Peace Love Resistance

by Jettie Woodruff

  I shook my head and walked away. Nope. Wasn’t doing that. Instead I went to the dryer to get the last blanket out so I could get the hell out of there. Of course she followed. “What are you doing? I have time to give you a haircut if you want. You definitely need it.”

  Everything was done except for the last blanket. The dryer shut off before it was finished. I knew I shouldn’t have laid on that stupid couch. Carefully, I placed the folded clothes in the duffle bag, ready to get away from her already. “I’m not cutting it. I like it longer. I’ll come back and get the baby’s blanket after bit. He likes to sleep with that one.”

  “You’re not leaving here, Tobias. Now, I’ve stood back and let you have a fling with this—girl all summer. I’m done. Enough is enough. Take her clothes to her and get back here, Tobias. You’re done.”

  I fought it hard, but I did it. Zipping the bag up, I stepped around her. “Yeah, I’m not the seven year old kid you don’t care about. I’m good with the mom thing. I needed that before I turned eighteen.”

  “You’re not eighteen, Tobias and you’re not going anywhere.”

  “Whatever. I’ll see you later.”

  “Tobias Thomas Sheffield. I’m not even joking. Don’t you dare take off on that bike.”

  I tried to leave, but my bike decided to be a dick, kicking it over and over while my mom came after me. “Mom, freaking stop already. I’m not going to that stupid school.”

  That stopped her, and I didn’t even mean to say it out loud. “What does that mean? Yes you are. Don’t you think for one second that you’re going to drop out now. No way, Ty. You’re going to school and you can get that out of your stupid little head right now. You’re not letting the girl ruin your whole life, Tobias. I won’t let you.”

  “She’s not ruining anything. You didn’t graduate and you’re okay.”

  “I’m not okay, Tobias! Oh my God, you stupid, stupid boy. I got pregnant with you. I quit school to get married and have a baby, and I be goddamned if I’m letting you do the same thing. No way on earth is that happening. You’re not only going to get your diploma, you’re getting the degree, too. You’re too talented to waste it on a girl, Tobias. Listen to me. I know what I’m talking about it. You’ll have more girls than you can keep track of. You need to get away from her long enough to get your head on straight.”

  With the duffle bag on the ground beside me, I kicked and kicked, mentally begging the stupid thing to start. “Your life and my life are two totally different things. You’ve had plenty jobs without a high school diploma; I’ve heard you lie about it my whole life. How many times have you actually been asked to show your diploma? Huh, Mom. You don’t need a bullshit school system to sell insurance. Why do I need it? I’m never going to use it. I’m never going to conform to an unbinding system. Ever.”

  My mom’s face was skewed, expressing a lot of anger. It wasn’t my thought though, she started, but I was glad. I was glad it was finally on the table. “I don’t care what you conform to, Tobias, but your ass will be in that school Monday if I have to drag you.”

  “Hey girl,” I greeted when Kota walked to my side. “I doubt it,” I nonchalantly said, my eyes shifting to my mom.

  My mom stiffened her spine and pointed a straight finger to Kota. “See. That right there, Tobias. You don’t even like that dog. You don’t like any dogs. I’ve offered to get you dog’s lots of times. I was even going to pay eight-hundred-bucks for one once. You didn’t want it. This is all fake and I swear to God, I’m trying to tell you this for your own good, Tobias. You’re not yourself. This move was a bad idea. I should have never taken you from your home or your friends. I’m sorry. I can’t take it back, but I’m not about to let you do this. You’re not giving up your entire life for a girl and some kid.”

  As much as I’d learned from Tristan about letting other people have my power, it still stung a little. However, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t say a word about the some kid comment. “I’ve always loved Kota. You remember that weekend when I was twelve? The last time I’d come here?”

  “If this is the story about you ignoring me all the way to Florida after begging me to come back and get you, save it. I’ve heard it.”

  “Yeah that one, only that’s not how I saw it as a twelve year old boy. Maybe that wasn’t me ignoring you. Maybe there was no ego involved at all. Maybe that was me being sad and afraid of where I’d end up next. Maybe it had nothing to do with you or dad all,” I said, one shoulder shrugging for more drama. “Maybe this dog was all I had when you left me here. Maybe leaving Kota behind was really hard for me. And maybe, Mom. Maybe I didn’t want to replace her. If you don’t respect animals, you can’t fully respect life.”

  Out of everything I’d just said, she heard one thing. “If you don’t respect animals what? See, this right here. This isn’t you, Tobias. This is some sort of trance you’re in over this girl. Snap out of it, boy. You have lots of time to find yourself after you graduate high school. I’m not letting you ruin your life for a piece of ass. There’s plenty more where that came from.”

  “I tell you it should respect animals, and you come back with... You might have to help me out here. Forget about Tristan and Baby-T and go be a whore? And I’m the crazy one. And furthermore, I’m not finding myself. I’m creating it. Big difference.”

  “I’m not even kidding, Tobias. You’re done. I’ve stood back and let you do what you wanted all summer with this—.”

  “Don’t, Mom.”

  Lucky for her, she didn’t. “Girl…without saying a word. I took care of all the registration shit at your school.”

  “Yeah, cause that’s what mom’s do.”

  My mom spoke over me without acknowledging I’d even spoken. “And you couldn’t even stop in there and sign your name. Three times, Tobias. That’s how many times I had to call and say, sorry, he’s out playing house with a girl that lives in a van with a baby. Now you have to go in there Monday morning and go straight to the office to finish everything. You don’t even have a schedule.”

  “That’s because I’m not going. Piece of shit,” I said, my leg tired from all the kicking.

  Messing with the choke one last time before I gave up, I listened to my mom spew word vomit all around me. “Where is this kid’s dad? I’ll fucking call him, Tobias. I will.”

  “Mom, you can throw any trump card you want. It’s not going to change. This isn’t a poker face. You’re not going to call anyone and it wouldn’t matter if you did. Nobody even knows he exists. He doesn’t even have a birth certificate. She had him by herself. Stop, There’s nothing you can do. You’ve never wanted me. Stop trying to be this person that you’re not. I’ll finally be out of your hair. We’re taking off in a couple weeks and I’m going to see fall with my real family. You should try it some time. It’s really refreshing. Oh, and I’m taking Kota with me,” I added, the thought coming to me from out of the blue.

  “I’ll call the cops, Ty. I swear to God I will.”

  “Yeah? And say what? Hey cops if you don’t have anything better to do can you come over here and make my son go to school? Go ahead. By the time the paperwork is processed I’ll be eighteen and out of here.” At that moment, the engine kicked over, and I said a silent thank you to the universe. “I’ll see tomorrow maybe.”

  “Tobias! Tobias!”

  I left my mom calling after me with a new kind of energy, excitement and a load lifted from my shoulders. It was the only thing to do. There was no sense in me going to school for seventeen days. None whatsoever. And I didn’t have to dread the thought of walking into that building, the new kid again. That kid learned that lesson already. I didn’t need anything else take away from me to appreciate it. Kota included. I got it loud and clear.

  I felt horrible for Baby-T. I’d never seen him so fussy before. Tristan put our clothes around while I bounced him, rubbing his bare back with my hand. “Shhh, I know, buddy. I’m sorry you don’t feel good. Maybe we should take him to the doctor, T. He’s
still warm.”

  Tristan smiled out to me from the van doors. “I know, Love. He’s sick. I already checked his temperature. It’s a low-grade fever designed to fight infection. He’s eating okay. And just for the record, I wouldn’t use your kind of doctor. There’s plenty of plant-based products to take without using man made chemicals being massed produced by pharmaceutical companies. I’m not putting one cent of my money in their big fat piggy banks. Trust me. I’ve done my research. I’m going to make a salad. Want one?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good. Hey, I noticed a shit ton of apples on tree down by the fence where the pond is. Want me to get some tomorrow?”

  “Hell, yeah. I think I remember that tree. I think my mom made an apple pie from it once.”

  I laughed. “I’m sure my mom didn’t. She might have made one from a box before, but that’s about it.”

  “Don’t feel bad. If my mom has apple pie, it’s because someone else made it for her. And she still wouldn’t enjoy it. She’d go stick her finger down her throat to get rid of the extra calories. No joke. I got that advice after asking her if she was okay at some fancy birthday party once. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. She painted her lips red while explaining through the mirror how it was okay to make yourself sick when cake was involved.”

  “You’re shitting me.”

  “Nope, scouts honor.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with people?”

  Tristan stepped out, pointing a finger straight at my nose. “Don’t judge. It’s not your lesson.”

  “Yeah, well try telling that to my mom. I just broke the news to her about not going back to school.”

  Tristan looked up from chopping carrots on the folding table with surprise. “You did? Why?”

  I continued to soothe Baby-T, finally settling into sleep in my arms. “It was well over due. I’m supposed to start school Monday. She went school shopping today. Can you believe her?”

  “What did she say, T?”

  “Not much. Why do you sound so surprised. You knew it was coming up.”

  Tristan shrugged, moving her attention back to the carrot. “I don’t know. We never talked about it. I thought you’d go.”

  “To school? Really?”

  “Yeah. For real. I’ve been waiting for this conversation where you told me you wanted to go. You can, Ty. You can go do your senior year if you want. I know it’s a big deal for kids.”

  “I’m not going to school Tristan. I couldn’t even imagine going back to that now, but I am going to start doing something to pull in some money, too. I don’t like feeling like you’re the breadwinner. That’s my job.”

  Tristan pretended the throw the knife in her hand at my head. “Dumb boy. That’s your ego talking. How about neither of us have jobs or titles. How about we be? How about that? Okay?”

  “I’m a man, Tristan. Men don’t let women pay their way. I’m perfectly capable of working.”

  “You’re nothing but a giant ego. That’s what you are. Who do you think takes care of our baby while I’m busy waking up the world? Who pumps the gas every single time because he knows how much I hate it? Who chops onions just to keep from seeing me cry? Who fills all our water tanks and empties the gray ones? Who took care of Baby-T all day yesterday while I was sick? Who’s holding him right now while he’s sound asleep because he’s sick? We don’t have to have roles, Ty. That’s something you learned on the outside, not the inside and certainly not me. I’m in love with our life and I don’t think we need to change anything until we need to. Right?”

  Unlike me when I tried to say smart stuff like that, Tristan sounded wise and graceful. I’d never thought about it like that, but that’s why she was way smarter than me. “Okay, yeah. You’re right.”

  “Good, you can lay him down. It’s time to eat.”

  “He smells like puke.”

  “I know. I wiped it off as best as I could. I’ll heat some water and give him another bath once he wakes up. Let him rest.”

  I laid Baby-T down in his little bed, kissing his warm head before joining Tristan in the hot sun. Growling, I took my salad bowl. “Why can’t we ever sit in the shade? It’s hot as balls out here.”

  “It is not. Feel that cool breeze and the vitamin D soaking in your skin. It’s never hot up here. Have you seen my driver’s license?”

  “Yes, they’re in the side of T-Man’s backpack. I’m hot, and what the hell is the fire for?”

  Tristan looked back to the fire she’d started in the middle of the day, and explained. “I didn’t do it. It was left here from the last people. They left all that wood there. I want to get it burned up.”

  I didn’t have to ask why. I already knew the answer. Something about left behind wood carrying some sort of blight that could spread to the other trees or something. Who knew with her. Tristan was a walking conspiracy prover and I didn’t need to research anything she told me. Not with her. She was smarter than Google. “What do you think about taking Kota with us when we leave, T? I’ve seen a lot of people traveling with dogs this summer.”

  It was never about what she loved. “Oh my God, T. Kota would love that. Baby-T would love that. She can help us keep track of him when he starts walking.”

  I knew she wouldn’t mind, and she was right. Kota would love it so much.

  Baby-T slept until almost two in the afternoon, and he woke up cranky as hell. He didn’t feel as warm, but he did throw up again in his bed. Had I had a different kind of mom, I would have taken them down for a convenient wash and dry, but I didn’t…Instead of giving it any thought I all, I heated got stoked the fire and gathered some water to wash it. Another way I contributed to our life.

  Tristan got him to eat a little, but little man was he upset. Baby-T never got upset. He was the happiest little person on earth. “Maybe you should run down and get his other blanket, Tobias. Maybe that will help.”

  “Okay, let me start this water. I’ll let it heat while I run down. Wait until I get back to bathe him. I’ll fix the water for you.”

  I kissed them both before jumping on the bike to run down the road. If it would make him feel better, I would face the wrath of my mother again. “I’ll be right back. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, baby. Hurry.”

  The dread of listening to my mother set in by the time I reached the bottom of the hill, and I didn’t want to hear it. Straight in and straight out. That was my plan. I rounded the turn, stopping as soon as I could see the house. A police car and a gray sedan sat in our driveway, and the driver’s were walking from my house to the empty cars. My heart took a hard fall to the pit of my stomach, the loud thump echoing in my head. She did this. She really did this.

  I spun around, knowing this wasn’t going to go well. Had I left earlier, I could have gotten us out of there, but not now. They were coming. They were coming after her and Baby-T.

  Chapter-Twenty-Seven

  I don’t even remember the ride back up. Empty handed with no comforting blanket for Baby-T, freaked out. “What have you done, Tobias,” I heard. It was loud, too; a voice I didn’t recognize as my own.

  Knowing I had seconds, I dumped the bike on its side, feeling the exact same adrenaline I’d felt the first time I’d dropped it at that campsite. Nothing was really in my mind when I looked around for her. I wasn’t thinking about what to say at all. I just wanted to say it before they pulled down, blocking the van from leaving, only I couldn’t find her. My eyes glanced to the back of the van, but it was the front seat, I saw her silhouette.

  I opened the passenger door, and gasped her name. “Tristan, I’m so—sorry.”

  And then I stopped, confusion halting all my words. She sat there nursing Baby-T, listening to her dad on the tape with tears streaming down her face. I wanted to scream a long, no to the universe. Not now. This wasn’t fair. Why? Why me? Why her?

  She looked at me with tear filled eyes, hurt transferring from her right to my shattered heart. “My license weren’t there.” That’
s what she said.

  With that, I finished ripping her heart out. “Tristan, Baby, listen to me. My mom called children services and the cops. They’re here.”

  The tape I’d hid from her no longer mattering. Her face went from hurt to me to frantic in two point seven seconds. “What?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “What do they want?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for putting you in the middle again, Tristan. I swear to God I am.”

  Tristan stepped out of the van with a look I couldn’t have read had my life depended on it. Ghostly, gray with wide, frightened eyes. Her arms tightened around Baby-T as the lady from the agency approached her.

  “Hi, Tristan. My name is Grace Scotty. Can we talk?”

  “No. What do you want?”

  “Can we see your baby?”

  “No. You can’t. He’s sick.”

  “It’s okay, sweetie. We’ll get him some care. Can I hold him?”

  “No. Why? I haven’t done anything wrong and you’re not touching my baby.”

  The young police officer stepped up next, offering his authority for help. “You need to hand over the child. Mrs. Scotty will take good care of him until we get this cleared up.”

  Just like him, I stepped closer, too, seeing not only my mother, but my father as well, both exiting his truck. My mom looked just as upset as Tristan. Fake tears slid down her cheeks and her hand covered her mouth like this was some sort of intervention for me. She never thought about Baby-T or Tristan at all. She didn’t think about anyone but herself. Ever. I was so mad, I couldn’t see straight. “You’re not taking him anywhere. We’ll follow you wherever you want us to go, but you’re not taking him. He’s sick.”

  The cop not much older than me came at me, unfastening the holster on his stun gun like he was about to go all Rambo on me. “Step beside, son. This is bigger than you. Our concern is that child right there, and until we get a birth certificate, and get him evaluated, he’s going to with Mrs. Scotty. You’re only making it worse by resisting.”