Souls Apart (Book 1 in the Lost Souls Trilogy)

by Anna Pescardot

  I knew he was talking about our past lives. “I’m not leaving you, though.”

  “Oh, but you are. You just don’t know it.”

  “I think I’d best go home now.”

  “See, you can’t wait to leave.”

  I could see such hurt in his eyes and in spite of everything I knew I loved him and I felt so sorry for him being all alone. I reached out for him and this time he didn’t push me away. He didn’t reach for me back either, though. “Eddie, why can’t you see how much I love you?”

  He gazed into my eyes and I noticed his eyes had lightened again. “I know you love me but you’ll never love me as much as I love you. Never.”

  “I didn’t mean what I said about having a break. Please can we keep seeing each other?”

  He ran his fingers through my hair and it felt nice. “Ok. But please can you reconsider marrying me?”

  “Ok.”

  I watched him climb up the hill; slowly this time, as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I phoned Amber when I got home and she was a little angry that I’d not had the guts to totally break it off with him but she was glad I was safe; as was I.

  Now that I didn’t have the ring I fell into a deep sleep; the best I’d had in days.

  -14-

  I pulled back the drapes and stared at the mansion house. Did I really live there as Emily Gray? And if I did, could it mean the people living there now were sort of my ex-relatives. I started to get ready for school. I reached for my hairbrush and noticed a mark on my ring finger. It was bruised. It was strange because it wasn’t really hurting me. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, brushed my teeth and went down to get breakfast.

  Mom was already up pouring coffee. I could smell toast. She’d buttered it and put it in the toast rack and so I took a piece; enjoying the taste of melted butter on my tongue. I felt good today, for the first time in ages.

  “How are you today?” Mom asked as she sat down with her coffee opposite me.

  “I feel great, how are you?”

  “I’ve got an interview today, actually. If I get it I won’t have to work two shifts any more and I’ll get to spend more time with you.”

  “Mom, that’s great. Where is it?”

  She placed her coffee on the table and held it tightly in her hands. “It’s in Maine. Not far from your college.”

  “What?”

  “If I get it I can come with you to Maine and we can still live together, if you want.”

  I thought about Eddie. “But if you move to Maine I won’t be able to come back here at weekends.”

  “What is there here for us? Once you go to college you’ll meet other boys and you’ll forget about Eddie.”

  “Mom, why are you doing this?”

  “It’s fate don’t you see? It’s a fresh start for both of us. Now that you’re older I’m ready to get on with my life too. There’s nothing here for me, Charls.”

  “I’ve got to get to school.”

  “You can’t avoid this talk. I’m going to the interview and I’ll move to Maine with or without you.”

  I grabbed my school bag and knocked for Amber. Now I wouldn’t be able to see her at weekends either. I just had to pray Mom didn’t get the new job. Amber answered the door; toast still hanging out of her mouth. “I’m so tired today,” she mumbled. I didn’t answer. I had so much going around in my head.

  “What’s up with you?” she asked.

  “Ambs, Mom might be selling the house and moving to Maine with me. She’s says there’s nothing here for her. She isn’t thinking about me at all.”

  The color drained from Amber’s face. “What did you say?”

  “I told her she was being selfish but she said she’s moving with or without me.”

  “But you can’t go for good; I’ll miss you.”

  I fought back tears. “And I’ll miss you too.”

  “And what about Eddie? He’ll go mad if you aren’t going to be coming back at weekends.”

  “I know. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just hope she doesn’t get the job.”

  I found it hard to concentrate for the rest of the day. It was lucky we’d already done all of our tests and we weren’t really doing any real work. We both had a free period after lunch and so Amber had agreed to come with me to the mansion. If the blonde woman was my ex-relative of sorts then I wanted to find out more about her and my past. We were both going to pretend that we were doing research for a history project and go from there. I was willing to risk her thinking I was weird.

  Amber knocked loudly on the door again and eventually somebody answered it. It was the blonde woman from the attic sale. “Hello again,” she said. “Can I help you?”

  “We’re doing a history project at school,” Amber began, “and we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions about this house and some people who used to live here.”

  She paused, giving us both the once over. “I would have preferred some sort of notice but luckily for you I’m not busy. Come in.”

  We followed her through the huge entrance hall and into a room on the left which looked like something off Cribs. It was amazing with its marble floors and huge leather sofas. The mix of the old building with modern furniture worked well. She invited us to sit next to her on one of the sofas. I let Amber do most of the talking. She was hoping to be a journalist and it would be good practice for her.

  “I’d like to as you about her,” Amber said, passing the blonde woman a print out of the photo of Emily and Edward. The blonde inhaled sharply and started to twist pieces of hair around her fingers. “That would be my great grandparents,” she said. “Why do you want to know about my great grandmother?”

  “It says in this article that she drowned but there is talk in the village that maybe her husband did it? I know this is a little sensitive for you but we’d be interested to know what you think about these rumours.”

  She shifted in her seat and started to nibble on her fingernails. I thought this was strange behaviour for someone who seemed so statuesque and composed. “I used to hear people talking about it when I was at school but Mom told me to ignore the gossip. That’s all it is. She drowned. I’m not denying they may have had a huge argument and that’s why she went to the lake, but how could he kill his wife. She’d not long given birth to my gran.”

  I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I’d had a child with Eddie. He hadn’t mentioned that “Where’s your gran now?” I asked.

  The blonde looked sad. “She died; almost a year ago now. That’s why we had the attic sale; we couldn’t bear to keep all of her stuff. We wanted to get rid of the past and start afresh.”

  “So the gold dress I bought was your grandmother’s?” I asked.

  “It was her Mom’s.” She looked at the photo, “Emily’s. She was wearing it the night she died. I don’t know why Great Gran wanted to keep it. I’d have destroyed it.”

  Things were starting to make more sense now but I was still confused.

  “What happened to your gran’s husband then?” Amber asked.

  “He got killed in the war. Gran was only twenty. She lived here by herself the rest of her life. She was a recluse in the end. She used so scare me a little.”

  I realized that it must have been her I’d seen at the window when I was small. How weird that I’d given birth to her in my previous life. Why had she scared me so much? Surely I would have known on some sort of level that she was special to me. It only just hit me that the blonde was my relative too. She would be my great great grand-daughter. This was just weird. This is probably why most people don’t remember their past lives. They can totally mess up your current life.

  “There’s just one last question,” Amber said. “I know you might not feel comfortable answering this, so if you don’t want to I’ll understand. Is it true that your great grand-dad committed suicide by jumping off this roof?”

  She took hold of the photo and started to trace her fingers over his face. “Tha
t’s what Mom said. Please don’t print this in your report, but Mom believed he still haunts this house. She told me she kept seeing him everywhere and she even asked him to stop bothering her but she said he wouldn’t go away. None of us saw him so we thought she was crazy like Gran…”

  “So where’s your mom now?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.” She wiped some tears from her eyes and continued. “Pops and I were about to put her in a mental institution to get her some help and so she could sleep without being scared but she found out and just left. Nobody’s heard from her since.”

  “That’s so sad,” Amber said placing an arm around the blonde’s shoulders.

  I went to join her. “What’s your name anyway?” I asked.

  “It’s Sally.”

  Amber got Sally some tissues from on top of the huge piano in the corner. “If you ever need to talk to anyone give me a call,” she said writing down her mobile number and giving it to Sally. “You’re too young to be cooped up in here all day.”

  Sally smiled. “It’s better than going out and being talked about,” she said.

  “So what if people talk. If you’re not careful you’ll go mad too.”

  Amber could be so tactless but for some reason people didn’t hate her for it. “Thank you. You’re right, of course. Maybe I will give you a call sometime.”

  She stood up and we both knew it was time to leave. As we walked down the hill I thought about Emily and Sally and the grey-haired woman at the window; my daughter. I wanted to speak to Eddie about it but I knew he’d go mad if he knew I’d been snooping around asking questions about him.

  Amber was the first to speak. “How do you feel? Isn’t it weird for you all this family stuff?”

  “Yeah. I can’t tell anyone though. This is my life now. I need to forget about the past otherwise I’m scared I’ll go crazy too.”

  “I think you need to end things with Eddie, Charls. Can’t you see how many lives he’s ruined? You know he murdered Emily don’t you?”

  I nodded. “But I still love him, though. Maybe it’s up to me to change things in this life. Maybe the only way to break this curse is to marry him and do things right this time.”

  Amber grabbed hold of my shoulders and began to shake me. “Oh my god, Charlie! Wake up! You need to get as far away as possible from that man! Let’s hope your Mom got that job and that you’re both leaving tomorrow!”

  ***

  Mom wasn’t in when I got home so I ran a bath and started to think about what I was going to say to Eddie later. We’d arranged to meet at our usual spot but after our last conversation I feared the worst. How is it possible to love somebody but to be so scared of them at the same time? And just because somebody murdered someone in a past life does that mean they have to get punished in this one? Does it make them inherently evil or can people change? I sunk my head under the bubbles and inhaled the smell of strawberries and cream. It reminded me of the day he proposed. How could things have gone so wrong so soon?

  -15-

  I hadn’t really been making that much of an effort on my appearance lately because I knew Eddie loved me for me and would rather I wore less make-up and more clothes than the other way round. Tonight I’d left my long, dark hair loose to fall about my shoulders. I’d put on my tight jeans, knee high boots and a low-cut, red top covered in white polka dots. I put a matching headband around my head and completed the look by covering my lips in a nice, shiny, red lipstick. I wanted tonight to be special. I was determined to change all the bad feeling between us because of our past.

  He looked a little shy as he came down the hill and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he said. “I started to think you wouldn’t show tonight.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “It kinda knocks a man’s confidence when the woman he loves refuses to marry him.”

  He took hold of my hand and we started to walk in the direction of his hut. “About that,” I stopped walking and started to stroke his cheek. “If you still want to do it then I do too. I guess I just got a little scared, that’s all.”

  His eyes brightened. “So you still want to marry me?”

  “Yes.”

  He picked me up off the floor and started to spin me round so much I was nearly sick. “That’s so great,” he said, finally placing me back onto the ground. “I hoped you would change your mind. Here…” He took the ring from his inside pocket and placed it on my ring finger. I felt a shiver run down my spine but chose to ignore it. I really felt that if I broke it off with him then maybe in many years to come we would be back in this same situation, only our souls would be in different bodies, obviously. It had to end now; and it had to end happily.

  -16-

  Today was the day things dramatically changed. The mailman came and Mom rushed to the mailbox. She came back holding an official white envelope. She took a deep breath in and then tore it open. I watched as she mouthed the words as she read. She broke into a huge grin and started to jump up and down on the spot. “Oh my god, Charls! I got the job! I got the job! I don’t believe it!”

  My heart sunk. I looked at my engagement ring and I knew I had to tell Eddie now that it was really happening. I hadn’t mentioned it because I didn’t think Mom had any chance of getting it. The only jobs Mom had ever done were low-paid, menial jobs in bars, diners and shops. This was in an office. Mom was going to be working in real estate. I don’t know what she did to convince them she was the woman for the job, but whatever she did I was proud of her. I just didn’t want to leave this house; this village; Eddie.

  I ran over to give her a hug. “I’m so pleased for you, Mom. So when do you start?”

  “I’ve told them I need to give a month’s notice but I’ve already got us a house through my job and so we can start moving some things in this weekend if you like?”

  “Ok. So what happens with my school? I’ve only got six weeks left. Does that mean I’ll miss my prom?”

  Mom shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sorry, honey but you wouldn’t have wanted to take Eddie to the prom with you anyway, would you?”

  She was right, but that wasn’t the point. “It would be nice to have the choice though, Mom. Why couldn’t you tell them you couldn’t start until I finished school!”

  “Listen to me, Charlie. I’m only thirty-six years old. I know you think that’s ancient but I’m sick and tired of working two jobs and still never having enough money. For almost eighteen years now you’ve been my priority but now you’re going to college I want to do something for me. This is my big chance. Please don’t spoil it for me.”

  I gave her a hug. “I know, Mom. It’s just going to be so different, that’s all.”

  “I know, sugar. But it will be different in a good way, you’ll see.”

  “I know.”

  ***

  It was nice being in Eddie’s hut now that it was the peak of summer. We could sit outside on the tree logs he’d cut down and have picnics. It was so warm tonight that I’d worn my shorts and t-shirt and I found myself glancing once or twice at Eddie’s naked chest. It was smooth, tanned and toned and as my eyes moved lower I noticed he was in great shape. His stomach was showing the first signs of a six pack. “Have you been working out?” I teased, moving my hands across his hard muscles.

  “I have, yes. Glad you’ve noticed. Now that the weather’s changed I jog a lot; it helps me think of new ideas for my books.”

  “How does that give you a six pack?”

  “You need to do one hundred sit ups a day for that,” he said, patting his stomach proudly.

  “Eddie, there’s something I need to tell you,” I said.

  He leaned in towards me. “I’m listening.”

  “It’s Mom. She’s got a new job and we move in six weeks.”

  His eyes darkened and I felt shivers run down my spine. “So you have to go to, right?”

  “I’ve got nowhere else to go. I was going to college in the fall anyway
. It just means I have to go a little bit earlier.”

  He stood up and started to pace back and to. “Yes but we’ve already discussed this. You were going to come back here every weekend and in the holidays. Now you’re telling me you won’t be coming back at all?”

  “No. I don’t know. I didn’t plan this, Eddie. I want to come back home but if Mom wants us to move then there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  “Maybe I should have a word with her,” he said. “Maybe I should ask her if we can rent her house and we can live there together. What do you say, Charls?”

  “But we can’t afford that. Mom had to work two jobs to pay the bills and she was still short a lot of the time. I’ll be at college anyway so it wouldn’t be worth it.”

  He started to raise his voice. “This is what you’ve wanted all along isn’t it? I bet it was you who put your Mom up to it in the first place.” He walked over to me so that his face was almost pressed against mine. I could feel his anger and I was pretty scared. “You won’t leave me, Charlie. I’ll make sure of that. I’ll work something out. You can go to college but you will be back here at weekends and during the holidays, I’ll see to it.”

  A thought suddenly occurred to me. “Eddie, I have an idea! What if you came to live with us in Maine? What if you moved into a student apartment with me? You could still write. We could even get married and live as man and wife.”

  He paused. “That could work, I guess. Then we could be together all the time.”

  I waited while he paced back and to. If he agreed to that then it would be ok. He suddenly stopped and seemed to look right through me.” I can’t leave this village, though. I’d love to but I can’t.”

  “But why can’t you leave? You said yourself there’s nothing for you here and you’re all alone.”

  He shouted. “I can’t leave here, didn’t you hear me! And I’m not going to let you leave either!”

  “I want to go home now, Eddie.” I said,

  “Fine. But we’ll talk about this again tomorrow. It needs to be sorted out.”

  ***

  Mom was still at work when I got home so I went to my bedroom and cried so hard. Why did loving someone have to be so hard? I started to feel better about Mom now. I hated it sometimes when I got home and she was at the diner. She didn’t come in sometimes until the early hours and there were times, like tonight, when I could have really used a hug and someone to talk to. Despite this I found it quite easy to drop off to sleep.