Smuggler’s Contubernium (Mea Lupus Series Book 1)

by Kahaula

  “I didn’t like it,” Ai looked away from me, “I tried to turn it into a game in my head but every time I looked up I saw the gaping hole in his neck and knew it wasn’t a game to him.”

  “And what if I told you Fillion regularly sold out other smuggler’s,” I pressed, stepping closer to her, “I’m talking anyone and everyone, even good people just trying to make a living. He loved that he could get people killed by selling them out—for a price of course.” Ai looked enraged and sickened but I continued, “How would you feel about killing him then?”

  “I would say I should have made it less humane,” she growled out.

  “Do you know why I didn’t tell you all that?”

  “Why?” Her brow creased in thought.

  “Because I needed you to viscerally understand that murder is wrong,” I sucked in a breath and showed her my lack of judgement for her actions, “Killing doesn’t always make someone a bad person but murder always does. Problem is if you kill enough times, even for survival and because you have no choice, you can forget what the difference is between the two.” My voice cracked at the end but I got it out.

  “Kara...,” her eyes became soft.

  “I’m a killer, Ai,” I turned my gaze glacial, ignoring her compassion, “making you, and having to teach you, is what kept me from becoming a murderer.” I held up my hand and pushed back the feelings that left me in a mess on the bathroom floor. “I won’t lie and say I’m a good person. I’m not. But there’s lines that I always told myself I’d never cross.”

  “What happened?” She asked gently.

  “I’ve crossed some serious fucking lines with these wolves, Ai,” I sucked back a sob and clenched my fist, willing myself to hold the line. “I’ve won the love of five wonderful and kind wolves. But I won it with false dice.”

  “Kara...,” Ai pushed back her latest hairstyle and blew out a breath of air. She was picking up nervous habits from spending so much time at Cassie’s. “What are you still doing there, then? Let’s activate the damnatio memoriae and get out of here.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?” Ai pleaded, begging me to make her understand something I didn’t understand myself.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered.

  “We’ve already made a huge profit on the data we’ve already sold,” she reasoned.

  “It’s not enough.”

  “What are you talking about, Kara.” Ai’s frustration bled into her voice, “We have enough to nearly retire already!”

  “Because it’s not enough! It’ll never be enough!” I screamed. Ai stepped back at my violent outburst. My lips trembled, “You don’t understand. They’ll never stop searching for me. I know deep down in my bones that they’ll spend the rest of my natural life hunting me down for what I’ve done to them.”

  “What? Why? You’re not making any sense, damnit,” Ai’s confusion was muddled with fear. She had never seen me like this. She had no frame of reference for what I was trying to tell her.

  “Ai, I’ve stolen the one thing this pack has been praying and hoping for. I’ve taken what they’ll search centuries for even after I’m dead and dust.” I could hear the bleak desolation radiating out of me.

  “What are talking about?” Ai’s fear shot her question up an octave.

  “Love, Ai,” I willed her to see the guilt, shame, self-loathing, and the unspoken matching feeling in my eyes. “I’ve ripped the hearts from their still beating chests and they don’t even know it yet.” I took Ai’s face in my hands and stroked my thumbs along her cheeks. I wasn’t trying to sooth her, I was trying to help her understand one of the most complex emotions that fuelled Life itself. “When they realise what I’ve done, they will come after me, both to punish themselves and me.”

  I stepped around her and walked out of the room. Adohi had been right. I had ‘stormed off’ because I was crumbling to pieces surrounded by them. I needed room to breath. In the cold space of my ship I could be nothing but reminded that I had no place in their lives. Just as Mea Lupus wolves had no place in a smuggler’s short existence.

  Kastur

  I had been calling the Castra 3 Mea Lupus Quarters for the past two hours. My calls into my pack mate’s gauntlets also hadn’t gone through. I didn’t know what was going on, but I was irritated and worried.

  What we saw this morning looked like domestic tranquility. What Gaius felt soon after hanging up had him doubled over in pain.

  Neither he nor Pollux had time to try and contact them. Gaius was already reeling from the telepathic overload when he tried to reach out earlier. He would be in hard won meetings with senators for the rest of the day. The same was true for Pollux, who would be ‘strolling’ the Whispering Field, working his contacts.

  Whatever was going on had all three of us clawing at the back of our necks in agitation and fear. An incessant feeling of loss and panic scraped at the back of my brain, but the primal feeling was disjointed. I wasn’t worried about my pack mates. I was worried about what they had done.

  The juxtaposition was so bizarre that it had me biting the inside of my cheek like a dog licking the same spot over and over again. Any progress I made calming myself was ripped from me the longer I couldn’t get in contact with my pack mates. The worrying hum in my gut that something important was slipping out of my grasp only made things worse.

  Connecting you now.

  “Finally,” I growled at the message on the screen. Someone had finally accepted the comm on their end. Another thirty seconds passed and the viewscreen showed all five of my pack mates sitting around in the Castra 3 command centre.

  I opened my mouth but stopped short when I realised that none of them were actually paying attention to me. They argued in harsh whispers and growled back and forth. My eyebrows shot up to my hairline seeing them behave so bizarrely. I coughed loudly and waited.

  “Kastur,” Quintillus’s eyes cut to me and they all turned with irritated looks on their faces, “You called?” The gall of these fuckers, my jaw dropped slightly. They acted as if they were irritated with me for interrupting whatever they were doing just now. Fuck that bullshit, I thought angrily.

  “What the fuck is going on over there,” I demanded. Happy Kastur had left the building two hours ago. My pack mates seemed stunned by my lack of normal joviality.

  “What are you talk—,” I cut off Oli’s feeble attempt with the slice of my hand. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew they had fucked up somehow.

  “If Gaius and Pollux hadn’t been so busy trying to find out what this big announcement is they would have done another pack link up,” I admonished them, “what with all the mental noise you’ve been throwing Gaius’s way.”

  As one all heads turned to Adohi. He stared forward, his lips flattened in an angry unrepentant line. Oli looked conflicted and torn. Bhar scowled, which wasn’t unusual, except this time it was filled with disdain. Aphelele’s eyes were cold and speared like icicles into the side of Adohi’s head. Quintillus... he looked devastated and down right murderous.

  “What. Happened,” I wasn’t going to repeat myself. Quintillus shocked me further my running his hand down his face in exhaustion. I wasn’t at all prepared for the drama that poured out of his mouth. Purni and I loved watching Mea Lupus shows, a guilty pleasure. If she had been sitting next to me, we would have been passing snacks back and forth. I tuned back in to what Quintillus was saying, shaking my head that my pack mates could write their own series screenplay.

  “... Now Kara refuses to come back to our quarters and she’s staying in her ship,” he threw up his hand at Adohi, “She’s alone in her ship because of this asshole, and we can’t convince her to come back!”

  “It’s been 2 fucking months,” challenged Adohi, “If nothing’s happened in that time and she wants to take her chances then let her!”

  “What do you mean ‘refuses’? Wasn’t she brought in under protective—,” I was cut off before I could complete my confused question.

&n
bsp; “She’s putting herself in danger because you can’t find the Ferryman,” growled Bhar, “Worse, you’re so fucking delusional about what you feel for her you treated her like shit!”

  “She’s a suspect!” Growled Adohi right back at Bhar. Aphelele scoffed and Oli rolled his eyes.

  “She was a suspect?” No one paid attention to this question either.

  “She’s ours,” Oli’s angry outburst stunned me, his voice raw like he was battling his inner wolf. A low growl rumbled from behind his protruding fangs as he stared Adohi down knowingly. Adohi broke the intense glare off and his jaw ticked uncomfortably.

  “All of this,” I raised my voice to forestall any further bickering then paused to make sure I had everyone’s attention. “All of this upheaval over one woman?”

  “She’s more than that,” insisted Quintillus fervently. Adohi sprung up from his seat, knocking the chair back.

  “She’s MORTAL!” I could only see his face in profile but I clearly heard the anger, anguish, and pain in Adohi’s voice.

  Silence.

  Not a single one of them looked up at Adohi or at me. Gaius was right to be concerned. Whatever this was with Kara had progressed far beyond anything that was safe for them to deal with on their own. I had only had the odd dream or two about her. Would I be as devastated about her absence in my life if I were on Castra 3 like them?

  I leaned back and scanned all their faces. This was serious and obviously more than they could handle alone. Learning about whatever the Daughters of Menrva had planned was important. But not more important than the suffering of our pack mates.

  “I’m going to recommend that, baring anything more here on Nova Roma, the 3 of us leave as soon as possible for Castra 3,” I made eye contact with each of them, “Whatever is going on there, it’s obvious we need to face it as a pack.”

  No one spoke but they all radiated relief. I ended the comm. Deep down in the marrow of my bones I knew that I had made the right decision.

  Kara

  Sitting in Cassie’s I ignored the prickle of feeling eyes on me. Usually that sensation would have me scanning for threats and assessing possible exit strategies. I absently stroked a hand along the back of my neck. The feeling of being watched intensified.

  Unlike every other time in my life when I had this internal alarm go off I didn’t feel adrenaline flood my veins. I felt lust and intense longing. Quintillus was projecting. Or maybe I just knew what my wolves were feeling as they sat in a booth five tables behind me.

  Not my wolves, I huffed.

  I drank down the rest of my whiskey. I had spent the last two weeks preparing to disappear on the Charopos. Whenever I left my ship one or more of the pack was always there just outside of my periphery. Watching me. Protecting me.

  They thought I was in danger, but respected my wishes to live my life. In a true turn of irony, the big shipment I had used as a code phrase to Sunny turned out to be accurate. Now that I was back on my ship and free to be myself I could redirect all my focus into mining data, tunnelling more extensively for when I did deploy the planted damnatio memoriae, and selling whatever I found.

  Ai and I now had more money than we could ever spend in ten lifetimes. I clenched my jaw and scowled at the bottom of my empty whiskey glass. All my manipulations had come to fruition. It tasted like ash in my mouth.

  “You look like you’re going to declare war on that empty glass, Kara,” Cassie smiled and pushed one of my braids back behind my ear.

  “Maybe I just need a girls night,” I gripped her hips and drew her close to me. Cassie giggled.

  “Maybe what you need is a kick in the ass,” grumbled Sunny. She stomped over and crossed her arms. Her biceps bulged almost like they were scowling down at me with her. “You look like shit, Kara.”

  “And you’re a ray of fucking plasma fire,” I said sweetly. Her comment irritated me because it was accurate. Emotionally I felt like a sack of shit. Physically I was horny as all hells but my body also felt tender. Probably all the extra hours I was putting in fucking over a bunch of decent people, I thought grumpily.

  “C’mon let’s take Kara home,” Cassie hooked her arm through mine and I stood up.

  “But we were all meeting here for drinks and dinner,” grumbled Sunny.

  “It’s crowded,” I mumbled apologetically. Sunny rolled her eyes and groaned dramatically.

  “I told you dicks were trouble,” she accused. Cassie laughed and I shook my head. Sunny seriously had zero filter.

  “Don’t worry, I had food and drinks packed up for us and sent ahead,” Cassie smiled compassionately at me, “I had a feeling your... well, that they might show up again.”

  “Pretty lame ladies night if I can’t ogle dancing cocks while I eat my dinner,” grumped Sunny. Cassie snorted a laugh then led us out her place of business, smiling at those we passed by. Sunny grumbled the whole way back to the Charopos, still whinging about dancing dicks and missed opportunities. As soon as my ship ramp closed I rounded on them both.

  “Fuck’s sake woman,” I laughed and led us into the galley where Ai was waiting, “Enough with the dick talk. I think I’ve had enough.” Predictably, Ai had already laid out the food and was happily sampling it.

  “I dunno, Kara. Have you?” Sunny gave me a pointed look and sat down. Ai only grunted in agreement.

  “You got us all together in the open for a ‘girls night’,” Cassie crossed her arms and sighed, “But you knew that was never going to happen when those wolves are trailing you everywhere. So, why did you need that little scene?”

  “Ha! Cassie’s gotten wise to your schemes,” laughed Sunny. I gave her an unamused look.

  “The rest of the contubernium will be here tomorrow,” I stated. I kept my face blank and let them embrace on their own what that meant.

  “You said you weren’t talking with them,” Cassie’s brow creased in confusion.

  “She’s not,” Ai said around a mouthful of food.

  “Then how could you know that?” Cassie asked. Sunny slowly stopped making her plate and turned dinner plate sized eyes on me.

  “Holy fuck on a blink drive, you’ve bugged the Mea Lupus Quarters!” She exclaimed. I exchanged a look with Ai and she simply shrugged.

  “Kara!” Cassie’s panicked squeak filled the room. “There’s no fucking coming back from that! They’ll hunt you down for the rest of your natural life!” I winced at the high pitch her sentence had ended with.

  “Especially since you both figuratively and literally fucked them,” Sunny beamed a smile full of admiration at me.

  “That’s why I have to do this right,” I turned to Sunny, “I’ll need that fast exit you offered.”

  “You got it,” she nodded.

  “And what do you need from me?” Cassie was scared for me but she was being courageous for my sake. Ai and I smiled at the woman who had overcome so much but maintained her goodness.

  “To have a happy life,” Ai reached across the table and took Cassie’s hand, squeezing it.

  “What?”

  “You paid us back a long time ago, Cassie,” I put my hand on her shoulder and squeezed, “And you’ve been a friend to us both.” I sat down for what might be the last time with both of the first true friends I had made in the last couple decades. I looked between the both of them, “You’re both clean from anything the Ferryman has ever done. Just remember no authority can come after you so long as you don’t admit that you knew I was the Ferryman.” Cassie nodded, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Sunny reached across the table and patted my back roughly.

  “You are something else, Kara. Was nice knowing you,” Sunny laughed and dug into her food.

  “Fuck you too, Sunny,” I said dryly.

  For the rest of the night we laughed and reminisced about funny or embarrassing things we had done in the past. Ai giggled hearing about the crazy jobs I had pulled before her creation. As far as farewells went, it was the best I could have hoped for, and more than I deserved.
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  Kara

  Today was the day.

  Staring up at the dark grey metal of my ship’s ceiling I pushed away every particle of guilt. I had drawn this out long enough. This was the final part of my plan. Bitterness filled me.

  All the credits in the galaxy wouldn’t fill the hole I had ripped in my soul with my choices here. I also wouldn’t do a damn thing differently. Anytime I felt pulled in to the illusion of my own making, I thought of Ai.

  I was risking her safety and mine every second I indulged in the luxury of fantasy or guilt. In the time I had been away from the wolves I had done nothing except move freely about Castra 3. Living and moving about safely undermined Quintillus’s assertion that I was in danger without their protection. It also fed into all of their need to protect me by rotating a distanced guard duty.

  Sometimes I had looked directly at surveillance bots, knowing Adohi was undoubtedly watching. I didn’t know what I was trying to accomplish by baiting him like that. The feeling of them just out of reach was torture. I snorted. If I had to suffer then so should they.

  Today all of that ended. Today, I was going to the Mea Lupus Quarters and telling them that I was leaving. I had to get back to my life and start accepting cargo for shipping. I had spent too much time here on Castra 3 and needed to start making money again. Or so I would say.

  I sighed and closed my eyes. My bed only smelt like me again. The soft constant hum of my ship was like the faithful rumble of a guard dog, ever vigilant at my side. Opening my eyes I got out of bed and put on my tech suit.

  I debated wearing Oli’s necklace but I felt I had betrayed them enough. No need for theatrics like returning something overtly sentimental that they had given to me. That and I knew Oli would take it to heart that it was his gift in particular that I had given back.

  Ai was waiting at the top of the cargo ramp for me. Her dark brown hair matched mine but was held in a single braid unlike my many braids. She smiled and bumped my shoulder in support.