The Four Stages of Loving Dutch Owen

by Debra Kayn

  Several minutes passed, and Marla Mae never came back. His boots thunked across the old, scarred wooden floor as he searched for her.

  She stood in the middle of what he assumed had been her mom's room. There were still two shirts on the floor in the closet.

  He should've douched out the house three years ago. There was nothing here that Marla Marie needed.

  "She's not coming back for you." He lowered his voice. "Rachel was right. Your mom is gone."

  Marla Marie's slim shoulders straightened. "How?"

  She was old enough to know the truth. More importantly, she was mature enough to understand the truths of her life.

  "Your mom was addicted to heroin."

  Marla Marie's brows lowered. He wasn't sure if she'd learned about drugs in school or questioned Rachel about some of the activities at the clubhouse.

  "It's a drug." He paused, giving her time to understand in case it was news to her. "When the cops took her from the house, she was put in prison for two years. When she was released, she went back to hanging with her friends and shooting up. She died of an overdose."

  She stared at the bed. Even though she was silent, she heard him.

  "You might not have known that was the reason why she left you before, but she had a long struggle with drugs, even before she had you."

  Marla Marie walked past him and slipped into the other bedroom. Whatever she expected to find wouldn't be there. She couldn't ignore her existence.

  He followed her into the other bedroom. She held a shirt in her hands but looked out the window to the backyard.

  "Your mom isn't coming back," he said, drilling the fact into her head.

  She dropped the shirt and turned around. "I want to live here."

  "You're going to get back on the motorcycle and let me take you home. You've got two people who want to be your mom and—"

  "They're not my parents!" Her face scrunched up in anger. "This is my home. I belong here."

  "You're a kid."

  "I'm thirteen years old. I'm old enough to stay by myself." She stormed past him.

  He clamped his hand on her shoulder, stopping her. He hated to push her more, but she needed to wake up and look around her.

  Steering her through the house, he opened the back door. Outside, he marched her across the dried grass. Ripping open the door of the shed, he thrust her inside.

  His stomach curled, and he turned away at the stench rolling out of the small eight feet by eight feet space. Hardening his resolve, he stepped inside with her.

  "Look around." He eyed the filth spread to each corner. "This is how you lived. This is how you took care of yourself."

  Rats had spread what little items she'd kept and had obviously died in what they thought was their utopia. The toilet paper he'd once found balled up in the corner with her shit was long gone. Even the face of a doll, half-chewed off by rodents, wasn't left untouched.

  "You have a nice room, a comfortable bed, food in your belly, and a family back in Bellevue." He put his hands on her shoulders, standing behind her. "They want to love you."

  "I don't love them."

  "That's your freedom to decide who to love." He exhaled. "But, you're a kid. How long do you think you can live on your own before someone sees you roaming around town or stealing food before they call the cops? You'll find yourself in kid jail or stuck with a family that only wants the monthly check they get from the state for having you in their house. You're growing up. Do you know how many men are out there waiting to take advantage of a pretty young girl like you?"

  "Nothing is going to happen to me." She crossed her arms.

  "Nothing has happened yet, because I saved your ass. On your own, I won't be there. Rachel and Skull won't be there. The club won't be there." He stepped outside, needing fresh air. "I'll be out front, waiting at the Harley, when you've made up your mind."

  He walked away, leaving her to think she had an option. Knowing that if she ran or made the wrong choice, he would still put her on the back of his motorcycle and take her back to Rachel and Skull.

  She was hurting. Probably worse than she'd ever felt, and he could understand that. But she was too young to make decisions she'd regret later.

  An hour later, Marla Marie walked toward him with her chin pressed against her chest. When she reached his motorcycle, she looked up at him.

  The unhappiness he'd put her through clung to every inch of her. He could remember being her age. One minute believing he could take care of himself, and the next, wanting his mom.

  He reached out and stroked her cheek. "You won't always be sad," he said softly.

  She swallowed and pressed her cheek into his hand. He lifted his chin, motioning her to get on the back of the Harley.

  "Let's go home, Marla Marie."

  She let him put the helmet on her and then climbed up behind him. With her arms wrapped around him, he rode off. Needing the open road to clear his head.

  Part Three

  Dutch belonged to her.

  Chapter 12

  ALYSSA ROLLED THE PASSENGER side window down and motioned her hand to hurry. Marla ran barefooted over the wet grass, holding her high heels in her hand. Excitement bubbled through her, and she held her middle finger up in the air, ready for a night of adventures.

  She opened the door and climbed onto the seat. "Go, go, go."

  Gravel flew from underneath the back tires as Alyssa stomped on the gas pedal of the Ford Truck. Marla held on to the dash and slid her heels on.

  "You're late. I was getting ready to call you," she said.

  Alyssa glanced at her. "Amber's home and wouldn't get out of the shower. Then, she wouldn't finish with my straightener, so I could use it."

  "I thought she was working the night shift." Marla gathered her hair over her shoulder and ran her fingers through the long strands. "What's she doing home?"

  "Sore throat or something. But I think it's an excuse because mom and dad are at the clubhouse, and of course, won't be home until early morning. When I was leaving the house, I passed Caleb driving up the driveway in that junker he bought." She laughed. "Now, I'm really glad you got permission to come with me tonight. I don't want to be around them."

  "It's going to be so much fun." She rolled down the window and let the night air inside the cab.

  Alyssa turned up the stereo. Marla grinned, singing along with the song.

  The party at the clubhouse gave them a reason to see each other. For the last three months, it'd been impossible to sneak away from the house if Rachel and Skull were there. The only place she could go was to her job at the feed store in town. The whole situation was crazy.

  Just because she'd stayed out all night with Rich and Tony, she was grounded until school let out for the summer. Rachel and Skull even refused to let her get her driver's license for six months—which meant she'd be halfway into her junior year in high school before she was allowed to drive. All because Rich and Tony were in their twenties and too old for her to hang out with— much less stay out partying all night. It was so unfair.

  Alyssa leaned forward, peering into the darkness. "Did I miss the road?"

  She pointed. "It's right there. You really need to get glasses."

  "Ugh." Alyssa turned the truck, getting on the road to the clubhouse. "I look awful in glasses."

  "They're hot." She sat back on the seat and put her feet on the dash. "Put your hair up and go for the brainy look. Guys will love it."

  "I doubt that." Alyssa glanced at her. "Everyone is going to be there tonight."

  "I know." She dug out a lipstick from the pocket of her shorts and spread the tip over her lips. "Remember, Dutch is going to be there, too. I'll probably hang with him if you come looking for me later."

  "Are your parents going to let you leave the clubhouse, or do you have to stay inside the whole night?"

  "I'm not grounded this weekend. They said I could come to the rally if I followed all the rules." She scoffed. "They'll be half drunk by the time we
get there and won't even know where I go or what I do."

  "True. They'll probably be with my parents." Alyssa bounced in her seat. "God, look at how many people are here. There must be close to six hundred motorcycles taking up all the parking space."

  The yearly rally included three motorcycle club chapters. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, and she almost bit her lip before she remembered her lipstick. During her last phone call with Dutch, he'd promised her that he'd come.

  Rachel and Skull doubted that he'd show up, but she was positive he'd do it for her, even for a couple hours.

  She hadn't seen him for six weeks. He'd skipped the visit three weeks ago because she was grounded and thought it would be easier if he stayed at the clubhouse. God, Rachel and Skull pissed her off.

  They always treated her like she was a kid when she was sixteen years old.

  She could tell Dutch thought her punishment was ridiculous because when he heard why she got grounded and for how long, he stormed out of the house and bought her a phone.

  He wanted her to keep in touch and tell him everything she was up to and how she was doing after discovering she was grounded. She called him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with the cell phone. Those were the days he made sure he was off the road and available to talk with her.

  She liked how Dutch told her to keep the phone a secret. That way, Rachel and Skull couldn't take it away from her if she got in trouble again.

  It was lonely being grounded, she'd tried to call him at different times and different hours, but he always let the call go unanswered. She couldn't call Alyssa because her parents wouldn't let her have a cell until she got a job and paid for it herself. If she called her at home on the landline, Rachel and Skull would find out and ground her for longer.

  She still wasn't sure what Dutch was doing when he went away. Only knew it had to do with traveling between the three chapters and doing business for WAKOM.

  "I wonder where Dutch is right now," she said.

  "I can't believe you care. He's not going to let you have any fun."

  "Sure, he will."

  Alyssa raised her brows. "He's overprotective. Even worse than your parents."

  "They're not my parents."

  Alyssa glanced at her. "Adoptive parents or whatever. That just makes how Dutch treats you weird."

  She kept her opinion to herself. Her friend would never understand her relationship with Dutch. He was the only person who knew everything about her. Out of everyone in the entire world, she belonged with Dutch.

  "Park over there near the field. It'll be perfect if we come outside. We can hang out behind the truck, and nobody can see us." She split her hair down the back with her hands and brought the strands over her shoulders.

  Once they parked and got out, Tony called her name. She found him standing by his motorcycle. Grabbing Alyssa's hand, she hurried toward him, darting through the traffic pulling onto the property.

  As she neared, she let go of her friend and threw herself at Tony, hugging his neck. "I'm free."

  Tony wrapped his arm around her, lifting her off her feet. "Finally."

  She kissed him on the lips. "That's all you can say?"

  "What else should I say?"

  She wrapped her legs around his hips and cocked her head while he held her. "I don't know. Maybe you missed me, or I look pretty. You didn't even try to sneak in the house to see me or call—because I asked if anyone called the house."

  "I ain't going around your old man and get shot when he's pissed at me."

  She stuck her lower lip out. "Now you have to make it up to me."

  "What do you want?" He turned her and pressed her back against the side of the building.

  "Well, you can start with..." Letting him hold her, she twirled her finger in his hair. "Do you have a joint?"

  "For you?"

  "Of course, for me. Rachel took the one I had in my purse when I walked in the house that morning...ages ago." She kissed him. "Please?"

  "Inside my vest."

  She slithered her hand underneath the leather and found the hidden pocket. Removing a thin roll of pot, she extracted it.

  Then, she wiggled her way off him and landed on her feet, stepping away. Grabbing Alyssa's hand, she waved at Tony.

  Tony glared. "You're a cock tease."

  She laughed, shaking her head, and turned around. She and Alyssa ran back to the truck and hid on the other side, opposite the clubhouse's door. She had no interest in Tony, except for fun.

  He got frustrated with her always teasing him, but she only liked him as a friend. He was the one who knew where everyone partied and could buy beer for her and Alyssa.

  "Do you have a lighter?" asked Alyssa.

  "Duh." She slid her hand in her pocket. "There are only two things a girl needs. A lighter and lipstick."

  "Three." Alyssa giggled. "Dick."

  "Here's to dick." She lit the end of the joint and inhaled deeply, holding the smoke in while passing to Alyssa.

  Exhaling on a cough, she said, "Let's save the rest until later. I need to go check-in, so Rachel and Skull don't send fifty members out looking for me."

  On the way to the door, she carefully put the rest of the joint in her bra. There was no way Rachel or Skull would find it there.

  Inside the clubhouse, music blared. Her chest vibrated, and she laughed, winding her way through the crowd with Alyssa. Several of the men grabbed her, and she wiggled out of their grasp, dancing around them, giggling when they whistled at her.

  Five minutes later, the warmth inside the building had her sweating. She turned away and wound her way through the tables set up and found an empty one with extra chairs.

  She plopped down and crossed her legs, lifting her hair off the back of her neck. Alyssa pointed. Several drinks were sitting on the table in front of them.

  Alyssa leaned closer and yelled, "Where are my parents?"

  "I don't know. Look for them." She, in turn, searched for Rachel and Skull. "I don't think they're in here, or if they are, they're behind that crowd over there."

  They both leaned forward, grabbing a cup, and drank fast. She laughed, dribbling some of the liquid onto her chin before the heat burned her throat, and she coughed. The only way they were allowed to party at the clubhouse was if they snuck drinks.

  She elbowed Alyssa and nodded toward another drink on the other side. Alyssa grabbed it, taking a drink before passing it to her.

  A hand shot out and knocked the cup from her grasp. "Hey. Watch it."

  Dutch appeared beside her, grabbing her upper arm and dragging her from the chair. He nailed Alyssa with a look and ordered, "Stay."

  Not having any option but to try and keep up with him as he dragged her out of the clubhouse, she almost came out of her heel as she stumbled over the door jamb.

  Glad to see him, she couldn't even drum up enough anger toward him for pulling her away from the party. She hurled herself at him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

  "You came back." She peered up at him. "Why didn't you bust me out of the house, so we could see each other?"

  Grounded or not, she wanted to see Dutch. He was an adult. It shouldn't matter if she was forbidden from going out the last month.

  He held her face, peering into her eyes. "What else have you taken?"

  "What have I...?" She laughed, used to hiding all the fun.

  But Dutch was different. He wasn't someone who set rules and grounded her. She could tell him everything.

  "Aren't you happy to see me?" she asked.

  He dug in the front pockets of her shorts, pulling out her lipstick and throwing the lighter off into the dark.

  "Hey." She wiggled as his arms went around her, and he dipped into her back pockets. "What are you doing?"

  He straightened, studying her. Before she could grasp what he wanted with her, he slid his warm fingers in the V of her shirt and reached inside her bra. She slapped her hand to her chest, but he retrieved the joint she'd stuffed in there fo
r safekeeping.

  Dropping her hand, she glared. "That's mine."

  "Who gave it to you?"

  "No one."

  Behind him, Tony slunk off into the darkness. She wouldn't snitch. Not even to Dutch.

  "Marla Marie." He growled, putting the joint in his pocket.

  The way he said her name, adding her middle name, made her chest feel funny. When he was around, he made her feel beautiful and wanted. She couldn't remember why he called her Marla Marie the way it rolled off his tongue, but he was the only one in her life who used both her names as if it was one, long, feminine endearment.

  She stepped back into his arms. "How long are you staying? Are you going to stay at the house?"

  "I think you should go home."

  She groaned. "Rachel and Skull are here. I haven't been able to go do anything fun in forever."

  "You're on the way to getting drunk."

  Until he mentioned the drinks she'd consumed, she hadn't realized how good she felt. She swayed side to side, trying to move him but his feet remained firmly planted on the ground.

  She leaned close to him and caught herself on his chest. "Don't tell Rachel and Skull. They'll ground me again. I have to get my license."

  "You should be grounded until you're eighteen or thirty," he said.

  "Don't be an old grouch." She ran her hand down his beard. "You drank and smoked at my age."

  "I'm twenty years older than you."

  She patted his chest. "Rachel told me some stories. You were always in trouble, like me."

  "She needs to keep her mouth shut."

  She grabbed his hand, linking their fingers. Used to him not answering her questions, she ignored his crankiness.

  "Will you go inside with me?" She tugged his arm, surprised when he came with her.

  Proud to have him beside her, she leaned against him. They made their way inside. She'd lost Alyssa to the crowd but knew she would be okay. Everyone here was basically family, and they both had mutual friends who had come to the rally.

  "How long are you staying?" she yelled over the music.