by Karly Morgan
“Then let’s get to it,” he replied, pulling out his recorder and setting it up instead of using a notepad and pencil like he’d done when he’d shown up at the ranch to take statements. “I’d like ta record your statement, if that’s alright with ya? I can have my assistant transcribe it later for ya to sign and make it official.”
“That’s fine,” Carissa replied, sliding her fingers through mine and gripping them tightly without showing any other apprehension about what she was about to do.
I was fine with lending her my strength to get through this, if that’s what she needed from me. I briefly wondered how my mama was faring in her surgery but pushed the thought aside to focus on Carissa. There wasn’t anything else I could do for Mama right now, but I could and would be there for the woman I loved.
Once the sheriff hit record, he asked her to run through the sequence of events as she remembered them, and she didn’t hesitate. I listened closely, stroking her thumb with mine to silently remind her I was here and nothing could hurt her while she was wrapped in my arms.
After she finished, Sheriff Donovan asked clarifying questions and finally wrapped things up. I felt the trembles racing through Carissa as she relived her trauma and prayed Sheriff Donovan would be able to find and put away this bastard quickly. Even better if he could tie the attack to both Carver and her father, killing three birds with one stone. Then Carissa and I could truly focus on moving forward with our lives together.
“Would ya be willin’ ta sit down with Marlie ta try ta get us a sketch of what your attacker looks like? I know ya have your hands full here, but it would help us a lot ta know what he looks like,” Sheriff Donovan asked carefully, and I tensed at his question.
I didn’t want Carissa to have to go through this anymore than she absolutely had to. I wanted her to put it out of her mind and move on, hopefully forgetting it ever happened, which was probably wishful thinking on my part.
“Of course. Anything I can do to help put him behind bars where he belongs,” she agreed easily, pretending that she was fine with it when I could feel the tension radiating from her body at having to picture the face of her attacker in her mind again.
“I’ll have Marlie come over here and ya can do it whenever you’re ready,” Sheriff Donovan told her, and she gave him a tight smile as she nodded.
It was hard to see her face from the angle I was at, but I could see the tightness of her cheeks and how her lips only slightly raised as she nodded her head. I wanted to object but knew they needed her to do this, and something told me she felt the need to do what he’d asked. From everything I knew about her, she would push herself to help to assert her independence and send the message that she would not be scared into submission. My pride in her ramped up a few more notches. This woman was utterly amazing after everything she’d already endured.
“Thank you,” she murmured in response, squeezing the fingers she’d gripped so tightly they’d turned white and I could no longer feel. I didn’t know how she found any more strength in her hands to add that extra pressure, but she had.
“I’ll give the two of ya some privacy. We’re gonna do everythin’ we can to make sure this guy can’t lay another finger on ya,” Sheriff Donovan assured her.
His statement flat out pissed me off. Everything they could? That wasn’t good enough. They had to catch and make the guy pay for hurting this amazing, courageous woman. I didn’t get the chance to tell him that, however, before he’d exited the room, leaving Carissa and I alone once again.
“Have you gotten any updates about your mom?” Carissa asked, bringing to the surface my worry and fear.
Mama’s heart was already so weak, I didn’t know how she hadn’t already had an attack from all the stress Carissa’s daddy had brought into our lives. Caleb and I had been watching her closely and hadn’t seen any signs leading up to this, but with her condition and her stubbornness, the signs could’ve appeared too late…or she’d hidden them from us altogether.
“Not yet,” I whispered into her hair as I nuzzled it with my nose, inhaling her decadent aroma and using that to keep me from falling apart at the thought of losing my mother.
“You should go ask the nurses for one,” she urged me gently.
“Wouldn’t they just come and tell me?” I asked, terror gripping me at the thought of receiving horrible news without Carissa there to help me through it. Somehow, even though she was going through her own ordeal, she was the glue keeping me from falling apart completely. She’d managed to help me rein in my temper that had threatened to break loose, and I needed whatever it was she had to keep me from losing it if what the nurse had to say wasn’t good.
“They may not know to look for you in here,” she replied. I hadn’t thought of that at all. I’d just assumed they’d put two and two together, since I’d filled out the paperwork and turned it in for both of them.
“Don’t ya have a call button? Can’t ya call a nurse in here and we can ask for an update?” I asked, unable to tear myself away from her.
Without saying anything else, Carissa pushed the button to request a nurse’s attention, and we waited silently for one’s arrival. It didn’t take long before the nurse who’d entered with Carissa’s doctor popped her head into the room with a bright smile and sparkling eyes. Before Carissa had entered my life, she would’ve been a prime candidate to help me relieve the sexual tension that would build up in me from time to time. I would’ve definitely roped this girl in as one of my hookups, but that was all in the past. Now I had all I needed wrapped up in my arms as the continued waiting seemed to never end.
“Whatcha need, sweetie?” she asked cheerfully.
“Shortly after I arrived, my mother-in-law suffered a severe heart attack, and we were wondering if you could get us an update on the condition and treatment of Bonnie Reed?” Carissa asked when the words obviously got caught on the lump in my throat, refusing to be spoken.
The nurse’s eyes flickered to me apprehensively before returning to Carissa. “You’re her next of kin?”
“I am,” I croaked out, fighting for the strength that had never failed me before. This time, it was nowhere to be found, and I was lost without it.
“I’ll see what I can find out for ya,” she replied, her apprehension turning to understanding and sympathy as she backed out of the room.
“She’ll be okay,” Carissa chanted in a calm voice, trying her best to reassure me and herself.
I knew there was no way in hell she knew my mother would pull through this but admired her ability to focus only on the positive thoughts while my mind tumbled around with all of the what if’s plaguing me.
My mama had been my world before Carissa had entered the picture. She’d been the only real parent I had—my rock, my compass. The thought of losing her felt as if it would shatter me into a billion pieces.
As we waited for Carissa’s nurse to bring us an update, I tried to believe her reassurances and prayed to a God I hadn’t believed in most of my life, no matter how much Mama had tried to get me to. I swore if Mama pulled through this, I’d believe no matter what else life put us through.
It seemed to take forever before the nurse returned with another doctor in tow. I tried to read the expression on the nurse’s face, but she kept it blank, which sent chills racing through me. If Nurse Chipper wasn’t smiling, the news couldn’t be good. I felt my arms unconsciously tighten around Carissa as I met the doctor’s eyes and read the sorrow swimming in them. He didn’t have to say a word, and I knew. Mama hadn’t made it.
“My name is Dr. Walsh, and I’m the resident cardiologist,” he introduced himself, but it was all a bunch of static in my ears. My brain refused to focus and listen to a word the man was saying as my grief rushed through me like a tsunami.
“How is Bonnie?” Carissa asked, tears seeming to make her speech harder, and I knew she’d seen the same thing in Dr. Walsh’s eyes that I had.
“I am so sorry. We did everything we could to save her, but her h
eart was too weak to withstand an attack of that magnitude, and we didn’t have a donor heart available to transplant,” Dr. Walsh kindly informed us.
I buried my face in Carissa’s neck as the man spoke, trying to deny what he was telling us but knowing it was the truth, whether I wanted to believe it or not. “I tried to find you after the surgery was over, but nobody informed me that your wife was also a patient here.”
“Thank you,” Carissa murmured, emotion filling the two little words that I couldn’t possibly hope to form as I struggled to hold myself together as best I could, even with Carissa here to help ground me.
“I truly am sorry for your loss,” Dr. Walsh said before leaving the room.
“Can I get you anything?” the nurse asked in a hushed voice.
“No, thank you,” Carissa responded for both of us once again, and I was eternally grateful for her ability to hold it together while I was falling apart from the inside out.
I heard the door close behind her as the nurse exited the room, leaving the two of us to grieve in peace.
I had no words to describe the never-ending ache in my heart at the loss of the toughest woman I’d ever known. She’d been my anchor my entire life, and now she was gone. I’d never hear her laugh or order me around or feel the slap of her hand across the back of my head when I said or did something she considered stupid. She was no longer there to offer advice or interfere in my life when she thought I was headed in the wrong direction like she’d done with Carissa.
“I’m here,” Carissa whispered, turning in my arms to place a soft kiss on my cheek, leaving a wet spot from the tears flowing down her cheeks from her own grief. “I’m not going anywhere.”
At her gentle words, my own dam exploded. The tears I’d tried so hard to hold inside released in a torrent I couldn’t stop once it had begun. Carissa held me in her arms, cradling me to her as all the sorrow and pain flooded out of me.
“She’s free from her pain now,” Carissa said softly, causing even more tears to be unleashed from me.
As much as I knew she was right, I was selfish enough to have wanted my mother around longer, regardless of the illness eating away at her, and it made me feel horrible to know I was that shallow. A hollowness I’d never experienced before began to fill my heart, but Carissa steadily battled against it, assuring me that everything I felt was normal and it was okay for me to feel this way.
I had no clue as to how long I cried before I had no more tears left in me to shed and we both fell into silence, neither of us moving other than to breathe.
Our private bubble popped with a knock on the door and who I assumed to be Dr. Mulberry entered, the envelope of X-rays in his hand.
“Stephanie informed me about your mother-in-law, Mrs. Reed. I am sorry for your loss, but we need to get that ankle attended to. The longer we wait, the more the body tries to heal it wrong, and the consequences of that would be horrible,” he said, bringing me back to Carissa’s pain and how uncomfortable she had to have been as she put herself aside and cared for me while I only thought of my own loss.
Guilt washed over me as I lifted my head and met her own red, swollen eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” I told her, horrified that I’d so easily forgotten her injury and the hell she’d been through.
“Don’t be. I’ll be fine,” she assured me with a sad smile before turning to face the doctor. “What do we need to do?”
“I need to operate as soon as possible to insert pins and a rod or two. I have an operating room being prepped as we speak. I just need your signature of consent on these forms,” Dr. Mulberry informed her, and I felt her immediately tense up in my arms. With a steel I’d never seen in her before, she reached her hand out for the papers the nurse I hadn’t noticed before, whose name was apparently Stephanie, was holding and the pen.
“Where do I need to sign?” she asked as Stephanie stepped forward quietly.
A terror I’d never known I could feel welled up in my gut at the thought of Carissa going under the same knife that hadn’t been able to save my mom, but I fought it back as best I could. Carissa needed me to be strong right now, and I’d be damned if I let her down too.
I watched in barely contained horror as Carissa signed where instructed and Stephanie carried the forms far out of my reach so I couldn’t rip them to shreds.
“I’ll go prep for surgery and give the two of you a few minutes alone before they take you up,” Dr. Mulberry stated, and I felt Carissa’s nod of agreement before he left the room.
I opened my mouth to beg her to revoke her consent and stay with me, but before I could say a word, her lips closed over mine in a kiss that stole my breath from my chest and disintegrated every thought in my head. Her lips were so soft and yielding to mine, soothing all of my fears and pushing away my grief so all I could focus on was my love for her.
“I promise, I’ll be fine,” she vowed when she pulled away.
“You’d better be,” was all I could say before reclaiming her lips with my own. I’d have nothing left if I lost her today too.
Chapter Thirty-One
Carissa
The house felt empty and cold when Kolton was finally able to bring me home from the hospital. Bonnie’s absence was felt down to the smallest nail holding the place together, and my heart ached for the loss of the only woman to show me a mother’s love.
I made my way inside on my crutches as Kolton grabbed my things from the truck, refusing to let him carry me inside like he’d insisted on doing. Caleb met me in the kitchen, and I could tell from one glance, he was barely holding himself together.
“Glad ta have ya back home where ya belong,” Caleb said with a muted happiness, toned down from his usual exuberance. I knew he felt Bonnie’s loss about as acutely as Kolton did.
“How are you holding up?” I asked him quietly as he hugged me.
“I’ll be okay,” he tried to assure me, but I felt the soul-deep pain he was living with and knew he was trying to be the tough male everyone expected him to be.
“No. You’re not allowed to do that,” I told him. “You can be tough with everyone else, but not me. It’s okay to be so sad you cry your eyes out. It’s okay to miss her with every fiber of your being. It’s normal to be angry at the universe for stealing her away from you. Everything you’re feeling, it’s all okay.”
“I can’t break down. Kolton and this ranch need me ta stay strong,” Caleb croaked out and released me from our hug so fast I stumbled for a second before catching myself with my crutches. I saw the tears welling up in his eyes and knew I’d almost broken through the wall he’d erected to keep himself from feeling the true depth of his loss, and it tore me up inside to watch him rebuild it before my eyes.
“Kolton has me and so do you. You’re a part of this family too. The ranch will survive the two of you grieving,” I pushed again, hoping to pierce through his barriers, but he’d already secured them firmly in place before I could.
“Hungry?” Caleb asked, changing the subject and firmly telling me the topic was closed, and I wanted to cry for him and all of his pain.
“Are you offering to make me something to eat?” I teased, feigning shock.
“If he is, run for your life,” Kolton said, startling me. I hadn’t heard him enter the house behind me. He was quickly at my side, steadying me on my good foot and crutches.
“Aren’t ya just a bucket of laughs?” Caleb snapped at him, and I couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped me at their banter.
“Not my fault ya never learned to cook, old man,” Kolton replied with a grin that was good to see on his face again. I knew the banter and grin were forced, but he was trying, and that mattered. It was what Bonnie would have wanted for them.
“I did too learn ta cook. Y’all just assumed I couldn’t and never let me near the stove. I did just fine on that chicken, ’member?” Caleb retorted, pretending his feelings were hurt. I could see by the gleam in his eyes, he was just continuing to bait Kolton.
“Oh, the dry, overcooked bird that was charcoaled and almost reduced to ash by the time we sat down to eat it?” Kolton asked as he escorted me over to the couch to help me settle in.
I wished he’d quit hovering over me like a mother hen but only allowed it because I knew he needed to do it for his own sanity. Taking care of me had replaced him caring for Bonnie. Sooner or later, though, I was going to have to put my foot down before he got too carried away with it.
“You’re a lyin’ sack of shit,” Caleb declared without stopping to think about my presence in the room. “That chicken was perfectly cooked!”
“The hell it was,” Kolton responded after shooting him a glare when he cursed in front of me. I almost laughed, considering Bonnie had always said far worse than what Caleb had, and nobody dared to correct her.
“Carissa, tell yer husband here what a lyin’ ass he is,” Caleb turned to me, eyes begging for me to side with him.
“You’re askin’ my wife to lie to her own husband? Shame on ya,” Kolton retorted, feigning being appalled.
“Stop it, both of you,” I told them, my laughter finally breaking free. “Quit giving Caleb a hard time. You know the chicken he cooked was excellent.”
“See? Yer own wife said so,” Caleb gloated, grinning from ear to ear in the first genuine smile I’d seen from him since Bonnie’s passing.
“Darlin’, the only ego you’re supposed to feed is mine. Didn’t ya know that?” Kolton asked, nuzzling my neck and making it extremely hard to think.
It had been almost a week since the attack that had put me in the hospital and Bonnie had left us, and we hadn’t had sex since. Not that we hadn’t tried in the hospital, but those pesky nurses had kept interrupting because the stupid machines monitoring my vitals would give us away.
“I’m makin’ lunch for anyone who’s hungry,” Caleb said, his voice sounding farther away as if he’d gone back into the kitchen, leaving us alone.
“The only thing I’m hungry for is right here,” Kolton whispered in my ear, sending a shiver of delight racing through me.