Emily

by Jack Weyland

  “I always try to make it easy for people who stop to talk to me. It’s usually very awkward for them. I like to give them an easy out.”

  “I’m not all that uncomfortable. Oh, sure, you look a little weird in that outfit you’re wearing, but I pretty much just think of it as a Halloween costume. And you still have pretty eyes.”

  She wanted to be mad at him, but she wasn’t able. She liked it that he faced her situation head-on.

  “What can I do to help you?” he asked.

  “Nothing, really. I’m doing great now. Thanks, anyway.”

  She paused, waiting for him to say he needed to go. Everyone leaves, she thought. That’s just the way it is.

  “I could carry your books to class.”

  Austin, look, just say you need to get ready for your next class. You say that, and then I’ll nod, and then you can go.

  “You want something to eat? I saw a vending machine down the hall. Maybe a candy bar?” he asked.

  “I’m fine. Really.”

  “You don’t like candy bars? Well, it doesn’t have to be that. They have other things. Just tell me what you want.”

  She gave a troubled sigh. “A candy bar would be fine.”

  He stood up and reached into his pocket. “I’ve only got enough change for one, so we’ll have to share.”

  A minute later he sat down next to her and unwrapped the candy bar. “I’ll show you a way to make sure we each get an equal part. I’ll break it in two, then you get to choose which part you want.”

  She took the smallest piece.

  “Whoa, talk about being noble,” he said.

  They each took a bite.

  “Good, isn’t it? Say, I was wondering if we could see each other once in a while,” he said.

  “What for?”

  “I don’t know that many people here. It’d just be for a little while, until I make a few more friends. I know you’re busy. I don’t want to take up all your time.”

  “Look, Austin, I know you just got off your mission and you’re still trying to save the world, but don’t make me your service project, okay? I’m fine. Really, I am.”

  “Service project? Is that what you think this is?”

  “What else could it be?”

  “It’s not that.”

  “What is it then?”

  After a long pause, Austin said, almost as if it were a confession, “Well, okay, Jeremy did ask me to check in on you and see how you’re doing.”

  It all makes sense now, she thought. He’s doing this because of Jeremy.

  “And you’ve done it. Tell him I’m doing great. Now go get something else for breakfast other than a candy bar.”

  He stood up. “Okay, whatever you say. But I might come see you sometime, though. Is that okay?”

  “I guess so.”

  She didn’t expect he’d come back. It was just what guys said when they wanted to let a girl off easy; sometime never comes.

  On Monday morning when she entered her private study room in the basement of a classroom building, Austin was there. He had a plastic grocery sack full of muffins, a couple of cartons of orange juice, and a pile of napkins with Taco Bell imprinted on them. He began laying things out on a table.

  “Man, I’m glad you showed up. I was starting to worry some teacher would walk in and catch me here. I hope you’re hungry.”

  He went to the trouble of doing this, she thought. So try to be nice and then maybe he’ll feel like he’s done what Jeremy asked him to do and then he’ll leave you alone.

  As they ate, they made small talk about school, but when she asked about his mission, Austin opened up.

  He kept trying to maintain eye contact, but she kept glancing away.

  “In your calling as Relief Society president, when you’re talking to a girl in your ward, do you look her in the eye?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “You’re not doing that with me, though, are you?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I like to look into your eyes.”

  “Why?”

  “They say our eyes are the mirror into our souls.”

  She looked at him, and they gazed into each other’s eyes for just a moment, until she looked away.

  “Doing the eye thing wasn’t so bad, was it?” he said.

  She stood up and began stuffing their trash into the plastic bag.

  “You want to do this again tomorrow?” he asked.

  “No. Look, Jeremy asked you to look in on me. You’ve done that. In fact, you’ve done way more than I’m sure he expected you to do. I promise if I ever need help, I’ll give you a call. Now please go, so I can study for a quiz.”

  “Sure, whatever you say,” he said, sounding a little hurt by her curtness.

  He picked up the plastic sack and moved toward the door. Then he paused and turned back to her and said, “I know you were burned, and that’s too bad, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, does it?”

  Before she could react, he was gone.

  * * * * *

  Austin began calling Emily every morning to say hi and to see if she needed him to do anything for her. For the first few days she always said no, but then she thought of something he could do.

  “I’ve got a friend named Don,” she told Austin. “He’s in a wheelchair, and we’re going to see the USU women’s basketball team play on Thursday night. It’ll probably be okay, but if it snows, like they’re saying it might, I may need some help.”

  “Sure, no problem.”

  As it turned out, it didn’t snow, but Austin came along with them anyway. He walked with Emily to Don’s house and met Don and his parents. Before leaving for the game, the five of them sat around and talked for a while.

  Emily carefully observed how Austin treated Don. If he had showed any reluctance to be seen with Don, she would have written Austin off. But he didn’t.

  At first Austin had a hard time understanding Don, but after he got used to Don’s way of speaking, Austin seemed to take as much delight as Emily did in being around him.

  Just before leaving for the game, while Don’s parents were helping him get ready to go, Emily and Austin were alone in the living room.

  “The trick with Don,” she said, “is not to panic when you can’t understand what he says. Just relax. He doesn’t mind repeating himself. Oh, and don’t try to finish his sentences for him.”

  “Okay, anything else?”

  “Have a good time.”

  “That’s what I plan on doing.”

  And, in fact, they did have a good time. Emily was impressed by the attention Austin gave Don. And how carefully he removed Don’s jacket once they got to the fieldhouse. And how he included Don in every conversation.

  The more she saw how he was with Don, the less suspicious she became of Austin’s interest in her.

  After the game, they walked back to Don’s home where his parents invited Emily and Austin in for cookies and hot chocolate. While they were eating, Emily asked, “Don, when it comes to you, what do you wish people did better?”

  “People are afraid to be around someone like me.”

  “I was a little afraid,” Austin admitted.

  Don smiled his crooked smile and said, “People need to focus on what we can do, not what we can’t do.”

  Don’s mother nodded. “Often people assume that because Don has a disability, he has all disabilities. Even health care professionals often don’t know how to respond to him. It’s kind of funny, they’ll speak too slowly and too loudly or use childlike language, or they’ll ask us, instead of Don, how he’s doing.”

  Don laughed when his father said, “One day when Don was trying to get into the library, two people rushed to open the door for him. They opened the two doors, completely ignoring the post in the middle.”

  “I guess they thought if Don took a run at it, he could knock out the post,” Don’s mother said with a smile. “People
actually mean well,” she added. “It’s just that they don’t know quite how to act.”

  When it was time to go home, Austin walked Emily back to her apartment.

  “You want to go out sometime?” he asked. “How about tomorrow night? Maybe we could go to a dance.”

  “A dance?”

  “Yeah. You know, they play music and people sort of . . . dance.”

  “Look, Austin, I enjoyed tonight very much, but, I mean, let’s face it, there’s no need for you to waste your time with me.”

  He threw up his hands in mock despair. “It’s because you’ve heard what a lousy dancer I am, isn’t it? Heck, you crush one girl’s toe, and suddenly nobody will dance with you.”

  She started to laugh. “This is insane.”

  “Why?”

  “It just is. You know why.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Look at me,” she said softly.

  “I am looking at you.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “We were friends before my mission, weren’t we?”

  “You were friends with Jeremy, not with me. I was too young.”

  “You cooked me breakfast that one time. And we talked. That was nice.”

  “That was a long time ago.”

  “So, we’re both older now.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t waste your time with me.”

  “This is not a big deal, Emily. I’m just asking you to go to a dance. We’ll go, we’ll dance a little, we’ll talk. Why not go with me?”

  Against her better judgment, she finally agreed to go to the dance with him.

  * * * * *

  Why is he doing this? Is this a service project? she thought the next morning when she woke up. She could smell a service project a mile away. People who did service projects came in, made a fuss, and then were gone, never to be heard from again.

  But this didn’t seem like that. Especially not after she’d seen how he was with Don. Still, though, she was puzzled.

  He arranged to pick her up half an hour before the dance was scheduled to start.

  “Let’s go. We don’t have much time,” he said on their way out the door.

  “Time for what?”

  “Time to watch them set up. That’s the best part.”

  They arrived fifteen minutes early. Even before the cashier showed up.

  When the taped music began a little after eight, they were the only ones there.

  “Would you care to dance?” he asked with a bow.

  “I feel self-conscious being the only ones here.”

  “I know a great, out-of-the-way place we can go.”

  They climbed a set of stairs to a balcony that overlooked the dance floor. No one was up there, and they were out of the view of anyone from down below.

  “Want to dance?” he said.

  “This could be a little tricky,” she said.

  “You just tell me what you want me to do, okay?” he said.

  “Okay.” She gave a sigh of relief. “And thanks.”

  “No problem. Now just tell me how we’re going to do this.”

  “I’ll come to you, okay?” she said.

  “Sure, whatever you say.”

  She moved close to him. “This seems a little strange.”

  “I know, but it’ll be better once we start dancing. Is there some place I can hold you to keep you close to me?”

  She thought about it. “I guess maybe you could put your arm around my waist and put your hand on my back. Just above my waist, and more to your right.”

  “Okay, I’m going to do that now. If I’m in the wrong place, you tell me, okay?”

  He positioned his hand. “How’s that?”

  “Actually, maybe a couple of inches higher would be better.”

  “Sorry. How’s that?”

  “That seems fine.”

  “Can I pull you in a little closer?”

  “Well, I don’t know. I’d have to think about that.”

  “Sorry, I don’t mean now. What I mean is, if I do, it won’t hurt, will it? I mean, my hand is over good skin, right?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Okay, good. Well, I guess we could dance some then, right?”

  “I think so.”

  They began dancing. Her face was only an inch from his shirt. She wondered if she looked like someone very nearsighted trying to read a newspaper.

  “If you’d like, you can rest your head on my shoulder,” he said.

  “That’s very considerate of you.”

  She briefly touched her head on his shoulder but then pulled back.

  He smiled. “That’s okay. It’ll probably take some getting used to.”

  “You’re right.”

  They danced the next five songs. She ended up with her head on his shoulder and her eyes closed as they rocked slowly and gently in time with the music.

  He noticed her tears. “Are you all right?”

  “I am. I’m having a wonderful time.”

  “Then why the tears?”

  “I don’t know. I guess maybe I’m just grateful. I didn’t think I’d ever dance with anybody again. It’s very nice. Thank you very much.”

  “You’re thanking me? I’ve got a beautiful girl who’s willing to dance close to me. I’m the one who should be saying thanks.”

  By ten o’clock, she was exhausted. “I guess I’m ready to go now.”

  “Sure, me too.”

  “I’m afraid to go down there.”

  “Why?”

  “Because people will stare at me and wonder why someone like you is with me.”

  “We’ll wait for just the right time, and then we’ll make a run for it.”

  When there was a drawing for a door prize and people moved toward the stage, they left.

  “Do you want to get something to eat?” he asked.

  “No, that’s okay.”

  “Not even some hot chocolate?”

  “Going to a restaurant still isn’t something I’m comfortable with. People stare at me. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, and most of the time, I don’t, but, well, to tell you the truth, it wouldn’t be that much fun for me.”

  “Maybe we could have hot chocolate at my apartment,” he suggested.

  “Will anyone else be there?”

  “Probably not.”

  “I shouldn’t do that then.”

  “Sure, I understand. How about if we go to your place?”

  “Yes, we could go there.”

  Megan, one of Emily’s roommates, came out of the bedroom to see who’d come in. She was wearing a tanktop and jogging shorts and sneakers. “How was the dance?” she asked.

  “We had a great time,” Emily said enthusiastically. “Well, at least I did.”

  “I did too. We danced every dance,” Austin said.

  “But you’re home so early,” Megan said. “Do you always get your dates home so early?” she teased.

  “Well, yeah, I do. In high school, I used to go with a girl who had a paper route.”

  “If you took me out, I’d keep you busy until at least midnight.” The way she said it sounded almost like a dare.

  Emily raised her eyebrows. She grabbed two cups. “We came here for hot chocolate.” She was hoping that would be enough of a hint for Megan to leave them alone.

  “Sounds great. Make me some, too, okay?”

  Emily tried not to show her growing anger. “Sure.” She got another cup from the cupboard. The way Megan was dressed made Emily very uncomfortable. Her tanktop was barely modest straight-on, but when she leaned forward, it revealed way too much.

  Megan sat down at the table across from Austin. “You want to know what I’ve been doing tonight?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ve been working up my routine. On Monday I’m going to try out for cheerleader. One of the girls got real sick and had to drop out of school, so they have to replace her.”

  “What did she have?” Emily asked.

  Megan shrugg
ed her shoulders. “Beats me. All I know is if I do good on Monday, I’m in. Austin, you want to see my routine? Maybe you’ll have some suggestions.”

  “Sure, why not?”

  Austin helped Megan push the table off to the side so she’d have plenty of room. Megan went to her room and brought out her CD player. “Well, here goes.”

  Emily sat next to Austin as Megan went through her routine. She was embarrassed for Megan and wondered if she knew how inappropriate her performance was. She felt bad for Austin, who ended up keeping his eyes down as much as possible.

  Finally it was over. Breathing hard and perspiring, Megan stood in front of Austin. “So what did you think?” she asked.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever forget it,” he said diplomatically.

  “Really! It was that good?”

  “You had my complete attention.”

  “Fabulous. That’s what I wanted to happen. Emily, what did you think?”

  “What will you be wearing when you do this for the judges on Monday?”

  “They’ll have a cheerleader outfit for me to wear.”

  “That’ll be good,” Emily said.

  “Well, I’d better go take a shower. If you guys are still around when I get done, maybe we could play some games or something.”

  “Maybe so,” Austin said.

  Emily didn’t want to stand in anyone’s way. “I might turn in as soon as Megan gets back from her shower. But you can stay. Megan is very good at playing games.”

  Austin laughed. “We’ve already seen that, haven’t we?”

  Emily was surprised he’d noticed. “Yes, I believe we have.”

  He touched her left hand. “What do you want to do now?”

  She stood up and carried the empty cups to the sink. “I’m about done for, but, I’m serious, if you want to spend some time with Megan, go ahead.”

  “Do you really want to get rid of me now?”

  She thought about it. “No.”

  “What do you want?”

  “To spend some time with you . . . without Megan around.”

  “Done. Let’s go.”

  “But Megan thinks you’re going to be here when she finishes her shower.”

  “Hey, my date was with you. Let’s get out of here.”

  They parked outside the institute building. Finding it was still open, they went inside and sat on a couch in the hall. Far away they could hear chairs being moved and some guys laughing. The lighting in the hallway was dim.