Volunteer (Selected Book 3)

by Robin Roseau

  She held out her hand. I looked at it. "I see your hand. I am afraid, because I have not met an Octal before. I am afraid I will do the wrong thing. What if I squeeze too tightly? I could hurt you. You could be offended, and then you could use your death rays to destroy all life on earth."

  They offered their noise, the expression of amusement.

  "You do not think these things."

  "Some humans do." I looked at her hand. "You know, I really don't know how to take it, and we've shaken hands several times. I mean, what do I do? Don't answer. Let me work through what a human thinks."

  "Yes."

  "So I look at your hand." I cocked my head. "Do I take one finger, like this?" And I clasped one finger, very lightly.

  "No," she said. "That is wrong."

  "Perhaps it is wrong because I took the wrong finger. Or perhaps I should take two." I adjusted my grip. "Do you feel how gentle I am being? I am honestly afraid I could hurt your hand."

  "Do I look so fragile?"

  "I don't know how fragile you are, Rapid Flitter," I said. "I'm just an ignorant human. I don't know anything."

  I rotated back into position and offered touch.

  "A human in a social setting has to decide what to do, and he has to decide in an instant. It is a new situation for him, and he doesn't know what to do. So maybe he does his best, but if he is a thinking human, he knows there are risks. So he does nothing, or withdraws, because that is better than doing something worse."

  I paused.

  "Or he's just an asshole who is afraid of blue skin. We certainly have our share of those. Those are the same ones afraid of other colors, too."

  "I think," said Rapid Flitter, "that this was far more complicated than I thought." She looked at her hand. "It is just a hand."

  "And yet, I still don't know how to hold it. Will you show me?"

  * * * *

  The hour to depart arrived, which I found disappointing. I'd had a very nice time, and I liked the Octals. We collected our things, but then Rapid Flitter spoke rapidly, again in a language I didn't know, to Violet. Violet turned to look at me, then said in slow English, "It is her choice."

  "Skye Andrews," said Rapid Flitter, "I would like to speak to you privately for a few minutes. Would you like that?"

  "All right."

  She led me up the stairs to her bedroom again, then turned to me. We'd just spent the last few hours touching, and so it seemed natural when she stepped close and took both my hands. She then pulled both my hands to her left, releasing her right, which she set on my arm.

  "I have asked permission for this from your mate, and you heard her answer."

  "All right," I said slowly.

  "You are a curious woman."

  "Yes."

  "I do not know if you will find this offensive. No offense is intended. But you may wish to think before you answer." I nodded understanding. "Would you like to experience a taste of our battle of wills?"

  I stared into her eyes, my mouth opening and closing several times. I didn't instantly offer the gut reaction: no. Instead I considered what she had asked.

  "How large a taste?"

  "Only a few minutes."

  "I don't know how to judge that."

  "You will not succumb to me." She offered her sound of amusement. "I might be giving a gift to Violet."

  "Oh?"

  "She will come up and collect you from me. You will be complacent and rather ravenous for her."

  "I don't want to be climbing all over her for the trip home. Okay, that might not be bad if we were alone, but not in front of my little sister."

  "I will not take that much of your self-control."

  "But you could."

  "I could, if you did not recognize what I was doing and ran from me."

  "Pheromones," I said. "Will I be, I don't know. Dripping in them? Will they affect my sister?"

  "You will not want to let her hug you, and Posey will not taste you tonight. She could, but she might find it torturous."

  "A taste," I said. "Why are you offering this?"

  "Because you are curious, and I have not done this with a human. I am also curious."

  "How will you know when to stop?"

  "I have not done this with a human, but others have. We talk."

  I laughed. "Will we..." I glanced at the bed.

  "That would be a bad idea. It would be harder for your mate to take you from me. No. We would hug. Our hands may wander, but not egregiously."

  "And Violet will be okay?"

  "She will absorb some from you, but she will be okay. It is not as strong secondhand. She will be quite attentive during your trip home. I do not know how deeply I will affect you, so you may not remember everything. Or it may be crystal clear. I don't know. But I do know two things."

  "What is that?"

  "We will become closer friends, and you will enjoy the next few hours very much."

  I laughed again. "I can't believe you're offering to drug me, and I'm about to accept."

  "Was that yes?"

  "Yes."

  She stepped closer, pulling me into her arms. "Hug me gently," she said. "I could do this from across the room, but it is harder." And so I wrapped my arms around here, holding carefully. "Do not be frightened."

  "My heart is pounding out of my chest."

  "Fear?"

  "I am nervous."

  "This is your last chance to stop me."

  "Do it."

  "You won't notice at first." Then she spoke quietly to me, just holding me. But then my mouth opened, and I began to pant. I buried my face into her neck, breathing deeply.

  God, she smelled good.

  I felt myself growing flushed, and I clutched more tightly.

  "Are you able to answer my questions?"

  "Yes," I said, the word a rapid pant against her neck.

  "Does this feel good?"

  "God, yes." I held tighter. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

  "No. Take a deep breath, Skye."

  I was helpless but to obey, and I took a deep, deep breath, then another.

  "Kiss and nibble my ear," she ordered, and so then I did that, too, and it seemed perfectly natural.

  "You are halfway there, so fast," she said. "Do you want me to take you to my bed."

  "Yes. God, yes, Rapid Flitter. Yes." I inhaled deeply again.

  She spoke loudly in the other language, and I heard rapid footsteps coming up. Then Violet was there. She set hands on me, and tentacles.

  "Let's go home, Skye."

  "I want to stay here," I said, clutching more tightly to Rapid Flitter.

  "Take her from me, Violet," said Rapid Flitter. "She will fight you until she is in your arms. Skye, you must go with Violet. She is your mate. Let her take you."

  I didn't want to let go, but I didn't fight as Violet peeled my arms from around the Octal. She turned me towards her and pulled me into her arms, and I clasped tightly, burying my face against her. She wrapped around me and then shifted slightly to pick me up.

  I don't remember the trip home and only vaguely remember what happened after that. I do remember doing whatever Violet told me to do, and begging her to do to me anything she wanted to do. And so we did both.

  * * * *

  I didn't wake until morning. My body was sore, but I still felt really good. Violet was wrapped around me, and we were alone. I stretched, and she whispered, "Good morning."

  I rolled to face her.

  "Was it a dream?"

  "What part?"

  "Did I really let Rapid Flitter drug me into oblivion?"

  She snickered. "Not quite. You seemed to enjoy the results."

  "That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever done."

  "Oh, that can't be true."

  "I've never taken drugs in my life, well, until last night."

  "I've seen you with alcohol in your hand. Alcohol is a drug. Humans try to hide from that fact."

  "You haven't seen me get drunk or to the point I was ma
king poor decisions. Three minutes breathing her in, and I wasn't making decisions at all."

  "You made your decisions ahead of time. You decided to trust Rapid Flitter and me. Do you feel now that was a mistake?"

  "Well, no. But that isn't the point."

  "What is the point?"

  "That I shouldn't let myself get to the point I can't make good decisions."

  "So you don't trust me."

  "You know I do. You're twisting my words."

  "I'm not twisting your words. If you use your visor to put yourself to sleep, you are giving yourself into my care. I could do anything to you I wanted. Last night, you put yourself into my care, and then we together did things we both wanted very much to do. How are they different?"

  "They just are."

  "Were you safe, knowing I was there to take care of you?"

  "She could have gotten you, too."

  "Do you believe Amaryllis would trust her if she were so untrustworthy?"

  I backed up in my argument. "Do you feel I was foolish?"

  "No."

  I thought about it. "The Octals and Catseye are both primary species of the Federation." She nodded. "I have seen Catseye act in a fashion I consider unethical."

  "You are referring to events during the mating challenges?"

  "Yes."

  "You probably don't have all the facts. Humanity asks a question I find interesting. It is immoral to steal, yes?"

  "I know where you're going. Is it immoral to steal a loaf of bread to feed a starving child?"

  "Morality and ethics are not necessarily black and white," she said. "Humanity does not always understand this. Humans like when things are simple and strive to make them simple when they are not."

  "All right," I said. "I'll agree with that."

  "Are you foolish to trust me?"

  "No," I said.

  "Ever?"

  "Well... I might be foolish if I trust you to not tickle me."

  She smiled. "If tickling you would put you in danger, do you believe I would tickle you?"

  "Of course not."

  "Have I ever tickled you when you have asked me not to?"

  I sighed. "No."

  "Do you want me to stop tickling you?"

  "Okay, okay," I said. "You made your point." To ensure she understood I wasn't upset, I collected a tentacle and kissed the tip. She caressed my lips for a moment.

  "So I will ask once more. Are you ever foolish to trust me?"

  "No." I paused. "Now I'm confusing myself."

  "Why?"

  "I have been your vassal in Boardwalk, and you have sacrificed me for your own position."

  "Boardwalk is a game," she said. "We play games that sharpen our wits and intentionally play as opponents. That is the nature of a game. And in other games, I am willing to trick you. Does that offend you?"

  I thought about it. "I don't know."

  "It is not life, Skye. Are we agreed? These are just games."

  "Yes, of course."

  "So I am willing to trick you in games, and in playful fashions. But does this mean you cannot trust me?"

  "No," I said.

  "Are you sure now?"

  "Yes. I'm sorry."

  "This is what I meant earlier. Ethics and morality are not black and white. Is it ethical to trick you in a game? Is it ethical to trick you in life, if it is playful and harmless?"

  I thought about it, taking her question seriously. "Yes, I think so. But tricking someone in life must be done carefully to avoid moral ambiguity."

  "I agree," she replied. "Getting back to last night. You chose to trust me. You chose to trust Rapid Flitter. She did exactly what she said she would. And I then took care of you, much to our mutual pleasure. Did things go any differently than you thought it would?"

  "I didn't know it would be so, I don't know. So compelling."

  "All right, but we told you that you would lose the ability to think for yourself."

  "You did," I said.

  "Morality is not universal. Morality amongst members of a particular species is rarely unified. Do you need examples?"

  "No."

  "Catseye, Human, and Octal morality will be different, although your version of human morality is compatible with Catseye. One significant difference is that Catseye are willing to manipulate people, especially members of species such as humans, for the greater good."

  "And they also feel it is moral to make those decisions for the individuals involved?"

  "Jasmine Brighteyes does it with many of the women who come through her center. She has done it with you, your sister, and your mother. You have caught her some of the time, but not all the time. No one blames you when you catch her and are upset. But she remains your friend. Why?"

  "Because right or wrong, I trust her."

  "Octal morality is not Catseye morality, and so I cannot predict the choices an Octal would make in all situations. But I know they can be trusted on this issue. When Rapid Flitter told you what she would do, I knew she wouldn't mislead you."

  "How can you know?"

  "If they couldn't be trusted with such a power, the other species would have done something about it."

  "What kind of something?"

  "Humans have a phrase. Bomb them into the stone age."

  "Would you really?"

  "They could use this ability of theirs to dominate all the other species. They don't. Indeed, they detest politics. The most power they want is to be queen of their own family, and that is a species imperative. Of the females, the queens control reproduction, and they nearly always use their own DNA."

  "I suppose I understand."

  "The Octals are not the only race that were watched closely. Most races are. Humanity scares us."

  "I don't blame you."

  "Your leaders know this. Most humans do not. We will not allow humans to achieve interstellar travel until you, as a species, grow up. You will remain associate members of the federation, possibly permanently."

  I rolled away from her. She let me go, but she stretched a tentacle over to touch me. I took it and held it, then pressed it the side of my face. She let me control the touch, and she waited for me to think about what she'd said.

  "The best of humanity," she said, "is as good as anyone in the entire federation, Skye." She paused only a moment. "There was a hidden message in that."

  I turned my head to look over at her. "Me?"

  "You. Your sister. People like you."

  "I'm nothing special."

  "Humans mature more slowly than Catseye do but faster than some species. There are species where you are not considered capable of making adult decisions until you are twice your age."

  "There are times I shouldn't be trusted with adult decisions, I think."

  "Those times are less frequently than when we met, are they not?"

  "I suppose that's true," I said.

  "Maturity takes different forms. For a species, your Dalai Lama teaches one form of maturity. He is admired by many of us."

  "He is a religious leader. You understand that, right?"

  "Yes, but he is also a wise, gentle man. It is one form of maturity. But last summer, it was not the Dalai Lama you wished to come to that house."

  I laughed. "No, it certainly wasn't. The people holding me would not have been swayed by his gentle nature. They would call him naïve and foolish."

  I looked back to the ceiling. "Would you bomb us?"

  "When the Octals met the federation, they had already achieved interstellar travel. They found us. We didn't find them. Returning them to their own solar system would have been much harder than keeping humanity here."

  "Would you?"

  "It won't be necessary."

  "But you would."

  "If it were necessary, yes. That isn't a decision any Catseye would make, you understand. But we are but one species in the federation, and we are not the warriors. Until you are a threat, the warriors will let others guide you and make decisions for your species. I
f you become a threat, that can change."

  "Humans have a history of conquest."

  "Yes, and you aren't over it.

  "I know." I rolled back towards her, still holding the tentacle tip. "Last night."

  "Last night," she said. "You were safe. And you knew you were safe. You are only second guessing yourself now because you do not trust your own judgment."

  "But you do?"

  "Yes. You make good choices, Skye. Did you enjoy what she did to you?"

  "Oh, yes."

  "And what I did to you?"

  "The parts I can remember, yes."

  "Do you feel better about our relationship today than you did yesterday?"

  "I don't know. How can you improve on perfect?" She caressed me for that. "I don't know. We shared something."

  "Something good?"

  "Yes."

  "Good. Now, I will tell you one thing, and you are probably going to scream."

  "Oh no."

  "Octals do not understand a taboo against incest."

  I thought about that, and it hit me. "Oh, shit."

  She laughed.

  "You said they don't understand it?"

  "You can try to explain it. She won't understand it. But she will respect it. It didn't come up last night because you didn't notice what she said."

  "What did she say?"

  "She told us she intends to take us for a night, once Audra is eighteen."

  "Oh shit! We're not doing that."

  "No, and Catseye feel the same way as humans do."

  I thought about it. "I noticed something here, Violet."

  "Yes?"

  "I don't hear you saying you wouldn't let her have us. I hear you saying you won't let her have the four of us."

  "That's right. But I didn't hear you say it, either."

  "I think perhaps we should clarify something with Rapid Flitter, sooner rather than later."

  "I think you are right."

  * * * *

  We met with Rapid Flitter and White Snow over lunch a few days later. They seemed pleased with our invitation. We made small talk for a while, then I said, "I must say a few things. I hope you will not be offended."

  Rapid Flitter's hands folded together, but she said nothing.

  "First, thank you for inviting us to dinner. We all had a very good time, and if what I have to say does not damage our friendship, I hope for more invitations."