Guilty of Love

by Pat Simmons

  Her mother offered her a faint smile. “Mother?” In a flash, Parke and Mrs. Beacon were at her side like summoned bodyguards.

  “May I come in? I won’t be long.”

  They all moved backwards as Kami scrambled to the door, peeping at the visitor. Latching onto Parke’s leg, Kami whispered, “Mine” instead of screaming and attacking. Cheney smiled, hoping the next family would appreciate the toddler’s possessiveness.

  After the pleasantries were exchanged and tea served, Gayle got down to the business at hand. “I’m sorry, Cheney, truly.”

  “For what, Mom?”

  “Despising you for carelessly getting pregnant, and then having the abortion. God has been dealing with me of late, and believe me it’s not because I sought Him. The past months I kept bumping into the same woman at the grocery store, bank, and while shopping. She was always dressed in black with a clergyman’s white collar, but it was her expressionless face that scolded me without uttering a word until our last encounter.”

  “What did she say?” Cheney asked curious.

  Bowing her head, Gayle toyed with the rings on her fingers. “She warned me that hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.” She took a deep breath. “She also said to get my house in order because my soul will be required sooner than I was prepared for.”

  Cheney gasped. She engulfed her mother in a bear hug before sobbing. The division, bitterness, and finger-pointing evaporated. “No.” She dropped to her knees. When Parke and Mrs. Beacon saw her distress, they began to pray. Even Kami mimicked them. “Jesus, help us all,” Cheney pleaded in prayer. “Lord, I learned last night that Hezekiah petitioned for Death not to come, and You added fifteen more years. Speak the Word, Lord, and reverse the curse.”

  Gayle, also crying, dropped on her knees. “God, please forgive me.”

  Charlotte seemed as if she wanted to participate, but was uncertain. Charlotte and the elder Parke watched the prayer with interest and curiosity before leaving. Afterwards, Mrs. Beacon and Hallison took Kami next door, giving Cheney and her mother some privacy.

  Before leaving, Parke whispered in her ear, “Forgive so we can be forgiven.” She nodded. “Mother, I love you, and I made a series of personal mistakes. Although I’m sorry, I only had to answer to God,” Cheney murmured tearfully.

  Gayle clasped her hands and dropped her head. “I’m sorry, too.”

  The women alternated between sobs, hugs, hiccups, and, “I love you.” Finally, Cheney pulled away and smiled. “Mom, Parke and I are engaged.”

  “Are you happy?” Gayle smiled back.

  “I have no right to be as happy as I am.”

  “I owe you an explanation.” Gayle sighed. “We had a family crisis that ripped our family apart while you were in your second year at Duke.”

  “I didn’t know. How come no one told me?”

  “We didn’t want to upset you, plus, it was personal.”

  “I thought my situation was too personal for family, too,” Cheney stated with an accusatory edge.

  Gayle pinched her lips together in embarrassment, showcasing the dimples she passed on to Cheney. “Rainey’s girlfriend, Shanice was four months pregnant when they got into an argument and broke up. Your father and I tried to encourage Rainey to work it out, but he wouldn’t, stating he wouldn’t allow Shanice to use their baby to threaten him. To make a long story short, when Shanice saw Rainey on a date with another girl, she aborted their child, just like that.” Gayle snapped her fingers. “We lost our first grandbaby.”

  “Two abortions in one family,” Cheney whispered.

  “Yes.” She nodded. “Rainey went from devastated to ballistic. We barely survived when two years later—”

  “Then I got pregnant.”

  “Your father became suspicious when you wouldn’t come home or allow us to visit. Fearing drug use or worse, Roland contacted a fellow physician who snooped around North Carolina’s hospital admissions and accessed your file. We couldn’t say anything to you because we had violated your privacy, but pure embarrassment triggered your father’s anger. We had hoped you would tell us, but you never did. I’m so sorry.”

  “Daddy discussed my condition with Rainey and Janae?”

  “He dropped hints, which your brother and sister never got. When you moved back home, your father told them as a way to hurt you for hiding it from us.”

  “Mother, I did have a right to my privacy.”

  “True, but your dad was outraged because, again, we had been cheated out of another grandchild. I’m sorry, Cheney. We should’ve been there for you instead of alienating you. Why didn’t you call us? Why?”

  “At that time, I was caught in a place between heaven, having a baby, and hell, uncovering Larry’s true intentions.” Cheney’s head was spinning. “I can’t believe what my family did! My own family kept my twin’s business from me, yet was privy to mine. Maybe, if I had known about Rainey’s situation, my outcome would’ve been different.”

  “I guess we made you bear the guilt of what Shanice did to Rainey and our family. I’m so sorry.”

  Her mother stayed for hours until Mrs. Beacon brought Kami back asleep. Drained, Gayle stood and hugged Cheney, asking for patience as the family healed.

  An hour later, the memories of their conversation still lingered when Parke called. “Hey, babe, I’m on my way back. I saw a few lights still on. Is something wrong?” his voice was on the edge of panic. “Is everything okay?”

  “Not really, I just couldn’t sleep with Kami leaving in the morning.”

  “I wish we could keep her.” He sighed. “I called Wilma about letting Kami stay indefinitely as our foster child or us adopting her, but Wilma said the agency had to follow procedures and other children are waiting to take her place.” They both were silent. “Cheney, I know we’ll both miss her, but if we stay faithful, God’s Word says, ‘No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly’.”

  “Still reading Psalms, huh?”

  “Yeah. David fascinates me. Despite his big time mistakes, he knew to repent. I have a new perspective on Bible stories. Instead of thinking of them as fables, I view them as testimonies from a man who struggled to obey God.”

  “I feel the same way. Hey, why are you coming home so late anyway, Mr. Jamieson?” she teased.

  “Oh, that’s right. I’m now an engaged man. I have to give an account of my whereabouts at all times. I’ve been over at Malcolm’s again. He put on a brave act at your house earlier, but he really hasn’t been the same since Hali started back to church.”

  Chapter Thirty-four

  The following morning at nine, Wilma rang Cheney’s doorbell. Kami ran happily to the door and waited, expecting Parke. But she suggested he stay away because of Kami’s attachment to him.

  “Good morning,” Wilma greeted as Cheney opened the door and invited her in. Scooping up Kami in her arms for the very last time, she gave a timid smile.

  “I know this is supposed to be a clean sweep, so I’ll help carry her things to the car,” she said in a shaky voice. Too soon, Cheney had to wave good-bye to Kami who was strapped in a car seat. She hurried back inside without looking back. Once behind closed doors, Cheney cried until the tears dried up and her head ached.

  ***

  “Hali, how could you just break my heart like that?” Malcolm questioned as he sat at his desk snapping pencil after pencil. Losing her had happened so fast Malcolm didn’t see it coming. He rubbed his face in frustration, remembering Hallison walking down the church aisle—not to the altar, but away from him.

  Malcolm scanned his neat, small office then the chaos on his desk. “Why did I even bother coming to work today?” He couldn’t focus, recalling the worst day of his life had been in church. He remembered every detail.

  “Congrats, Sister Dinkins,” Cheney rocked Hallison in a hug. Parke also offered a hug, placing a kiss against her forehead.

  “Praise the Lord, my future sister-in-law,” Parke greeted, grinning with p
ride.

  Mrs. Beacon, stepped forward. “I’m still trying to figure out how God did this thing, snagging both of us today.”

  Clueless, Malcolm had stood back, allowing Hallison to soak up their love. She looked relieved, like a burden had been lifted. Malcolm made eye contact with Hali, watching her as he approached. He cupped her chin. “Hey, baby, why am I congratulating you, huh?” His eyes sparkled.

  Hali treated him to a priceless smile as she gripped his hands. “Malcolm, God reclaimed me, despite how much I fought against what was right and turning my back on Jesus. I started repenting in my seat, and He forgave me.” Her voice shook with disbelief. “My soul was saying yes, even as my mind kicked and screamed no.”

  Massaging her arms, Malcolm smiled again before hugging her. “If you’re happy, then, baby, I’m happy.”

  “Did you come down to the altar?” Hallison searched his face. “I got caught up in the Word, and I forgot about you. I’m sorry.”

  Malcolm’s hand lovingly stroked her cheek. “Don’t worry about me, baby. I didn’t leave my seat. I enjoyed the service and we can come back anytime, but nothing compelled me to jump up and shout or race down an aisle. God knows my heart and I’m satisfied as long as I have you.”

  “Don’t you want to be saved?”

  “Never thought about it.” He shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pants pockets.

  “Bible says to preach the gospel and he who receives it shall be saved, but him that rejects it will be damned. Malcolm, please.”

  “Now you sound like Parke. I’m happy for you and that’s all that’s important.”

  Hallison’s sobbing was heart wrenching as he gathered her into his arms. “What did I say? Shhh, don’t worry about me.”

  Parke and Cheney exchanged worried looks that hinted they knew something Malcolm didn’t. Composing herself, Hallison stepped slowly out of Malcolm’s embrace. Staring at him with an unreadable expression, Hallison twisted off her engagement ring.

  “What are you doing?” Malcolm asked, agitated by Hallison’s gesture.

  “As much as I love you, and I do love you, I can’t accept this ring right now. I’m not an unbeliever anymore. A house divided cannot stand. I’m alive because of grace; now it’s time for me to stand.”

  “All of a sudden?” His heart had cracked as he fingered her ring. “You can’t be serious. One day in church and you’re ready to walk away from me and the love we share?”

  “I don’t have a choice,” she admitted, nodding shamefully as more tears threatened to spill. “I walked away from God once. So many people don’t make it back, but this could be my last chance.”

  “Baby, this isn’t making sense.” Malcolm stepped closer.

  “When I met you, I was living a lie. The more I pushed God away to be with you, the more tormented I became. Today, God spoke to me loud and clear. My last chance ran out. He will no longer wink at my sins. I’ve got to put Him first this time.”

  Malcolm was hot. “And where does that leave me? I can’t believe this! I come to church and God steals my woman.”

  Parke tried to calm Malcolm down, but it didn’t work. “We’re in church, and that’s your woman you’re raising your voice at.”

  “She’s no longer my woman, PJ, didn’t you hear? I’ve just been dumped in church,” Malcolm spat sarcastically.

  It wasn’t fear, but something flashed across Hallison’s face and she turned away, “Parke, do you and Cheney mind giving me a lift home?”

  “What!” Malcolm advanced toward Hallison as she stepped back and Mrs. Beacon maneuvered her walking cane, blocking his approach. “I brought you and I will take you home.”

  “No, Malcolm, you brought me, but left me spiritually stranded. I can’t fight any longer. I’ve been at war internally too long and I’m tired.”

  Blurred vision jolted Malcolm back into the present. “I miss you, baby.” His heart ached for her smile. His hands itched for her soft perfumed skin and silky hair. He took one woman into church and another one emerged. Grabbing the receiver, he punched in his ex-fiancée’s work number. Ex-fiancée. He couldn’t comprehend what that meant. “Hallison Dinkins, please.”

  “I’m sorry, she’s doing payroll and can’t be disturbed,” the receptionist said, a little too patronizing for him. The woman had become Hallison’s watchdog.

  “Thanks.” Malcolm slammed down the receiver and stood, scattering pencils. “Ten days is long enough.” He pounded the desk with his fist. “You’re going to see me, woman, with or without an audience. I won’t be refused today.” Malcolm patted Hallison’s ring in his pants pocket, then stormed out the door. “Never mess with a Black man in love, and I’m a Jamieson, too. That’s a hostile combination.”

  Thirty minutes later, his heart raced when Hallison’s receptionist saw him and apparently hurried to alert her, but Malcolm was quicker, entering her office a second sooner, almost bumping the woman back into the hall.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Reynolds. I tried to warn you,” the woman said, flustered.

  Hallison remained seated behind her mahogany desk, looking radiant. Her brown hair hung straight past her shoulders with her face glowing.

  How can she sit there, looking so beautiful and acting so calm? Malcolm was irritated, agitated, and dying inside. His peripheral vision closed in on Hallison’s lips. Like a predator, he moved carefully toward her. Malcolm’s eyes flashed and his chest heaved as he tried to control his sporadic breathing.

  He leaned against her desk. “How can we work out our differences when you refuse to see and talk to me?” Malcolm inhaled her subtle sweet perfume, the one he had bought her the month before. His bold appraisal was meant to be threatening, but it weakened his knees. Do you know how much I love you?

  “Because you’re my weakness,” she whispered, taking a deep breath.

  Focusing on her mouth, Malcolm leaned even closer. “And, you’re my weakness, physically and emotionally.”

  “Please don’t make me cry—”

  Scooping down, he kissed her, absorbing her words until she broke away, panting.

  “If only you wanted to be saved.”

  “Sweetheart, I don’t need Holiness to be saved, but if that’s the only way I can get you back, count me in.”

  “Baby—” She squeezed her lips. “Sorry that slipped. Your salvation has nothing to do with me. You’ve got to want it for yourself. Malcolm, you don’t know enough about it to reject it. When God’s power hit me, I did an about-face. I tried to forget the consequences, but God retrieved every act I tried to forget that Sunday.”

  Why was she putting them through this? He had always been honest with her. His temper broke. “Hali,” he called through clenched teeth, “do you love me?”

  When she hesitated, Malcolm hammered his fist on her desk, causing her to jump. “Hali, you know I love you and I’d never hurt you.”

  Her eyes pleaded with him. “I know how special your love is, but it isn’t enough anymore,” her voice faded. “It’s hard to explain, but before I walked to the altar, God showed me myself burning in flames. It was either I make a choice then, or never. I chose then on Sunday.”

  “I can protect you. I’d never let anything happen to you, baby.” Malcolm jammed his fists on his waist. “Hallison, I’m not feelin’ I need God to direct what I say and do, but I sure do need you. Again, I’m asking you, do you love me?”

  She looked away, not responding. Malcolm knew he was a good person who truly loved her. The man upstairs could appreciate that. When she remained quiet, Malcolm nodded. He had his answer. He turned toward her office door to leave when he heard a faint, “Yes.”

  Malcolm swung around, not realizing he had been holding his breath. “Then this is not over.” He believed Hallison was worth fighting for, even if the competition was God.

  ***

  Sometimes Parke didn’t know how to pray, and what to pray for, but the Reynolds were at the top of his list. After Cheney’s tearful reunion with Gayle, he pra
yed the other family members would follow.

  “Parke Jamieson,” a deep voice on the other end of the phone stated when he answered.

  “Yes?” Parke lifted his brow. The voice wasn’t familiar, but the tone alerted him to be on guard.

  “I’m Dr. Roland Reynolds, my daughter’s pitiful father. I understand you’ve asked my daughter to marry you.”

  Parke nodded to himself, but didn’t respond. He decided to the let the man dig himself out of his hole.

  “I want to repair the relationship with Cheney. I’m hoping you can help me with that,” the strong, confident voice dissolved to a humble plea.

  Thirty minutes later after listening to the man’s unbelievable story, Parke ended the call saying, “Do you mind if I pray for you, Roland?”

  “Please.”

  “In the name of Jesus, I come before You on Roland’s behalf. I worship You for the power of Your blood that can not only wash away our sins, but our guilt.”

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Summer was a memory, but the second week in October was perfect for a fall outdoor wedding. Mrs. Beacon’s back yard was the backdrop, professionally landscaped with a rock garden, a miniature waterfall cascading into a goldfish pond, and stone benches lining a brick walkway to a common ground.

  “Parke couldn’t have gotten a better bride,” Imani told Cheney, standing in her bridesmaid’s dress. “Who knows, maybe Captain Rogers and I might be next. The first time I was young and stupid. Now I’m mature and smart. Like you, I’m not going to let a good man—White or Black—get away.”

  “Imani, all of us aren’t engaged.” Cheney tilted her head toward Hallison.