Tortured (Cherry Grove Series Book 4)

by Cole Lepley

  I feel a pair of warm arms circle my waist and I sigh as her lips press between my shoulder blades.

  “You can’t sleep?” Sloan asks, her voice laced with concern.

  I turn around so I can bring her closer to my chest and kiss her forehead. “It’s about Mack.”

  Her face falls and I can see sympathy in her eyes. Sloan may seem like a stone-cold bitch, but somewhere inside, probably pretty deep, there’s a caring, decent person.

  “I might have to go to Ithaca next week. Straighten some things out.”

  She nods and lays her head on my chest. Her finger traces along my bicep. “You’re not going to hurt him, are you?”

  She doesn’t look up at me when she asks the question, but I think she doesn’t want to see me lie to her. Yes, if I get the chance I know I will absolutely hurt him, maybe even worse. Mack was barely seventeen when he started exploiting her for sex and filling her with drugs and God knows what else. A sick person like him deserves to suffer, and I want to be the one who inflicts it on him. That’s why I couldn’t go easy on him the first time. When I saw him hurt her with my own eyes, that’s all it took for me to lose it. Two years was a small price to pay to protect someone I love.

  My fingers twist in the strands of Sloan’s hair as she continues to hug herself to me. I can’t tell if she’s cold standing out here barely dressed, or that she actually wants to be this close to me. Either way, I can’t complain.

  “Johnny will be with me at the service tomorrow night,” Sloan says, breaking the silence.

  I grit my teeth, but don’t respond. Anything I can think to say right now will piss her off and we’re having such a nice evening together.

  God, I sound like a pussy. What does this girl do to me?

  I swallow down my hatred. “I expected that.”

  She looks up at me with her bright, blue eyes. “Perry, I don’t know what this means. You and me. I know we still have a lot of things to work out, but I need time.” She moves back and crosses her arms, putting some distance between us. “I meant what I said. I love you and I want to be with you, but I’ve already created a life for myself. One that I’m not sure I can give up.”

  Her words hurt worse than when Tess punched me in throat. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere with her, she pushes me further away. One thing’s for sure, I can’t go on like this forever.

  I blow out a quick breath and lean back on the railing. “So, when your fiancé is on forty-eight-hour shifts, you can share my bed with me, but when he comes home, you want to act like the devoted fiancé again?

  She shakes her head. “No, I don’t want it to be like that. I just—I just don’t know how to hurt him.”

  I laugh once. “But you can hurt me?”

  “You can handle it.”

  This causes me to become angry. I push off the railing and take a step toward her. “Handle it? You think I like sneaking around with you when all I want is for things to be like they used to be? I want you to be my girl. I want you to come home to me every day, not sneak in my bedroom when the coast is clear.”

  She reaches for me but I grab her hand and push her back. “No, I think you need to go.”

  The shock on her face surprises me. This is something she should’ve seen coming.

  She wraps my long hoodie around her and turns her head. I think she doesn’t want me to see her cry, but I hate to break it to her, I’ve seen it enough times to have it play on a loop in my head.

  Usually, this is about the time I comfort her. I tell her I love her and everything is going to be okay and all that bullshit. But I don’t. I stand there motionless and watch her make a decision.

  She sniffs once, looking up at me. “I know there’s going to come a time when you’re not going to be there. I know that one day I’m going to push you too far and I’ll never get you back.” Her voice starts to break, but she continues. “And I’m terrified for that day.” She wipes a tear from her eye. “But what scares me the most is waking up one morning like Tess. Finding out that the person I love the most in this entire world is gone and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  I shake my head. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

  She lets out a strangled sob. “Don’t you think Walker went to bed every night thinking the same thing? I can’t be all in with you and then lose you like that.” She pulls her hands into her chest, shaking with a strangled sob. “This is not the life I pictured for us. I know I was hard on you, but I only wanted what was best for you. I’m not strong like Tess. I can’t handle it.”

  The urge to hug her is too much and I bring her back to my chest. She squeezes me tight and I rest my chin on the top of her head.

  “It’s over, Sloan. It ended with me.”

  “You promise?” she whispers.

  “Yes.”

  The lie comes easily because it’s partially true. I only have a six-inch scar on my abdomen to remind me. No big deal. There will come a time when the debts will need settled, but not until we lay our brother to rest. That was the deal, and so, they’re sticking to it.

  13

  Until I See You Again

  Tess- Now

  I’m wearing a blue dress today. I think it’s customary for the widow to wear black, but today is for Walker. He said he loved when I wore this color because it brought out my eyes. Actually, he always said I looked beautiful no matter what I wore. He was so perfect to me that his flaws didn’t matter.

  It took a long time for him to be honest with me about what the guys were doing. It was after Jeremy died when they told me. They downplayed the severity of it, but at least I wasn’t in the dark anymore. By that point, whether I wanted to leave or not, I was in too deep. I loved him so much that if he told me we had to bury bodies in our basement I would have stayed. Hell, I would have helped him dig. That’s what love is. Doing things you could never even imagine for the person you love because you know without a doubt they would do it for you.

  This is not the first time I visited his grave site, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel guilty for not coming more often. I can’t feel him here. At home, he’s everywhere. He’s in every room, every smell, every sound—but here, it’s just a cold, slab of granite with his name on it.

  I pull a tissue out of my bag so I don’t ruin my make-up before the memorial. If I thought the funeral was tough, this will be worse. It will be the last time everyone will be thinking about him at the same time. Except for me. Thinking about Walker has become a full-time job. He haunts every corner of my mind no matter what time of day or what I’m doing.

  “I made up with Perry,” I say, my voice cutting through the silence. “It was hard, but I think I needed to. I know how much he loved you and I know how much he wanted to be here. I tried so hard to stay strong and do this on my own, but I can’t. I need him.”

  The tears are already falling too fast to stop them and I wipe under my eyes. “I want you to know that every moment I spent with you is something I cherished. I loved you every single second of those five years with my entire heart. I never thought I could physically hurt from missing someone so much, but I do.” I laugh bitterly through my tears. “I would give anything to have you walk through the door one more time. I would hug you a little bit longer and I’d beg you to take me with you.”

  My body racks with sobs, blinding my vision. “I would have saved every voicemail you ever left me so I could hear your voice for longer than just a few seconds. I would have done so many things differently because I had no idea how short forever was going to be. I need more time.”

  I drop to my knees, disregarding the dampness of the grass or the stockings on my legs and lay my head on the cold stone. My tears roll down my cheeks and I close my eyes. “I need more time,” I whisper.

  For the first time since he left, I can feel him.

  Thankfully, I had an extra pair of sheer stockings in my dresser. Showing up with grass stains on my knees may have raised a few eyebrows. I’m just finishing r
etouching my make-up when I spot my wedding band on the dresser. I took it off last week in an attempt to put some distance between me and my grief. How long does it take to move on from something like this when you’ve only had seven months to process it? At this rate, I don’t think I ever will. I slide it back in place and make my way downstairs.

  I ride to the church with my parents. They are big comfort to me because they know firsthand how to cope with loss. When we pull into the parking lot, Perry is leaning against his car smoking a cigarette. For some reason it makes me smile. He’s exactly the same and I think that’s the biggest comfort of them all. I’ve missed him terribly.

  I get out of the car and walk to him, noticing he’s wearing his court clothes. Tie and all.

  “You clean up real nice,” I say, patting his shoulder.

  My attempt at casual conversation isn’t lost on him. He gives a sad smile back. “Thank you, Bishop.” He nods to my dress. “Walker would have lost his mind if he saw you in that. You look beautiful.”

  I let my fingers run across the silky fabric and look to the ground. “Well, I wanted to wear something to let him know I was thinking about him.”

  Perry grabs my chin suddenly and looks me dead in the eyes. “He always knows. You know that, right?”

  All I can do is nod. I’m barely holding it together as it is.

  “I guess we better get in there,” he says, snubbing his butt out on the ground and kicking it in under his car. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pack of mints and offers one to me.

  I take it, because I don’t know what else to do in this moment. I don’t want to go in there. Walker isn’t here. He’s buried three miles up the road.

  Perry shoves his hands in his pockets and nods to the large double doors.

  “Your parents are headed inside. Should we go in?”

  I look around at the packed parking lot and panic strikes me. There are so many people here. When we had the funeral, I was so beside myself we only allowed close family to attend. Another large factor was that it didn’t feel right saying our final goodbyes if Perry couldn’t be there.

  “I guess we should.”

  I take an unsteady step toward the church and Perry’s hand reaches for mine. I look down at our intertwined fingers and back up to his face.

  “Is this okay?”

  I fight the tears for the hundredth time today, and with my voice completely broken, I whisper, “Don’t let go.”

  All eyes drift to us as we walk through the doors. I’ve been preparing myself for this moment for so long I almost don’t know how to feel right now. What I do know is that each step is a little bit easier because Perry is beside me.

  Sloan and Johnny are off in the corner chatting with several of Walker’s classmates and I notice Perry doesn’t even glance in her direction. I’m hoping they’re both mature enough not to cause a scene here. We take our seats in the front pew, next to my parents and Walker’s dad. His mother passed away when he was very young, so none of us even got the chance to meet her.

  My father eyes Perry and the hand that is connected to mine. I never knew how to feel about how my father was to Perry. I could never figure out if he liked him or not. My mom, on the other hand, loves him. He has a certain charisma that must only affect the ladies.

  Walker’s dad, Todd, leans down to me. “You doing okay, sweetheart? You look pretty.”

  I smile back, but it’s incredibly difficult when all I want to do is scream. “Thank you. I’m doing the best that I can.”

  He reaches over and shakes Perry’s hand. “Good to see you, son. You need to come by soon. Catch up under—well, better circumstances.”

  Perry nods. “Yes, sir. That would be nice.”

  The quiet chatter dies down as the pastor takes the podium. All ceremonies begin the same, with same words of comfort, the same hymns sung, and same sentiment expressed no matter who has passed. I drown most of it out until it gets to the part where friends and family are asked to speak. I’m still on the fence about it. I don’t know if I can.

  Surprisingly, Perry stands first. He leans down and kisses my cheek before releasing my hand and walking to the podium. He reaches for something in his jacket pocket and then thinks better of it, closing the button and gripping the sides of the podium.

  “I had a speech prepared for probably the first time in my life. I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to say about my best friend. The problem was I could never come up with the words to describe him in the way that he deserved.” He smiles, and then shrugs. “You had to know him. He was always happy. If he was ever having a bad day, you would never know it. He made sure the ones he loved came first, no matter what he had going on.”

  Perry pauses and looks to me. “And there’s no one on this earth that he loved more than Tess. He loved you and I know he would have given up anything to be with you right now.” The struggle in his voice is coming out more and more. He clears his throat. “I wish everyone could have known him the way we did. They say only the good die young,” he lets out a bitter laugh. “Well, if that’s true then He took two of the best. There’s nothing I can say to fill the void we have in our hearts, but I can tell you one thing. Walker wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad. I know that’s not possible, but I can see him shaking his head up there at everyone crying for him.”

  Perry pauses, swallowing roughly. “And I’d have to tell him to suck it up, because we love him.” He stops and points to the ceiling. “I miss you, brother.”

  That’s when all the remaining composure leaves me. When Perry retakes his seat, I sob into his chest. He doesn’t let go until the last person speaks, and even then, I don’t want him to. I didn’t have the strength to get up there myself, but he already knows everything I have to say.

  I couldn’t eat the dinner and after receiving condolences from everyone in the entire town, I’m completely wrecked. I’m sitting on the church steps with my heels kicked off and resting next to me.

  Most of the guests have gone by now and only a few close family members linger. Perry is talking to Walker’s dad on the sidewalk in front of the church. I like the fact they can tell stories about him and smile of his memory. That’s what Walker would have wanted.

  Sloan slips by me, hand in hand with Johnny. She pauses on the bottom step, whispering to him. He kisses her cheek and then walks away. I raise an eyebrow when she walks up the steps again and sits beside me. Her short, fluffy dress bunches around her.

  She keeps her eyes focused forward, her pale pink lips pursing with a breath. “I know I’m not your favorite person, but I was around enough to love Walker too. I love all of you guys and I hate that this is where we are now.”

  I nod, looking over at her as she wipes her eyes.

  “And, I want you to know that even if you don’t want it, I’m here for you.” She reaches over and grabs my hand. “If it were Perry, I’m sure you’d do the same for me.”

  I give her hand a squeeze as Perry begins to make his way over.

  “Thank you, Sloan. Really.”

  Sloan smiles back at me, but then it fades when Perry stops in front of us. His posture is rigid and she tenses beside me because he still doesn’t glance in her direction.

  “You ready to go?” he asks me.

  I nod, reaching for my discarded heels. Sloan stands and smooths out her dress. She’s staring at him, but he’s focused on me.

  “I’ll give you a ride,” Perry says, picking my handbag up off the step.

  Sloan bites her lip, but still remains silent. Perry finally looks over at her and nods. He grabs my hand, pulling me forward before muttering over his shoulder, “Thank you for coming.”

  I don’t turn back to look at her face, but I can only imagine the shock she must feel for finally coming in second.

  14

  Fate

  Tess- Now

  When we get back to the shop, Perry comes inside. He hesitates by the doorway as I lay my bag and keys down on the counter. His
warm, brown eyes are red and tired while he watches me.

  “Perry,” I say, turning around to face him.

  “Yes.”

  I take a breath. “If I asked you to do something for me, would you think about it?”

  He smiles. “Bishop, I would do anything you asked me to do. Just say the word.”

  “Would you…stay with me tonight? I don’t really want to be alone.”

  He smiles again, walking over to hug me to his side. “That’s not a problem. I’m getting fairly used to your couch. It’s quite comfy.”

  I shake my head. “No, like sleep next to me.” I cover my face with my hands unable to look at him. I feel him try to pry my fingers back.

  “Hey, talk to me. Why are you embarrassed?”

  I laugh once. “I just asked you to sleep with me after husband’s memorial. How fucked up is that?”

  He finally gets my hands away from my face and brushes my hair behind my shoulders. “It’s not fucked up. I don’t like to be alone either. Especially in times like these.”

  “So, you’ll stay?”

  He leans down and kisses my temple. “Of course.”

  When Perry follows me upstairs, it doesn’t feel intimate. I mean, lying in bed next to another man other than Walker is something I’ve never done, but with Perry—I’m not afraid. I’m not nervous or worried that things will go too far, because I know they won’t.

  As we enter my bedroom and he starts to take his clothes off—that’s when I get nervous. I turn away from him and reach into my drawer for a T-shirt and slip into the bathroom to change. For a guy, I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to just strip naked in front of a girl. It’s perfectly normal for some girls to do it too, but that’s not me. The closest I’ve ever come to seeing Perry naked was when we all went skinny dipping at the lake. If I hadn’t shielded my eyes so much, and the moon was a little bit brighter, I might have some idea what all the fuss is about.