Hiding Behind Love

by Karly Morgan

  At different points, I’d notice her talking to each of the guys the way she’d talked to Justin, and after each conversation one of them had with her, his head seemed clearer and the quality of his work improved. The one she’d had the hardest time getting to open up had been Caleb, but eventually, she cracked through his shell.

  “Ya know, you’re single-handedly holdin’ this ranch together right now,” I told her honestly. I knew it should’ve been me talking to the guys and trying to help them through this loss, but I didn’t have it in me to do so. My grief was too thick and heavy to be able to handle anyone else’s.

  “That’s not true,” Carissa denied vehemently. “Every one of those guys respects the hell out of you. They sure aren’t going to abandon you because Bonnie passed. Yes, each one loved her and had a relationship with her in his own way, but that’s not why they were here to begin with. You gave each of them a chance when no one else would and treated them fairly. To them, you’re family, and they’ll stand beside you through thick or thin because of who you are, not because of your mama.”

  I didn’t say anything. I just laid there, allowing her words to sink in. Was she right? I knew each of the hands had a past they didn’t want to talk about. They’d each discussed it with me once, when I was considering hiring them because I refused to give them a chance if he would end up putting the ranch and my mama at risk. After I decided to hire them, though, their past was just that…the past. It was never brought up again.

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit. Those men love you, and they’re not going anywhere. You can be as grouchy and surly as ever, and they’ll still stick around because they know what you’re going through and that you believe in them,” she stated, moving so she was laying on top of me, her head lifted and the eyes I loved so much glittering with pride as she held my gaze with her own. “You’ve hidden behind Bonnie for too long now. It’s time for you to step up and be the leader all of us know you can be. That’s what your mama would want you to do, and you know it.”

  “How did I get so lucky to have you pick my stables to sleep in that night?” I asked her as I lifted my head to capture her lips with my own. Somehow, she’d settled the ache in my heart, and for the first time since Mama had died, I felt peace in my heart and hope for the future. I knew the feeling wouldn’t last with the funeral later in the day, but I was holding onto it for as long as I could.

  Carissa returned my kiss with the love and gentleness I knew encompassed her entire being. How anyone could treat her badly or not see her radiant spirit, I had no clue, and I vowed to prevent anyone from harming her again.

  Without me having realized she’d done it, she’d slid up my body and sheathed my cock deep inside her without having broken our kiss. My hands found her hips, and I squeezed tightly as she stayed still, just letting me feel her silkiness wrapped around me, holding me tight and refusing to let me go.

  I didn’t know if she was waiting for me to take charge or just extending the moment, but I eventually lost control, flipped her onto her back, and took over, thrusting in and out of her as if I couldn’t get close enough to her. She met each of my thrusts with the tilt of her hips, crying out her pleasure into my mouth and filling my heart with her love. There was no way in hell I’d ever be able to let her go and survive losing her. Without me even realizing it, she’d become my entire world, and I desperately tried to let her know through the movement of our bodies just how much she’d come to mean to me.

  What had just been sex before between us—albeit phenomenal sex, but sex nonetheless—was now a way for us to communicate the emotions we felt for each other but couldn’t find the words to say. As I worshipped her body and she gave me full control over hers, I knew she was getting my message but also telling me that after living with a man who’d dominated and controlled her her entire life, she trusted me enough to hand over control and me not to abuse it or her with it. When we both let go and tipped over the edge into the freefalling abyss of our mutual orgasm, we both trusted each other to catch the other. It was the most beautiful experience of my life.

  “I love you, darlin’,” I whispered as I laid there, cradling her in my arms, trying to catch my breath.

  “I love you too,” she replied softly, her fingers gently smoothing over my chest and stomach.

  No other words were necessary as we laid there watching the sun rise over the horizon through the window together. I knew then that no matter how hard that day would be, I could get through it, as long as she remained by my side.

  “We’d better get moving,” Carissa finally said, and I heard the sadness and regret for being the one to break up us finally coming together as a true husband and wife would’ve done long before now. “As much as I’d like to stay here like this for the rest of the day, chores still need to get done, we need to eat, and we can’t miss your mama’s funeral.”

  “Ya know, you can call her Mama too. She would’ve loved that as much as she loved you,” I told her and watched as her eyes widened in surprise. “She wouldn’t have pushed us together if she hadn’t loved ya. One thing about her, she knew when and just how hard to push a person. Ya weren’t ready for her to tell ya that, so she held back. She didn’t wanna spook ya into runnin’.”

  “How do you know?” she asked, her voice breathless, full of a mixture of fear, hope, and love.

  “I just know,” I replied, kissing her head once again and sliding out from under her and the covers. I saw the tears welling in her eyes and fought not to go to her. She needed to process what I’d just told her, and she needed to do it alone, so I dressed quickly and left the room. I knew she’d call when she was ready for me to help her down the stairs.

  It didn’t take long to get coffee brewing and breakfast started. It was hard to focus on what I was doing when all I wanted to do was go back upstairs and find out how Carissa was handling the bomb I’d just dropped on her. I didn’t want to tell her that Mama had confided that in me the very same day before she’d passed. That might have just been too much for Carissa to handle. Instead, I left that part off. I’d tell her eventually though.

  “Kolton!” Carissa called from the top of the stairs, and I rushed out of the kitchen to her side, sweeping her up into my arms as soon as I reached her. She kept hold of the crutches in her hands behind my back as I carefully made my way back down the stairs and gently steadied her on her good foot before pulling away.

  “Are you okay?” I asked carefully and was stunned when she gave me the most radiant smile I’d seen on her face since the day we’d married and nodded her head.

  “I wish she’d told me that herself, but just knowing how she felt helps. I love her too. More than I can ever say, and I know I was blessed to have had the short time I did getting to know her,” she told me, and my chest constricted with the overload of emotion filling it.

  Finding it hard to contain it all, I pulled away and headed back into the kitchen to pour us each a cup of coffee and finish our food. Carissa didn’t complain about me leaving her behind. I heard her making her way through the house behind me.

  “Mornin’,” Caleb said gruffly as he entered the kitchen through the back door. He hadn’t stayed in the house one night since Mama passed. The memories were probably too hard for him to deal with.

  “Mornin’,” I answered and grabbed another coffee cup from the cupboard to pour him one as well.

  “Morning,” Carissa called out to Caleb as she came through the doorway from the living room, a smile on her face from ear to ear.

  “Thanks,” Caleb mumbled as he took his coffee from my hand and made his way over to the table with me following behind with both mine and Carissa’s cups. I didn’t bother trying to corrupt it the way she did. I’d already made sure she had the sugar and cream at her disposal on the table for her to do it herself.

  “Thank you,” she said softly as I placed hers in front of her. I nodded and returned to the stove with mine, taking a few sips along the way. I tried not to listen as
Carissa and Caleb struck up a conversation while they each drank their coffee.

  Next thing I knew, Justin knocked on the door and entered with several of the other hands.

  “What’s goin’ on?” I asked, immediately worried something was wrong on the ranch. The only time they ever came up to the house like they had was for lunch. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothin’s wrong. We just wanted ya ta know that we know how difficult today is gonna be for ya. If there’s anythin’ ya need or we can do, let us know, and we got ya covered,” Justin said, gripping his hat in his hands as he spoke, looking down at the floor as if he were afraid to meet my eyes. I was speechless.

  “Thank you,” I finally managed to force out, and each man nodded. “Y’all know the same goes for y’all too, right?”

  Justin’s eyes snapped up to mine, shock widening them. “Y’all are family too. We’ve all gotta take care of each other.”

  “That’s right,” Carissa agreed from the table, smiling even brighter than she’d been earlier.

  “Th-thank ya, sir,” Justin stuttered out.

  “Not sir. Kolton or Kolt,” I told him firmly, and he nodded.

  “Now, we’ve got a lot ta get done in a short period of time ‘cause I’m sure y’all want time to get cleaned up before attendin’ the funeral. If we all work together, I think we can make it happen,” I informed them, and they seemed even more stunned.

  “We just assumed we’d stay here and look after things for y’all,” Justin replied, seeming to be the mouthpiece for the crew.

  “Y’all are family. Why would I deny y’all the opportunity to say goodbye to Mama? I know y’all loved her too,” I told them, trying to fight back the grief threatening to leak out. These were my brothers. Maybe not by blood but by choice, and an unbreakable bond between each of them and my mama.

  “We sure do appreciate it. We’ll get on feedin’ and muckin’ stalls right now. Don’tcha worry ‘bout a thing,” Justin declared, and I watched as each man squared his shoulders, gave me a nod of gratitude and respect, and filed back out of the door.

  “That’s the man I know and love,” Carissa said softly as she leaned against the counter next to me. I hadn’t even heard her leave her chair and make her way over with the crutches, I’d been so caught up in the moment with the ranch hands.

  “That was really good of ya,” Caleb commented from the table. “Yer mama would be mighty proud right ‘bout now.”

  I turned back to the stove to realize I’d thoroughly burnt our breakfast. I turned off the burners, placed my hands on the edge of the counter, and tried to control the frustration, sadness, anger, and loss rolling through me.

  “You know what sounds really good right now?” Carissa asked.

  “What’s that?” Caleb responded when I remained quiet.

  “A nice bowl of cereal,” she answered, reaching up into the cabinet above my head and pulling out three bowls before sliding open the drawer and removing three spoons.

  “I haven’t had one of those in years. Great idea,” Caleb said, more cheerfully than I’d expected from him as I heard his chair scrape the floor and his footsteps move over next to where Carissa was standing.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as she passed him the dishes and made her way over to where Mama had kept some cereal for random snacks or cravings one of us had and pulled it down from the shelf.

  Caleb returned and took it from her, as well as retrieved the milk from the fridge before disappearing from my line of sight.

  “Let’s have breakfast,” Carissa said softly into my ear before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek and making her way back to the table. What had I ever done to deserve this woman? Whatever it was, I hope I didn’t somehow fuck it up some way or another.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Carissa

  Bonnie’s service had been long and beautiful. Just about everyone who’d known her had had a story to tell about her, and I came away feeling as if I knew her better now than I had before. I’d laughed and cried along with everyone else.

  What I just couldn’t shake was the prickle on the back of my neck and along my skin of being watched. I couldn’t see anyone who didn’t belong there and hadn’t spotted anyone staring too long or hard in mine or Kolton’s direction, so I didn’t understand my intense reaction.

  We’d had anyone who’d wanted to follow us back to the ranch to socialize, and as the last person left, the feeling of something being wrong intensified.

  “What’s wrong, darlin’?” Kolton asked me as I looked around, desperately trying to pin where the sensation of being watched was stemming from, but I just didn’t see anything or anyone out of the ordinary.

  The hands had done a quick round of the ranch before heading home with their families leaving Kolton and I alone. Caleb had retired to his own apartment on the ranch, unable to handle all of the emotions he was battling along with everyone else’s.

  “I don’t know…” I told him, continuing to visually search the area.

  Kolton tensed beside me and did his own search, coming up as empty as I did.

  “Let’s go inside. It’s been a long day, and I’m sure it’s just exhaustion catchin’ up to us,” he suggested, placing his hand on my lower back and guiding me toward the house.

  “Considering how quiet my father and Carver have been and the man who attacked me is keeping his mouth shut, no matter how much they question him, I’m not sure if it’s exhaustion or paranoia,” I told him quietly, worry suddenly filling me. They wouldn’t attack us today of all days, would they? My father and Carver had more decency than that, right? Somehow I didn’t think so, and it made sense to attack your prey when they were at their most vulnerable.

  “They’ve had the bastard who hurt ya in custody for a couple of days now. Ya’d think he woulda cracked and given them somethin’ by now. I wonder if Sheriff Donovan would let me in to talk to him…” Kolton’s thoughts trailed off, and a shiver ran up my spine.

  I didn’t want Kolton alone in a room with that man. With how strongly he’d reacted to me being hurt, there was a strong possibility he’d harm or kill the guy for daring to come near me in the first place.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I told him as he whisked me into his arms to carry me up the stairs to the deck wrapping around the back of the house.

  “Don’t think I could get him to talk?” Kolton asked, giving me a look I couldn’t read.

  “Oh I think you could get him to talk just fine. I just don’t want you to end up in jail with him because of how you got him to talk,” I said before giving him a kiss on the cheek. “You have this temper that might get a little out of control if you’re left alone with him.”

  “Ah, so you’re not worried about my safety, just my freedom. And why exactly would ya be so worried about my freedom, dear wife?” he teased, helping to ease the tension and sense of foreboding building in me.

  “Well…you see, I kind of like having my husband home with me. He’s really handy with getting up and down stairs and making sure I eat edible food,” I taunted him, smiling into his chest because I knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

  “Is that all?” he asked, trying to bait me into telling him what he wanted to hear.

  “Should there be any other reason?” I replied, refusing to give in that easily.

  “I guess not, if that’s all ya can think of,” he pouted, and a wave of love stronger than I’d ever felt before washed over me.

  “Hmmm…I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head. Think you can help me think of a few more reasons why it would be better for you to remain outside of jail with me?” I whispered in his ear and nipped his earlobe with my teeth, desire building up inside of me as I felt his muscles ripple around me as he continued carrying me into the house instead of putting me down and letting me manage on my own with the crutches.

  “Have any ideas in mind?” his voice rumbled against my throat as he nuzzled his nose and lips into th
e side of it, setting me down on the counter and sliding between my legs.

  “I might have a few—” My words were cut off by the moan he coaxed out of me as his hands slid up my sides and cupped my breasts over my blouse and he kissed his way along my neck to the spot where my neck and shoulder met that always excited me. My crutches fell to the floor with a loud clatter as I released them and placed my hands on his shoulders to steady myself on the edge of the countertop.

  “How do ya do this to me? How do ya manage to make me forget all of the awful things going on right now and pull all of my attention to you?” he asked desperately as if he didn’t understand the power I held over him.

  “I don’t know. I feel it too though,” I said softly into his hair.

  “Well now, isn’t this sweet?” I heard Carver drawl sarcastically from the doorway between the kitchen and living room. Both Kolton’s and my head jerked upward to stare at his sudden arrival. When had he gotten here and how had he gotten into the house without anyone noticing? “You two can drop the act now. There’s no audience around to sell your whirlwind romance to.”

  “Go to hell,” I spat at him, thankful my clothes were still in place, considering the direction our lust had been taking us. It wouldn’t have been much longer before both of us would have been stripped down to nothing and seeking comfort in each other’s bodies.

  “That’s where I’ve been since you took off. I’m here to take you home where you belong,” Carver responded, a cruel smile that sent shudders of fear rippling through me widening across his face. His eyes held a dangerous glint in them, and I was afraid of the direction this confrontation was about to take. Somehow, I’d known things had been too quiet. Especially since my father hadn’t continued pushing to see me since his confrontation with Kolton in the ER.