Only a Lady Will Do: To Marry a Rogue, Book 5

by Gill, Tamara

  "I was a selfish, immature idiot when I said those things. I did not mean them."

  She shrugged. "Let me go, Josh. I'm begging you not to make a scene or make this any more difficult than it already is."

  Panic assailed him. What was happening here? The room spun, and he fought to breathe. She was leaving him. Truly? It was not possible that she would not see reason. Not want to fight for the love he knew they shared, even if she no longer believed in that emotion between them.

  "I will not let you walk away from me when I know that we're meant to be together. You walked into my life, came into my world for a reason. That reason is love. Please, let me earn your trust. Let me prove to you that my love is true."

  The music receded to a stop, and he swooped her to a halt. They stood in the middle of the room, other couples moving about them, preparing for the next dance. "There is nothing that you can do that will change my mind. Good evening, Your Grace," she stated, dipping into a curtsy.

  Dumbfounded, he watched her walk away, spine straight and chin high, toward her family. Neither the countess nor Lady Jane offered any sign that they had seen him. They simply followed Iris out of the ballroom and out of sight.

  "Fuck it," he muttered, leaving those about him wide-eyed and pale at his words. He departed also, determined to repair the damage, to fix what he had so obviously broken.

  Their relationship was not over, nor would it ever be.

  Chapter 30

  Iris did not know what to do. The memory of Josh's crushed visage at the Davies ball the evening before made her stomach drop to the floor. She had been cold and aloof, uncaring and curter than she had ever been with anyone in her life.

  He deserved her wrath, she knew. To be told such a hurtful truth was not something that a person could simply get over in a day. It would take her time to digest what she now knew of her betrothed. His actions during her first Season and the outcome of those actions. But more hurtful than anything had been the horrible thought that he wanted her only out of compassion. Another way to soothe his troubled conscience.

  She would not have it. She would not marry anyone under those circumstances.

  Her mother and grandmother were in the upstairs parlor, an abundance of sewing around them. Her father had relocated to the library, and Iris sat in the morning room alone, looking out onto her grandmother's London home gardens. Whatever would she do? Last evening she had told the duke that their union was at an end, but was it?

  Could she find forgiveness for him if given the time to understand, if she ever could understand such an untruth? The actions he had made, the outcome they had caused.

  But he was so very sorry, and no one who made a bet ever wished for anyone to be injured by it. The duke would not have expected Redgrove to die during the farce that day.

  The matter relating to herself was more troublesome. He had been so adamant that his wife would be a diamond of the first water, perfect in every way, that to offer to her could not be borne out of genuine feelings.

  It simply could not be. His guilt had to have been a factor. She was certain of it.

  But could she trust him again? Forgive him that sin also?

  Iris frowned down at the cup of tea in her hand, uncertain she could.

  A knock sounded on the door, startling her before the butler announced Lady Arndel was here, wanting to know if she were at home.

  Iris accepted her visit, and within a minute, Josh's sister strode into the room, her long, dark locks bouncing about her shoulders. Iris had heard the woman was a little hoyden before she married, and she could believe that very well from the mischief that seemed to ooze off her in spades.

  "Miss Cooper," Lady Arndel said, bussing her cheeks in welcome as if they were already sisters-in-law. Iris would have liked to have been a part of Josh's family, to gain Josh's sisters as her own extended family was a boon to an only child.

  She supposed if she were to leave town, bring to an end to their understanding, she would no longer have such a gift. Another blow and too many that she had suffered this week.

  "How lovely to see you again. We have missed you at home, and I thought I would call on you today and see how well you are faring."

  She was not faring well. Life had lost a little of its luster, a little of its shine, and at this time, she could not see it ever coming back again. Still, she lied. "I am well, thank you. I would have called, but under the circumstances, I did not think it was best." Iris gestured to the settee. "Please sit. I have fresh tea if you would like a cup."

  Lady Arndel poured her own before Iris had a chance to do so then settled back in her chair. "That is what I wanted to discuss with you. My call is not merely for entertainment value. I have been charged to speak with you and see what you plan to do."

  Iris wondered how much Josh had told his family, not only about their troubles but the reason behind them. "I assumed His Grace had explained his dealings with Redgrove."

  Alice sipped her tea but nodded. "We have discussed it, and I understand that it is something very difficult to understand and take in. I know I would not accept such truth if I were in your position, but I'm also the sister of the man who loves you, and I could not come here today without trying one last time to change your mind."

  The situation was not ideal. She had gone over what she could remember of the day of her accident, which was very little. But one thing she had been debating and dissecting, again and again, was that Dudley had chosen to take her in the carriage with him. In all her anger at the duke, the distrust that rose its ugly head at hearing the fact, she had not mulled over Dudley's involvement in her accident.

  Why had he chosen to take her on the race around Hyde Park? Why had the silly man attempted the stupid bet during a busy time at the park where children, families, and couples strolled and took in the air?

  "I have not been without conflict, Lady Arndel. This past week has been the worst of my life, and I did not think anything would be worse than waking up with a fractured leg, a scarred, stitched temple, and a dead fiancé, but here I am. My heart was not broken this time; it was shattered."

  "The duke would take back the day he wrote that bet in the book at Whites if he could, but he cannot. I'm hoping you will find it in your heart to forgive him. He is miserable without you, Miss Cooper. Your fear that he asked for your hand out of guilt and not love is not founded. I know my little brother, and I have never seen him so gutted over anything in his life. And I have known him all of mine."

  Iris swiped at a tear that rolled down her cheek. She fumbled for her handkerchief. "I have come to understand that it was not the duke's fault for my accident. Yes, he did place the bet in Whites, and although I suppose a small allocation of blame will always weigh on his shoulders, my late betrothed Redgrove chose to attempt the bet, and with me along with him." Iris sighed, tired of it all. Tired of her injuries, of her anxiety over what people thought of her and her scars. Tired of not believing that even with all that came up against her, tried to tear her down and maim her both physically and mentally, that she was not worthy of love.

  She was worthy of love, and she needed to believe Josh when he told her he loved her. Not out of guilt, but because he loves every part of her. Of who and what she is.

  Lady Arndel reached out and patted her hand. "No matter how it came about that you were sponsored by my mama. No matter how you came to be thrown into the same orbit as my brother, know this, for it is true. He has fallen in love with you, Miss Cooper. Nothing in your past or his matters if you love him in return."

  Lady Arndel sat back, placing down her teacup and busying herself, pouring another cup. "My husband was married before me and had a child, a daughter before I married him. He was also in a lot of strife due to the cousin he inherited the title from being in debt. My husband stole from me, was the Surrey Bandit, not that you heard that from me, you understand." Lady Alice pinned her with a look that declared she was never to speak of it again. "I saved him, of course, from himself, and
those who threatened him and our new family together. You see, Iris, if you will allow me to call you that."

  Iris nodded, riveted and not willing to disavow her.

  "He held my carriage up at gunpoint, stole jewels, and accosted me, but his honesty, his determination to make amends soothed my injured heart, and I found myself in love with the man before I even knew it was happening. If I can find forgiveness and have the happiest life one could imagine with a man, I know to the very core of my soul that you can too. That if you choose to forgive, you will find peace and love, and passion and every good thing that you deserve."

  Iris could not hold back the tears, and she dabbed at her cheeks, willing her heart to calm, her stomach to settle over Lady Arndel's words. "I had no idea that the Surrey Bandit attacked you. I do remember reading of him. I never imagined…"

  "That is was Callum?" Lady Arndel chuckled. "I was attracted to the fellow, even as he accosted me. It led me to wonder who he was, and his horse was magnificent. I was not overly surprised when I found out it was our titled neighbor, and then I had to make him pay."

  Iris was quite captivated with the story and would ask about it further at another time. "I'm to attend Robinson's masked ball this evening. Do you know if Josh will be there? I did receive a missive this morning from your mama, and it stated that His Grace was traveling outside of London today to attend business."

  "Yes, he's looking at purchasing some land, I believe. He thinks it will be a good investment or some such," Alice said with a disinterested wave. "I know he will be in attendance this evening, for he hopes to see you. You are traveling back to Cornwall tomorrow."

  "Yes, that is what is planned." But Iris was no longer so certain of her decision. She would always mourn Dudley, but he had chosen to attempt the bet and have her along with him for the ride. A silly mistake he could never take back. Josh, too, had played a part, but it was cruel of her to blame him entirely. It was not his fault.

  Iris thought over Alice's words that the duke adored and loved her, not out of guilt but because he loved her for who and what she was. Could she believe that? Could she trust that his affection was from an emotional and physical attraction and not because of what she had gone through, what had become of her due to the bet?

  "I will speak with His Grace this evening. I will discuss our future with him. While I do not know what I shall do, I promise I shall give him one last opportunity to say what he must."

  Alice smiled, placing down her tea and coming over to her. Iris stood and found herself in a tight embrace. "You are worthy of love, Miss Cooper, as we all are. He loves you, and you will see this evening how much my proud, duke of a brother does. I shall see you this evening." Lady Arndel kissed Iris's cheeks and then flounced out of the room, as quickly and as determinedly as she had stepped into it.

  Iris slumped down onto the settee, thinking of Lady Arndel's last words. What did they mean? If anything at all. Her mind cleared a little for the first time in a week before she stood and started for her room. She wanted to look her best this evening, her last in London or perhaps if fate had a different plan for her, the start of many more.

  Chapter 31

  The second masquerade ball was a crush. The room swam with color, with gowns of gold and greens, silks and tulle. Masks covered most attendee's faces. The laughter and chatter were deafening. Iris moved through the room with her mama and grandmother, who also sported dominoes and matching masks.

  The two women had grown close within the week they had spent together, and Iris knew no matter what happened with her and the duke, her mother and grandmother would spend a lot more time together in the coming years. The rift in the family finally healed.

  The orchestra in Lord and Lady Robinson's home was situated on an upstairs mezzanine floor, overlooking the ballroom itself. Iris stood across from it near the bank of windows that overlooked the grounds of the London townhouse. The gardens beyond were illuminated with torches, people too outside on the terrace and lawns enjoying the night of revelry.

  A footman came up to them and forgoing the ratafia, Iris picked up a glass of wine, feeling the need for fortification to do what she must this evening.

  After Lady Arndel had left, she had spent the day thinking about her life. What she wanted and longed for most. What she was able to forgive and forget, and she knew that she could forgive Josh.

  But only if he were truly in love with her and she was not some charity old maid he felt sorry for.

  If he declared himself with that truth, then she too would believe him at his word. She would trust that he stated the truth and believe in his love.

  Iris laughed as her father joined them, and scooped her mama out on the dance floor, her mother's squeal of delight bringing a smile to her grandmother's face.

  "Oh, how I shall miss you all when you leave. I think it is time that I visited Cornwall and see where my granddaughter grew up." The countess cupped Iris's cheeks in her hands. "I should have forgiven your mama her choice and let go of the pain and disappointment her marriage brought against me a long time ago, Iris dear. I'm sorry I hurt you all," the countess said before she too was pulled away in conversation by other acquaintances.

  Forgiveness.

  There was that word again. Mumbled to her for what felt like the hundredth time in under a day. Was it a sign from the heavens that she too ought to let go, step forward into a new life, a new time and forget the past?

  The orchestra's tune faded out, and Iris looked up to see why they would stop playing in the middle of a waltz and gaped at the sight of Josh. He was unmasked and without a domino—no hiding himself from the ton below.

  She cast a glance about the room. Everyone's attention was riveted on him and what he was doing up there. This was one of the most sought-after balls in the Season, the last masquerade held this year. Everyone who was anyone in town was present.

  An eager whisper, questions murmured through the crowd, before Josh, who was studying everyone beneath him, locked eyes with her.

  Oh, dear.

  Iris's stomach fluttered at the sight of him, handsome and broad-shouldered. A powerful duke demanding an audience.

  But why? What would he say to them all?

  When the duke had the room's full attention, no hairpin dared drop to the parquetry floor. Only then did he start to speak.

  His deep, rich baritone wrapped about her like a soothing balm. How she had missed his voice. His presence. His everything.

  "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I have come here this evening, for one reason and one reason only. And, fortunate for those of you present here this evening, you are about to find out why."

  Again, whispers ran the length of the room, but Iris could not look away. She felt a hand slip around hers and welcomed the comfort of her grandmother at her side.

  "This Season, you have been aware that my mother, the Dowager Duchess Penworth sponsored Miss Iris Cooper. Her first Season was cut short due to an accident, and I'm here today to pay penance for my involvement on that terrible day and to seek forgiveness. I also stand before you because there are truths that need acknowledging without another day passing."

  Iris heard the blood pumping in her ears, and for a moment, she wondered if she would faint. She steeled herself to listen, to hear him out his every word.

  The duke seemed to rally before he continued. "I made a bet many years ago that, unfortunately, Baronet Redgrove chose to take upon himself. Many of you know the outcome of that day and the resulting end to Miss Cooper's first Season due to her sustained injuries. It was never my intention for either Redgrove to be injured or Iris, but they were and my lack of consideration of them during that time is my burden to bear and burden to seek forgiveness for, if ever possible."

  The guests did not speak, but the looks they passed between them told Iris some did not know his involvement. That some of the ladies present cast her knowing looks of glee did not pass her by either.

  He went on. "What you are unaware of is th
at upon meeting Miss Cooper, plagued with guilt and the need to make her Season here this year one to remember, I somehow stumbled headlong in love with her. With every breath of my body, I wanted her. She was everything I did not want, or so I thought, and yet everything my soul craved. I could not sleep or eat without thinking of her." His eyes held hers, and Iris felt moisture pool in hers. Could he be saying all these things and before the entire London elite?

  Surely he was not?

  "I had to have her as my wife," he declared. "And so I took liberties that were not mine to take. I kissed her. That my mother came upon us was perfect for me, for honor demanded I ask her to be mine, and she agreed. While the last of my declaration sounds like I had no other choice, of course, I did. I did not have to offer anything. I could have spoken to the duchess and persuaded her to give over. But I did not want to."

  The knowing looks changed to ones of envy, and Iris felt hope bloom within her soul. Like a warm ray of sunshine lit her body to life and renewed her spirit.

  "I never asked you to marry me, Iris, because I felt sorry for you," he said, finding her in the crowd and holding her gaze. "Nor did I ask out of pity for your situation or my guilt over your circumstances. I merely used them at first to get close to you. I soon fell in love with your laughter, kindness, sweet, gentle soul that only ever wants the best for others. I want you as my duchess. No other lady will do." He shrugged, and she bit her lip, swallowing hard. She was on the verge of tears and before everyone who was anyone, but she did not care. No one else mattered but the duke—the man she loved.

  She heard her grandmother sigh with pleasure before dabbing at her own damp cheeks at the duke's words.

  Iris let go of her grandmother's hand and found the small flight of stairs leading up to Josh. Her steps slowed as she came toward him, the riveted visages of the orchestra musicians watching their every move.

  "I assume by what you are saying, Your Grace, that you are sorry."