by Lois Richer
“Can I borrow your snowmobile, Kyle?”
He frowned at her. “By yourself?” She nodded. “What for?”
“I need to get out.” When he hesitated, Sara pleaded her case. “You’ve given me several lessons on it. I know my way around. I just want to be alone for a bit.”
“Okay.” He dug out his keys and handed them to her. “Don’t go far,” he ordered.
“Just toward town, I promise.” She took his keys and hurried away.
“Sara. Can I talk to you for a minute?” Laurel watched her fasten her snow boots.
“Can it wait until I come back?”
“This won’t take long.” Laurel sat down across from her. “Honey, I know you said you only wanted to stay till Christmas, but are you sure? I don’t have to bring the new cook out. You don’t have to leave.”
The choice dangled in front of her with tantalizing sweetness. Stay, see Kyle every day, see the boys change and grow.
“Laurel, I promised you I’d go before New Year’s when I came here and I’m not changing my mind. Besides,” she said very quietly, “this isn’t where I belong.”
“Then—”
“Where will I go?” Sara smiled. “I’ve been wondering that myself. I think I’ll go back to Vancouver for a while. Maybe there’s something there God would have me do.”
“Honey, are you sure?” Laurel asked.
“No, I’m not sure at all,” Sara muttered. “It’s like there’s a block between God and me, and no matter how hard I pray, I can’t get through it. I was so sure He sent me here to find my family and reunite them. I thought that was His plan for me. But I was wrong.”
“Sweetie.” Laurel frowned but said nothing else, as if she didn’t know what to say.
“It will be hard for me to leave here.” She jumped up and hugged her best friend. “I’ve loved every moment of my time here at Lives.”
Sara couldn’t say any more. It was too hard. So she zipped up her coat, pulled on her mitts and grabbed Kyle’s helmet.
“Take my cell phone, just in case,” Laurel urged before she could get out the door.
“Thanks.” Sara stuffed it in her pocket then hurried away, anxious not to weep in front of her friend.
But once she was on the snowmobile she couldn’t stop her tears. She blinked furiously, trying to see the way before her. But the deep sense of loss, the feeling of being abandoned by God in Whom she’d placed so much trust, only added to the depression engulfing her. For once the softly falling snow did nothing to heighten her mood.
As Sara drove, she couldn’t dislodge the images of the boys gathered around Kyle, his face intent as he taught them. He’d found his niche. He was a born instructor. Maybe he hadn’t accepted it yet, but Sara knew in her heart that Kyle would be staying in Churchill. This was his home. He belonged here.
She didn’t.
Why, God? I’m in love with Kyle. I could help him. I could help the kids. Why haven’t You given me my dream?
Heartbroken, Sara soon realized she’d made the very mistake Kyle had warned her of over and over. She lost track of her surroundings. Where was she? Surely that lump of white over there was familiar? She slowed the sled to a stop then surveyed the area. Nothing seemed quite where it should be.
She was lost.
Using great care, Sara turned the sled around and tried to follow her tracks back. But the snow was falling more heavily now and it was difficult to find her tracks in the white-on-white landscape.
Fear rose as she recalled the many stories she’d heard about people getting lost in the wilderness. Without meaning to, she gunned the engine. The snowmobile spurted forward in a rush of motion, hit something then swayed sideways, throwing her off. Her head hit something hard. Everything went black.
*
“Sara should have been back before now.” Kyle glanced from his watch to Laurel’s face and knew that she was as worried as he was. “Has anyone seen her?”
Laurel shook her head, her face pale.
“I’ll call Teddy, get him to drive out here and check along the way.” He was grateful his friend was still in town. Teddy had talked of going to his son’s for Christmas. “He’s coming,” he said, hanging up the phone.
“I gave her my cell phone, but she doesn’t answer.” Laurel’s eyes met his. “Something’s wrong.” She wrung her hands. “I should have stopped her. She was so upset when she left.”
“Upset?” Kyle’s radar went on high alert. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. I asked her if she was sure she wouldn’t stay on after Christmas and she said no, she loved it here but she had to leave. She said she didn’t belong here, but she does, Kyle. I should never have accepted her resignation.”
Didn’t belong?
The silliness of that statement stunned Kyle. Sara Kane belonged at Lives Under Construction as much as polar bears belonged in Churchill.
She belonged to him, she was in his heart, his very soul. She made his days worthwhile. And he couldn’t give her up.
“What should we do?” Laurel asked him.
Kyle glanced outside. “Even if it wasn’t storming, I can’t track in the dark. By morning everything will be covered. I’d go out there right now if I thought it would do any good, but running off half-cocked won’t help Sara.”
“Then what?” Laurel asked.
“Pray.” Rod stood in the doorway. It was obvious that he’d heard their concern. “It’s what Sara would do. She prays about everything. That’s why she has no fear. She doesn’t depend on herself, she depends on God.”
The words hit their target in Kyle’s heart. Sara had accused him of that before, of believing he had to rely on himself.
“Sara would tell us to trust God,” Rod said.
“Out of the mouths of babes,” Laurel murmured. She touched his shoulder. “I’m going to talk to the boys. I’ll be back,” she said, leading Rod out of the room.
Kyle looked out the window again, thinking of how he’d told Sara he was repairing his relationship with God. How far did that go? Far enough to trust God with Sara’s life, no matter what? Trust God to face whatever problems might come?
That applied equally to the future. Kyle loved Sara, he knew that with every fiber of his being. If he told her, if he accepted the love she’d so freely offered, could he trust God to help him face whatever problems would come, problems he could never handle on his own?
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?” Teddy asked, standing in the doorway.
“Yes, I love Sara. Yes, I am going to trust that God will work out our future, if she’ll have me. And yes, we are going to find her.” He looked at his friend. “Any problem with that?”
“Not one.” Teddy grinned as he clapped Kyle on the back. “What’s our next move?”
“We’re going to organize a search party so that when this breaks, we’ll be ready to go out and find her. But first, we’re going to pray. Then I have an important phone call to make for Sara.”
Teddy bowed his head and led them in a prayer for safety for Sara, for clear weather and for God’s leading in finding her.
“Amen.” Kyle said. “Now let’s get to work.”
Chapter Fourteen
Sara came to with the realization that she was freezing cold. She sat up, blinked away the flakes sticking to her lashes and found she was almost buried in the snow. Her fingers and toes tingled. She rose, moving gingerly to get her circulation flowing.
She glanced around hopefully, but everything was still covered in a downy blanket, obscuring whatever landmark might lie beneath. The knowledge hit like a sledgehammer.
She could die out here.
“God, I need help,” she whispered, her heart like a block of ice in her chest.
Already the sky grew darker as evening crept in. Panicked, Sara felt in her pocket for Laurel’s phone, praying she could get a signal.
But the phone wasn’t in her pocket.
Though she looked for it, feeling around
in the snow with her hands, she could not find it.
The first sign of hypothermia will creep up on you. You must be prepared to protect yourself. If you’re lost, stay put. Dig a shelter in the snow, but make sure something is visible for searchers to see. Kyle’s voice from this afternoon’s survival lesson filled her mind.
Sara levered her hands under the snowmobile to right it. The machine was heavy and sitting awkwardly. At first it didn’t budge, but she pushed back the ache in her head, amassed all her strength and shoved. Finally the machine flopped over onto its skis.
But when she attempted to start it, nothing happened. Over and over she tried the ignition but nothing happened. The last time she tried, the battery died.
Flurries whirled around her as the wind whipped the snow. Soon it would be completely dark.
Quickly Sara scraped snow together with her mittened hands and piled it high. The slightly damp snow packed easily. She pressed it around one side of the snowmobile, using the machine as a wall of her shelter. She swept the other side of the machine clear so the black seat and silvery skis were visible.
Satisfied she’d done her best, she slid inside her snow house as the remaining flickers of light faded. Before she packed the last bit of snow around her head, she glanced left. Her breath snagged in her throat.
Two lumbering white shapes plodded through the wilderness barely two hundred feet away.
Polar bears.
“Lord, please protect me,” Sara prayed, her temples throbbing. Buried as she was, she could hear the whistle of the wind and nothing else.
It seemed she sat there for hours, on edge, waiting for the bears to find her. But they, too, must have sought shelter as the wind now screamed across the land.
“I always thought I was alone before,” she whispered to the only one who could hear her. “But now I am truly alone. I thought I could make up for my mistake with Maria if I worked hard at Lives, helped in the community, made it better for other people. But I see now that it doesn’t work. I guess that’s why You haven’t shown me the future and where You want me to go—because it doesn’t matter.”
A new gust of wind penetrated her frail shelter. She packed more snow to block the draft. Every so often she poked her head outside. Once she thought she saw the bears sitting together, watching her, before the whirling snow blurred everything.
She thought of Kyle. How she loved him. How she wanted the best for him, health and freedom from his pain, a solidifying of his faith to total trust in God. How she wished she could stay to watch him take a leadership role at Lives, be part of his world.
She suddenly knew with every fiber of her being that Kyle would come looking for her, and the thought of her mistake putting him at risk was more than she could bear.
Her head and her heart ached too much. Sara leaned back and let sleep overtake her.
*
Sara was cold, so cold.
Her lips felt cracked and frozen as she opened her eyes, with no idea of how much time had passed.
There was no sign any of her prayers had been heard. She had to let in fresh oxygen. She poked her head through the snow and immediately noticed the wind had died down. A hush enveloped the land. How light it seemed. Why?
Eyes widening, she blinked at the incredible beauty playing out in the night sky. Ribbons of misty green, turquoise, blue—oh, there were a hundred shades, and they spun and wove across the sky in the most amazing show. Because of them she could clearly see the polar bears, sitting in the same place, waiting and watching.
Then, as if a conductor had mounted the podium, the lights moved in sideways arcs so that Sara was almost encircled.
Praises rose from her heart.
In that moment truth dawned.
“I’m not alone. How could I be alone when You are all around me?” she whispered. “I am a part of Your family. You love me.”
She had to be silent for a moment, to let it sink in. The lights grew more intense, more active, richer in color, mirroring the revelation bursting in her heart.
“You have loved me more than any family could have. You protected me, cared for me, brought me to a place where I could give to kids who need it so desperately. You’re not asking me to leave. This is where You want me, here in Churchill, at Lives. This is where I belong.” The wonder of it silenced her for a moment.
Then she thought of Kyle and her heart pinched with longing. She looked to the sky and felt heavenly reassurance. If Kyle couldn’t love her, God would heal her heart. She had to trust Him to do that because Sara knew now with utmost certainty that she could not leave this place.
The lights swayed, deepening and changing color, beckoning her to full committal. Sara gazed at the heavens. Trust, they seemed to whisper.
Inhaling deeply, she nodded.
“I’m putting my future in Your hands, God. I love Kyle, but I’m leaving him and my brother up to You. Your will be done.”
The lights rippled and swelled as profound peace filled Sara. Her dream of a family, of Kyle—all of those hopes melted away. God was her Father. He would care for her. He knew best.
A song the boys had taught her rose to her lips. She sang it loudly, joyfully, uncaring of the bears that sat mere feet away. They, too, were God’s creatures.
She had nothing to fear.
*
“Listen to me, Samuel. Your sister did everything she could to find you.” Kyle grimaced when the other man interrupted. “Let me finish. You have no idea what Sara Kane is like, what she’s gone through, why she’s so desperate to see you again. I suggest you do some research online. When you read why she couldn’t rescue you, perhaps you’ll realize that Sara is the best sister you could ever hope to have.” Kyle clicked off his phone.
“Are you sure that was wise?” Teddy asked.
“Probably not, but maybe it will help him get over his ‘poor me’ attitude.” He frowned. “What is that racket?”
“Our volunteer force. Take a look.” Teddy opened the computer room door.
Kyle gaped. Lives Under Construction bulged with people, spilling into the hallway, coming in the front door.
“Once they heard about Sara, they came. I think everyone in town is here. Everyone loves her.” Teddy’s face softened.
“I love her, too.” Kyle checked the weather outside. It was as good as it was going to get. “Let’s go talk to them,” he told Teddy.
Rod got everyone’s attention by whistling. Kyle smiled his thanks at the boy as silence fell.
“Folks, the storm is over for now, but weather reports say another one will start sometime later this afternoon. We have about three hours of daylight to search for Sara. I’ve laid out a grid pattern. We’ll assign teams to each section. Have your cell phones with you and be sure they’re fully charged. Now let’s find Sara and bring her home. But first let’s pray.”
Oddly Kyle felt no hesitation about praying publicly. His certainty that he needed Sara is his life grew with every passing moment. If he had to, he would lay down his life for her. If she’d agree, he’d spend the rest of his days giving her everything he had.
He had to trust God that his everything would be enough for Sara.
At the end of Kyle’s prayer, Pastor Rick added his own. Then the groups assembled and set out on their search. Teddy had set up a portable communications station in Laurel’s kitchen. He quickly familiarized her with the system. The boys approached Kyle.
“We want to help search for Sara, too,” Tony told him.
Kyle recognized how badly they wanted to help the woman who had so selflessly loved them. He called over one of the police officers.
“The boys want to help.” He shot the officer a look that begged him to agree.
“We’re going to do a search around town,” the Mountie said. “We can use all the help we can get. Come with me, guys.”
“Kyle?” Teddy beckoned him over. He pointed to a section on the map. “I didn’t dare give this to anyone else. It’s tricky to navigate and t
here are reports of a bear and her cub there. You’re the one who knows this area the best.”
“It’s so far out. You think she would have gone that far?” Kyle asked, frowning as he studied the map.
Teddy’s reasoning convinced him that it was possible Sara had mistaken a turn on the way into town. If she had taken the route he believed, it would take every ounce of Kyle’s energy to get there and back with his leg aching as it was.
But he’d gladly do that and more to get Sara safe in his arms.
I can do all things through God, Who strengthens me. It was a promise his mom had clung to. Kyle tucked it deep inside, took a breath and nodded.
“Okay, let’s go, Teddy.” He grabbed his backpack, put the thermos of coffee Laurel gave him inside and zipped his snowsuit. “Pray,” he begged her.
“Without ceasing,” Laurel promised. She hugged him. “You bring her back.”
“I intend to.” Kyle set out on a borrowed machine with Teddy behind on his own. They’d need two sleds when they found Sara. Once in the open he revved the motor. Teddy followed. They raced across the land, taking a shortcut to get to the spot Teddy had marked on the map, ever aware that night was coming, fast.
After they’d gone ten miles without seeing anything unusual, Kyle stopped. He flipped the visor on his helmet to speak to Teddy.
“The marsh is ahead.” He studied the ground but couldn’t discern any tracks. “The machines will bog down in the weeds. I can’t see anything to indicate she went in there. You?”
Teddy shook his head. “Nothing.”
“The wind’s picking up.” Wind chill made the temperature dangerously frigid. Kyle checked his watch, grimaced. Too long, God. It’s taking too long.
“It’ll get colder now with the sky clearing,” his friend noted. “Do you think Sara could read the night sky enough to navigate by it?”
“I doubt it.” Kyle squeezed his eyes closed and summoned her lovely face to mind. Dear Sara. The image warmed him until he remembered the bear warning. “Sara’s a city girl. I don’t think she’d know much about survival out here.” Panic reached down and squeezed his stomach into a knot. “What am I going to do if—”