling her eyebrows comically.
"Is that what it is?" Melody asked seriously, staring at the woman in front of her.
"Attraction," Charlotte qualified, nodding her head thoughtfully. "It's sad that you don't recognise it for what it is, but good that you feel it. It proves that your experiences haven't affected you too detrimentally if you are able to look at a man and fantasise over him. And that is perfectly healthy, so don't be embarrassed by it."
"Good grief, now you sound like Micah, yourself!" Laurel accused, rolling her eyes. Charlotte eyed the younger girl tolerantly. "Yeah? Well, I've had enough counselling because of my past that I'm almost a damn expert!" she retorted.
Melody tipped her head on one side and looked at Charlotte considerately. Did she dare ask? Charlotte had brought it up herself, after all, and she was curious about what they had in common. She decided to hedge her bets instead of prying outright.
"Were you in the same situation as I was?"
Charlotte shook her head. "Not exactly, but there were similarities." Her eyes took on that look of one reflecting back on the past. "My mother voluntarily moved us to a commune after the death of my father when I was thirteen," she revealed. "It all seemed rosy on the outside, but once we were there, it became clear that it was actually a cult, and nobody really had the choice to leave. They were controlling and mercilessly punishing if you broke the rules."
Melody drew in a sharp breath and even the effusive Laurel was quiet. "But you managed to walk away?" It was part question, part statement, because, obviously, Charlotte was sitting with them now and was no longer under the control of any fanatical religious sect.
"The Disciples of Modesty were proponents of arranged marriages. As I approached my eighteenth birthday, my own pairing was being decided without any agreement from me. I realised that if I didn't want to end up tied to the cult in even more complicated ways, like having a baby someone else could lay claim to, then I needed to get out of there before that happened, so I planned and made my escape."
The mention of babies catapulted Melody back to a dark and unhappy place and she absently rubbed her stomach as introspection clouded her mind and mired her into a bleak and ugly memory. It was some moments before she realised that the conversation had continued around her, and now the women had gathered closer in obvious alarm when their repeated concerns had been ignored.
Melody shook herself out of the dark reverie and sucked in a deep breath, looking around at the worried faces crowding closer to her in surprise.
"I'm s-sorry," she stammered hoarsely, reaching for her drink to help ease the sudden dryness in her throat.
"Now that is what any psychologist would refer to as a 'trigger'." Charlotte frowned. "You want to tell us what was going on in that head of yours the past few minutes?" she encouraged. "It's supposed to help you unburden those difficult reminders if you share."
Melody closed her eyes against the prickle of tears she could feel forming behind them and tried to swallow past the ache in her throat.
"When I was with Daddy, I had a contraceptive implant in my arm. I guess it must have expired, because a while after V took me, I got pregnant," she whispered haltingly. "I didn't even know it at first, not for a long time. But then I got a little belly and started to feel movement, and about the same time as it occurred to me, V must have realised, too. He became enraged… even more than usual," Her voice broke over the words and she had to stop and clear her throat, palming the tears that now poured down her cheeks at the sa
me time.
"He punched and beat me so bad, I thought I was going to die, and even when I lay on the floor in agony, he kicked me over and over in my stomach, cursing all the while, until I finally passed out."
Comforting arms enveloped Melody and she found her cheek pressed to the ample bosom of Luanna Morgan while the older woman stroked her hair maternally and mouthed calming whispers.
After what seemed like an eternity, while Melody sobbed for the pain and loss of her child, a tissue was waved in front of her face and Melody took it gratefully and sat up to blow her nose.
Charlotte had squeezed in next to her on the sofa and was holding her hand.
"I'm sorry," she sniffled as she composed herself and wiped her eyes with trembling hands.
"Don't be sorry, honey," Trinity soothed. "Let it all out. It's good for you to get it out in the open and grieve."
"I came to in a huge puddle of blood, but I never really mourned the loss of the baby," Melody confided. "If anything, I was relieved that the poor little mite was gone and wouldn't have to be subjected to the dreadful things that V was capable of. As much as I would have loved the child, I would never have wished that life on any living thing, not even an animal."
As she turned brimming eyes on the women around her, she tentatively asked, "Does that make me an awful person?"
"Of course, it doesn't!" Charlotte sympathised. "Having been in a situation in which I wouldn't want to bring up a child, I know exactly how you feel. Having a child within the cult was one of my worst nightmares."
"It might have been my only chance, though." Melody snuggled back into the sanctuary of Luanna's arms. "I think something inside me was damaged, because I never got pregnant again, and V and his cronies weren't the type to bother with protection."
There was silence while the women contemplated everything she had said.
"I'm guessing it's stupid to ask if you were offered any medical assistance," Luanna surmised quietly. "But it would probably be a good idea to mention this incident to Xavier and get yourself checked out properly."
The others nodded their agreement, and things were subdued after that.
"Well, I hate to break up the girl time, but I have work to do, ladies." Trinity uncurled from her office chair and stretched, before pushing the wheeled seat back behind her desk.
"But we never got around to the match making!" Laurel argued with a pout, remaining obstinately seated on the coffee table.
Charlotte stood, giving the other two a little more room on the small couch. "Well, I hate to be the one to say it, but it's hardly surprising that Micah feels the way he does. Melody has been through a lot and it's all rather recent. She needs to recover."
"No! That's my point." Melody surprised them all, herself included, by springing up from the sofa and shaking off her melancholy to get her point across.
"I want to know what it's like!" She opened her arms and gestured. "I want to know how it feels to give myself to a man of my own free will and learn what it's like to be cherished and fulfilled." Feeling hopeless, Melody collapsed back into the chair behind her.
"And I'm also going to need someone to spank me again, so I can free myself of the guilt about the baby, now that it's filling my head," she sighed softly.
"Again?" It was Trinity who picked up on that. The girl was sharp as a needle.
"Yeah, Micah spanked me the last time, after I got all wound up about stealing the boots and the scarf when I escaped from V, but he got kind of distant after, and I don't want to ask him to do it, if it's just going to make him feel bad," she said sadly. "I owe him so much, whatever it is I feel for him, I don't want to be a burden."
Trinity looked at Melody long and hard, and the other three women looked interestedly from one of them to the other while Trinity came to a decision.
"Okay," she announced, placing her hands on her hips and pursing her lips. "I can probably swing getting you into the dungeon as long as I can find a suitable chaperone and you promise me that you'll spend the first hour just looking around."
"I can take her in as a guest on my membership," Laurel piped up gleefully.
The following week, Melody was a bundle of nerves and anticipation. It was a busy Saturday night, and Laurel had taken her down to the ladies' locker room, so she could get changed in private. Charlotte had sent over a stretchy red dress for her, from her own wardrobe. It was simple and comfortable but shot through with metallic thread which made it sparkle.
Melody had expected the colour to be far too bold with her pale skin and ashen hair, but the end result was surprisingly alluring. She had left her hair loose, but since it skimmed the middle of her thighs at almost the same length as her skirt, she had been concerned that it made her look naked. Well, from behind at least. Laurel had told her she was worrying over nothing and that the look would go down a storm. Having no experience of such things, Melody took her word for it.
She had chosen to remain barefoot since she had become unaccustomed to wearing any type of footwear over the past few years, never mind the skyscraper heels which seemed to be favoured in the club. Luckily, in the playroom, it seemed to be equally acceptable to wear no shoes at all. On the frequent occasions when she had watched through the one-way glass windows which overlooked different parts of the club, from the corridor of the staff area, she had noticed a lot of the submissives who went into the playroom chose that option, or maybe their masters chose for them. Nevertheless, it suited her to do the same.
Now, she bounced up and down on the soles of her feet as she eagerly waited for Laurel to finish getting ready, only vaguely embarrassed by her small crooked toe that was still partially blackened.
She had spent plenty of time in the dungeon, of course, had carefully dusted every piece of kinky furniture, but it was different when it was full of people. And Melody was keen to go downstairs to the night club section. She didn't like the idea of the noise or the hundreds of people she knew would be packed in down there like sardines, but she really wanted to see the live kink displays that played out on the incredible suspended platforms above the dance floor and soak up the unique atmosphere. She didn't want to risk the claustrophobia of the dance floor or risk getting her bare toes trampled, but Laurel said they could visit the bar and get a decent view from there. It was going to be their first stop and Melody could hardly wait. She didn't remember being this excited about anything in her entire life! How sad was that?
Trinity had insisted on waiting a while before she cleared Melody's entry to the club, in case she changed her mind. No chance of that! If anything, she was even more hyped up than ever, and she seriously needed that spanking.
The memories which had been stirred up had left her anxious and off kilter, and the guilt, which she had managed to force down and put a lid on before, had boiled over until she could no longer ignore it. Melody knew that not everyone would understand her need to be punished for what she knew was a completely skewed perception, especially after the life she had endured with V, but that didn't matter. This was for her own peace of mind. Melody didn't understand the psychology behind it all. What she did know, was that this type of discipline, which she sought freely, would quiet the noise inside her head and calm her frazzled nerves.
Guilt, punishment, and absolution, there was nothing so strange about that. To seek out a spanking, was just the way she chose to absolve herself so she could move forward in mental harmony once again. People could think what they liked. It worked for her, and she was the only person who mattered in this scenario.
And maybe the person providing the punishment as well, she supposed, which was why she hadn't pressured Micah into doing it. She was sure he might have capitulated if she had insisted, but he had truly done so very much for her. He was her rock, but if it made him uncomfortable because of his own beliefs regarding both her mental and physical wellbeing, then she refused to put upon him, no matter how much she might prefer him to be doling out the discipline. She owed him that much at least.
Trinity had suggested that Laurel introduce her to two Doms, Master Flynn and Master Cameron and, although they were strangers, the assistant manager had assured Melody of their ethics and integrity. She was a little nervous that they seemed to operate as a pair, but it wasn't something she was particularly opposed to. And they were hot! Trinity had pointed them out through one of the one-way windows overlooking the dungeon from her office and, although neither of them had Micah's muscled physique, they were both strapping specimens in their own right and just as handsome. Okay, so they didn't make her heart beat that little bit faster like being around Micah did, but it was too early to tell how things might progress. She'd see how she felt after the spanking. They might still be able to provide what she sought in her more personal quest to seek pleasure with a man, but that was an altogether different proposition. Melody wanted there to be at least a modicum of chemistry. She wanted to feel the difference and experience all the joy and delight entwined in giving herself freely to someone to whom she was attracted. She wanted to finally understand that unique bond of joining with someone simply for their mutual pleasure. Her pleasure!
How sad was it that after eight—she hesitated to call them lovers; none of them deserved that title. Daddy came closest, but, as much as she was grateful to what Daddy had provided, attraction had never been the motivation there, not for either of them. Then there was V and the half dozen men he had allowed to use her. How did one refer to those encounters? Was there even a word?