Just for Now

by Abbi Glines

  “You let me fall in love with you,” Amanda said as a sob escaped her.

  And I’d fallen in love with her. I couldn’t tell her that now. Not like this. She’d think I was saying it to keep her. I didn’t want her to ever doubt it. If I told her now, she’d never believe it.

  “I’m looking for another job. I’m trying to find something else to do. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to be worthy of you. Of your love. I just need some more time.”

  Amanda covered her mouth as another sob broke free. She shook her head. “No. It doesn’t work like that. You should have told me. You made a fool out of me. I thought what we had was special to you. I knew you didn’t love me, but I thought you cared for me. But all this time, you were leaving me to go have sex with other women. I don’t care that they paid you. It’s that you did it. That you could do it. I could never have let another guy touch my body. Not when I was with you. I wouldn’t have been able to stomach it.” She wiped at the tears streaming down her face.

  “I had to have the money—”

  “No, Preston. That isn’t a good enough excuse for me. You should have told me in the beginning. Before I fell foolishly in love with you. You should never have asked me to be exclusive and led me to believe you were doing the same thing.” She turned and headed for the door. This was it.

  No!

  I ran after her and wrapped my arms around her from behind. It was time to beg. “I swear to you that I will find another way to make money. I never cared about any of them. Just you, Manda. It’s always just been you. Don’t walk out of here. I can’t lose you.”

  She was stiff in my arms. “When you chose to sleep with other women and lie to me about it, then you decided that you could lose me. You knew all along that if I ever found out I’d be gone, but you did it anyway. Let me go, Preston.”

  I deserved this. Every moment of agony and pain that followed, I deserved it. Letting my arms fall away, I watched helplessly as Amanda opened the door and walked out without a backward glance.

  She wouldn’t be back. This was it for us. Just as I’d realized that I couldn’t keep lying to her because I was in love with her, she’d realized that you can’t love a lie.

  Amanda

  When I opened the door to my house, my mother was standing there waiting on me. Any anger I’d felt was gone. It was replaced by a cold, numbing pain.

  “Well?” she asked.

  “I won’t ever see him again, if you agree to never tell Marcus about any of this. I don’t want him to know. If you tell Marcus, I will go back to Preston Drake. You won’t be able to stop me. But I can promise you I’ll never speak to him again if you promise me you’ll never breathe a word of this to anyone. Especially my brother. He doesn’t need to know.”

  Mom frowned. “Does he know about you and Preston?”

  “Yes. He knows.”

  She didn’t like that. “What am I supposed to say to him if he asks about your breakup?”

  I shrugged. “Tell him I changed my mind and realized Preston wasn’t good enough for me after all. Or tell him I’m seeing Jason Stone now. Just don’t tell him the truth.”

  Might as well lie about how it all ended. The entire relationship was one big fat lie. It seemed fitting. I walked past my mom and up the stairs. I wouldn’t get much sleep tonight, but I wanted to be alone. My broken heart needed privacy to grieve. Hearts don’t realize they’ve been lied to. They still love anyway.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Preston

  Rock was leaning up against my Jeep when I walked out of the gym. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he was wearing black aviators. I hadn’t seen him in over a week. Other than going to classes, to the gym, and to my mom’s to check on the kids, I hadn’t seen anyone. I hadn’t worked and I was almost out of money, but I’d never be able to go back to what I’d been doing.

  “You hunting me down?” I asked, throwing my gym bag into the back of the Jeep.

  “Seeing as how you’re hiding out, I had to come find you.”

  I jerked open the door. “Well, you found me.”

  Rock opened the passenger-side door and sat down. He wasn’t about to let me drive off. What did he know? I had been expecting Marcus to barge into my apartment and beat the shit out of me all week. But other than a text from him saying my tux fitting was next Thursday, that was all I’d heard from him.

  “Heard Manda broke it off with you,” he said, studying me to see my reaction.

  “You heard right.”

  “The thing is, I don’t believe the reason why. Doesn’t make sense to me. Marcus believes it, and it’s probably good he does, but I’m not buying it.”

  I wasn’t sure what the reason she’d given Marcus was. Obviously, it wasn’t the truth.

  “I can’t help what you believe.”

  “It just seems to me that the guy I saw so fiercely determined to take a stand against his best friend over a girl wouldn’t just stand by so casually while she up and moves on to another guy.”

  I gripped the steering wheel tightly. That hadn’t been what I was expecting. Manda was seeing someone else already? That didn’t sound like her.

  “I’d expect you to go hunt down Jason Stone and beat the shit out of him like you wanted to do to Marcus. I’m finding it real hard to believe you’re okay to just let him have her without a fight.”

  Jason Stone? Fuck.

  “Guess she wanted things I couldn’t give her,” I clipped out, and cranked the Jeep. I didn’t want to listen to any more of this.

  “Or maybe that ain’t what is really going on. Maybe she found out about your job, and she couldn’t handle it.”

  How did he know?

  “What do you mean?”

  Rock shrugged. “You know, the job that allowed you to take care of your brothers and sister and pay your bills too. The one you kept a secret. The one I had to do some serious badass detective work to figure out.”

  He’d followed me. Bastard.

  “Why didn’t you tell this to Marcus?”

  “Marcus ain’t my only friend. I don’t got favorites.”

  I let my head fall back on the headrest and sighed. “How long have you known?”

  “Since the Friday after the engagement party. I was sure you were dealing drugs, and I was tailing you.”

  “So you knew before I started dating Manda?”

  Rock nodded. “Yep.”

  ‘Then why the hell did you let me get away with it? I couldn’t stay away from her. Someone needed to stop me.”

  “Because I was pretty damn sure you were in love with her. I’d never seen you in love. And Manda is a sweet girl. I figured if anyone could make you walk the straight and narrow, she could. But you never stopped working. I couldn’t figure that out.”

  “I have mouths to feed.”

  “There are other jobs out there that don’t require illegal activity.”

  I let out a hard laugh. “Nothing pays me enough. The ones that do I’m not qualified for.”

  ‘That’s ’cause you’re looking in the wrong place.”

  I turned my head to look at him. “Where do you suggest I look?”

  “You’re looking in the right place now.” He smirked. “Drive to Pensacola. I got a guy I want you to meet.”

  “In Pensacola?”

  “Yep. He owns a club. I used to work for him. Bouncers get paid real well. Late hours and good money.”

  A bouncer?

  “How good is the money?”

  Rock closed his door and buckled his seat belt. “The nicer the club, the better the pay. The place I’m taking you to pays more than most at fifty dollars an hour, and you’ll get six hours a night. As many nights as you can handle.”

  Three hundred dollars a night. I could work Thursday through Sunday nights and make twelve hundred dollars a week.

  “You think you can get me this job?”

  Rock laughed. “I already got you the job. I’m just taking you to meet your new boss and get
your paperwork done. You start this weekend.”

  Amanda

  After two weeks of dreading calculus because I’d have to see Preston, and then arriving and him not being there, I had come to the conclusion that he’d dropped the class. This was a good thing. I didn’t want to see him. I wasn’t sure yet how I’d react to seeing him.

  My phone started playing my ringtone, and I reached into my backpack and pulled it out as I walked across campus to the coffee shop. I needed caffeine if I was going to make it through the study group I was headed to next.

  “Hello.”

  “Good morning,” Jason’s voice greeted me.

  “Good morning to you, too,” I replied.

  “You sound better this week.”

  Jason had made the mistake of calling me the day after my breakup with Preston. When he’d asked me how I was doing, I’d starting sobbing and telling him about my breakup. Of course I left out the actual reason why we broke up. Preston didn’t deserve my protection, but I couldn’t stop myself. I loved him. He’d shattered my heart, but I still loved him.

  “I think it works that way. Each week you get a little better. Maybe by next month I’ll be out dancing in clubs.”

  Jason chuckled. “Yeah. Well, let’s not get carried away. Clubs aren’t real safe for a single girl. I, of course, could escort you.”

  I hadn’t led Jason on at all. I’d been painfully honest with him. I was still in love with Preston. I probably always would be. But if Jason wanted to be friends, then I’d like that. I needed friends right now.

  “I’ll keep that offer in mind.”

  “How’s wedding planning coming in the Hardy household? Only two more weeks.”

  The wedding had taken over our lives. There were flowers everywhere, and candles and several different china patterns covering the dining room table. It was insane. Willow was the most laid-back bride I’d ever met. She just smiled and agreed to things. My mother, on the other hand, was a freaking bridezilla, and she was just the mother of the groom.

  “I think I may borrow that jet of yours and fly to the Keys until it’s over. That or kill my mom.”

  Jason laughed. “I’ll let you borrow the jet, but I don’t think Jax has enough influence to get you off the hook for murder. Running away sounds like a safer plan.”

  “You’re probably right. I’ll stick with plan A.”

  “I’m still planning on kicking your butt on the Go Kart track. After the wedding, the race is on.”

  We had gotten into a conversation about the Go Kart track in town and how I knew which one was the fastest and I couldn’t be beat. He disagreed that he couldn’t beat me. We made plans to go race after the wedding.

  “I haven’t forgotten. I’m currently in training, Hollywood. You’re out of your league.”

  My phone beeped, and I pulled it back to see Jimmy’s number flashing across the screen. Why would Preston’s little brother be calling me?

  “Um, Jason, I gotta go. I’ve got a call on the other line I need to take.”

  “All right, Bama. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Bye,” I replied before clicking over.

  “Jimmy?”

  “It’s Brent.”

  “Brent, are you okay?”

  “I’m okay, but Momma’s been asleep for a real long time, and we can’t wake her up. I called Preston and he didn’t answer. Jimmy isn’t home yet from school, and I don’t know if I should call 911.”

  I ran back toward the parking lot for my car. “How long has she been asleep?” I asked.

  “Since yesterday morning.”

  Oh no.

  “Weren’t you at school yesterday and today? Could she have gotten up while you were at school?”

  That had to be it.

  “No, she hasn’t moved. At all.”

  “Okay, Brent. I’m on my way right now. I want you to call 911 when we hang up, and tell them this exact same thing, okay? Then you and Daisy sit together in the living room. I’ll be there in about five minutes. Be waiting on me.”

  “She’s dead, ain’t she?”

  How did I tell this little boy his mother was very likely dead? That or in a coma.

  “We don’t know that. She could just be sleeping a long time. You call 911. I’m on my way. Is Daisy okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s sitting here beside me.”

  “Good. You keep her right there with you. See you in a minute.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  He disconnected the line, and I dialed Preston’s number. It rang three times, then went to voice mail.

  “It’s Preston. You know what to do.”

  “Preston, it’s Amanda. Brent just called me. Your mother hasn’t woken up in two days. They’re worried. I had him call 911, and I’m on my way over there. Call me as soon as you get this.”

  I ended the call and gunned the engine.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Preston

  A loud banging sound interrupted my dreams. I tried to block it out. I wasn’t ready for this dream to end. Amanda was laughing and running down the beach while I chased her. She didn’t hate me. She still loved me. The banging was joined with a ringing noise and some yelling. I peeled open my eyes and glanced over at the clock. It was four in the afternoon. I’d slept all day. I hadn’t gotten home from work until almost four this morning. Then I’d been too jacked up on coffee to sleep. It had been almost seven before I crashed. I had to go back to work at eight tonight.

  The banging reminded me of why I was awake. I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the door before whoever was on the other side beat it down.

  I jerked it open to see Marcus standing on the other side. “Shit, man, I was getting ready to break the door down. I’ve been calling you, and then banging on this door for over ten minutes when that didn’t work.”

  “I was sleeping. I’m working nights now, you know.”

  “That’s right. I forgot you worked last night. Listen, I need to tell you something, and I don’t know how you’re gonna take it, so you might want to sit down.”

  This was not something you wanted to wake up to. “What is it?” I demanded. I didn’t need to sit down, I just needed to know.

  “It’s your mom. She overdosed.” He paused and waited for a reaction from me.

  “Did it kill her this time?” This wasn’t her first overdose.

  Marcus placed his hand on my shoulder and let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, man. It did.”

  I turned and headed for my room to put on some clothes. The kids would need me. I slipped on some jeans and tried to figure out how I could fit all three kids in here and take care of them when I was working nights. Without my mom’s rent and utilities I’d have a little extra to hire a sitter.

  “You okay?” Marcus asked from the doorway of my room.

  “She was junkie, Marcus. It was bound to happen. I just need to get to the kids. They’re probably scared.”

  The tightness in my chest surprised me. I wouldn’t grieve for this woman. She’d done nothing for me in my life. I swallowed the weak emotion from the little boy deep inside who had wanted his mother to love him. Even a little. I’d figured out long ago she never would. I wouldn’t shed a tear for her now.

  “The kids are fine. Amanda has all three of them. They’re getting ice cream, then going to the park. She sent me to find you. There are custody issues you have to deal with.”

  Amanda had the kids? How? Why? No matter how much they liked her, they would have called me first.

  “How did Amanda know to get the kids?”

  “Your younger brother called her. Told her your mom hadn’t woken up in two days, and Amanda left school and rushed over there. She also had him call 911 while he waited on her to arrive. They couldn’t reach you, so they called her.”

  Brent had called Amanda. My chest hurt. All three kids had been upset when I’d had to tell them I wouldn’t be bringing Amanda around anymore. Daisy had even cried. But they’d known they could count on her when th
ey couldn’t get me on the phone. A lump formed in my throat, and I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

  “I know she left you for the Stone guy, and I’m sorry about that, man.”

  So that was what she had told him. She’d left me for Jason Stone. Was she even dating him, or had it just been her way to cover up the truth?

  “You were right. I wasn’t good enough for her. She finally wised up and saw it too.” I opened the door and headed down the stairs. I couldn’t talk about this with Marcus. Not right now.

  “For what it’s worth, she still cares about you. She was really upset about this, and she was worried sick over those kids.”

  “The kids love her” was the only reply I had.

  “But you don’t?”

  I stopped and looked back at him. I’d told enough lies. I wasn’t going to keep on telling them just to make everyone feel better. “I’ll always love her. Always.” I jerked open the door to my Jeep and jumped inside. “Where am I going?” I asked.

  “DHR is waiting on you at the trailer.”

  I shifted into drive and took off.

  I wouldn’t have to fight Momma for the kids now. She’d made it easy. I wasn’t exactly the best option as a parent, but anything was better than her. And I didn’t want them separated. I couldn’t let them go. I’d figure this out somehow.

  Amanda

  I held Daisy’s cotton candy ice-cream cone while she ran over to the slide to go down it another time. She alternated between taking a lick of her ice cream and sliding. The ice cream wasn’t going to last too much longer. The sun was getting the best of it.

  “Has Preston called you yet?” Jimmy asked, taking the seat beside me.

  “No, but my brother did find him, and he is at the trailer talking to the people who determine where you go. He’s an adult and your closest relative, so he should have no problem getting custody,” I assured him. Brent and Daisy were too young to think about the legal issues. But it was bothering Jimmy. He understood the courts had rules.