Peace Love Resistance

by Jettie Woodruff

  No problem. I handed the squalling baby over and she wrapped him in her arms close to her chest, a breathy smile instantly forming on her face, the baby immediately calming. All I could do was watch in astonishment, trying like hell to wrap my head around the fact that this just happened. For real. In real life happened. Holy fuck!

  The girl moved her long skirt over her knees and looked up, hers eyes just as frightened as mine. “Thank you.”

  That one needed processed. I stared back, still star struck, wondering if she’d really just thanked me. Thank you? Really? “You’re welcome. Wait. What? No. I mean. What the fuck just happened here?”

  Again, she talked like this was all perfectly normal. “You kept my baby from his first concussion. I thought I had it under control. Everything’s ready right there in my truck. There’s a basket on the front seat. Can you get it? I need the umbilical cord clamp and the scissors.”

  “I need to go home so I can call for help. I don’t have my phone,” I said, my hands patting both legs. No phone.

  “No. I’m fine. I don’t need help. He’s fine. We’re fine. I just need you to get me the white basket in the front seat. Please,” she begged, her eyes shifting to the sound of rolling thunder, moving closer and closer, the tiny baby nestled in her arms.

  I stood, looking down to my hands, wiping them disgustingly down the front of my shorts. It wasn’t just my hands. Blood mixed with some sort of watery slippery stuff coated my arms and chest, a sweet, distinct scent I’d never smelled before. Against my will, I went for the medical stuff instead of running home like I wanted to. Umbilical cord clamp? Really? The thought of where one would buy such a thing crossed my mind as I fetched the basket.

  “There’s water heating on the fire,” she said, directing me with a painful moan and a nod toward the dwindling fire.

  I did as she told me to do because I didn’t have anything of my own. No way was I prepared for this one. Help was the only thing I wanted. Sitting the basket beside her, I moved toward the pot of water, once again alarmed at the grimace on her face, praying another one wasn’t getting ready to come out. It was like she’d rehearsed it a million times, like she knew exactly what to do. The baby cried out again, his head moving to the side when she stuck some sort of sucking thing down his throat and then his nose.

  “Don’t turn around,” she moaned right after that. A painful moan followed by a grunt. That scared me.

  No problem. I’d seen enough. No turnaround needed here. Water sloshed from the pot when I stopped dead in my tracks, but I didn’t turn around, and I didn’t care what she’d just covered up with a trash bag from the basket either. Like a good little student, I followed her directions, not about to see any more than I needed to or any more that I couldn’t un-see. I’d seen enough of that for one night, for lots of nights.

  She clamped the umbilical clip close to the little boy’s belly, and forced me to cut the cord. Sort of. It was either that or hold the slimy cord thing up for her to cut it. I chose not to touch anything else bloody.

  I knew the rain had started, but the thick trees had worked well for shelter, a drop here and there on my bare back was all I had noticed. The wind however had picked up, and the thunder and lightning were getting closer. “Okay, now can we go? I’ll drive your van down. We need to go.”

  She totally ignored me, wrapping the tiny baby tightly in a blanket from the basket. “Hold him while I clean up.”

  Again, I wasn’t really given a choice. She handed the cocoon over to me and I took it, dancing around her camp nervously, totally out of my world. “I’m serious. We’re about to get dumped on here. We need to get you guys to the hospital.”

  “Dude, chill. I’m not going to the hospital. Turn around.”

  I turned away from her, looking down to the baby, sucking on the back of his little fist, and up to the sky. The hard rain not even a mile away came toward us like a tsunami, the sounds getting closer and closer. Just when I was about to tell her to hurry, the heaven’s opened up, and she shoved me toward the side doors where I climbed in, still holding the baby. There wasn’t a lot of room in the van, but it was actually sort of nice. Trifling yet cozy. A folding lawn chair right behind the driver’s seat was where I sat, not that there were a lot of choices.

  Although it took her a little longer to get in, and I could tell she was in pain, I didn’t offer to help. She stepped up, pulling her weight by a handle with a grimace, her hand covering her lower stomach. Without a word, she took her baby from my arms and plopped to the cot across from me.

  “Are you okay?” I questioned.

  “I’m fine,” she nonchalantly replied.

  I didn’t believe her. Even with the clean, blood free clothes she’d thrown on from the basket, she didn’t look good. Not to me. She looked gray and I had no idea what to say. “What’s his name?”

  Without looking up, she shrugged, “I don’t know, I was sure he was a she. I’m not sure he would appreciate me naming him Serenity. What’s your name?”

  “Um, Ty. Yours?”

  “Ty? What’s that short for?”

  “Tobias. My name’s Tobias.”

  She glanced at me, almost startled, and quickly back to the baby. “That’s his name. His name is Tobias.”

  The van shook from the whipping wind and dense rain beat off the side of the rocking vehicle, but that’s not what I was worried about. I was in the back of a van with a girl who wanted to name her son after me. The son that I had just brought into the world with my own hands. Flattered wasn’t exactly what I was feeling at the moment. “Wh-what’s your name?” I asked, again trying to determine her state of mind.

  “Tristan. My name’s Tristan,” she said, her eyes lighting up with joy, this time portraying a simple little smile. Not at me of course, at her baby. Like she was happy about it.

  I smiled back, unsure of everything around me while she cradled the baby, her eyes full of a joy I didn’t understand. The girl had just given birth to a baby in the hills of West Virginia, she was sitting in the back of a van with a guy she didn’t even know, and she looked like the happiest girl on earth.

  My voice raised with the sound of rain on the roof, talking over the angry downpour. “Where’d you come from? Do you live around here?”

  “No, I’m just passing through. I like to camp here in the summer. It’s so nice. You know, close to the water, shaded trees, and views from another planet. Oh, and produce. This place has produce stands everywhere. You can eat like a king for the entire summer here.”

  I shrugged one shoulder, unsure of how to respond. We’d just brought a baby into the world and she wanted to talk about tomatoes and corn. She was right though. Everyone who grew a garden had a sign out to sell something. Even rhubarb; something I would never mistake as celery again. My lips puckered and I shrugged, “If you like green beans, I guess. You’ve been here before?”

  Tristan looked up to the bright flashing light, then back to me. “Yes, a few times. This is one of my favorite spots to camp. What are you doing out here?”

  Again, I was at a loss of words. “Um, I live across the river. You screamed loud enough to call in the coyotes. Like, I mean, where did you come from? You’re out camping in the mountains alone, nine months pregnant?”

  Tristan wrapped tiny little fingers around hers, pressing her lips to his baby knuckles. “I thought I had at least a week. My plan wasn’t to have him in the middle of the night, during a storm. Everything was supposed to be setup and ready when he got here, only he was supposed to be a she and come next week, not today. I thought I had hours not one. That’s all it took. From the first contraction up to his birth. One-hour.”

  “Yeah, well there’s this thing called a system. He has to go get checked out by a doctor, get a birth certificate, and shots. Babies need medical care,” I sarcastically assured her, meaning to sound like an asshole.

  Tristan looked up to me, her brown hair falling around her face, a serious, condescending glare directed right at m
e. I wasn’t sure about the look, the way she glared at me through narrowed eyes. Nonetheless, her tone was sweet and passive. Her angry eyes softened, shifting to the roof and the slowing rain. “Thank you for your help. I think it’s about passed.”

  She was right. Just like most of these storms, this one didn’t last long. It had come and gone like a vengeance, in and out within minutes, blowing wind lingering just behind. I looked out the window too, sure she was excusing me of my duties. “I can’t just leave you here.”

  “Yes you can. We’re fine. I’m going to try to feed him. You can go.”

  My eyes drifted around the small van, idiotically looking for food. “What are you going to feed him?”

  Tristan grinned again, a soft sigh before her words, “I’m going to breast feed him.”

  “Oh yeah, right,” I said, my ignorance on full display. “But I’m still not leaving you here alone.”

  “Why? You can pretend like you never met me and this never happened.”

  Yeah, like that was ever going to happen. I’d never forget this. Ever. “Why are you out here? I mean, where’s the dad?” I questioned, my eyes drifting to the fumbling going on behind the pink blanket, an open hand toward the baby. “I mean, you can at least give me that. I did just catch your kid. What are you doing here?”

  “I don’t have to tell you anything. It’s my God given right to have my baby wherever I want.”

  “I mean, yeah, but I’m pretty sure there’s something illegal going on here.”

  “Like what?” she questioned, a sarcastic tone and angry contracted eyes on me. “Like having a baby without the government controlling him? Is that it? I’m breaking the law because I refuse to be a sheeple? Like you?”

  My head shook from side to side, trying with everything in me to understand what the hell she’d just said. “Girl, it’s a baby. He needs medical care. There are shots to protect him from diseases. You’re doing it wrong.”

  “No, you’re doing it wrong. I’ll be gone tomorrow. Just don’t cause trouble for me. Nobody needs to know anything.”

  “How old are you? Are you a runaway?”

  “No, I’m not a runaway. Don’t worry. Nobodies looking for me.”

  “Where’s his dad?”

  “He’s dead, okay. He died in a car wreck before I even got to tell him I was pregnant.”

  “You’re lying,” I accused. She was and I could tell.

  Tristan’s eyes moving quickly from mine to the baby’s was the only proof I needed. She was lying and I knew it. I just didn’t know why. “I am not. He’s dead. I’m serious. Why would I lie about something like that?”

  My contemplating expression coordinated with my confused, yet condescending words. “This isn’t normal.”

  “I hate that word.”

  “Well it’s reality so deal with it.”

  “No, it’s an illusion that you’ve been conditioned to believe is reality.”

  Again, my face portrayed my confusion, my head shaking back and forth. “What?”

  “Forget it. I want to be alone now. I need to clean us up better and get some things in order. I’ll leave as soon as the sun comes out.”

  “You don’t have to leave. Don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave,” I begged, my tone sounding like a weak plea and I didn’t even know why.

  “You’re going to make trouble.”

  “I’m not. I promise, I’m not going to tell anyone about this. Believe me, nobody gives a shit what I say anyway, and I only know four people here.”

  “Four?”

  “Yes, my parents who are too busy acting like horny teenagers, you, and little Tobias. That’s it.” I said, a small smile, trying to ease her trepidation.

  “You live here. Why don’t you know anyone?”

  I filled my lungs with a long breath of air and explained as best I could without getting too far into detail. “I’m from here originally. I lived here until about seven when my parents divorced. I’ve been back for one day and I still hate it.”

  “You can’t hate it here. Nobody can. Why’d you come back?”

  My answers were short and to the point, and I tried like hell not to watch her focus on getting the baby to latch on and suck. Instead of looking at her, I explored her van. She had quite the setup, a forty-square-foot tiny house on wheels, a cot along the side, plastic storage bins along the back, a little stove, a bunch of water supply containers, and the lawn chair that I sat on “I got into some trouble back home, my mom called my dad, and here I am.”

  “She sent you to live with him?”

  “Sort of. That was the plan anyway. Somewhere along the line they decided to fall in love again. She’s here, too. One big happy family,” I sarcastically replied, my long legs stretching out my blood stained shorts.

  “You’re not happy about that?”

  I gave her a quick disapproving glance. “No. I mean it’s bullshit. If she’d stayed in Cali, I could have talked her into coming home before school started. Now I’m trapped. She doesn’t even know I exist now, and neither does my dad. Is he taking it? Are you feeding him?”

  Tristan’s eyes moved from mine to her baby. “Not yet. He will. He just has to learn. Do you know what Tobias means?”

  “What it means?”

  “Never mind, I’ll look the next time I have Internet. I’m sure it’s meaningful. It has to be,” she exclaimed with great determination. Like her life depended on it or something. “Tristan and Tobias. Doesn’t that sound like the perfect fit?”

  I pulled my legs back to my body, leaning over to rest my elbows on my knees, stopping when I remembered the blood that I didn’t want on my elbows. “Yeah.” That’s it. That was all I had, but truth be told, she was right. It did have a ring to it, a musical, poetic kind of ring. Tristan and Tobias. Nonetheless. It was creepy. She was creepy.

  “You don’t want your mom and dad together?”

  “I really could care less what they do. It’s not even that. I just wish they’d leave me out of it. It’s fake. My mom goes through men a little more than most women.”

  “You’re bitter.”

  “You think?”

  “Why don’t you just leave?”

  “I’m not eighteen yet. I have one more year of high school, but believe me, September 4th, I’ll be out of here.”

  “You going to finish school?”

  I’m not sure why I keep talking, telling her anything just to stay. “Yeah, probably somewhere along the way. It just sucks. Things were going great in LA, I was going places, and I had a life. It’s so unfair. You know?”

  “Hmmm, not really. I’m not really one to conform.”

  I frowned, debating on whether or not to ask. “Conform?”

  “Yeah, and Tobias isn’t being conditioned in a brick and mortal building either. I’ll teach him what he needs to know, not some system designed to control.”

  Nope, wasn’t touching that one. “Now? Is he eating now?”

  “No, Tobias, but he will. Stop worrying. I’ve done my homework. I know what I’m doing. He’s thirty minutes old. He’ll get it.”

  Something strange was happening between us, something that I felt, yet didn’t quite understand. I felt connected to not only Tristan, but the baby, too. A weird connection that caused the hair on my arms to stand. Tristan had an energy about her that I could physically feel, a touch that I felt deeper than my skin. Something that made the hairs on my arms stand.

  “What?”

  I hadn’t even realized I was staring until she called me out on it. “Nothing. I just—.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “What did you do to get sent to your dads?”

  “Oh, I painted on some rocks out in eastern California.”

  “What rocks?”

  “Devils Postpile,” I replied, sure she’d never heard of it.

  Tristan sputtered a laugh from her lips. “You painted on a national monument?”

  “I didn’t kno
w it was a national monument.”

  “What did you paint?”

  “I’ll show you the pics later. I don’t have my phone.”

  “You’re an artist?”

  I smiled a crooked grin, my nerves finally settling, responding with a nod, my eyes trapped with hers.

  She broke the trance, her eyes quickly shifting away from mine. “You should go. I’m fine, and I really do want to bathe and clean him up better.”

  “I’m afraid to leave you.”

  “Don’t be. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. We’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll go outside while you clean up,” I countered, already moving toward the side doors, not about to leave her.

  “I want you to go, Tobias. Your family will be looking for you, therefore putting me in the middle.”

  I stopped, studying her with squinted eyes. “Who are you?”

  “I’m Tristan, thanks for helping me,” she stated and nodded toward the door with a stern look, my cue to leave her alone and stop asking questions.

  “I’ll sleep outside. I’m not leaving you after you just gave birth to a baby.”

  “Fine, you’ll probably be eaten by a bear by morning.”

  My eyes may have opened a little wider, but I didn’t show fear. I only shrugged, assuring her I didn’t care. I’d trampled all over those woods by the time I was seven and was never scared. Not once, but now I was. For whatever reason, it frightened me more grown up than it had when I was a kid. “So.”

  “Go home, Tobias. Please go home.”

  I wanted to protest, and stay right there, but I could tell she wasn’t about to give in. She’d win the battle no matter what I said. “Do you promise to be here in the morning?”

  “Yes, I promise,” she said, once again lying to my face.

  I could tell she wasn’t being honest, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. Why I even cared was another story, but I did. With everything in me, I wanted to stay. With her. With baby Tobias. “I’m going to come back in the morning. I’ll bring you breakfast. Okay?”

  “I have food for breakfast already, but thanks.”

  I knew Tristan was telling me goodbye, begging me to leave her alone without saying it. Of course I left. Not because I wanted to, that’s for sure. The doors closed behind me, but I didn’t say another word. Instead I looked around, seeing her camp for the first time. Really seeing it. Tristan wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon. Not until she met me anyway. She had quite the setup.