Finding Our Hearts

by Grace Roberts

  “Sooo, are you having cold feet, yet?” Ciara asked in her very melodramatic way, sitting next to Kathy. The bride-to-be shook her head vehemently and took a sip from her glass, her eyes turning all dreamy. I was expecting little hearts to flow out of them at any second.

  “I can’t wait to marry Colin. I know it might sound silly, since we’ve already been living together for over a year, but… I just can’t wait to officially be his wife and call him my husband.”

  We all let out a collective “aww,” and when I turned, I noticed Ciara’s eyes were a little watery.

  “Well, then this calls for a toast,” she said, blinking a couple of times to push back the tears before they spilled and ruined her make-up. “To happily-ever-afters. May we all one day have a fairytale wedding with a wonderful Prince Charming, and sport a silly, dreamy grin just like our bride here!”

  We laughed and raised our glasses. I had no doubt I’d already found my Prince Charming; now I only had to wait and hope for a dream wedding, too.

  “Since we’re celebrating, I think it’s time for another toast,” Kathy said, raising her glass and smiling at me. “Congratulations to Claire on landing the job as Galway University librarian. And I know you also applied for the MA, so hurry up, ’cause I’ll need an editor for my next books and I’ll want my sister-in-law to do the job.”

  Sister-in-law?

  The cider went down the wrong pipe, and I coughed until tears filled my eyes.

  Ciara laughed out loud, patting my back. “There, there, it’s all right. Nobody’s expecting you to marry David if you don’t want to.”

  Gee, thanks Ciara. Way to make me feel less embarrassed!

  “You don’t want to marry our brother?” Maggie asked, with a frown, the same expression I saw on Kathy’s face. Oh my, how was I going to get out of this now?

  “I didn’t mean… um…” I cleared my throat and inhaled deeply through my nose. Just the thought of marrying David made a flush heat my cheeks down to my collarbone. “I didn’t say I don’t want to marry him—ever. It’s just that, well, we’ve been together only three months; he’d been with Michelle for more than a year, and look how it went.”

  “Ha!” Maggie let out a snort, making Ciara and Kathy giggle. “That’s because you haven’t noticed the way he looks at you. He’s never looked at anyone that way. His eyes turn all dreamy when he’s around you, and he gets this silly smile on his face whenever someone so much as says your name.” She batted her eyelashes and brought her hands to her heart. “Aw, Claire. Claire, my love. I can’t live without you.”

  We all laughed at her terrible imitation of David and I took the last sip of my cider, hoping it would calm my nerves.

  “David’s really in love with you,” Kathy said, squeezing my hand and smiling at me. “I don’t know if he’ll ever grow up and propose, or if he’ll keep dating you until you’re seventy, but with or without a ring on your finger, I already consider you my sister-in-law. Just make sure you get that Masters as soon as possible. I want to be your first client. And your best, of course.” She winked at me and my heart filled with warmth. I loved the way they all treated me as if I’d always been part of their family.

  “So, with or without a ring on her finger, let’s raise our glasses for Claire and her bright future as a librarian and an editor!” Maggie cheered, and Ciara joined with a “woot-woot!” and downed the rest of her cider in one gulp.

  “And for David and his new job, too.” I added, eliciting another cheer from Maggie and Kathy.

  The day after I’d received my news, David had also been contacted by an important medical device company in Galway, who’d heard about the project he’d been working on at the university. They had offered him a position he’d immediately accepted and he’d be starting in a couple of weeks. I was really proud of him and all he had achieved. He was smart, romantic and gorgeous: what more could a girl wish for? Kathy was right: I didn’t need a ring on my finger to know I loved David more than I’d ever love anyone else.

  Kathy’s mother interrupted our celebrations, saying it was time she wore the dress and got to the church. We all helped her get ready, Ciara teasing her about the sexy lingerie she was wearing underneath her robe, and when Kathy spun, looking at us with questioning raised eyebrows, we couldn’t help letting out another collective “aww.” She was the most beautiful bride I’d ever seen, and I had no doubt Colin would have a hard time remembering his own name once he saw her.

  Maggie, being the maid of honor, walked into the church first. I came second and Ciara was behind me, right before Kathy and her father. I was a little nervous as I took careful steps down the aisle on the gorgeous, but a little too high sandals Maggie had chosen for the bridesmaids. I didn’t look up from the burgundy carpet until I nearly reached the altar, and that was when I saw David staring at me with his mouth open. Our eyes locked, and a corner of his lips turned up in the cheeky, adorable grin he reserved only for me. All nervousness left my body in a rush and was quickly replaced with an overwhelming feeling of adoration for the gorgeous, loving man standing next to Colin’s best man, Chris.

  I took my place next to Maggie, my eyes never leaving David’s until Kathy reached Colin. When the ceremony started I tried to concentrate on the words being spoken, thinking it would be rude to keep staring at David, who looked like a GQ model in his black two-piece suit, with a turquoise tie and handkerchief that matched our dresses and brought out the beautiful hue of his eyes.

  Soon enough Kathy and Colin were pronounced husband and wife, and after a cheer from all the guests they walked down the aisle, followed by the best man and maid of honor. David offered me his elbow, and when I linked my arm through his, he placed his warm hand on top of my bare forearm and a soft kiss on my temple.

  “You’re gorgeous,” he whispered, his tone low and sexy, the same one he used when we were alone and intimate. Goosebumps instantly erupted all over my body and my cheeks tingled with heat. I was happy that everyone was too busy looking at the beautiful bride and groom to notice my reaction.

  David kissed my lips only briefly, and the familiar swarm of butterflies took flight in my belly—just like every time his lips brushed mine.

  “Yeah, um… you clean up well yourself,” I managed to say with a shaky voice, and was rewarded with a beautiful smile.

  Everybody got in their cars to get to the reception venue, a castle only a half hour drive from Galway. During the ride David never let go of my hand, kissing alternately my palm and knuckles every few minutes, even though we weren’t alone. Chris, Colin’s best friend from New York, his wife, Melissa, and their twenty-one-month-old son, James, were sitting in the back of David’s car. Kathy had asked Melissa to be one of the bridesmaids too but she was seven months pregnant, and she’d preferred to sit in the guest pews with her son since, in her words, she was so big she’d look more like a whale than a bridesmaid in the dress Kathy and Maggie had chosen.

  I’d met Melissa at Kathy’s bachelorette party and we’d immediately clicked, which was something that was still a little weird for me, seeing as I’d always had a hard time socializing and meeting new people without feeling uncomfortable. Since becoming a part of the O’Hagan family, though, it seemed like making friends had become way easier for me—maybe it was because being loved by David, and as a consequence by his family, had boosted my self-confidence and turned me into a better version of myself: less shy and nerdy, and more easy-going. Someone I really liked.

  “So, David, you feelin’ a little more chilled now Colin’s made an honest woman out of your sister, or are you still gonna break his legs?”

  David chuckled, and looked at Chris through the rear-view mirror. “I see news travels, even overseas. Well, as I already told Colin, the threat is always valid. And I guess since he married her, it’s going to be more than just breaking his legs if he hurts her now.”

  Chris laughed. “I doubt you’ll ever need to act on your threat. I’ve never seen Colin so in love with anyone
in all the years I’ve known him. Hell, I’ve never seen him in love with anyone, so that should say it all.”

  “Doesn’t mean I’ll let him off the hook. It’s my job to protect the people I love.” David turned his head toward me and winked; I squeezed his hand in response. I loved his protective side, the one he used not only with his sisters but with me, too. Not only did it make me feel safe, but also special. Loved.

  Chris guffawed, and from the back of the car patted David’s shoulder. “Ah, look at you, now. I don’t have to guess whose wedding is coming up next.”

  My heart shot up my throat and my hand went all clammy at the realization of what Chris was implying. David only chuckled and didn’t take the bait—not that I was expecting him to say Chris was right. It would be weird if he’d already been thinking about us getting married, since we’d only been together three months—although, that hadn’t stopped me from fantasizing about it. But I was a girl, so that was normal, wasn’t it?

  We spent the rest of the ride listening to James’s monologues that nobody could make out, and the tension left my body with every stroke of David’s thumb across the back of my hand.

  When we reached the castle through a narrow private road winding through ancient trees, I stared in awe at my surroundings. It looked as if we’d stepped back in time, and I couldn’t think of a more perfect or more romantic venue for Kathy and Colin’s fairytale wedding. I almost expected horse-drawn carriages to be parked outside the beautiful Victorian mansion, and people dressed Jane Austen-style strolling around the manicured gardens. I got out of the car and David offered me his elbow again. I smiled at my own very gorgeous Mr. Darcy, and let him lead me inside.

  The afternoon passed quickly. David and I sat at the table with Maggie, Ciara and Aidan, Chris, Melissa and James. After the best man’s speech, and an additional speech from David, who raised his glass to toast his brother, who would’ve turned thirty today, Kathy called for all the bachelorettes to gather around for the bouquet toss. I tried to inconspicuously take a few steps back, not wanting to have David feel any pressure in case I was the one who caught it. Two hands gripped my wrists—both Maggie and Ciara had seen my flight attempt, and with a grin they dragged me toward the group of squealing girls. How could women in the twenty-first century believe in such a silly superstition as the bouquet toss? I bet some of them didn’t even have a boyfriend, but probably hoped that by catching the bouquet they’d meet their Prince Charming the following day and end up tying the knot before the year was through.

  Ciara stood in the front row, ready to wrestle all the other girls. We’d been talking a lot about our relationships and what we expected from our boyfriends, and she’d clearly said she was hoping Aidan would propose soon. I was sure she wanted to catch the bouquet in the hope it’d give him a push in the right direction.

  I stood a few steps behind Ciara, desperately wanting to fade in the background, as I always did. I hated having people’s eyes on me—being the center of attention had never been something I’d liked. I scanned the guests scattered around the big room, and when my eyes locked with David’s, everybody else disappeared. I couldn’t see or hear anyone else. It was just he, smiling at me and raising his thumbs, mouthing, go, girl! as if I were just about to take part in a race or something. I smiled back, feeling reassured, and didn’t even hear Kathy count backwards. I turned toward the commotion just in time for the bouquet to fall into my hands.

  I let out a gasp just as the other girls, including Ciara, let out various annoyed sounds. My cheeks flushed red hot, and my first reaction was to toss it to someone else, as if it were on fire. I looked up from the bunch of white roses and saw all eyes, including the waiting staffs’, were on me. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

  “That’s brilliant!” Kathy clapped her hands and came toward me with open arms. I wondered if she’d take offense if I asked her to take the bouquet back, and maybe toss it again to make someone else happy.

  “Ah, dude. Now you’re in trouble!”

  I recognized Chris’s American accent and cringed, not wanting to see David’s reaction to his comment. What if he felt trapped or thought I’d planned all this with his sister so that he’d feel forced to do something he didn’t want to?

  I turned to where David was; I needed to gauge his reaction, but before I could even scan the room his hands were on my cheeks and his lips on mine. His quick but gentle kiss slowed the wild beating of my heart down to a normal rate, and I felt a little reassured.

  “I didn’t mean to—”

  His lips on mine again cut me off, and when a loud cheer came from the guests, he pulled away and chuckled against my mouth.

  “Great catch, baby,” he whispered in my ear, then he stole the bouquet from my hand and with a shout, lifted it like a trophy, while he wrapped his arm around my waist. Everyone cheered as if he’d just won the gold medal, and I couldn’t help laughing at how he’d managed to pull me out of the embarrassing situation. I was sure he’d known exactly how I was feeling and he’d done it all just to save me from it.

  Music started in the adjoining room and everyone moved toward the dance floor, forgetting about us. David placed a soft kiss on my cheek. “You’re welcome.”

  “You know this is only a silly superstition, right? I mean, you don’t have to feel forced to do anything or get scared or—”

  “You mean you don’t want to marry me?” he asked, wide-eyed and bringing a hand to his heart. I blushed hard and he chuckled. I’d marry him tomorrow, if he asked me—but I obviously wasn’t going to admit that and scare him off. “Relax, baby. It’s just a bunch of flowers. I promise I won’t be running in the other direction when you turn around.”

  He kissed the tip of my nose, then moved down to my lips where he lingered a little, seeing as we’d been left alone in the room.

  “Glad to hear that.” I smiled against his lips and pulled back a little. “I don’t really want to start looking for another boyfriend just yet.”

  He moved away from me with raised eyebrows, feigning indignation, but as soon as I walked past him giggling, he playfully slapped my butt.

  “You’ll be looking for another boyfriend over my dead body, woman.”

  I giggled again, then turned and took his hand, pulling him toward the room where nearly everyone was swaying on the dance floor. I was hoping he’d ask me to dance, pull me into his arms and hold me close but he led me to a set of chairs by the dance floor instead. He sat, put the bouquet on an empty chair next to his, then pulled me down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. Oh, well, this won’t be so bad either.

  After the current song ended, Mr. O’Hagan, who’d been dancing with the bride, came over to us and smiled while extending his hand toward me.

  “Mind if I steal this beautiful lady for a dance, Son?”

  David chuckled, his warm breath tickling my neck. “We’re not in the sixties anymore, Dad. Women can make their own decisions, ya know?”

  I swatted his thigh. “I sure can make my own decisions so yes, I’d love to dance with you, Ronan. Thank you for inviting me.”

  It still felt a little weird to address David’s parents by their first names, but they were adamant I felt like a member of their family and had insisted until I’d finally stopped calling them Mr. and Mrs. O’Hagan every time I saw them.

  I took his hand and stood up, stuck out my tongue at David, and followed Ronan onto the dance floor. A slow Sinatra song started and I let him lead me around, twirling me and catching me just like a professional dancer.

  “You have quite fabulous moves,” I said when he pulled me close again. He chuckled.

  “Beth insisted we take dance lessons before we got married. I didn’t really look forward to that, but love can make you do funny things. Like learning to dance when you have two left feet.” He pushed me away and twirled me around, pulling me back before I’d even realized what had happened.

  “Are you saying I sh
ould enroll David in a dance school?”

  He laughed. “Dunno about that, but I have to say my boy’s pretty smitten about you so maybe he’d go. I dare say he might even jump off a cliff if you asked.”

  Heat flushed my cheeks, and I chuckled nervously.

  “I haven’t seen him this happy ever since the accident, you know? He looks… he looks as if he’s finally at peace with himself, as if all the demons that were haunting him after Declan’s death have finally gone to rest.” He twirled me one last time as the song approached the end and dipped me, making me gasp in surprise before I let out a laugh.

  When he pulled me up, he was smiling. “Thank you for bringing my boy back from wherever he’d gone. Beth and I thought we’d never see him truly happy again.”

  He winked, took an exaggerated and very old-fashioned bow, and spun around, looking for his wife. I stood speechless on the dance floor for a moment, pondering his words. Whenever I’d seen him, he’d always been a very quiet man, and the last thing I’d expected was to have such a conversation with him. His words had filled my heart with warmth and happiness. I was truly blessed to have become part of such a wonderful family; I hoped with all my heart I’d never have to leave them.

  Chapter 28

  David

  I sat in a secluded corner of the room, sipping a glass of sparkling white wine and looked at my family members laughing and having fun on the dance floor. It was heart-warming to finally see true happiness shining on their faces after all the months that grief and despair had hovered over our family, weighing down our hearts like rocks in our pockets.

  After losing Declan and thinking Kathy would be paralyzed for the rest of her life, our lives had been ripped apart, and even though we’d known we’d had to keep living, none of us had found any real happiness ever since that bloody January day—not until Declan had come back to help Kathy and she’d told us how he’d healed her.