Death of the Couch Potato's Wife: Cozy Christian Mysteries (Women Sleuth, Female Detective Suspense)

by Barritt, Christy

  I glanced over. “He’s been over there a lot lately.”

  “I wonder why. What could he have in common with that family?”

  “Good question.”

  We both stared at the house for a moment.

  I remembered seeing Harry that first night Babe and I had patrol duty alone. He’d had dirt all over his clothes and said he was looking for his keys, yet his front door was wide open.

  I remembered him whispering with Steele Bruno.

  I remembered his vendetta against Jerry.

  And when all the other men in town had been racing lawn mowers, Harry was watching from the crowds. He could have pushed me. I don’t care how convincing he’d been when I talked to him at the pharmacy. The fact still remained that he could be guilty. He worked for the cable company. Maybe he’d been in the Flynns’ house before to do some work and had snagged a copy of their house key. He’d even been in our house to hook up our wireless Internet. Maybe that’s how he’d left the banana bread or listening device. In fact, Harry could pretty much have access to any house he wanted in the neighborhood.

  “What are they doing in their back yard? I keep seeing dirt fly in the air.” I squinted and leaned closer.

  “Maybe they’re burying something.” Babe paused. “Like another dead body.”

  My eyes widened. “Babe!”

  “Well, they have been acting suspicious.”

  I continued to watch the dirt fly. “Maybe we should check it out.”

  Babe and I crept toward the Bruno house. Maybe I would finish solving this mystery before I left, after all.

  We tiptoed to the fence. I peeked between the cracks in the pickets. I could clearly see Harry and Darius digging a narrow trench in the ground. The unearthed dirt was too small for a body. What could they be burying? Evidence? Babe and I looked at each other.

  “You sure we’re not going to get caught?” Steele asked, wiping the sweat from his brow.

  “People do this all the time. It’s no big deal. No one will ever know.”

  “Yeah, last time you said that the power in the entire neighborhood went out.”

  So, Harry had caused that power outage? What ex actly were they doing?

  One thing I did know was that Harry and Steele both were large men who could easily take down Babe and me. Maybe we should get out of here and call the police. I’m sure Chief Romeo would be more than happy to hear another one of my theories.

  “We should go,” I whispered to Babe.

  We turned around just in time to see Gia standing behind us, a knife in hand.

  “I wish you hadn’t seen that,” Gia said, shaking her head.

  Chapter 26

  “We didn’t see anything,” Babe insisted.

  I shook my head and backed against the fence. The fence. Could I the scale the privacy in order to save my life? Could Babe? “Not a thing.”

  Gia stepped closer, the knife glistening under the illumination of a nearby streetlight that just flickered on. “We’re not doing anything wrong.”

  My throat felt as dry as the wooden fence at my fingertips. “We never said you were.”

  Gia shook her head, flailing the knife in front of her as she spoke. “It’s just that this Homeowners’ Association has all of these crazy rules. They’re driving me mad!”

  What did the Homeowners’ Association have to do with killing us? Now wasn’t the time to ask. Instead, I wanted to be on her side, to let Gia know I wasn’t a threat. “They can be maddening.”

  She sighed and flung her hand in the air, the knife with it. “We knew Hillary would never approve.”

  I continued to stare at the weapon in her hands. I willed myself to keep my voice steady. “Of murder? Who does approve of that?”

  Gia put her hands on her hips, pointing the knife away from us for once. Her eyes widened. Her lips parted. “Murder? What are you talking about? Are you crazy?”

  “You’re the one with the knife.” I nodded toward the weapon.

  Gia held it up and laughed. “I was just chopping up veggies to snack on when I saw you out the kitchen window.”

  I let out a weak laugh, still not a hundred-percent relaxed. “So—that’s not a weapon?”

  She snorted. “A weapon? Get real. Who do you think I am? A killer?” She laughed, a little too loudly.

  “There was a murder in the neighborhood,” Babe pointed out.

  I nodded. “And your husband is burying something in the backyard.”

  “Cable! He’s burying a cable line in the back yard.”

  Babe and I looked at each other in horror.

  “You mean, they’re stealing cable? That’s what all of this is about?” I had to laugh.

  “We’re not stealing it. We’re setting up a screen in our backyard so we can watch movies out there in the summer with our pals from the city. I knew Hillary would never approve, so we went behind her back. Harry is helping us to set things up.”

  “What about the power outage?”

  She snorted again. “The first time the two brainiacs tried to do it, they dug too deep and cut a line. That’s what they get for trying to do it at night.”

  “Who are you talking to, honey?” Steele opened the gate and stopped cold. “This isn’t what it looks like.” He dropped his shovel.

  Harry appeared behind him. “Don’t tell Hillary. Please. I don’t want her to slap me with a fine for breaking the association’s rules.”

  “We won’t tell Hillary,” Babe said. “As long as you invite us over for a movie when it gets warmer.”

  Gia and Steele grinned. “It’s a deal.”

  I watched Steele and Harry interact. “I’m curious—how do you two know each other?”

  “We met in college. Harry’s been trying to talk us into moving here for a long time. Said it was a great place to raise a family.”

  “I wanted somewhere else to buy a couch. That one Jerry sold me was horrible and then he wouldn’t let me return it.”

  “Did that make you mad?”

  “Of course it did.”

  “Mad enough to kill him?” Yeah, we’d had this conversation before. Maybe it was time to revisit it, though.

  “Of course it didn’t! I don’t get mad. I get even. That’s why I’m helping Steele open up a Futon World store here in Boring.”

  Gia leaned closer. “Now that you’re in on our little secret, how about you come over tonight to test out the screen?”

  “Isn’t it a little cold outside to be watching movies?”

  “We hooked up surround sound into our sun room. We can sit in there and watch whatever we want, just like on the big screen.” She held up her knife. “We’re having veggies and wings.”

  We all laughed.

  “We’ll be there,” Babe and I said in unison.

  I read the text across the massive screen attached to the Brunos’ fence. “What show is this clip from?”

  Part of a TV program flashed across the white.

  Kent hit the buzzer. “ Battlestar Galactica !”

  His answer was right, as it had been the last six times. Everyone on our team cheered and stood up to give Kent a high five.

  Babe, Tiara, and Darius were all on our team.

  We faced off against the Brunos, Harry and the Jones family from two streets over. So far, we were winning.

  I had to admit, playing the pop culture trivia game on the big screen was a lot of fun. There was also a surge of excitement in knowing we were breaking the association rules.

  But the one thing I’d learned during the course of the evening was that Kent was even more of a couch potato than I’d realized. Only someone who watched a lot of TV could know the things he did.

  Growing up, my parents had emphasized what a waste of time TV was. There were more important things one could be doing, things like studying, putting in community service hours— which looked great on your resume and college applications— and job shadowing people in order to gain more experience for the future.

&nb
sp; My parents were very goal oriented.

  Maybe that thinking had been ingrained in me; knowing that Kent liked to mindlessly watch TV so much made me feel uneasy.

  We took a break from the game to grab more snacks.

  “So, you guys are really moving,” Tiara said, while grabbing a stick of celery. “What about the pharmacy?”

  “We’ll put it up for sale after it’s cleaned up.” I crunched on a carrot. “It’s a shame someone had to mess up the place.”

  “It’s a shame you’re selling it. We’re going to miss you here.”

  My face flushed. “You are?”

  Gia stepped up from behind. “We are going to miss you. We hardly had a chance to get to know you. Plus, I was hoping to get some advice on how to adjust to small town life after coming from the city.”

  I half-shrugged. “I can’t say I ever adjusted.”

  “I can’t say that Boring is my ideal for a place to live, but I can say that I don’t miss the city at all.”

  I took another carrot stick. “Not at all?”

  “I like the slower pace. Gives you more time to think, more time to discover who you are. I would have never thought I liked small town fairs, but I had so much fun yesterday.”

  Steele stepped forward. “I have to say that I’m impressed by all the people who already know my name.”

  I remembered the hustle and bustle of the city. How my days were filled with activities—mostly work. When I wasn’t working, I was busy doing other things, like going to nice dinners or shows. I guess it was easy to forget who you were when you never had time to examine your life.

  Here in Boring, I was no longer a public relations executive. I was just Laura Berry. Who was Laura Berry, though? Did I really know?

  “Let’s go start round two, everyone!” Gia called us all back into the sunroom.

  No sooner had we sat down to start playing did the doorbell ring.

  Steele and Gia looked at each other. “Did you invite anyone else?” Gia asked.

  Steele shook his head. “You?”

  “No, I sure didn’t.”

  The doorbell rang again. Everyone quieted as the Brunos hurried to the door.

  I heard Hillary’s voice all the way into the sunroom.

  “What is that thing in the backyard? Don’t you know you have to have approval to put something like that in your backyard? Anything that your neighbors can see needs to be approved. Did you not read that in the association rules?”

  “We must have skipped that section,” I heard Steele say.

  “What am I going to tell your neighbors when they ask me about this? I’m responsible for this neighborhood. We have rules for a reason.”

  “Well, why don’t you ask them now?” Steele said.

  The three of them rounded the corner. Hillary stopped in her tracks when she saw all of us sitting in the sunroom. “You all knew about this? I thought you were responsible citizens. I thought you cared about this neighborhood. I thought you respected the rules!”

  I felt about the size of an ant. She seemed to zero her gaze in on me as she spoke. I was the temporary treasurer of the association. Perhaps I should have acted more responsibly. I shifted in my chair and looked away.

  “You’re being ridiculous, Hillary,” Babe said. “No one on the cul-de-sac cares.”

  “Oh, no one, you say? We’ll see about that! If I find one objection, you’re going to have to take it down.”

  “Or else what?” Steele asked.

  Hillary’s eyes fired up even more. “Or else we’ll begin litigation, and I’ll make sure you’re kicked out of this neighborhood. I was very clear when I wrote the bylaws, just in case an incident like this happened. Rules are made for a reason.”

  She looked at me one more time before storming out of the house. As soon as she left, everyone looked at each other in silence.

  “Is she for real?” Gia asked.

  Harry grimaced. “Unfortunately.”

  “This is why Donna should be president,” Tiara said.

  “Donna? Isn’t she the one who’s locked up for killing that lady?” Gia said.

  Tiara shook her head so hard that her dangling earrings slapped her cheeks. “She didn’t do it. She’s being framed.”

  “Laura, aren’t you friends with Hillary?” Gia asked. “Will you see if you can talk some sense into her? The last thing we need right now is a lawsuit. And can she really kick us out of the neighborhood?”

  “I doubt it.” I shrugged, suddenly even more uncomfortable. “As far as talking to her, I don’t know if I’d say we were friends—”

  “You’re more her friend than anyone else in this room,” Babe pointed out. I saw a sparkle in her eyes. “Besides, what do you have to lose? You’re moving anyway.”

  “If I have the chance, I’ll say something to her tomorrow.” I looked at Gia. “She’s not really as bad as you think. She just likes things to be orderly.”

  “Maybe she killed Candace. Did you ever think of that?” Tiara asked.

  I shrugged. “She has an alibi. She was at a banquet up in Indy with her husband. Besides, just because she’s militant doesn’t mean she’s capable of killing.”

  “Now that that’s covered, how about we move on to round two?” Kent asked.

  Yes, why don’t we move on to show everyone what a big TV nerd you are.

  Tomorrow was our anniversary. I wondered what Kent had planned. He hadn’t mentioned anything, but I figured if we did anything it would be in the afternoon. After all, the Super Bowl was tomorrow. I might expect him to be a good husband but not a saint. I hadn’t made as much progress as I’d hoped on his man cave. With us moving, I figured I shouldn’t pursue those plans any more. Maybe we could get an extra bedroom in our new Chicago apartment, and he could use that for his own place. I had the couch I’d purchased waiting for pick up at the store.

  Kent buzzed in again and stood up, as if unable to contain his excitement.

  “ King of Queens ! The King of Queens features a main character who likes to watch TV!”

  Everyone on our team cheered.

  How appropriate. Why did I feel like my life was that sitcom right now?

  “Tonight is the big game. Best day of the year.” Kent had the nerve to wear his team’s colors to church. As he rambled on and on about the game, I thought over and over about how he hadn’t mentioned our anniversary yet.

  He couldn’t have forgotten, right? I mean, things had gotten better between us lately. I hated to think it, but ever since the pharmacy had been vandalized, Kent and I had been closer. Probably because we had more time to spend together.

  But here it was our seven-year anniversary, and he hadn’t even mentioned it yet.

  Of course, neither had I, but that was only because I was waiting for him to mention it first. I already had my card bought, a nice note written inside and signed with love. I’d wait until he presented me with his card before I gave him mine.

  Kent never forgot anything, especially not anything important. So I knew he didn’t forget our seven years together.

  All through church, he didn’t mention it.

  All during lunch, he didn’t bring it up.

  He did, however, bring up the Super Bowl. Over and over.

  Then I kept thinking about the proof I’d received last night that he was truly a couch potato. Yes, we definitely needed to move back to Chicago. Better yet, maybe we should move to a remote village where TVs didn’t exist. Would that solve our problems?

  Or was the TV really the source of our problems at all?

  Megan called me after lunch.

  “Congrats on seven years together. What are you and Kent doing to celebrate?”

  I scowled, though she couldn’t see me. “We’re watching the Super Bowl. Or, as I like to say, we’re celebrating the end of football season for another year.”

  “How romantic.”

  I scowled again. “Tell me about it.”

  “Have you thought any more about my of
fer?”

  I pounded up the stairs, a moment of adrenaline surging through me. “I have. And I’d love to go in with you to start our own PR firm. We’ve already put our house on the market.”

  Of course, the more time I worked at my own company, the less time Kent and I would have together. I shoved that thought to the back of my mind. He’d be busy working at the pharmacy anyway. And he always had the TV to keep him company. My heart panged at the thought, though.

  We talked about our plans together. I’d go up at the end of next week to meet with her and sign the paperwork.

  When we hung up, Babe called.

  “Are you going to the party at Hillary’s?” I asked. Of course, I wasn’t sure I was really invited anymore, not after last night. But since I hadn’t been officially uninvited, I figured I’d go. It beat staying home alone on a day I should be celebrating my marriage. Kent would be at Darius’s house with a group of men from the neighborhood.

  “No, I need to meet with Paul to discuss the financial security of my future.”

  “Babe, is everything okay? Are you having money problems?”

  “No, no. It’s nothing like that. It’s just that I’ve been needing to meet with him but putting it off. It turns out neither of us have any interest in watching the Super Bowl, so we decided to meet tonight.”

  “Why not during business hours?” It all seemed a little strange to me.

  “He’ll be out of town this week. Besides, he’s not acting as the president of the bank. He’s just doing this for me to be nice.”

  “But I thought you hated him.”

  “Hated is a strong word. He is the only banker in town, Laura.”

  Maybe I would never figure Babe out.

  We got off the phone, and I went over to my desk to find the card I’d purchased for Kent. I saw a paper sticking out from a stack and pulled it out. My scribbles about suspects and clues.

  Who was I to think I could solve Candace’s murder? Every guess I’d had was wrong. But I did know that Donna wasn’t guilty—she was locked up when someone pushed me in front of that lawn mower. The killer was still out there.

  Maybe moving away from Boring was the only way to preserve my life.