Rhapsody (The Bellator Saga Book 5)

by Cecilia London

  Great. Caroline twisted the key between her fingers, watching Natalie walk away. The doctor was still under the mistaken impression that she and Jack were on the road to reunion. Caroline had been paroled from her hospital stay but her extended punishment entailed having to spend quality time with the commander.

  She hadn’t bothered telling Natalie she wasn’t going to stay. Jack expected her to be waiting for him when he returned from his late meetings. But after that she was going back to her own room, no matter what he tried to trick her into doing.

  She turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open. The apartment was spartan but clean, and quite spacious. Being the rebel commander had its advantages. He arguably had the best living circumstances on the base. Before she realized it she was snooping around.

  Jack practically had a gourmet kitchen, even though Caroline knew he didn’t cook for himself. Maybe she was wrong, because when she swung open the fridge door it was fully stocked. His occasional forays into the cafeteria didn’t explain how he fed himself. Did he have people bring him his meals? That would be a task he’d enjoy assigning to someone who had pissed him off. She picked around the cupboards and through the drawers. A box in the corner was filled with a new set of dishes, some pots and pans, some baking supplies. He was holding back on her.

  “You have a dishwasher? You barely have any fucking dishes. Pretentious bastard.”

  Caroline laughed lightly, realizing she’d said the words out loud. The first sign of a befuddled mind - talking to people who weren’t there. She glanced around the living room and kitchen one final time before marching into the bedroom. The door had been closed but she didn’t care. If he dared to order her to stay with him he was going to give up every inch of his privacy.

  She laughed again when she got inside. The room was a mess. He clearly had presumed she wouldn’t come in there. The bed was a twisted knot of sheets, there were papers and briefing books everywhere, and his clothes were strewn all over the floor. There were a few boxes of supplies in the corner and an empty laundry basket next to the window. Caroline randomly threw a few shirts and pants into it, feeling better once she could see the carpet again.

  A wooden photo frame on the nightstand caught her eye and she picked it up. It was a picture of the two of them on the couch in her office in Rayburn. She was sitting on Jack’s lap, one arm around his neck, playfully tugging at his tie with her other hand as they gazed affectionately at one another. They were both laughing.

  They’d agreed to pose for a photo session with some pseudo-tabloid for a story about their engagement and impending wedding. Caroline hadn’t wanted to do it but his campaign manager thought it would be some good cheap publicity after Jack declared his intent to run for governor. Nothing like pandering to the masses. They were goofing around while the photographer claimed he was adjusting his lenses, but soon after the images were published they figured out he was full of shit. Jack found it hilarious. Caroline suspected he knew what was happening all along. It had taken years for her to fully realize her naïveté.

  After the article was published, she received nasty notes from large numbers of ultrafeminists and ultratraditionalists who seemed to think that she was acting as a poor example to young girls, for completely contradictory reasons. At the time, she figured she was doing something right if she managed to piss off such diametrically opposed groups of people.

  Caroline sat on the bed and closed her eyes, trying not to think about everything that had happened since that photo shoot. She rubbed her fist against her forehead, attempting to block out the memories of that day. Hearing her own exultant voice, remembering Jack’s jokes, reflecting on the fact that she felt a perplexingly splendid pain in her face from smiling and laughing all day. She tried to forget the joyful woman in the picture, willing herself to pretend it was someone else.

  “I see you found the place,” Jack said.

  Caroline looked up, startled. He was holding a teddy bear in his hands. She hastily put the frame back on the nightstand. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “Natalie told me you’d been discharged. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He handed her the bear. “I got this for you. Thought it might help you sleep better.”

  “Oh,” she said. “Thanks.”

  “I got you some tea too, but the bear was cute.” He smiled. She must not have been able to hide her confusion. “Did you think it was mine?”

  She’d considered the possibility. He deserved comfort more than she did, though a stuffed animal wouldn’t necessarily fit the bill. “I don’t know.”

  “Something like that might help me sleep better too, but I wanted to – it felt like the right thing to do.”

  Dammit. It drove her nuts when he could figure out what she was thinking. He was still so good at it. Caroline stroked the bear’s head. It was soft and furry. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  Jack picked up the framed photo. “That was a good day,” he said quietly. “A good few years. A good life.” He looked down at her. She was hugging the bear tightly. “Sweetheart?”

  Caroline wiped her eyes, setting the bear on a pillow. “I’m fine.”

  He surveyed the room. “I see you picked up a bit.”

  “You live like a pig.”

  “The rest of the apartment is clean.”

  “You don’t really want me to analyze the reasons behind that, do you?”

  “No,” Jack said, returning the picture to the nightstand. “I know what you’ll say. Conceited blah blah blah appearances blah blah blah secret slothfulness. Blah. Blah. Blah.”

  “You do a very good impression of me.”

  “That was a self-analysis.”

  “Good for you. Been reading Freud lately?”

  “No. I’ve been busy trying to lead a revolution and nurse my wife back to health.”

  He was hitting them all today. “I couldn’t help but notice which one you mentioned first,” she said. “Is that your priority?”

  “No, but said wife doesn’t like when I tell her how I feel about her. So maybe I’ll stop saying it.” Jack started walking toward the living room. “Why don’t you come out here and we’ll talk.”

  Caroline sighed but followed him anyway.

  “Have a seat,” he said.

  She sat down on the couch, feeling like a sadly obedient lackey.

  “You can take the bedroom,” he said. “I’ll sleep out here.”

  That didn’t seem fair. And it was pretty obvious he wasn’t going to let her walk out the door without a fight. “Jack, I don’t think-”

  “You don’t get to argue.”

  “Fine.”

  “I don’t have much food here but I can get more,” he said. “I don’t have many pots and pans or dishes, either.”

  Was he not aware of the contents of his own apartment? “I saw some in the corner of the kitchen.”

  “I bought them yesterday, just in case.”

  “You expect me to cook for you?”

  “Yes, Caroline. That’s precisely the reason I want you to stay here. Because of your mediocre culinary abilities.”

  He was indeed in rare form. She didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. “I’m not cooking for you. Not even baked goods.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “I’m not doing anything for you.”

  Jack smiled. “You’re already doing something for me just by being here.”

  Ugh? Were his snippy responses a cheap form of flirtation? “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” he said, his voice sharp. “It gives me peace knowing I can keep an eye on you.”

  Caroline didn’t like this at all. “You know, I’d really be more comfortable in my own room.”

  “Too late. We gave it to a new recruit.”

  Did he think she’d buy that line? They’d had maybe fifteen recruits in the past six months. “Bullshit. Camp Pendleton was one of the largest military bases in the United States. This place
has more living quarters than I can count.”

  Jack smiled again. “The commander does what the commander wants. Besides, the doctors told me you shouldn’t be unsupervised.”

  “Natalie failed to mention that to me.”

  “Go ask her.”

  Goddammit. She knew what the answer would be. Caroline sighed again, more dramatically this time. “It’s not worth the hassle if you’re making all my decisions for me. Where’s my stuff?”

  “I packed up your things and brought them here.”

  Which had to have taken all of five seconds. For someone who had once been a borderline hoarder, she had recently found the need to live with very few items of consequence. “What about Gabe’s belongings?” she asked.

  Jack took the seat next to her. “They’re here too. You know I wouldn’t do something like that to him. Or to you.”

  Caroline scooted as far away from him as possible, until she was practically falling off the couch. A smooth move he was sure to notice. “I still don’t like this.”

  He swung his legs up on an old coffee table. “I know you don’t. Doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it a little.”

  “I bet you are.” She took a blanket that had been lying haphazardly on the couch and put it around her.

  “Are you cold?”

  “In a manner of speaking.”

  “Are you going to be this stubborn from now on?” he asked.

  “Depends. If I am can I get my own room again?”

  “Nope. You’re stuck with me. Better make the best of it.”

  Caroline searched for the proper word to describe his behavior. Vexatious. Jack was so incredibly vexatious. “Must be nice calling all the shots.”

  His cocky grin made him look about twenty years younger. “Oh, sweetheart. It is.” He moved closer to her and she pulled the blanket tighter. Jack let out a frustrated breath. “Really, Caroline. Stop making this so hard. It doesn’t have to be difficult.”

  She leaned her head on the armrest. “Why should I make this easy for you? You’re not making it any fun for me.” She curled up and closed her eyes, though she knew it would be impossible to sleep. She heard Jack get off the couch and kneel on the floor in front of her.

  “What do you want from me?” he whispered.

  Caroline hung her head. She was tearing him apart and she knew it. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

  He stood up and didn’t speak for what seemed like an abnormally long time.

  “Well,” he said. “When you figure it out, fill me in.” Jack squeezed her hand through the blanket and placed a baggie on her lap. “The staff gave this to me after you were brought in. I thought you’d want it back. Get some rest. I’ll clean up the bedroom for you.”

  She opened her eyes. Inside the baggie was his wedding band attached to the chain she was wearing when she left on the mission, along with a small note written in his handwriting.

  You may have given up on yourself but I never will.

  Chapter Four

  Caroline lay on the armrest, knowing she wasn’t going to fall asleep. She was getting one hell of a crick in the neck. She lifted her head up, rotating it, sighing softly when she heard a satisfying cracking noise. Much better.

  The apartment was silent. She looked toward the bedroom. The door was ajar. She couldn’t see a clock anywhere but it was almost dusk, which meant it was past early evening. Jack had been in there not making a sound. A quiet housekeeper, apparently.

  She ran her hands through her hair. She felt gross. She’d spent a dusty morning traipsing around in the Nevada hinterlands, three days unconscious, and two more sitting in a hospital bed not really moving. She needed a shower.

  Caroline shoved the baggie in her pocket and walked into the bedroom. Jack was sitting on the bed gazing at the picture on the nightstand, the bear in his arms. The sun was setting, so it was hard to read his expression. But she didn’t need to see his face to know what he was thinking.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, flicking on the light switch.

  Jack jerked his head toward her. “What’s that?”

  “I shouldn’t have snapped at you earlier.” She took a deep breath. “I’m going to try harder.”

  “I wasn’t kidding when I said you shouldn’t be alone,” he said quietly. “You might have post-concussion syndrome. Any number of things could happen. I told Natalie to let you out as soon as possible because I know you hate hospitals, but I really am supposed to watch you for the next few days.”

  She unconsciously patted her pocket. He may have used some of the tools at his disposal to spring her free early, but there was no underhandedness there. Curious that Natalie hadn’t mentioned that part, but Caroline had no reason to think him deceitful. She wondered if he saw his behavior for what it was. “I believe you. I – it’s hard for me to be here.”

  “I know,” he whispered. “I just want you to be safe, Caroline. And healthy. That’s all I want. I mean that.”

  She felt another pang of guilt. No matter what she did, she was hurting him. Especially when she spoke out of turn. “I’m sorry I snapped at you in the hospital.”

  He gave her a gentle smile. “You don’t need to worry about that. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

  “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. You were trying to be nice.”

  “I wasn’t entirely nice. I shouldn’t have made those comments about the night before you left.”

  Caroline looked down at her feet. She didn’t know why talking to him was so damn hard. But she had to try to explain herself. “You had your reasons. I – you didn’t abandon me,” she said. “I didn’t mean for you to think that I – that I think that you-”

  “I know you didn’t mean what you said.” Jack rubbed his fingers absently across the photo frame. “I know you still care.”

  “I shouldn’t have said it.”

  “It’s okay.” He wrapped his arms around the bear. “I am trying to be nice,” he said. “And I will continue to try, even if I sometimes slip a little. It’s what you deserve.”

  Caroline pointed at the frame. “Where did you get that?”

  “I sneakily printed a few pictures when I got here. I have a few of all of us, you and me and the girls, if you want to see them.”

  Family photos. Reminders of painful memories. Dear God, that was the last thing she’d be able to handle right now. “No,” Caroline said, then swore at herself. Be nice to him. He’s trying. “I mean, that’s very nice but not necessary.”

  He looked disappointed. “Okay.”

  She gestured toward the stuffed animal in his hands. “You seem a little attached to him.”

  Jack put the bear back on the bed. “I needed a hug.”

  Just when she thought she couldn’t feel more guilty, he’d say something totally innocuous to make it worse. Maybe she could distract him. “He looks kind of like that big bear you gave me when we first started dating.”

  His smile was slow to come, but stayed. “That’s what I thought.”

  “It was a nice thing for you to do,” Caroline said quietly. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Are you going to share him?”

  She reached over to pick the bear up. “No. He’s mine now.”

  “Possessive, aren’t we?”

  She let go of the bear. “I don’t have much stuff.”

  “I know,” Jack said. “I wish-”

  Shit, even when she was trying to be benign she was fucking everything up. “It’s not your fault.”

  He stood up, pointing at her forehead. “May I? I was supposed to keep an eye on those stitches.”

  Caroline forced herself not to flinch as he inched closer to her and removed the bandage.

  “You need to keep this clean,” he said. “You don’t need to worry about infection on top of everything else.”

  “I know.”

  “Would you like me to…?”

  She sighed. He wasn’t going to make this easy. “Go ahead.”

  Jack
left the room and returned with a bandage, a brown bottle, and a cotton ball. Caroline took a step back, feeling awkward. “You know, I can probably do that myself. I have to take a shower anyway.”

  “Let me do it. Sit down. Don’t argue,” he said, as Caroline started to protest before settling on the bed. He turned the bottle over, saturating the cotton ball in peroxide and dabbing at the stitches. “Does that feel okay?”

  It had hurt when they cleaned it in the hospital but not when he did it. “Yeah.”

  “Good. One more day and they’re out. Do I get to take you to the doctor?”

  Very subtle. “Do I get to stop you?”

  “No.”

  Yes. Very subtle indeed. “Then I guess you’re taking me to the doctor.”

  Jack screwed the top on the bottle and threw the cotton ball in the trash. “Wait,” he said, as she started to get up. He placed the bandage over the wound, then kissed her forehead. “All done.” He reached for her shirt collar. “What about your shoulder?”

  Him getting anywhere near her mess of scars was definitely not on the table. “No!” she said sharply, and it was enough for Jack to draw back immediately.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  Jesus Christ. She couldn’t go two minutes without doing something mean to him. “It’s not you. It’s – I shouldn’t have-” Why was she so inarticulate? “I’m trying, Jack. Really, I am.”

  “I know you are, sweetheart.” He looked toward the hall. “I made sure you have everything you need in the bathroom. Take as long as you want. I had them remove the timer yesterday. There’s plenty of hot water.”

  Further proof that it paid to be in charge. And more reason for her to feel awkward, since he’d plainly had it done in anticipation of her arrival. Jack had never been one to linger in the shower unless she was with him.

  “Okay.” Caroline frowned. “Um, do you have anything I can wear?”

  Jack pointed toward the closet. “All your clothes are here and I, uh, got you a few new items since it looked like some of them were getting worn out.”

  “Oh. That was nice.”

  “Ironed all the shirts for you myself,” he said proudly.