“That was awesome, baby. That was your first time giving a blow job, right?”
“Yes.”
Of course he knew it was my first time for everything, and I got the feeling that he liked that. Kind of the whole explorer thing, being the first to conquer a new land: Kellydonia.
“Awesome, and I’m sure you’ll get better and better every time.”
Well if there was one thing I knew from hockey, it wasn’t that practice made perfect, but perfect practice made perfect. Not sure exactly how that applied here, but perfecting bj’s could be a skill that came in handy, right? Were we done here? I was still feeling a little… needy. Nicklas started getting dressed, so I guessed we were done. As I got dressed, I felt the warm metal of the locket between my breasts, reminding me that I was Nicklas’s girlfriend.
17
Let’s Talk About Sex
“Hey, why don’t you come to my game on Friday?” Nicklas asked me on the phone. “We’re playing at Ice Sports against Hollyburn. Should be a good game.”
“Okay.” I had no game that night, and I hadn’t seen him play in years.
“Sooooo, my mom and stepdad are going away this weekend. My brother is in charge. We could go to my place afterwards.” Nicklas’s brother was 21 and went to the University of British Columbia. U.B.C. was on the other side of Vancouver, so he lived on campus but came home on occasional weekends.
“Are you having a party?” I wondered. He had told me about a big party that they had last year. Apparently, the cops came and everything.
“No party this time, Stefan has to study for exams. But you and I could have a little party of our own.”
This was easy to translate. We had been going out for almost three months now, and Nicklas wanted to move things to the next stage. He wanted us to have sex. I felt excitement and panic bubbling up in me at the same time.
“Kelly, are you still there?”
“Yeah, just thinking.”
“Don’t worry, baby. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But it would be nice to have some privacy for a change. To get out of the car,” he laughed.
“Sure,” I agreed. But I needed to have The Talk… with April.
The next day, I discovered there was no way to ease into this conversation, so I asked April straight up, “Uh, how many of our friends have had sex?”
She didn’t even blink. “Probably easier to go over how many of us haven’t had sex.” She paused and then replied, “You and Charmaine. Done.”
“Really? I can hardly believe that. What about the guys we hang out with?”
“Well, Phil—definitely. Marcus, maybe with that girlfriend he had last summer, but maybe not. Cameron, God no. Peter, not sure. Ryan, for sure.”
“I guess I assumed that people were fooling around, but not actually doing it.”
“Yeah, and that’s why Karen was so worried that she might be pregnant when she and Dave were going out last year. Because she wasn’t having sex. Face it, you weren’t interested in sex before so you never thought about it. Now you are, and you’re curious.”
I swallowed. “Nicklas’s parents are away this weekend.”
“How nice of them to leave that big house empty. How many bedrooms in it?”
“Um, five, I think.”
“Well, if you start early enough you can probably have sex in all of them before the weekend’s over.”
I started turning pink. The idea had surprising appeal to me. Nicklas, all perfect pale skin and naked muscled body, kissing me and touching me everywhere. And if we had sex, I could get off too. I took a deep breath to calm down.
“Close your mouth, Kelly. It’s very unladylike. I bet Nicklas will be good in bed. And even if he’s not, you can gaze at that gorgeous face.”
“April, you’re pretty shallow. You’re so into appearances.”
“Are you only figuring that out now? I’m an actress. You can’t expect depth too.” Ever since she spent the summer in Los Angeles, April acted all tough and cool. But I knew it was only an act. Although she had dated a lot, she had had only three real boyfriends. Still, it was two more than me.
“Seriously, I need help.”
“I know you do, and Mother April is all ready.” She gave me the whole safe sex lecture, including stocking me up with condoms. “And if you’re doing this regularly, you might want to be on the pill.” Was I going to be doing this regularly? Nicklas and I had trouble getting together every week.
“You’re funny, Kelly. You’re such an innocent, but I know that you’re into physical stuff too. I think you really want to have sex. Be sure it’s good for you too. Don't be afraid to speak up and tell him what you want.”
How could I tell him what I wanted when I wasn’t even sure what that was? However April’s matter-of-factness about sex was reassuring for me. I gave her a hug. “You’re the best friend ever!”
“Oooh, BFF,” she laughed. But she was a great friend. On the outside, we were pretty different, but deep down we were alike. We both had dreams and were willing to work for them. We supported each other and shared our problems. But lately, it seemed like I was the only one with problems.
Friday night rolled around all too quickly. Since I was so nervous, April was nice enough to come to Nicklas's game with me.
“If I let you go alone, you’ll probably end up panicking and leaving. I’m here to make sure that you become a woman tonight.” April’s tone was mocking, but her message was actually real.
“My God, are you the president of the Anti-Chastity Club or something? Nicklas said it was up to me what we did.”
“And I think it’s adorable that you believe him. But you don’t seem to have any idea of your own sex drive. You want to do it, and Nicklas is the right guy. You can look back when you're old and say, ‘See that gorgeous blond in the photo, he was my first.’”
“Really? I’m sure my grandchildren will be fascinated. Like I’d be if my grandmother told me anything at all about her sex life—at least in the ten seconds before my brain exploded.”
“Hush, there he is. Too bad he doesn’t take the warm-up without his helmet. Oh, I think he’s looking for you.” Nicklas was skating around and checking out the upstairs lounge, but we were on the side bleachers where the view was better. Finally, he spotted me and waved.
April exhaled. “He is major league cute. I’d hit that anytime.”
“Maybe you could sub for me tonight?”
“For some reason, he prefers you. I can’t understand it myself, but there’s no accounting for tastes. Maybe he needs glasses.”
“Actually, he has perfect 20/20 vision.” One more perfect thing about him. Sometimes I couldn’t believe that we were together. I was so far from perfect.
April read my mind as usual. “Look, Kelly, I don’t get you. You’ve always been cute, but you were hiding it under those ugly clothes. So now guys are starting to notice you. You should have more confidence.”
I shook my head; getting attention for my looks was something I’d never get used to. April continued, “Want proof? This morning I heard two grade elevens saying that you are the hottest girl in school.”
“Grade elevens? Grrrrreat, I’m a cougar now.”
The game started slowly. The teams were pretty even, and Hollyburn scored first. They had one really shifty player, and he managed to split the D and come in with a nice backhand on the goalie. Next shift, Nicklas’s line was on. Dave Vanderhauf was the centreman and he forced a turnover in the neutral zone, which created a two-on-one with Nicklas. They were passing it back and forth, and Nicklas took the last pass at a crazy angle. He was almost past the net when he managed to squeeze the puck in at the post! April and I cheered, and Nicklas skated by us and pointed at me.
“Oh my God, did he dedicate that goal to you? If I liked hockey as much as you do, I would find that so cool.”
It was kind of cool, but not something I would ever do. When I was playing, I never thought about who was in the stands;
I was totally focused on the game. But maybe Nicklas was excited about our big night ahead, and this was some sort of bizarre foreplay. It was sort of nice, but I wasn’t some puck bunny who would coo, “Oh Nicky, score a goal for me!”
The lead continued to go back and forth. In the second period, Nicklas had a breakaway and came in at full speed. He deked left and then shot backhand—a gorgeous shot that rose and went in under the crossbar. The goalie didn’t even get a whiff. We yelped and jumped up and down, partly in celebration and partly to keep warm. Nicklas celebrated with his teammates and then skated by and gave me a look and a grin. The score was now 4-3 in favour of North Van.
In the third, Hollyburn scored two minutes in. The game remained tied for most of the period. Then, in the last minute of the game, Nicklas and Dave went in on another two-on-one, with Nicklas carrying the puck. The goalie was moving towards Nicklas, determined to stop him this time. The Hollyburn defenceman seemed to have a moment of indecision, and instead of blocking the pass and taking Dave out of the play, he moved towards Nicklas as well, leaving Dave wide open by side of the net. There was a long second, and then Nicklas shot far-side. The goalie easily made a toe save, but it was a hot shot and the rebound came out, hit the d-man’s skate, and bounced back—right into the net. The bench erupted and Nicklas was celebrating big time. Before he went back to the bench, he skated by and pointed at me again.
April clapped her gloves. “So cute and such a good player. Don’t you have a hat to throw?” she asked me.
As I watched Nicklas skate back to the bench, I was doing a slow burn. Nicklas had reminded me why I hated about him when we played together. It was a fucking tie game, and all he had to do was pass to Dave, and it was a tap-in and they would win the game. Instead, he took a low percentage shot, and the fact that it went in was a total fluke. And now I was sure he thought that since he scored on the ice, he was going to score on me as well.
He was a hot dog who loved to show off and didn’t play for the team. He had certainly improved his team play since going up to rep, but when push came to shove, his true nature came out. I could not stand guys who played like that. I felt like an idiot; wasn’t I the one who always preached that you could tell a guy by how he played hockey? So why didn’t I use the Tanaka Scale to check out Nicklas before I got so involved? At the very least, I should have remembered what he was like when we had played together. Argh!
I didn’t say a word to April about what I was going to do next. She noticed that I was quiet, but I think she chalked it up to my nervousness. She stayed to keep me company, but when Nicklas got out of the dressing room in record time, she congratulated him and then took off.
I walked out to his car with him, but then explained I wouldn’t be going with him, and why. He was incredulous.
“You’re breaking up with me, because I didn’t pass the puck to Hoff? Are you kidding me? That’s nuts, Kelly. You are freaking nuts.”
“I believe that the way you play hockey is the way you are. And you play hockey in a selfish way.”
“But I was playing for you tonight. I wanted to impress you.”
“I already liked you; I don’t need to be impressed. Anyway, I’m more impressed by someone who plays for the team and not for himself.”
“Is this a set-up because you don’t want to get with me tonight? Because we don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to. We can just make out or whatever you like.”
He wasn’t going to lay this one on me. “Actually, I had already made my mind up about tonight, and I wanted us to be, you know, together.” I opened my pack and showed him the condoms April had given me. “I already told my parents I was staying at April’s tonight.” I shrugged. “So that’s not the reason. It’s because I feel like you’re not the guy I thought you were.”
Nicklas was seeing his chance to have sex slip away. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me close to him.
“Kelly, there’s no way. We’ve got so much going for us.”
And then he started kissing me, even though I stayed still and unresponsive. Most of the electricity was gone. I mean, it felt physically good, but mentally I was distracted. Come to think of it, he had been selfish when we made out too, I had gone down on him, but he had never done the same for me. It had been all about him, and if I enjoyed things too, that was only a happy coincidence. He finally noticed I wasn’t into it and stopped.
“I don’t get you at all,” he said. “How can you run so hot and then so cold?”
I shrugged and pulled away from him.
“I don’t know, Nicklas. See you around.”
18
Mood Swings
Phil
Hoff drove over to my place after his game. We were planning on hitting a couple of parties together, but he was pretty wound up after hockey, so we decided to kick back and play a little SOCOM II before we left. As we played, he started talking about his game.
“Shit, I can’t believe we almost lost to Hollyburn. They suck big time.” When Hoff got going, it was best to let him vent. I didn’t need to say anything.
“Plus that fuckin’ Ericcson. I was wide open, and he has to take the shot. It was an accident it even went in. He was trying to impress his girlfriend. I heard him telling Shell that a hat trick is a sure-fire panty dropper. Asshole.”
Shit, Hoff was talking about Kelly. “So, Kelly was at your game?”
“Oh hey, P.D., I forgot about you and Kelly. Really sorry, man.” He looked extra concerned.
“What is it?”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
Fuck yes, what was it? I nodded.
“Ericcson’s parents are away for the weekend. He’s planning on doing it with Kelly tonight.”
Whump. That felt like a punch in the gut. “And he’s telling everyone?” God, Kelly, how could you be with such a jerk?
“Nah, he was just talking to Shell. I was beside them so I heard it all. He’s extra stoked because she’s still cherry.”
No need to remind me. I thought I would be Kelly’s first. I wondered if I wouldn’t mind if she was dating a better guy than Ericcson. Yeah, probably any guy would bother me, but Ericcson was bugging me even more. He was a conceited jerk. I was surprised that Kelly fell for looks. You never knew with girls.
“Let’s go out,” I said. I needed to be doing something and not letting the images in my mind take over: images of Kelly and someone else.
We drove down the Parkway. I was idly looking out the window when I saw a girl walking alone on the sidewalk.
“Stop the car! Stop the fucking car,” I yelled at Hoff.
“What?” He pulled into a bus turnout. I didn’t answer him; I got out and ran back.
“Kelly?” I yelled. She didn’t turn, but I knew it was her. I ran right up and spun her around. Her face was serious and stern.
“Phil? What are you doing here?” She hardly seemed aware of where she was.
I was so happy to see her here alone. I hugged her and squeezed her into my chest. “Kelly, you’re okay.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked from inside the folds of my coat.
“I don’t know.” I wasn’t going to let on I knew where she was supposed to be and what she was supposed to be doing. But obviously she wasn’t. Fucking awesome!
“Do you need a ride home?” I asked her.
“I guess so. I wanted to walk and think. But I can’t really go home; I’m supposed to be at April’s. Maybe I should go home though.” She was sounding totally ditzy.
“We’ll give you a ride.” And I put my arm around her and led her to the car.
We didn’t actually go back, we went to Tim Horton’s and got some doughnuts and hot drinks. After eating something, she got more normal. Hoff, who tended to shoot off his mouth, asked the obvious question. “Where’s Nicklas?”
She hesitated for a moment. “We broke up.”
Sweet!
“Really?” Hoff continued, “But I just saw you at the game.” The
guy had no shame, but this was all stuff I really wanted to know.
“I broke up with him because he looked you off on that last play.”
There was a moment of stunned silence, and then I started to laugh. Shit, Kelly was the funniest girl in the world!
Hoff nodded in agreement; finally he had someone who sympathized. “Fucking A,” he said. “I had a wide open net!”
“And the fact that the goal went in was a total fluke,” Kelly added. “He so did not get that. The game was riding on that play, and he was showboating.”
“I didn’t know you cared so much about the fortunes of North Van triple A,” I said.
“It’s not the game itself, or even the team. It’s that how you play shows what kind of person you are. I hadn’t seen Nicklas play in a while, and I forgot.” She rolled her eyes at me. “I know, I don’t want to hear I-told-you-so.”
She had a bite of doughnut and seemed to be cheering up. “You guys get it, right? I know April is not going to understand.”
“Of course we get it,” Hoff agreed. “I would have dumped him myself. In fact I wish I could dump him off my line.”
Kelly grinned. “I think I said that once myself.”
After our snack, she decided to go home so we took her there. I walked her to the door.
“So Kelly, are you free tomorrow night?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Phil. I need a break between guys.”
“No way. You owe me. You promised to tell me when you were ready and you reneged on that. I’m not taking the chance that you might accidentally start dating someone else if I wait.”
Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part One Page 8