Dear Emily (Forever Family)

by Trudy Stiles

  A FOREVER FAMILY NOVEL

  BOOK ONE

  Ebook Formatting by

  E.M. Tippetts Book Designs

  This book is not suitable for young readers. It is intended for mature adults only (18+). It contains strong language, adult/sexual situations, non-consensual sex, and some violence.

  Two women. Carly and Tabitha. They each have suffered life-altering events that have left them both traumatically damaged.

  Carly Sloan’s life was perfect until her security and innocence were torn from her. The vast repercussions from horrific events threaten to destroy her stability and her chances for a happily ever after. Kyle Finnegan comes into Carly’s life at the height of her turmoil. Can he help her find what she desires most?

  Tabitha Fletcher has constantly suffered from a very young age. She has been hiding from her past, which was full of sadness, loss, and abuse. She has been so brutally damaged that she has very little hope for redemption. The revolving door of men only leads her deeper into misery.

  What circumstance brings these two women together and can they help each other heal? And will they each find what they need?

  Redemption.

  Love.

  Family.

  “Dear Emily” is the first book in the “Forever Family” series.

  When I write, I MUST listen to music. It helps me concentrate and blocks out all of the noises in my house. If you see me typing with my ear buds in, it means I’m writing. These are songs that played on constant shuffle as I wrote this book and each song means something to me or reminds me of a person in my real life.

  The last 30,000 words of this book are dedicated to The Limousines. Both of their albums (“Get Sharp” & “Scrapbook”) played on constant repeat.

  1). “Don’t Stop Believing” – Journey

  2). “Cough Syrup” – Young the Giant

  3). “Sexy Back” – Justin Timberlake

  4). “Moves Like Jagger” – Maroon 5

  5). “Chloe Dancer” – Mother Love Bone

  6). “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever) – Will.i.am featuring Jennifer Lopez & Mick Jagger

  7). “I’m Not Your Boyfriend Baby” – 3OH3

  8). “Pumping on Your Stereo” – Supergrass

  9). “Dammit” – Blink 182

  10). “Woman” – Wolfmother

  11). “The Kill” – 30 Seconds to Mars

  12). “You’re All I Have” – Snow Patrol

  13). “Tear You Apart” – She Wants Revenge

  14). “Take Your Momma” – Scissor Sisters

  15). “Out of the Races and Onto the Tracks” – The Rapture

  16). “Stick ‘em Up” – Quarashi

  17). “She Hates Me” – Puddle of Mud

  18). “Break Stuff” – Limp Bizcut

  19). “John the Fisherman” – Primus

  20). “Territorial Pissings” – Nirvana

  21). “Harlem” – New Politics

  22). “Very Busy People” – The Limousines

  23). “Don’t Change” – INXS

  24). “Beating Heart Baby” – Head Automatica

  25). “Breakout” – Foo Fighters

  26). “We Care a Lot” – Faith No More

  27). “Hang em High” – Dropkick Murphy’s

  28). “Minerva” – Deftones

  29). “She Sells Sanctuary” – The Cult

  30). “Sail” – AWOLNATION

  For

  my Emily

  Momma Loves You

  New Brunswick, New Jersey

  Past

  Age 17

  He rolls off of me, and I immediately slip into blackness.

  New Brunswick, New Jersey

  Past

  Age 17

  The hot sun is streaming through the window melting me into my bed. The sheets are askew, and my body feels fused to the plastic coated dorm-issued mattress.

  Alone.

  An uncomfortable, burning ache and wetness is between my legs. In addition to my sweat, dried blood cakes the inside of my thighs. I’m still wearing the top of my ‘Three Little Kittens’ costume with a tight black tank top and a strapless black bra underneath. Well, the bra is gone, but the tank is still on. I think there is still a whisker attached to my cheek. Scratching at my face, I find it and pull it off. Where are the rest of my whiskers?

  There was a Halloween Party at Sigma Chi’s house last night, right? Where are my best friends, the other two ‘kittens’, Becca and Callie?

  The fog in my brain is indescribable. When I touch the top of my head, I find my kitten ears still there. The headband digs painfully into my scalp. I’m dizzy and nauseous. What the hell?

  Is this my room? Looking around and seeing the picture of my family tacked onto the corkboard next to my bed gives me comfort. I see all of them smiling back at me. The picture is from my Grandfather’s eightieth birthday party. I wonder what they saw last night, what they would think if they were here in person.

  My mother, Liz, would grab the nearest bottle of wine and cuddle up next to me without saying a word. My dad, James Sr., would have a questioning scowl on his face. My brother, James Jr., would have the same scowl while my sisters Lyn and Renee would be in tears.

  But in this picture, they are all smiling, beaming from ear to ear. That was a happy day. One of the happiest in a long time. It was only three months ago during the best summer of my life. Endless graduation parties, listless days spent at the beach, or the nearest amusement park. I was about to become a college freshman, and my smile in the picture is the biggest and brightest.

  I go back to surveying my dorm room, which for all intents and purposes is a single. My roommate Ginger basically lives with her boyfriend off-campus. I see her whenever she needs to switch out her laundry and toiletries. We don’t even speak to each other, which is fine with me.

  I can see the tail from my black skirt poking out of the little sink in the corner. My fishnet stockings are torn and dangling over the back of my desk chair. One of my black knee-high boots is on Ginger’s bed, and the other is nowhere to be seen. Crap, I love those boots. There is a black eye patch hanging from my doorknob. What the fuck?

  He was here last night, right? The fog starts to lift as I slowly get up, wobble a bit, and walk over to my sink. I take my skirt out of the sink. God, it smells like raspberries. Oh my God, I was doing Swedish Fish shots all night.

  Goddamn shots.

  Callie!

  Ugh! She was feeding them to me while we pre-gamed before going to the party. What was I thinking? My stomach churns and I grab onto the sides of the sink. I look in the mirror, and my dark eye makeup has run down my cheeks. I turn on the cold water and soak my pink washcloth. Taking it back to my bed, I lie down and place the ice-cold washcloth over my face.

  My memories from last night are beginning to come back to me.

  I am dancing in the basement of the Sigma Chi house with Becca and Callie. We’re bouncing around like we are the only three at the party while there are at least one hundred other co-eds dancing along with us. “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey is blasting through the makeshift speaker system. The music is so loud we can’t hear each other. We are just bouncing wildly with silly grins on our faces. Becca is acting out the song singing with her eyes closed and her arms flailing in the air. Callie is just bobbing her head and screaming the lyrics at the top of her lungs. I am shaking my ass with my hands in the air, jumping up and down, and I can feel the
alcohol coursing through my veins.

  I suddenly feel someone behind me, grinding into me. I jolt and turn around to look into the most incredible whisky-brown eyes. Well – eye to be exact. His other eye is covered with an eye patch, and he has a bandana over his head. From what I can see of his hair, it’s brown. He is dressed as a pirate. He smiles broadly at me and even though one of his teeth is colored black, I melt. Oh my God. He is smiling at me! I’d seen him in the Student Union before always with an entourage, mostly girls. Usually a different girl is sitting on his lap or is snuggling into his side while a dozen wait in the wings. But now, here on the crowded and sweaty dance floor, he is smiling at me. Me! At least I think he is. His face starts to get blurry.

  The Journey song is over and a slow song starts. He pulls me close and wraps his arms behind me, resting just above my kitten tail. He pulls the tail a little bit and chuckles.

  He moves close and says into my ear, “Hi.” He lingers for a moment so I can feel his warm breath on my neck.

  “Hi,” I barely whisper. Chills and butterflies take over my body, and I shiver in his arms.

  “I’m Todd,” he says through his black-toothed smile.

  “I know,” I whisper again. He’s an upperclassman. Todd Mitchell.

  We dance silently while he burrows his head into my neck. I can feel his warm breath, and I can hear him breathing deeply as if he’s inhaling my scent.

  “Raspberries,” he says into my ear.

  “Mmmm, what?” I ask.

  “Raspberries. You smell like them.” He smiles.

  “Oh, umm, yeah, shots,” I slur. “Swedish Fish. I may have had two or twelve. Hahaha, I wasn’t counting.” I giggle, hiccup, and suddenly feel very woozy and overheated. “I need some air,” I say softly as I stumble a little on my feet. I turn to Becca and Callie, but find they are no longer within my view. Oh well, I guess they saw me with Todd and decided to back off a little.

  “Let’s go outside.” He grabs my hand and pulls me so quickly through the thick crowd that I can’t even make out any faces. They all blur together as we whiz past them. The stairs are lined with people, and we slowly weave up them. We stop in the kitchen, and he grabs two cups of beer from the keg by the door. Handing me one, he grabs my hand again and pulls me outside.

  As soon as the cool air hits me, the chills start again. I’m covered in sweat from dancing, and I’m now shivering uncontrollably.

  “Drink your beer,” he practically growls. I take a sip and choke it down. Gross!

  “I think I’m done drinking for the night. Too many shots. I’m wasted!” I say ‘wasted’ as if it’s two long syllables. WAAAYYYY - SSSTEDDDD. And I am.

  Really wasted.

  I start walking away from the fraternity house toward the street feeling very unsteady. He puts his beer down and takes my hand again. “I’ll walk you back to your dorm. Which one are you in?”

  “Thomas Hall,” I stutter.

  “It’s too dark and late for you to be walking across campus by yourself. Let’s go.” He winks at me, and we make our way to my dorm. I stumble a few times and trip over twigs or my own feet. These boots are awesome, but I can’t walk in them to save my life. Whatever. I’m drunk.

  We arrive at my dorm; I fumble with my key card and drop it. I get down onto my hands and knees while I’m giggling. I can’t find it. Damn!

  Todd reaches down, immediately finds it next to my knee, and lets us into the building.

  Amber is at the security desk checking IDs. Ugh. Bitch. She rolls her eyes when she sees me and then turns her tits–I mean, attention–to Todd. She heaves her chest out, and her snarl turns to a smile as she purrs, “Todd, are you here to see me? You aren’t with her are you?” She says ‘her’ as if I’m a disease.

  Todd chuckles and winks at her. “No, Amber, I’m here with …,” He turns to me, and I say, “Carly.” He continues. “I’m here with Carly, but it’s good seeing you again.”

  She sucks in a breath and turns away in disgust. I’m grinning ear to ear, and I’m sure I look like a drunken moron. But who cares? Todd is with me at the moment.

  We take the elevator up to the tenth floor, and we make our way to my room. He again has to help me with my keycard, and he opens my door. I fall in, and he follows, kicking the door closed behind him.

  He immediately grabs me and puts his full lips on my neck, touching me softly with his tongue. I shiver again and moan loudly; then his soft kisses on my neck start to turn urgent and he’s sucking, licking, and pulling me against his body. I feel his hardness push into my belly, and I gasp.

  He pushes me back onto my bed. He pulls my boots and stockings off with a swipe to each leg. He falls on top of me, starts kissing my neck, and works his way down to my breasts. Grabbing my tank, he pulls it up to my neck and quickly unfastens my bra. I’m gasping for air at this point. This is moving way too fast, and I’m unable to stop him. He reaches down, pulls my skirt off, and flings it across the room, all while his mouth sucks and bites my breasts.

  “Mmm, you even taste like raspberries.” He takes a nipple in his mouth and bites down while rolling the other between his fingers. I’m startled by the pain and pleasure, but I allow him to keep going. His hand leaves my breast and goes down between my legs. He pushes my underwear aside and thrusts two fingers inside me. Whoa! My walls contract around his fingers and my belly tingles.

  Wait. I start to gather my senses. This is moving way too fast, and I need to slow him down. What the hell am I doing?

  I’m not ready for this. I shake my head from side to side and try to speak against his lips.

  “My God, you are so wet, Candy.” He groans against my mouth.

  “Carly,” I say, panting.

  Wait, what?

  “What?” He removes his tongue from my nipple and looks up at me with a smirk.

  “My name is Carly. You called me Candy.” Hell. No.

  “Whatever.” He grins and all of a sudden his face changes. His whiskey brown eyes turn dark, and he is no longer smiling. He goes back to sucking and biting on my nipple. I begin to panic. This suddenly doesn’t feel right. Am I sobering up?

  “Stop!” I start to push against his hard chest. He doesn’t budge. It’s as if I’m pushing on a brick wall.

  He continues pumping his two fingers inside of me, and the tingling sensation in my belly has been replaced by burning. He then removes his fingers long enough to rip my panties off.

  “Stop!” I force the word from my lips. I’m squirming now, and nothing is stopping him.

  Ignoring my pleas, his pants are now off, and he’s grinding against me.

  What is happening? Can he hear me?

  “No! We can’t do this!” I’m yelling at him now and attempting to move out from under him. I’m trying to thrash and buck, but his weight is too much on top of me.

  Still ignoring me, he pulls back and, with one thrust, completely fills me. Pain shoots through my core and immediately, I’m burning and tearing. He speeds up with urgency.

  “You’re a virgin,” he says through panting breaths. Caging me in with his thick arms on either side of my head, he pins my arms above my head, causing my wrists to burn. Everything burns. He’s smiling, and his black tooth is now smudged and looks filthy and menacing.

  I can’t speak as tears stream down my cheeks. I’m sobbing so hard that I can’t catch my breath. The urge to vomit hits me. My stomach churns, and my core burns. I turn my head to see the picture of my family tacked on my wall, and I sob harder. They are all smiling at me. I don’t look at him as he finishes with one final, deep drive into me. I feel like I’m being torn from end to end. The burn is radiating through my core, down my thighs, and into my chest. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore.

  He rolls off of me, and I immediately slip into blackness. />
  Spring Lake, New Jersey

  Present

  Age 29

  Dear Emily,

  How do I start a letter to a child I have yet to meet?

  A child that has always been in our hearts?

  A child that is meant for our family?

  Your Daddy and I cannot wait for the moment we are able to hold you in our arms for the first time. To lay our eyes on your perfect face, eyes, toes. To breathe in the essence of a new baby, swirling scents of powder and linen.

  We cannot wait to feel your beating heart against our chests and to listen to your slow and steady breaths. To hear your soft baby noises. To soothe your crying.

  We have always dreamed of you, Emily. We’ve dreamed that someday our family would be blessed with a child. We are so close. Our new family is within reach.

  We are here hoping, waiting, praying.

  Love and kisses,

  Momma

  My eyes glisten with tears as I scrawl my signature at the bottom of the letter, touch my fingers to my lips, press them onto her name, and close my journal. I look over to my left where Kyle is softly snoring, sleeping soundly. I mouth the words ‘I love you’ to him, touch his back lightly, put my journal in my night table drawer, and turn out the soft light by my bedside. I curl my body into his, tuck my head into his chest, and hold on tight.

  I love this man with all that I am, and I love the father that he is going to be.

  My heart is full of hope.

  I’ve been writing to Emily since the day we found out. The day we received ‘The Call’ from the adoption agency. I smile and squeeze Kyle tighter as I remember that day with excitement.

  It’s the beginning of August, and I am in the teacher’s lounge. I am an English teacher at Spring Lake High and I’ve been preparing my classroom for the first day of school. My cell phone starts to ring. I see the familiar number from Florida and swallow my iced tea down hard. Nearly choking, I fumble for my cell and answer.