A Sky Full of Secrets

by Briana Pacheco

  That date, man, that date was something. Thinking about everything we did kept me functioning as I made beds and cleaned rooms for eight hours. Then I came home to a bouquet of roses and lilies waiting for me on the table, delivered minutes before Phoenix and I arrived at home. A box of chocolates accompanied them. The pink and red flowers were so beautiful. The fact that Phoenix got them for me, made me cry. I threatened Phoenix with a swift kick to the nuts for chuckling at me. He shut me up with a searing hot kiss that did weird and wonderful things to my insides.

  Reaching the top of the stairs, I walk by Phoenix’s room. I still when I see him kneeling on the floor with Loki sitting across from him. He says something that I can’t hear. It doesn’t help that I can only see his side profile. His right hand comes up to his mouth, his fingers forming a ‘w’ and then his index finger taps his lips twice. Water.

  Why is he signing–

  Loki shoots forward and my eyes grow wide as I see him pull a bowl closer to him, lapping up water. When Loki’s done, he looks up at Phoenix, and he continues to sign to my dog. Sit. And Loki does it! He sits!

  I thought about teaching Loki ASL because I want Mac’s family to come over and be comfortable. Dean would love being able to tell Loki what to do. I was going to wait until Loki was a few months older though. He’s still hard to train on a few things. He just follows me like glue right now.

  I’m completely shocked that he’s learning. And what’s even more shocking is that Phoenix is doing it.

  My heart…it seems to grow, realizing that this must have been happening for a while in order for Loki to actually do what he’s being told.

  Phoenix hands Loki a treat then throws his arms up like he won first place in a competition. His lips move, silent to my ears.

  This is one of Phoenix’s secrets. I wonder if he ever told me that while we gazed at the stars. He can literally tell me anything, and as I promised, I won’t hear it.

  I tiptoe towards my room, not wanting him to know that I know. I clutch my heart the entire way, my cheeks hurting from smiling so wide.

  He took me on a date, gave me flowers, and is now teaching my dog ASL. He is one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. I feel privileged sharing space, my life, with someone like him.

  Twenty minutes later, I’m dressed in a light pink t-shirt and my favorite white short shorts. It’s going to be hot today and there’s no way I’m wearing my uniform to work. It stays in my locker until I have to wash it. I’m about to head out of the house when Phoenix calls out my name, telling me to wait. He grabs his keys and then walks out with me, his hand on the small of my back as he steers me toward his car. “You’re riding with me today.”

  “Okay.”

  That clearly throws him off as he opens my door for me. “That was the easiest okay you’ve ever said. I was expecting the usual, ‘I have legs and I want some fresh air’ speech.”

  I shrug. “I woke up on the right side of the bed, I guess.” You made me not want to be a stubborn bitch this morning when I caught you signing to my dog.

  “Hmm. Well, I’m pleased, Moon. I like when you’re in my car.” He shuts the door and walks around the front of the car. He looks freaking sexy all clean-shaven, hair combed to perfection, wearing a white button-down shirt with a light green stripped tie.

  He gets into the driver’s seat, looking suave as fuck as he slips on his sunglasses, watching me.

  Jesus Christ, I see him dress like this all the time and it always makes me want to do dirty things to him. There’s just something about a well-dressed man.

  There’s just something about Phoenix.

  ***

  My day flies by and then I’m back in Phoenix’s car, talking about how his day was as we head home. When he says, “I couldn’t get shit done because your legs were all I could think about,” I stare down at my legs, smirking because I can make a man lose his mind.

  It’s the greatest power a woman has.

  He flicks his green eyes to my legs, sucking in a breath. “Fuck, Moon. Those shorts. Your legs. That tattoo.” He shakes his head, grinning, looking back up to the road.

  I really like his smile. All of them. Especially the ones where his eyes confirm his happiness. He smiles and I…thaw then melt completely. If I let it happen, he has the power to obliterate every wall I’ve ever built. That’s why Mac never told me about him. I would have stayed as far away from Phoenix as humanly possible.

  I shift in my seat, eyes on the side of his face. “Thinking about you makes my day go by faster.” He flicks his gaze back to me. I squirm instantly. “Er…um…you weren’t supposed to hear that. Just pretend you didn’t.”

  “Is that what you want?” he questions. “For me not to know that you think of me?”

  I’m about to say yes when my voice gets stuck in my throat. It would be easier if he forgot I said that so I don’t start going psycho thinking about what he’ll think about that. But I kinda like him knowing. It makes me feel like a normal person. Not so screwed up. “I-I don’t know.”

  He pulls into our driveway, turns off the car, and picks up my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I want to ask you something,” he starts, “How did you and Mackenzie work? How did you let him in? What did you feel?”

  I gulp, my eyes roaming over every inch of the car’s interior. “He’d tell me what he felt and it was what I felt. I think.” I furrow my brows, thinking. “We did everything together. I felt the butterflies. That should mean something, right?” I look up. “When he told me that he loved me, I couldn’t say it back. He was leaving for college the next month. I was always closed off but I…wanted to make him happy.” My chest aches, thinking of what I’ve always wondered about. “He doesn’t know that I was falling for him. Maybe I wasn’t. I just thought I was so he wouldn’t be the only one feeling that way.”

  It’s how I stay in control, I guess. I do everything for everyone else, trying to be what they want. If I’m closed off, I control my life and no one will get hurt. I control who gets a part of my heart. There’s only so much to give. Mac deserved more from me. I deserved more from myself, too. I shouldn’t have pushed everyone away.

  I shouldn’t have done a lot of things but I did.

  Phoenix stretches so he can kiss the side of my head. He doesn’t ask for more. He understands how screwed up I am. “Let’s go help Mackenzie cook dinner. He must hate the ‘he works from home so he cooks’ rule.”

  I nod, glad that he doesn’t pry. “I still don’t know what he does. He’s glued to his laptop and shuts it as soon as he sees me walking into his room.”

  “He doesn’t tell me either. He must be doing some online sex chat or some shit.” Phoenix shifts in his seat, eyes twinkling. “How do you feel about Skype sex?”

  I run my hand down my thigh before I reach for the door handle. “I prefer skin-on-skin contact so if my night ends with you inside me, I’m all for it.”

  “Christ, Luna!” Phoenix leans over the console and pulls me toward him, crashing his mouth against mine. “You’re fucking perfect.”

  I don’t let Phoenix see it but hearing him say that, I smile from ear to ear. He tells me I’m perfect. That I should be treated like a queen. He’s made me feel like one even before I cared to see that.

  The MacKay’s tell me that I’m beautiful, and strong, and admirable. Why don’t I let those words sink into my bones? Into my heart? Why do I let the negative ones in so easily?

  I am fucking perfect.

  I just have to let myself know it.

  I open the door and say, “Yeah, yeah. I’m a motherfucking queen. Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Luna

  “So…um…do you really want me to go to your sister’s wedding today or were you just trying to calm yourself down knowing I’d be nearby?” I question, looking up at Phoenix after rubbing sleep from my eyes.

  Tomorrow will mark two weeks since our first date at Lincoln Woods, and one week from our second which was taki
ng an hour long train ride up to Boston, Mass., spending the day seeing where he and Mac used to visit when they were in college.

  We went to see the new X-Men movie that came out yesterday. I’m guessing that is considered our third date, and after a little make-out session at the front door, Phoenix didn’t chase me into my room. He’s been trying to give me my space after our dates so I don’t feel suffocated. It seems to be working.

  But then the smartass decided to watch a horror movie involving a deaf mute heroine and well, he called me on FaceTime and asked if he could spend the night with me. He spent an hour discussing how he felt about the movie, imagining it all happening to me. I watched the movie he was talking about and that chick was a serious badass. What would you do if you couldn’t hear someone trying to kill you nor could you call for help after he cuts the power, meaning no internet? Well, that woman did not give up and I was damn proud when –spoiler alert!!– she killed that asshole.

  I want you to come with me, he signs. Then he slides his hand up the side of my body, stopping at my hip, giving it a little squeeze. He smiles when he rakes his fingers lower, his eyes flicking up to meet mine. “Will you?”

  I hesitate, thinking about what going to the wedding means.

  People don’t take random strangers as their plus one to weddings. Unless your family pressures you into being perfect and having your life together so you ask someone to pretend you’re deeply in love just for the day, I don’t see it happening.

  Phoenix wanting me to go to the wedding as his plus one makes my heart beat uncontrollably and I don’t know if that’s good or bad. When he asked me to go with him last night, I wanted to go. And now I’m scared. Scared that this might turn into something more; more than what we’re already doing.

  He makes me question everything I’ve learned to accept. Do I really like not having feelings toward someone? Is my heart really that closed off that I can’t possibly let him in a little more? What’s the point of living if you don’t do something that scares you every once in a while? Because thinking of a possible future with Phoenix scares me. It legitimately scares the crap out of me.

  His fingers stop their descent, instead traveling upward until they’re running over my lips, sliding down my neck, weaving into my hair. “Stop thinking.” His eyes hold mine and I nod. His lips curl up into a sweet smile and all I want to do is press my lips against them. He must see my struggle because he leans forward and plants the softest kiss on my lips before he sits up.

  I close my eyes and turn my head into my pillow, trying to hide my smile.

  It’s strange when a person knows what you want without hearing you say it.

  When I feel like I won’t look like a cheeseball, I open my eyes, and watch Phoenix get off my bed. Pulling his pants on, he looks at me and asks the same thing he always does, “Why is the bed so fucking low?”

  It’s a platform bed. That’s why Loki loves it. It goes with my little legs. Mac and Phoenix have the high beds to accommodate their long legs. “Not my fault you’re huge.” He smirks at me as he swipes his shirt off the floor. Before he can comment on that, I add. “And I’m not talking about your cock.” I was talking about his cock. I was talking about everything about him. I’ve never met a man over six feet tall that has a small dick, okay. I was so mad when every man I slept with at college was either as tall as me or a few inches taller. Sure, they were small but fuck me, some of them didn’t know how to use what they were born with. Unsatisfied customer over here. Call me a slut or whatever you like but I love sleeping with a tall man because they never disappoint. Well, I only have experience from Mac and Phoenix. And that honestly makes me never want to sleep with a below average penis sized man ever again.

  “You definitely were. You–” His lips stop moving as his eyes dart to my bedroom door. I turn to see what it is and I can’t believe it, my eyes almost pop out of my head.

  Mac enters my room holding a black duffel bag and drops it by his feet. The zipper is open and all I see is dollar bills poking out. I sit up, confused. He’s wearing gym clothes throwing me off. Am I seeing what I’m seeing or is my mind playing tricks on me. That’s money, right? Not dirty gym socks.

  He shakes his head like he can’t believe it either and fixes me with a shit-eating grin when he signs, I have to tell you something. He looks up at Phoenix before he walks toward my bed. I snatch my sound processors off my nightstand and put them on. This conversation needs to be heard.

  Loki pops his head up and looks around. Seeing that something is about to go down, he gets up from his lying position and walks up the bed, settling onto my legs.

  “You know how I’m always out or have been attached to my computer lately,” Mac starts.

  Phoenix sits down on my bed, eyeing me before giving Mac his full attention.

  “Well, um…I’ve been learning some things and going to a casino every once and a while. Some of the Tinder hookups were just a cover. I’m sorry for lying but…I had to do it!”

  My eyes can’t stop roaming over to the duffel bag on the floor. “Mac.” I can’t think of any words to say.

  He reaches out and squeezes my leg, the smile still in place. “Let’s just say I’m really good at counting cards. So good, I haven’t gotten noticed.”

  “Mac,” I say again.

  My eyes widen as he says the next words. “There’s enough in there for you to finish your last year of school and come with us on a cross-country road trip.”

  I jerk back, stunned. “I can’t take that.” He knows I’d never take anything from him or his family. I refuse to be that person. I’m a burden with my own as is.

  “I knew you’d say that so that’s why I’m not giving it to you. You’re going to apply to any school you want, and I’m going to pay for it. And since you might get fired because we’re kidnapping you next month, you’ll be set for a while.”

  I’m tempted to kill my best friend and hug him until he suffocates because this is who Mac is. He would get himself into serious trouble to help out the people he loves.

  You can’t just walk into a casino and count cards. It’s not illegal but they try to spot that the second a person has a tell and then you’re out of there. Mac has been distant for the last few weeks because he was learning how to do this and he did it.

  “You’re telling me that you’ve been learning how to count cards,” Phoenix proclaims. “And you made a few thousands.”

  Mac nods triumphantly. “Thirty-five, to be exact.”

  Holy shit.

  “Holy shit,” Phoenix says out loud. “How?”

  “I’ve been winning at least five to ten grand every time I go. I didn’t say anything because I had to lose some to win some,” he looks at me, “and I hated when you wouldn’t take the money that I’d offer to you when I knew you needed it. You’re stubborn as fuck.” Mac gets up to retrieve the bag and comes back to sit on my bed. He splits open the bag, and wags his eyebrows at me. “You’re finishing school. That’s final.”

  “But this is your money.” I shake my head, negative thoughts wishing to be voiced. I can’t let him do this. He won that money, he should use it, not waste it all on me.

  “Lu, I refuse to watch you see your future go down the drain. You won’t get student loans so you’re going to let me do this. Phoenix, back me up on this.”

  Phoenix shifts his body so he’s facing the both of us and I have to say he looks a little flustered. “He does have a point. He did this for you.”

  “I–”

  “If I was struggling and you found a way to make everything better, would you do it. Would you help me?” Mac questions, trying to stop my mind from finding a way out of this.

  “Of course.” Without a doubt I’d help him. He’s my best friend and if he was struggling or like he put it, ‘watching his future go down the drain’ I’d sell my organs on the black market. I’d do whatever I could.

  And now I see his point.

  Both men look at me, waiting for my accepta
nce. “I’m still going to find a new job, okay? I can put my two weeks notice in before we go around the country, but when we come back, I’m not going to stay here and live off your money.”

  Mac nods and then he starts throwing fifty and hundred dollar bills up into the air, making it rain. “We’re going to be filthy fucking rich if I keep this up.”

  ***

  Dressed in a black and light sky blue sweetheart high-low dress that shows some leg, I make sure my hair is in perfect waves down my back before I slip into my nude platform pumps. I didn’t think I was going to this wedding; I wasn’t prepared. Phoenix let Mac take his car so I could do a quick shopping trip. I got the dress, heels, and a bracelet for less than two hundred bucks. I tried going cheaper but Mac said I looked ‘fucking phenomenal’ with my current choices so he made me get them.

  Walking downstairs and having Phoenix stand there with his mouth open, forgetting about adjusting his tie in the mirror, makes me mentally high-five myself for sticking with it. I like to make people happy, in any way I can. I put my own happiness to the side so I can make sure I accomplish it. But right now, watching Phoenix as his eyes roam up and down my body, makes me so damn giddy I have to look away and fidget with my fake diamond earring.

  “You can wipe away the drool now,” Mac announces, leaving the kitchen with Loki in his arms. Noland said he could come with. Mystique’s going regardless if she’s allowed or not so at least she can have a friend. Mac’s eyes sweep over to me and he winks. “I’ll put him in the car. Don’t forget the gifts.”

  Once he leaves, Phoenix and I are alone, standing two feet apart. There’s a shift in the air, excitement and nervousness, both on my part. Phoenix looks determined, like he might throw me up against the wall and have his way with me. There’s also a small hint of fear in his eyes. Fear of showing me too much. His feelings for me have progressed. I see it in the way he looks at me at times. And it’s frightening. Because I’m not on that level. I’m still stuck on ‘we’ve just gone on a few dates and if he tells me he loves me anytime soon, I’m leaving.’ I told you I was a terrible girlfriend.