I grab her elbow and hurriedly steer us from the room. She laughs the whole way there, waving at some of the friends she’s made in the last few weeks.
“Ma’am, is there somewhere quiet my guest and I could talk?” I ask a server who passes by us.
“We aren’t really allowed to let guests use any of these rooms.”
“Please, she’s just told me she has herpes and we need to discuss it.”
Denny’s laugh echoes off the walls. The server’s mouth drops open, looking between me and my date, confused as hell, I’m certain.
With a shaky finger, she points down the hall. “There’s an empty storage room down there, but don’t—”
“Thank you, that will do.”
“G-Good luck,” the poor woman murmurs as I drag Denny away and toward the room.
The moment I click the lock into place, I press her back against the door, caging her in between my arms.
Suddenly, she’s no longer laughing.
“Last time you did this I proved I could most definitely use my tongue.”
She nods.
“And this time I assume you’re looking for something too?”
She nods again.
“What did I tell you about games, Denver?”
“That they don’t suit me.” She lifts a shoulder. “It’s interesting, though, because I keep winning them.”
She’s not winning this round.
TWENTY-THREE
DENVER
SHEP CRUSHES his mouth to mine, stealing away anything else I had to say.
I love that he caught on to my game, and I love even more that he’s falling right into my trap. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about his promise to fuck me since we left the hotel room.
That was two hours ago.
That’s two whole hours of squeezing my thighs together and trying to push the thoughts away so I don’t embarrass myself in a room full of strangers.
Two hours of pure torture.
I guess that’s nothing when you compare it to the years we’ve spent apart and the pining that occurred. I tried so hard to ignore him, to move on, to do anything but think of Shepard Clark, but it was no use. The universe pushed us together too many times to count, and it was pure agony.
So, yeah, I could survive a little longer without Shep fulfilling his promise, but that doesn’t mean I want to.
I shove my hands into his suit jacket, clawing at him and pulling him as close to me as possible, craving the feel of his body against mine.
We have too many clothes in our way.
“Pull your dress up,” he says, like he’s reading my mind.
Shep falls to his knees, and it’s a good thing he’s holding on to my hips because I nearly fall over at the sight.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Shep, it’s that he loves eating me out.
Which is good, because I love it too.
Slowly, enjoying the anticipation, I shimmy until the dress is around my hips, lucky the material has a little give to it.
“Seriously, Denny?” He nearly pants once I’m bared.
“What? I didn’t want panty lines.”
“Fuck.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “I could strangle you for walking around like this all night.”
“There you go talking about asphyxiation again.”
Without another word, he parts my lips with his tongue, finding my clit and sucking it into his mouth.
A loud moan escapes me, and he pulls away, grinning up at me with wet lips.
“You might wanna dial that down, Den.”
“You might want to shut up and keep proving to me just how good you are with your tongue, Shep. You wanna—oh, fuck!”
He uses his thumbs to part me as he works me over with his mouth, and holy hell, I could stay in this closet with him forever.
I rock against him and he loves it, letting me ride his face and his tongue until I’m sitting on the edge of pure fucking bliss. I have to press my hand over my mouth to quiet my whimpers as an orgasm threatens to shoot through me.
Just as I’m about to explode, Shep pulls away.
“What the—”
He stands, his hand covering my mouth before I can say another word.
“What was that about winning?”
“I hate you,” I hiss.
“It’s a fine line between love and hate, Bucky.”
My heart races. Those words might be the truest ones he’s ever spoken.
I’ve known for a long time now Shep and I weren’t finished. Even when he humiliated me all those years ago and turned away from me, I knew in my heart of hearts it wasn’t over. We could never be over.
Because fate had other plans.
That’s the only way to explain the way the universe kept pushing us together.
I drop my hands to the belt on his waist, the clinking of the metal as I unbuckle it echoing off the walls like gunshots in the otherwise quiet closet.
“Tell me you have a condom, Shep.”
Without another word, he pulls his wallet from his back pocket, producing a foil packet.
“Thank god.”
“I’m about 9% certain you can’t talk about God during sex.”
I shove his pants and tight black boxer briefs down his hips, curling my hand around his cock once it’s free.
His eyes fall shut as he sags forward, catching himself with one hand against the door as I work him over.
“Oh fuck,” he groans. “I don’t think you can keep doing that, Den. I’m already too close.”
“Then do something about it.”
He grins and says, “Only if you go back out there and tell those girls my cock is definitely bigger than three inches.”
I stroke him again. Another groan.
“Shep?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up and fuck me.”
He uses his teeth to rip the condom open then covers himself within seconds.
Before I know it, he’s wrapping my leg around his hip and thrusting into me in one swift move.
“Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.” He draws the word out on a hiss.
I wrap my hands around his head, threading my fingers through his hair and holding on as he pumps in and out of me at a pace that’s going to ensure neither of us last very long.
Good. We can save the soft and slow for later.
“Holy shit. This is better than I could have imagined.” He drops his forehead to mine, brushing soft kisses against my lips. “Have you ever thought about us, Denny? About what it would be like for me to be inside you?”
“Y-Yes.”
“And what you imagined—was it better than this?”
“Yes.”
He pulls back, still thrusting inside me. “Why?”
My shoulder blades press against the door and I know it’s going to leave a bruise, but I don’t care. Despite my answer to his question, I wouldn’t trade this for anything.
“Because you loved me.”
His movements stop, and I hate that he stops. His fingers collide with my face, pulling my attention to his. It’s dark in the closet, but our eyes have adjusted enough for me to know he’s staring at me with pain and desire and confusion in his expression.
I’m giving it all right back to him.
After what feels like a lifetime, he drops his forehead back to mine and pumps into me harder than ever, and I love every goddamn second of it.
Our pants fill the room, so loud that I know if someone were to walk by the door right now, they’d know exactly what we’re doing.
I reach between us, rubbing circles over my clit, so close to release. By the change in his breathing, I know he’s there too.
His lips trace along my ear.
“You say it would have been better if I had loved you.”
His voice is hoarse, almost harsh, and he doesn’t quit moving inside me.
I don’t say anything, because I know he’s not expecting an answer.
“Well I have news f
or you, Denver.”
Another thrust. Another groan.
“I never fucking stopped.”
My whole world falls apart around me.
TWENTY-FOUR
Five years ago, May
Denver: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT
Denver: I made it!
Denver: Is it just me or is the east coast ridiculously humid? I feel like I’m trying to breathe under water.
Denver: Hey, you good? I texted yesterday and didn’t get a response.
Denver: Allie and I went shopping for things for the apartment today. She bought half of Target.
Denver: Shep?
Denver: Well, just text me back whenever you have a chance. I’m sure you’re swamped.
Denver: I’m starting to worry. I haven’t heard from you in days.
Denver: Is everything okay?
Denver: I tried calling. I know that’s not something we do, but I had to try anyway.
Denver: Just please let me know you’re okay.
Denver: Okay, so this is my last text. If you’re not answering, there’s nothing I can do about that. Allie and I will be at the party Friday night. I’ll see ya if I see ya. Good night, Shep.
SHEPARD
“WHY IN THE fuck would you invite her?”
“Uh, because she’s my girlfriend’s best friend, and the girl you’re into. Obviously, dickhead.” AJ rolls his eyes and takes a long pull off his beer, not caring about the clear irritation in my voice. “What’s your deal, dude? All of a sudden you’re not into Denny anymore? What gives?”
Oh, I’m into Denny. I am very into Denny.
Some would say I’m too into her.
I love her.
And that’s scary as fuck.
I’m so deep in this weird long-distance thing we have going on that there is no way it could possibly be healthy. It scares me…big time.
So much so that I stopped responding to her texts last week. I tucked my tail like a fucking pussy and hid from her and my feelings.
It’s too much for me, too intense.
I want it too badly.
What if it doesn’t work out? What if we don’t work out? What if I’m not what she wants? The fallout of that is going to be a whole lot worse if we continue to get attached.
So, I’m doing the responsible thing—ending it before it can go any further.
“You’re not running scared, are you?”
I glare at my best friend, annoyed he knows me so well. “Shut the fuck up, AJ.”
“I’m just saying, you should at least give it a shot with her. She’s a cool chick.”
“And what if she hates me?”
“Oh, she’s gonna hate you all right, especially if you fucking ditch her after she moved out here for your ass.”
“She didn’t move out here for me. She moved for Allie.”
“Whatever you two morons need to tell yourselves.” He takes another drink. “I’m gonna head to the back room. Just send Allie that way when she gets here, which will be any moment.”
“Why don’t you go get your girlfriend yourself?”
He shakes his bottle. “Because I’m fucking out of beer, that’s why.”
I flip off his back as he spins around.
“Stop flipping me off.”
“I hate you!”
He laughs. “Liar. Go get the door.”
I realize then the doorbell is ringing.
My fingers begin to tingle, and I have to count backward from ten so I don’t run in the opposite direction.
Just do it, Shep. Get it over with.
I push my way through the bodies, trying not to freak out the entire trek to the door.
I don’t give myself time to pause or think. I just pull the door open and face Denny for the first time ever.
Fuck me.
She’s gorgeous—stunning, even. Her photos on social media don’t do her justice. Her dark hair is pulled into a messy braid that’s sitting on her shoulder, and her green eyes are so much brighter than I could have imagined.
I shake myself from my stupor and fix my eyes on Allie, willing myself not to glance at Denny again.
“What are you doing here?”
I know what the fuck she’s doing here. I’m just biding my time, making this last as long as possible because apparently I love to torture myself.
She just stares at me, so I step aside, waving them in. “He’s in the back.”
I don’t miss the look Allie gives Denny, or the one Denny gives her before she tries to catch my eye.
I don’t let it happen because I know I’ll break if it does.
With a sigh, Denny grabs Allie’s outstretched hand and lets her best friend drag her through the mass of bodies.
I let them disappear into the crowd, watching her as she’s swallowed up by the crowd.
I need a moment. I need to think. I need to make sure.
No. No thinking. Just do it.
I march toward the back room, determined. The guys in the room eye her, and I want to punch every fucking single one of them.
Instead I lean against the doorframe, my arms crossed over my chest so my fists don’t snake out on their own.
“Who you here with, doll?”
Doll—ugh. Fucking pet names.
“I’m with—”
“She came with Allie,” I interrupt.
I don’t know why I say it, but I can’t take it back now, especially not since I can see the hurt in Denny’s eyes.
She doesn’t like that I didn’t say she’s here with me. In fact, she hates it.
Good. Maybe I can make her hate me too. That’ll make this easier.
“Yep.” She points a shaky finger at Allie. “I’m here with her—only her.”
Her words sting, but I don’t let it show.
I can’t. I have to walk away now. I don’t have a choice. It’s either break it off now or go down in flames, and I’ve never been one to play with fire.
“Since you’re free, you want to dance?”
She glances to me again.
I don’t back down.
“Sure. I’d love to,” she says, a cheery fake smile on her lips.
He pulls himself from the chair. “I’m Cade.”
She slides her hand into his extended one, and the contact makes me reel. It’s even worse when he pulls her toward him and she crashes against his chest.
He grins. “Just thought we’d get that out of the way before we go make sweet love on the dance floor.”
God fucking dammit.
She smirks up at him playfully, eating out of the palm of his hand. “Sweet love, huh? That’s where you’re going with this?”
Cade loves her mouth, which is complete fucking bullshit because that’s my mouth to love.
I have to turn away before I do something I’ll regret, like beat the shit out of my teammate for trying to steal my girl.
Someone slams into me, stumbling and spilling a beer on my shirt.
Great.
“Oh em gee! I am so sorry, Slug.” I try not to flinch at the nickname. “I didn’t see you there.”
Sure you didn’t.
“Whatever. Wanna dance?”
I don’t even glance at her or wait for her to answer, my eyes are too busy tracking Denver through the room.
My blood boils when Cade slips his arms around her waist. I do the same thing to the girl in my arms because if I don’t, I’m going to fucking lose it.
Denny’s gaze finds me again. Why does she have to keep looking over here?
I see it, even from across the room—I see the hate and the rage burning through her.
Good, Den. Good.
Cade nuzzles her neck. I mimic him. Everything he does to Denny, I do to the girl in my arms. She hates it, physically hates him touching her. I can see from here she wishes it were me.
She wants me like I want her, and I want her a whole hell of a lot.
I realize in that moment I have to follow through with this, because Denver Andre
ws could fucking break me.
She pushes free of Cade again, sending him a smile and then running from the room.
I waste no time chasing after her. I have to make sure I take this all the way.
I find her standing at the bottom of the stairs, and everything inside me screams that I should go to her and wrap her in my arms and take away all the pain.
But I don’t.
Instead I say, “You should leave.”
She spins around, mouth dropping open in surprise.
“L-Leave?” It comes out a strangled whisper. “What do you mean? I just came out here to breathe, not to leave.”
“I meant what I said.” She studies me hard, long enough to know I’m not joking but not long enough to know I’m lying, internally pleading for her to stay. “You should leave,” I repeat.
“Why?”
“Because I fucking said so.”
I cannot believe this is happening, can’t believe I’m doing this.
I was wrong. This was wrong.
It hurts. It fucking hurts and it wasn’t supposed to hurt. This was supposed to prevent the pain, not ignite it.
“Why are you doing this?” she asks quietly, barely holding back tears. “Did I do something wrong?”
I drop my gaze from hers, knowing I need to before her tears break me down. “We both knew this was coming.”
“Did w-we?” Her voice cracks, and I hate that it cracks. “Because I sure didn’t expect this. I came out here for you—for us…for dibs. We’ve talked about this for months. I most certainly did not expect this.”
My eyes fall closed for a moment, and a future where Denver leaves me flashes through my mind.
That pain is much worse than this pain.
“You did, Denver.”
The use of her full name startles her; I know by the way her breaths quicken.
“You knew I wasn’t cut out for commitment from the beginning,” I push on, and the longer I talk, the angrier she gets. “Whatever you built this up to in your head is your own fault. I can’t do this.” I flick my finger between us, driving the point home. “Whatever this was, it’s over.”
The fury blazes in her eyes.
Good. Be angry. Hate me, Den. Hate me like I hate me right now.
And she does. She hates me. I can see it.
Without another word, she turns on her heel and continues down the walkway.
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