Reaching out one giant, scarred and calloused hand, he tucked a wayward curl behind my ear. He lifted my chin with his knuckle forcing me to meet his gentle gaze. He looked so happy and intense right now that I could feel my eyes welling up. I never thought that anyone would ever look at me like that.
“I know I’m scary and loud. I’m fucked up, and I’m gonna fuck up with you a lot because I’ve never done this before. I don’t date girls, I fuck them and walk away because that’s what they expect. It’s all they think I’m good for. I’m not smart like you, and I know I don’t deserve you. Right now, I’m dirt poor, but one day, I’m not gonna be. I will fight to make something better of myself, to be someone better. Someone you can be proud of. If you need time, then I’ll give you time. If you need friendship, then I’ll give you friendship. But you’re mine, and when the time is right, when you’re ready, I’m coming for you.”
I nodded, so close to tears I knew that if I tried to speak, I’d completely break down. I swallowed hard, and the tears fell anyway. O’Connell wiped them away with his thumb and gently pressed his big firm lips to mine. Just like that, my fears were forgotten. The kiss was gentle, but fireworks exploded all over my body. It was like he had invigorated every cell with life. The touch of his lips wasn’t enough to satisfy, only to feed my addiction. I knew in my head that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but my body wanted to drown in the revelation that it could feel something other than cold, hunger, and pain. It was a kiss both chaste and pure and everything I hoped that my first kiss would be, because everything I gave to him, I gave freely. Slightly out of breath, our lips parted, and he rested his forehead back against mine.
“I’m gonna give you the fuckin world, baby,” he whispered against my lips.
He kissed me again quickly and grinning like a kid, threaded his fingers through mine.
“You know friends don’t hold hands,” I whispered, knowing that there was no way that I was letting go first.
“Huh,” he grunted. “Me and Kier hold hands all the time.”
I burst out laughing at the thought, and he revelled in my happiness.
“It’s a good thing we’re sticking to being friends,” he explained. “The next couple of months are gonna be really tough. I should be taking you out on dates and buying you flowers and shit, but I’m going to be training every hour I can, and I won’t have any money.”
“It’s not about the money or anything else, you know that right?” I pressed him.
“I know, Em. One day you’ll tell me about the skeletons in your closet but if I didn’t give you at least an idea of how I feel, I’d lose you before you ever gave us a chance. I swear to God though, if Tommy asks for your number one more time, I’m gonna break his fucking face.”
He was only half-serious, but his possessiveness and intensity turned me on when it should have had me running. I ran my thumb across the back of his knuckles, and I felt him shiver.
“There’s not exactly a queue of men trying to date me. Tommy is a nice guy and your friend. He just likes messing with your head, that’s all.”
O’Connell lifted our joined hands and kissed the back of mine.
“You really have no idea how fuckin beautiful you are, do you? I’ve knocked out guys at the gym already for looking at you the wrong way, and I’ll fuck up anyone else who tries.”
I rolled my eyes half-wondering if he’d be better off peeing on me to stake his claim, like a dog marking his territory.
“Well, no more fucking anyone up, okay? If I’m ever ready to date anyone, you’re at the top of my list, so save all the aggression for your fights. I have a hard enough time dealing with you boxing in the ring where there are rules, let alone out of it.”
He squeezed my hand in agreement, though I noticed he didn’t make me any promises.
“Baby, I’d better be the only one on that list. I feel like I’m gonna lose you before I even get a chance. I’m fucked-up possessive over you. I know that, and I’m afraid that you’ll get sick of all the bullshit that comes with me.”
It wasn’t like O’Connell to freely admit any of his insecurities. I appreciated knowing that he came with his own baggage, too. We made it to my building all too soon and he turned to face me.
“I’m not gonna rush you, okay? I’ve never wanted anyone as badly as I want you, but I want you to trust me, too, so I’m gonna kill myself and take this slow. When you’re stronger, when you’re ready to give me a chance, I’ll be here.”
I nodded because I was incapable of replying. It was human nature to want to jump his bones. He was the most amazing specimen of man that I’d ever seen. But I needed slow. Time was the only thing that would bring back the pieces of my soul, but I had the feeling that O’Connell might turn out to be the glue that held them all together.
Walking me up to my apartment, he unlocked my door and handed me back the keys. He reached his hand around my nape and pulled me to him for another kiss. The minute I started to appreciate his firm soft lips, I sighed, and his tongue slid into my mouth to caress mine. The ache between my legs intensified until the only thing that I was aware of was the desperate need to have my lips on his skin and find relief from this exquisite torture. His hand slid into my hair holding me to him more tightly, as if there was anything more than a whisper of air between us anyway. His free hand moved from the small of my back to my arse, pressing my pelvis to his. At the feel of his rock hardness against me, I couldn’t help but moan, and he ate it up, pressing harder. This wasn’t a delicate seduction. O’Connell’s actions were deliberate and unapologetic. He didn’t try to discretely work his hand down my back as we kissed in the hope that I didn’t notice what he was doing. No, he practically mounted me to him because, despite my protestations of friendship, my body wanted this. If his skills so far were anything to go by, I doubted I would have been sorry to let it go any further.
“Fuck,” he muttered, as he pulled his lips from mine. “That was supposed to be me saying goodnight and taking it slow.”
“If you tell me that’s how you and Kieran say goodnight, I’m really going to start worrying.”
He chuckled then bowed his head toward me. “One more kiss before we go back to being friends?” he suggested.
“Uh, huh,” I murmured. “Goodnight then,” I whispered and pretty much attacked him right back. My hands slid into his hair and pulled his huge frame down until I could trap his lips between mine. He groaned loudly against me, the vibrations rocking through my body and intensifying my craving. After a few minutes, we were both out of breath, and with his hands still firmly pressed against me, he tucked his head into the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply.
“You’re like an addiction, sunshine. It’s making it difficult for me to do right by you. But I want this too badly to fuck it up.”
“You know,” I reassured him, “you’re pretty addictive yourself. No one’s ever made me feel like this.”
It killed me to imagine that this could be our last kiss, but despite what my body wanted, I knew that no relationship would ever work until I had time to sort out my head. I could only hope that he would still be willing to give me a chance when that day came, and I needed to know that he would stick around before I gave him any more of myself. There would come a time where I needed to tell him about the monsters under my bed, but not yet. They weren’t going anywhere. They never did.
“Do you have a mobile phone?” he asked.
“Sorry. I don’t have a mobile or a landline. I’ve had to try and keep my overheads down as much as I can.” I was once more embarrassed about my poverty, but O’Connell had pretty much admitted that his circumstances were the same.
“I had to give mine up when I quit my job. I’m with Kier most of the time, though, so if you ever need me just call him from a payphone. He told me he left you his number.” I nodded, but just then, I’d never wished for a mobile phone more. The anguish of going days without seeing or hearing from him was pretty depressing. He smiled, sensing
my gloom.
“I guess we just do this the old-fashioned way then. Do you have a pen and some paper?” he asked.
I pulled a piece from my notebook and handed it to him with a pen. Leaning over my desk, I half wondered if the archaic piece of furniture would hold his weight as he wrote out a note, folded it over and handed it to me.
“Don’t read it tonight, save it for the morning, okay?” he asked.
“All right,” I agreed. “Will I see you tomorrow night?”
“Of course, baby. Kieran’s gonna to walk you home, but can I come by after training?” he asked hopefully.
“I’d like that,” I admitted shyly, hoping that he still felt the same way tomorrow. He carried on holding me like he couldn’t quite bring himself to let me go.
“Bye, sunshine,” he whispered against my lips.
“Goodbye, O’Connell,” I sighed, as he pulled back and walked out the door, sporting a look of unadulterated hunger. I quickly threw on all of the bolts then raced to the window. Feeling my eyes on him, he turned around and blew me a kiss before shifting his training bag higher on his back and disappearing into the night.
Collapsing onto my bed, I contemplated waiting until tomorrow to read O’Connell’s note, but my curiosity was stronger than my conscience. There was no way that I could sleep tonight if I was wondering what he’d written me.
Jeez. In six lines, he had turned me to mush. What kind of a man writes notes in this day and age? The freakin’ awesome kind, that’s who! I flattened out the note and put it inside my favourite book. Still dazed, I brushed my teeth and changed into my pyjamas. Tonight, I was walking on air, and for the first time in a long time, I was happy.
I WALKED MY TRAY DOWN the lunch queue, contemplating the delicate balance of craptastic culinary experiments on offer, bearing in mind my modest budget. The salad was fresh looking and cheap, if not a little basic, and my stomach grumbled as I thought about Mike’s spectacular quarter pounder with cheese, lovingly known as ‘the Daisy Burger’. If O’Connell ever took a break from training, then a Daisy Burger would be my treat.
“Right, then. Spill. You’ve been mooning around this canteen for ten minutes looking like you’ve just won the lottery, and you never smile like this, so what’s going on?”
Albie gently butted into the queue and dumped his tray down next to mine. He loaded it with enough food to keep me in lunches for a month, and then followed that with two cartons of milk.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I answered. “I am merely perusing the canteen’s many culinary delights. If I’m smiling more than usual, it’s probably because I’m overwhelmed by the overabundance of decadent menu choices on offer today.”
Albie looked at me stunned, and then laughed deep and heartily. “You’ve just said more words to me in one sentence than you’ve said to me in the whole time I’ve known you. Horniness makes you verbose.”
Humour gone, I stared at him gobsmacked, my cheeks reddening.
“I am not horny. Who told you I was horny?” I spluttered.
“No one. But I can’t imagine you floating about like this unless you were hot for some guy. Plus, you do have that ‘I’m thinking about a man naked’ look about you,” he laughed.
“No, I do not,” I blustered indignantly.
I absentmindedly reached for a piece of carrot cake, then put it back again when I realised that I didn’t need it and couldn’t afford it.
“Em, you’re so easy to wind up.” He smiled as he carried on loading up his tray.
“I’m glad you’re happy,” I huffed.
I wasn’t used to being teased and it was hard allowing myself to feel excited about my fledgling friendship with O’Connell. Whenever I’d had anything to feel good about, Frank had taken it away. It gave him a kind of perverse pleasure, but coveting my happiness didn’t need to daunt me anymore. I had friends, I was happy, and I needed to stop worrying about hiding the fact. If anything, I should be grabbing O’Connell by the hand and shouting at the top of my lungs, “Holy shit, can you believe that this unbelievably, hot as fuck, man mountain actually wants to date me!” Okay, so that might be a little extreme, but sharing a little of my happiness with my friends shouldn’t be such a big deal. We paid for our trays and, as I sat down next to Albie, was cornered by the gang.
“So, you hooked up with Hottie McTottie yet then?” Nikki said teasingly.
“Who’s Hottie McTottie?” Ben asked.
“Only the six-foot-five, dark, built, intense, brooding fighter who’s been mooning over Em for the last few weeks,” Nikki replied.
“He hasn’t been mooning over me, and we’re not together,” I corrected. “We’re friends, that’s all.”
Nikki grinned, but Albie laughed out loud. “Sweetheart, we’ve only seen you both together once, and you were setting the place on fire. Seriously, I saw my life flashing before my eyes when I offered to walk you home. It’s not a big jump for us to imagine you two together.”
“Well, it’s a big jump for me,” I admitted, quietly.
“We know,” Nikki soothed. “But that boy has it bad for you, and it’s only a matter of time before he wears you down. If he fucks it up, though, he’ll have to answer to us.”
I really wasn’t that much of a prize, but it was nice of them to care. I did giggle a little at the thought of Nikki, who was probably only a little bigger than me, pounding on O’Connell for some perceived wrongdoing. I’d bet he’d had splinters that hurt more.
“You do realise who O’Connell is, don’t you, Nik?” Ryan volunteered, and I bristled, waiting for the insult.
“Everyone knows who he is, Ry,” Albie answered. “But I’m telling you, man, you didn’t see the way he looks at her.”
“Just be careful, that’s all I’m saying,” Ryan warned.
I knew more than anyone that my guard should be up, but it had been up my whole life, and it felt good to let it down. If O’Connell was going to trample all over our friendship, then so be it. Every moment that I’d spent with him so far made the risk worth it. I had finished my salad and contemplated leaving, when a plate slid in front of me. Albie grinned as he passed me the carrot cake I’d been eyeing.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“That ridiculously big piece of cake you talked yourself out of. It’s a celebration,” he answered.
“What are we celebrating?”
“Finding something decadent that you know is bad for you and sinking your teeth into it.”
I was about to remind him that O’Connell and I were just friends, when he winked teasingly at me. Accepting the gesture with a smile for the act of kindness that it was, I plunged my fork into the moist cake, groaning at the first bite. We chatted about our plans for later, but I already knew what I was doing with my afternoon, and Albie had been my inspiration.
“WHAT IS IT?” Tommy asked later that night, as he stared at the tin like it might be filled with anthrax. I opened the lid as he held it in his hands.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He grinned, and I was pleased that he looked so impressed.
“What’s going on, Em?” Mac, one of the gym’s other ridiculously large fighters, asked.
“I’ve baked Tommy’s mum a chocolate fudge cake.”
“Seriously?” Tommy asked. “That’s fudge in the middle?”
“It sure is, and if you heat it up, the filling should melt so the chocolate fudge sauce will cover the cake.”
“Why’s Tommy got chocolate cake?” Kieran pitched in.
“Em baked it for the little fucker,” Mac told him.
“Sunshine, I’m your boyfriend’s best friend. If you should be baking anyone chocolate cake, it should be me.”
“It’s not for Tommy, it’s for his mum,” I reminded them. “I’m sure Tommy will get a piece, but his mum’s been under a lot of stress lately, so this is to make her feel better and I’m your best friend’s friend not his girlfriend.”
None of the guys actu
ally said, “aww,” but they did all look at me like I was a cute little puppy.
“Wait,” said Tommy, “you called Con her boyfriend.”
“Only a matter of time, my friend,” replied Kieran, slapping Tommy on the back.
“Fuck,” muttered Tommy, as a few people round the gym groaned or muttered.
“What’s wrong with them?” I whispered to Kieran. “Don’t they think I’d be good enough for him?”
Kieran laughed at me. “Are you kidding me? You’re the sweetest, most innocent thing this bunch of depraved maniacs has ever seen. You’re smart, gorgeous, and you bake. They’re pissed off that Con wants to take you off the market. He’s shown his hand, so if anyone of these fuckers wants to ask you out, they need to go through him, and there’s no one in this gym who can take Con.”
I was thinking that Kieran wildly exaggerated my attributes, but I was still pleased. I wasn’t great at cooking, but I could bake a mean chocolate cake. In all of this, I did wonder if O’Connell had heard me at all when I told him that we’d only be friends. Maybe I was fighting fate, but I needed to know that I was strong enough to stand alone before I’d fall back on O’Connell for support.
“When me Ma sees this, she’s gonna be pissed that I didn’t bring you home first,” Tommy said gloomily, then after a short pause, he smirked.
“Still, it’s not like she’s engaged or married or anything, so there’s still plenty of time for her to wise up, blow off O’Connell, and marry me.”
The Hurricane Page 10