Winter Dreams

by Simmons, Trana Mae

  "He's already in love with Cristy," Laura said with a gay laugh. "Has it been that long since you were in love yourself that you can't recognize it?"

  Tom raised his eyebrows, and Laura pursed her lips at him. "I should make you wait for an explanation, like you conveniently ignored me in Duluth," she threatened.

  "Laura," he warned. "I thought I was forgiven. Not that I actually did anything wrong."

  "You are. And I won't." She raised her head in feigned superiority. "I'll be a much bigger person than you and explain things."

  "For a woman who's engagement seems to be off, you don't seem very brokenhearted."

  "I'm not, Father. In fact, I'm totally happy for Cristy and David, since I do believe what they have is true love. Remember what you told me the night before I left for Duluth? That real love is a beautiful thing? We're seeing that beauty now, and it's made me realize what I feel for David is only friendship. I'm very, very glad we both found out before we got married and ruined our lives."

  Tom walked over and hugged her. "I don't believe marriage to David would have actually ruined either of your lives, Laura. However, given what we know now, it could have shortchanged you both somewhat. And I'm very proud of you, Laura, darling. I was sure you were grown up before, but this tells me you've indisputably become an adult."

  "You don't seem surprised, Father. That David and I won't be getting married, I mean."

  "No, I'm not," he admitted. "Until recently, I would have been, but not this last month."

  "Why? What did you see that I didn't?"

  "Oh, I think you see it, too, Laura. But one thing I've always promised myself is to not make your decisions for you. I'll always be there for you, darling, but I want you to live your own life, not the life I pick out for you."

  "I love you, Daddy," she said.

  "Me, too, darling. Me, too." He kissed her forehead, then said, "We better return to the living room. Since you're back, I promised Tracie we could open gifts tonight instead of waiting until next week."

  "Oh, I've got the gifts I bought in Duluth upstairs in my room. I'll be right down with them."

  Picking up her skirts, she hurried to the stairs. In her room she opened the satchel she'd packed the gifts in after wrapping them at a party a friend gave one night. Unerringly she picked out one small gift and slipped it in her skirt pocket. She'd give that one to someone in a private ceremony.

  At first she tried to pile all the gifts into her arms, but the heap tumbled to the bed before she could take one step. Laughing, she started packing them back in the satchel.

  "Tom said you might need some help."

  She whirled. Sandy stood in the doorway, and Laura smiled at him. When he didn't return her smile, a frown creased her forehead. Downstairs around Tracie he had been about as cheerful as she had ever seen him. Now he carried that darned moroseness on his shoulders again. She stamped her foot.

  "What on earth has turned you so dour again? And on Christmas?"

  "Christmas was day before yesterday," he said with a shrug. Avoiding her eyes, he walked over to the bed and picked up packages until his arms were full, then headed for the door. Laura grabbed his arm, and he paused without looking at her.

  "I've got my arms full," he said.

  "Sandy, tell me what's making you unhappy." Since he wouldn't look at her, she dropped his arm and moved around in front of him. "You didn't by any chance think David was paying way too much attention to your sister tonight, did you?"

  "They both explained what happened to me the minute they got back today. I'm very sorry about your broken engagement, Laura, but I can't say I'm displeased for Cristy. Hudson is a fine man. I'll forever be in his debt."

  "Didn't they tell you it was a mutual decision for David and me to end our engagement?" she asked in exasperation.

  "Yes. And I hope you find someone you truly love when you do decide to marry again. Excuse me, but Tracie's waiting to open presents."

  Before she could stop him, he stepped around her and went out the door. For a moment she stood there, trying to understand what he had said — or more to the point, what he didn't say. Her hand inched into her skirt pocket and she fingered the present. Looking over at the bed, she saw a couple of boxes Sandy missed and retrieved them. She could wait, she guessed, to continue this conversation with him. They'd be alone on the trail tomorrow or the next day, when they began training again.

  She carried the presents downstairs, where excited voices told her everyone was getting impatient to unwrap the gifts. In the living room, she placed her last two gifts — except for the one in her pocket — under the tree.

  Tom and Katie had lit the candles on the tree branches, and as soon as she moved back, Tom asked David to help him turn out the lanterns in the room. Everyone gasped in awe at the surreal beauty the glow from only the fireplace and the candles on the tree gave the room. Afterwards, silence lingered for a few seconds until Katie's elderly but still melodious voice rose in an old carol.

  Other voices joined in, and David pulled Cristy into his embrace while her father reached for Laura. She glanced past Tom to Sandy, who sat on the floor with Tracie on his lap. He wasn't singing, but he listened to every note from his daughter's mouth. When the carol ended, Tracie leaped to her feet.

  "Can we open presents now?"

  "Tracie," Sandy admonished.

  "Oh. Please? Please can we open presents now?" she beseeched.

  Amid tolerant laughter, Tom and Katie relit the lanterns.

  #

  The next morning, Laura opened her eyes to exactly what she hoped. She'd taped the charcoal sketch of Sandy, Tracie and Cristy to her lamp base until she could get a frame, and it was right in line with her vision.

  The gift had been labeled from Tracie, and Cristy assured everyone who received one that Tracie had come up with the idea herself. In fact, Cristy said, Tracie helped with the housework to pay for Cristy doing the sketches. The child had already picked up on the fact a person made or earned gifts to give to others, and insisted she was quite old enough to pay for her gifts, too, thank you very much.

  Laura's lips curved in a smile, and she cradled her cheek on her palm for a few seconds, studying the sketch. Then she bounded out of bed. Sandy had at least spoken to her long enough last night to confirm they would start training again today. A glance at the clock indicated she was up even earlier than normal, but she dressed anyway and hastily made her bed.

  On her way downstairs, she smelled coffee. Katie was already ahead of her, despite their late evening.

  "Morning, Katie," she said, waltzing across the kitchen and kissing the elderly cheek. "Did you have a nice time last night?"

  "As always," Katie agreed. "Breakfast will be in half an hour, but the coffee's ready now if you want some."

  "Thank you. I'll get it." She poured a cup and headed for the back porch to get her coat and boots. "I'll be back in a little while."

  "Your father's already up and about, too. He's out at the kennel."

  "Oh. That's unusual. I hope nothing's wrong."

  "Don't believe so," Katie said with a shrug. "It's just an early morning for everyone. I saw the lights on in Sandy's cabin, also, when I stepped out to see what sort of day it was going to be."

  "And what sort of day will it be?"

  "A beautiful one. Now go on and enjoy it, so I can get my work done."

  Grinning at her, Laura carried her coffee onto the porch. By the time she pulled on her boots and coat, her coffee had cooled in the frigid air, and she drank it down, leaving the cup on a windowsill to pick up when she returned.

  Outside she realized Katie was right. The sun was just rising, beautifully variegated hues of pink shading the eastern sky and the sky overhead free of clouds. Her breath frosted ahead of her, and her footsteps crunched on the snow crust as she headed for the kennel.

  She found her father and Sandy in the office, faces serious when they looked up in response to her entrance. Her father motioned her into the offic
e.

  "Good morning," he said. "I'm glad you're here, because we all need to have a discussion. Pete should be here as well, but since he's not, I'll let you and Sandy tell him when he arrives."

  Her high spirits dimmed as she studied him, then glanced at Sandy, who immediately flickered his gaze away. "Well, I started to mention what a beautiful day it is," she said in attempted flippancy, "but the atmosphere in here doesn't bear that out."

  "There's nothing really wrong, darling," Tom said. "It's just that I don't believe either you or I want to lose the best trainer in the business, and I believe I've come up with a solution. You'll have to make the decision, however."

  "Lose Sandy?" she gasped. "But why?"

  "Please sit down, Laura."

  Tom pushed a chair toward her, but Laura shook her head. "I'm fine. What's going on?" She gazed steadily at Sandy, silently demanding an explanation, but he continued to ignore her.

  Tom finally spoke. "If you'll think for a moment, Laura, you'll understand. There's no way Sandy can return to Alaska — at least, not in so visible a capacity as one of the drivers in a highly publicized dogsled race. Back in that jurisdiction, he'd be arrested for defying the Alaskan court order. It's probable he wouldn't be released until he turned Tracie over to her grandparents."

  "No!" Laura's hand flew to her throat. "Then I'll go without him."

  At last Sandy looked at her. "Thank you for not pointing out I was aware all along I couldn't accompany you. Even when I first accepted this job."

  "I could never be sorry that you came into my . . . our lives," she insisted. "And Tracie and Cristy, too, of course. I'm sure you had your reasons. I imagine the most important one was your intention to protect Tracie from those vile creatures I saw at the courthouse."

  Sandy shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. "The Dyers aren't truly evil," he admitted. "After all, they're my wife's mother and father. If they'd been sensible, I would have let them see Tracie as often as they liked, but Elvina wanted to take complete control and cut me out of their life. They were too powerful for me to fight in Alaska, but thanks to David, they didn't get away with that here."

  A green stab cut through Laura's heart at his mention of his wife, but she mentally chastised herself. "So all you have to do is stay out of Alaska. That's no problem. I'll take Pete with me for the race."

  "That's exactly what we decided," Tom said. "I'm glad you agree. So as soon as he gets here today, Pete will start training along with the two of you. He'll use Sandy's dogs, so he can get used to them and them to him. We'll want Pete driving a team that can keep up with yours in the race, so he can stay with you. Sandy will work on training a team of the greener pups. However, in the Northshore Race, Sandy will want his own team, so Pete will drive the newer team for the experience then."

  Laura's heart clenched at the loss of her privacy with Sandy on the trail, but short of having him quit, she had no choice. She wondered if . . . .

  "I've also told your father I'll be training Pete along with the dogs, so he'll know all I do about racing and breeding. And that I won't be available for the shipping position next spring, either," Sandy told her in answer to the unformed thought in her mind. "My being honest with Tom now will give him plenty of time to look for someone else. I felt I owed him that, given his tolerance of my lying to him about being able to accomplish what he'd hired me into this position for."

  "Given the choice you had," Tom said, "I would've done the same thing, Sandy. I've already told you I won't hold that against you. And Laura and I have until spring to change your mind."

  "You'll both be wasting your time, Tom. But it's nice to know I can count on you for a reference."

  Laura fisted her hands in tune with her heart and remained silent. What could she say anyway? All her hopes and dreams were crashing around her feet, and it was a wonder her father and Sandy didn't hear the noise.

  It was her own fault, too. She'd picked and chosen what she wanted to believe from the things Sandy told her. He hadn't led her on even one tiny bit. All along he'd let her know there was no future for the two of them. That he had no intention of ever trying to build one. That he would take his lovely little daughter with him when he left.

  Somehow she controlled her emotions and excused herself. "I'm going to check on breakfast." Thankfully, her father didn't remind her in front of Sandy that breakfast would probably be the same time it had been for twenty years — about fifteen minutes from now. She hurried toward the house and maintained that careful control while she removed her boots and coat before entering the kitchen.

  "Katie," she said, "all of a sudden I feel terrible. Would you mind if I just had tea and toast in my room? I don't believe I'll even go on the run today, unless I feel better after I eat. If I don't come back down, would you tell Sandy for me?"

  The old eyes apprised her astutely for a second, and Katie slowly nodded her head. "It's time for your woman thing, isn't it, dear?"

  "Ummm, yes. I guess it is." Not for another day or so, she thought as she escaped up the stairs. And she knew Katie wouldn't use that excuse to Sandy. It would be much too embarrassing to even allude to. Katie was only giving her an out if she wanted to use it.

  Stripping, she put her nightgown back on. She wasn't lying. She did feel as though dozens of horses hooves had pounded over her. Tomorrow she would crawl out of bed again, a new day available to start her new life. A life without David and with the knowledge she would lose both Tracie and Sandy by spring. She needed today to come to terms with all of it and accept it. To banish any inkling of self pity.

  Laura Goodman did not wallow in self pity!

  #

  And Laura didn't. At least not wallow. Well, at least not on the surface. The next morning she rose and dressed, assuring everyone who asked she'd only had a minor illness. She waited until Pete arrived before going out to the kennel, but that was the only concession she made to her self-consciousness around Sandy.

  For a brief instant when she first saw him, she wanted to ask Pete to leave. Ask Sandy why he didn't care for her — what was wrong with her. Ask him if it would make a difference if she cut her hair or changed the color. If her resemblance to his wife drove him away. Ask him all the questions tumbling through her mind the previous day, as far away from answers now as they were then.

  Ask him where he found the willpower to act like they had never shared those passionate kisses or felt the need between them. If the one tentative conclusion she had reached was true or another uncertainty: Had she mistaken the feelings between them for love, the same way she mistook her friendship with David?

  But Laura Goodman had her pride. Laura Goodman would survive this, too, and the next time she would be older and wiser. She would be more careful and more capable. She could examine her feelings for the next man to come into her life with a more critical eye and with the lofty experience of two failed relationships behind her.

  She would love a man who would give her children of her own, which would never be taken away from her.

  Shoving everything into a corner of her mind for now, she ordered herself to attend to business. The dark, lonely night would be soon enough to ponder it all again — to search for resolutions to unresolvable questions.

  Sitting in the desk chair, she indicated for the men to join her. For the next half hour they went over the new plans and strategies as though this were the better plan all along. Normally she bantered with Pete, but today she kept her tone businesslike. Pete looked at her strangely a couple times during the discussion, and she assumed he was trying to understand her change in attitude.

  She could read Pete's confusion at least. Sandy spoke in the same businesslike manner as her.

  "Then you agree with me, Pete?" she said in conclusion, keeping her gaze on him and not asking Sandy for his opinion in something she didn't now consider him having any input into. "Buck is able to handle things full time here at the kennel, like he was doing before?"

  "He seems to have learned his
lesson," Pete replied. "And he's a damned good man with the dogs, as well as passable with the books. But you know he's planning on running in the Northshore Race, too, so we'll need someone here during those few days."

  "Sandy can . . . ."

  "I'm entered in that race, too," Sandy broke in. "And I won't be running as yours and Pete's trainer, either. I'll be competition for both of you, and we'll see how well you both handle that."

  "One of my brothers needs work," Pete said. "I can vouch for him. He's dependable."

  "Ask him if he's interested, will you?" Laura rose to her feet. "I'm going to take my ration pack in the house and freshen some of the stuff in it. I'll be ready to go out on the trail in about an hour."

  "There's one more thing, Laura," Sandy said, halting her at the doorway.

  She turned. "Yes?"

  "The three of us will be camping overnight three days from now. I want to get the dogs back in shape first, but they should be ready by then. Pete and I mapped out a more rugged route than our usual runs, and we'll be out two nights. We'll spend these nights on the trail whether they're clear or stormy, so plan your clothing and supplies accordingly. I'll check both your packs before we leave, and I don't want to find either one of you missing something important."

  "If I am, I'm sure you'll remind me of it." Laura deliberately walked over to the desk again and leafed through the calendar. "No, those nights won't work," she told him as though he'd asked her opinion rather than stated an already-decided conclusion to her. "The day you want to leave is New Year's Day, and I'll have been at the celebration in town with Dav — with Father most of the night. It's an annual thing and we've already made plans to go."

  She glanced at him briefly. "I'm sure Cristy will go with David, and I assume you know that you and Tracie are invited, too."

  "I'd forgotten," he admitted curtly.

  "We'll all be much too tired to make an extended run that day, even Pete, since he and his family always attend the party and dance, too. That is what I assume you have planned, isn't it? Something as close to a race as possible — with the two overnight stays on the trail?"