Lincoln Woods is less than a fifteen-minute car ride from our house though we haven’t talked about it since I moved in almost two months ago. Mac is busy on his computer mostly all the time now, and Phoenix likes to chill at home over the weekends.
We’re all hermits.
“How did you know this is one of my favorite places?” I glance at Phoenix, squinting at the backpack he’s carrying and the one he’s holding before looking back at him.
He smiles wide and signs, I didn’t. His eyes shine bright as he thinks about something. I smile back at him when he continues to sign. I thought this would be a great place to take you. I have to admit that we might get in trouble for something so I need you to be deaf for it. He looks around before finishing off with, If we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English. Okay?
I’ve been teaching him more ASL, per his request, and he’s getting the hang of it.
I start to jump on the tips of my toes, excitedly. “We’re going to break some laws?” I sign and whisper. He nods, and the mischievous smile slowly creeping up on his face makes me want to assault him with kisses for some reason. “I’m liking this date already!”
Hearing that motivates him to continue signing, I thought really hard on what we should do and it’s not fair that I’m competing with Mackenzie, who has over five years of memories with you. What haven’t you done already? So we’re doing something that will last for a while. Leave an imprint on this world, so to speak.
I grab his hand, which is not necessary because I have two perfectly good legs and I can walk just fine on my own, and tell him to lead the way.
I look down at our joined hands and only one thing fills my mind, silencing the rest; I’m on a date with Phoenix.
We don’t go too far before we’re walking down a trail. And that’s when Phoenix stops, pulling me with him. He drops the backpack he’s holding by his feet then carefully slides the other backpack off his shoulder and zips it open, kneeling on the ground. He pulls out a small trowel, a pair of gardening gloves, and a bottle of water. From the other backpack, he pulls the top of a bag of soil and cuts a hole into it with a pair of hidden scissors.
Um???
Next, he pulls out a Stargazer lily, and it’s then that I peek inside the backpack and see there are more of them in there. “Phoenix.” Why does he have a whole bunch of lilies in the backpack? And why the hell is he carrying soil in the other?
He tips his head back and his mischievous smile is back. “We’re planting these along the way. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal so remember–”
“Deaf and foreign,” I say, transfixed.
This isn’t happening.
It is!
We’re really doing this!
I drop down to my knees, and watch him grab the trowel then stab it into the dirt. I grab the gloves then the flower, and I take it out of the plastic pot.
We lock eyes for a second and there’s a vulnerability in his that make my heart skip a few beats before righting itself to its normal pace. Does he think I hate this idea or that I think this is lame? This is our first date and he’s already winning by bringing me here, along with the fact that we’re playing with fire by planting these flowers. I should be worried that he’s willing to get us arrested or fined for destruction of property or whatever the hell we’re doing but I’m not. Because this is awesome!
Why lilies? I sign. I know why. I still want to hear–see–him say it.
Those emerald eyes dance over my face. “I want everyone who walks by to wonder why there are randomly placed lilies everywhere, and I’ll smile knowing they’re thinking of you.”
“We’re doing something that will last for a while. Leave an imprint on this world, so to speak,” he said earlier. We’re planting flowers so I can be thought about when I’m not even here. Sure, they will die someday and no one will remember them, but they’ll be here until they’re not. It’s the thought that counts and it makes my insides get all tingly.
“I love this so much. Thank you.” I lean forward and kiss his cheek. It’s so innocent. Unexpected. Not me at all. I feel like I’m turning red just thinking about kissing his cheek. I go back to the flower, and plant it into the hole Phoenix makes after adding some fresh soil into it.
“Only we know the truth of this mysterious flower.” I stare at it with a look of awe. It’s so pretty yet so unusual in this place. Exactly how I feel in this world.
I look up and find Phoenix already looking at me. I don’t think he even stopped. “I think the sun and the stars can keep secrets,” he teases.
They see everything.
I throw my head back, eyeing the sky. This man right here, he’s one of the good ones. Please don’t let us get caught.
I used to look up at night and see a sky full of stars, but now that I know Phoenix tells the stars his secrets, I’ve wondered what they’re hiding. Is there a secret about me?
I can’t seem to look away from his hypnotizing gaze when I look back down. What do you see in me? What does he see that everyone else ignored?
Will this date lead to something? Do I want it to?
I break eye contact and focus on the flower. I can’t overanalyze things right now.
When I’m securing the lily and adding some water to it, Phoenix jerks his head back and stays still for a heartbeat, listening to something. “Someone’s coming!”
I pat the soil two times while he zips everything up. I stuff the gloves into a compartment of the backpack and then we’re walking down the trail, Phoenix’s hands stuffed into his jeans pockets like nothing happened.
Only we know the truth; the sun keeping our secret until the sky turns dark, and the stars add another hidden secret to their arsenal.
A family of four on bikes rides past us going in the opposite direction. We look back just in time to see the mother slow down and stare at the lily, confused. I don’t blame her. With all the green around us, a bright orange lily pops out in a place like this. She must ask her husband if that was there before. I can’t read her lips.
Phoenix smirks beside me and I feel something flutter in my stomach. The feeling is unusual. I haven’t felt the whole ‘butterflies in my stomach’ thing since high school. Are they moths now? The butterflies died, losing all hope of being revived so they must have been replaced with dull colored moths.
“This is one of the best dates I’ve been on so far,” I comment. I’m not even lying. All my other dates except for the ones with Mac always started at a restaurant where we shared boring facts about each other and tried to see if we were compatible. Some were. Some were over before the first five minutes. Same as some of the nights I had sex with random people who didn’t care who I was nor I them.
I’m not comfortable letting people know me so there was a lot of work to be done if I wanted to be with someone. Once I figured out ‘just sex and no attachments’ worked, that became my motto until I got bored and needed a break from men. My new motto became ‘fuck everyone and be alone forever. Just trust Mac.’
Why don’t my mottos ever stick?
Because they suck and deep down you know that you don’t want to be alone forever.
“And it’s not even over,” Phoenix adds, my eyes trained on his lips.
We spend the next hour walking and secretly planting the rest of the lilies. We almost get caught twice but we’re such smooth criminals, we play it off well. By the time we’re sitting at a picnic table–Phoenix packed us food and had to go back to his car to get it, along with my sound processors–I’m so high on life and am practically beaming, I feel like a different person. I can burst from excitement.
Some people like expensive, over-the-top dates. I’m happy to say that planting secret flowers and spending the day with Phoenix was a perfect one for me. There was no pressure to be perfect or try to impress. We did what we do every day. We spent time together. With our clothes on. Totally PG-13.
Oh, okay, there were lingering gazes and small touches here and there, mayb
e even a boob grab/make-out session against a tree but I can’t really confirm nor deny that. I mean, this is date one. Girls don’t usually put out that easily, right?
“So instead of a kiss goodnight because I’m awesome and this date was exactly like you planned, can we go straight to fucking when we get home?” I’m not like other girls, so I’m told. I put out. I like sex. Especially with a man who knows how to read my body better than most. And I like blurting out random things with my dirty mouth.
Phoenix chokes on his food, and I have to hold my stomach as I laugh hard, watching his face turn red before he downs a bottle of water and takes a big breath. “I thought we could drive by a park and throw water balloons at people before the date is officially over. Add a little crazy to keep you tamed.”
I calm my laughing down. “That takes a lot of time.” And sounds really fun.
“Not if the balloons are already filled up.”
No way!
“Phoenix.” I lean forward, my mouth parted. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“I swear if you punch me in the dick for answering that question, I’m going to hit you with my car and make you walk home,” he huffs, eyes narrowed. It appears he’s still not really over that.
I chuckle and narrow my eyes back. “If you really have water balloons, we’re heading to the park right now.” He nods and starts to stand. “How do you have all of these things?” I must be blind if I didn’t see him with these things before we got on the road.
Phoenix slips the empty backpacks over his shoulders. “I blindfolded you the second you got into the car for a reason. You couldn’t see MacKay help me load up the trunk in less than a minute. You’d get suspicious.”
I knew I smelled Mac! I just thought he walked by or it was left on me after he hugged me goodbye. “You sneaky bastards!” I stand and gather our trash, almost skipping to the car the entire walk back.
“You know, most people would find your excitement for wanting to assault poor, innocent people at the park disturbing.”
“Not as disturbing as the person who planned the water balloon assault in the first place. I’m just an innocent bystander who was forced into this terrible, terrible crime.” I lower my voice when I say, “Tell me Phoenix, do you enjoy walking on the dark side?”
We stop at his car and he holds the door open for me, his hand finding my hip, keeping me from going in. “I’m really getting used to it. We should do it again.”
Is he…was that…
That was an invitation for a second date, wasn’t it?
I see his body lean forward, his eyes on my lips, and all I can do is turn and get into the car before he can act out what he’s planning because I can’t kiss him right now. That kiss would be different. It would be a start to something new.
Something more.
Something I gave up on after I broke Mac’s heart, and Wren shattered mine.
It’s just a kiss.
No, it’s not.
I’m stuck in a state of ‘what the fuck’ and ‘ohmygod, he wants to do this again! Squeeee!’ which is out of line for me. All because of this date and the fact that he wants to kiss me.
***
“Stop trying to walk fast. You’ve got shorter legs than me. I can easily catch up,” Phoenix demands, blocking the front door. He’s been trying to kiss me ever since we left the park, running out of water balloons. After we threw the first ten, the screaming children came running up to us and stole the rest, leaving us with two. We threw them at each other. I threw mine a little harder when Phoenix wouldn’t stop looking at me like he was looking through a telescope. It was unsettling, being stared at like I was the most beautiful thing in space.
I don’t do end-of-first-date kisses anymore. I was serious when I said we should skip it. Phoenix doesn’t seem to understand me. He wants to end the date the right way and has been looking for the perfect time to lean in and plant one on me.
I ruined the first try and he’s freaking determined.
“Stop looking at me like…like…that!” I wiggle my finger at his face and he starts to laugh softly.
“It’s not my fault you’re acting like I’m trying to murder you. It’s just a kiss, Luna. We’ve done it before.”
“That was before you wanted to go on a date with me.” I wave my hand for him to move. “It’s not even dark out. Kissing me this early is weird.”
“I’ve never met a girl who is afraid of a kiss,” he comments, astonished.
God, I want to throw my leg back and kick him. And possibly ram his head into the door because he’s being annoying.
“Why are you scared?”
“I’m not.” Lie!
“Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes.” He watches me, trying to break through whatever I’m hiding. “You don’t have to be scared of me, Moon.”
UGH! Stupid romantic man and his omniscient eyes. “I always overthink it, okay!” I snap. “My stupid brain loses all sense and it’s all I can think about, breaking down every movement to see if I’m the problem. If I did something wrong. Which is clearly the logical reason because guys never come back. They’re repulsed by me. Or embarrassed. I don’t date. And as much as I enjoyed today, I don’t want to ruin it with some shitty kiss that–”
He uses my rant as a distraction. His hand snakes up my neck, getting lost in my hair as he pulls me forward until our mouths touch. I have to throw my hands up and hold on to him so I don’t lose my balance.
He nibbles on my bottom lip then licks my lip slowly. His other hand rests on the small of my back, pressing me against him, hard. Jesus, the way my boobs rub against his hard body makes me want to tear off his clothes. I feel his tongue poke out, asking for entry. I have half of a second to decide whether or not I keep my lips shut or I let him in.
The hand he has in my hair loosens, and he rubs his thumb over my skin in slow, gentle strokes, coaxing me into submission. My lips part and I feel him smile before he’s kissing me like we’re not standing outside where people can see us.
I ignore any protests telling me we shouldn’t do this. I ignore everything I know and I lose myself in this kiss.
He makes kissing me seem like something we can do that isn’t wrong. Like I’m not any different from the girls he has kissed before. He makes me feel normal when I feel like I have this bright blinking arrow pointing at me and a sign over my head with the words ‘reject.’ I was always looked at like I was a different species. All everyone saw was my sound processors so I hid them. And I was still teased or tossed aside for someone better.
Not with Phoenix. He doesn’t see the sound processors. He sees me.
I’m not defective to him. I’m a real, normal girl.
Everything Phoenix does seems oh-so-fucking-right and I want to absorb it all.
I’ve come to the conclusion that Phoenix has a superpower that makes my body willing to do anything he wants. One look, one smile, and I’m putty in his hands. He doesn’t care if I’m being stubborn, he knows what my body wants even if my mind is miles away in dangerous territory.
He pulls away with a smile in his eyes when I’m trembling in his arms. “That’s all I wanted, Moon.”
And that was all it took to change us. The point of no return. I called it. That kiss was different. There’s no coming back from this.
That kiss…my heart approves. It beats ferociously, fucking giddy that light is finally flowing through my veins, slowly filling some of the massive holes in my mangled heart.
And I want more.
I pull him back down and crash my lips against his. His hand leaves my back for a few seconds and then we’re walking backwards, stepping over the threshold of the front door. My body being pressed up against the door, shuts it, and Phoenix flips the lock. He hooks an arm around my thigh, and lifts me so I can wrap my legs around him. He holds me up like I weigh nothing.
I move my hips, trying to find the right spot where the hardness in Phoenix’s jeans rubs against me. When I find it, I gri
nd against him harder and harder, pulling him even closer. There is no space between us and yet, it’s still not close enough.
I need more, more, more.
I have never felt this need for someone in my life. Not even for Mac. It scares me; how much I crave it. Because one taste and I’m addicted.
What is happening to me?
And why am I enjoying it?
I pull away, tearing our mouths apart. Phoenix looks down at me, hunger and want in his eyes as our breaths fill the silence.
“You shut my brain up,” I whisper. “No one…no one has ever done that.”
“Not even Mackenzie?”
I shake my head and he blinks, a little taken aback.
“You scare me. I don’t know what I’m feeling when you’re kissing and touching me.” How can one person make another person feel this way? Why haven’t I ever felt it?
“You scare me, too,” he says. “For completely different reasons but I like it. I like you.” He groans when he squeezes me even tighter against him. He kisses my mouth, my jaw, my neck, and then he’s next to my ear, voice husky, “Don’t be scared of me. Whatever you’re feeling, I feel it too.”
I place one of my hands over his beating heart, the other over mine. His eyes never breakaway as I feel what we’re doing to each other.
I don’t trust words. When I can feel what a person is saying, I know it’s true.
“You like me?”
He looks down, biting his lip. “Can I tell you a secret?” I nod. “I like everything about you and I know there’s still more to uncover.”
Loki’s barking alerts us that we’re not alone anymore. I know he wants attention, I’ve been gone mostly all day and he’s a stage-five clinger, but I’m in the middle of something at the moment.
“Upstairs,” I say. “Now.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Luna
After finishing a refreshing cup of coffee, and running a feather-light touch over the petals of a pink rose sitting in a vase of gorgeous flowers, I head back upstairs to get ready for work. Yesterday was painful. No one should work on a Monday; they’re dreadful. And it’s not fair to have to wake up early after that date Phoenix and I had just the day before.
A Sky Full of Secrets Page 21