Bachelor Father

by Vicki Lewis Lewis Thompson

  “So you decided to tackle it alone.”

  “I like a challenge.”

  His jaw tightened. “I’d say you have one now, with your job and the baby.”

  And your stubbornness, she wanted to add, but didn’t.

  “And speaking of your job, what’s Naomi Rutledge’s stake in all this?” he asked.

  Katherine decided that revealing Naomi as her godmother would only confuse the issue, so she stuck to the job situation. “She’s offered to let me take over the magazine when she retires. Understandably she’d like my personal life to be under control before she does that.”

  He stared out at the rain-swept landscape. “That should be a no-brainer. I’ll bow out of your life and Amanda’s, like I said back at the lodge. Case closed.”

  “I think that’s a mistake.” She took note that his jaw now seemed carved in granite. He didn’t appear to be the kind of man who would change his mind easily once it was made up. He’d given her Naomi’s preferred response twice in a row, and she was no more ready to accept his decision than she had been the first time. But she wasn’t sure she could explain why.

  “I don’t get it, Katherine.”

  A thrill ran through her. It was the first time he’d used her name since they’d met at the lodge, and the sound of it made a definite impact on her, reminding her of the way he’d said her name while they’d made love. “I’m not sure I get it, either,” she said, picking at a loose thread in the stitching of the armrest. But she was beginning to suspect her behavior wasn’t all motivated by Amanda’s welfare. She’d been intrigued with Zeke a year ago. She still was. She’d told him the truth about liking challenges, and he certainly presented a huge one.

  “Why didn’t you contact me when you found out you were pregnant?”

  At last—an easy question, one she’d been meaning to answer for him right away, but the sensual vibrations between them kept sidetracking her. “I had a very difficult time during the pregnancy,” she said, glancing up. “The doctor said I was very likely to miscarry.”

  “All the more reason to—”

  “I didn’t see it that way. You were concerned about birth control that night, so I didn’t think you’d welcome the idea that I was pregnant. There was no point in getting you involved unless there really would be a baby. I wasn’t sure of that until the minute she was born.”

  His voice was tight. “That was two months ago. Did you forget to pay your phone bill? Or maybe you ran out of stamps. That can happen.”

  “I couldn’t picture having a conversation about this over the phone. And a letter seemed even worse.” She turned in her seat to look at him squarely. “Look, we got caught by a weird set of circumstances. I’ve tried to do what I thought was best. Maybe I’ve made some mistakes, but I—”

  A loud bang interrupted her sentence and the truck lurched. Automatically she swiveled toward the back seat as Amanda started to cry and Zeke started to swear.

  He eased the truck to the side of the road. “Sit tight. We have a blowout.” He opened his door and cool rain blew in.

  “Do you have a spare?”

  “I think that was the spare that just blew.” He climbed down and slammed the door.

  Her heartbeat quickened. No spare. Before having Amanda, she wouldn’t have been all that concerned, even if they’d had to walk back to civilization in the rain. But now she couldn’t afford to be stranded.

  Unbuckling her seat belt, she turned around and unfastened Amanda from her car seat to bring her up to the front. The baby wailed pitifully, her face scrunched up and her arms waving in the air. Katherine glanced at her watch and decided that the loud noise wasn’t the only thing that had upset Amanda. She was due for some chow.

  * * *

  RAIN SOAKED ZEKE’S flannel shirt as he gazed at the hole in the sidewall of the left front tire and swore some more. He hardly ever drove the truck because he used park service vehicles when he was on duty. This afternoon when he’d started for the lodge, he’d remembered he hadn’t fixed the flat after a nail had punctured it a couple of months ago, but it was too late to worry about it then.

  He calculated the distance back to the lodge versus the distance to his little cabin. The cabin was closer. If he drove slowly, he might make it without damaging the rim too badly. Then he could call somebody from there.

  Of course, that meant dragging Katherine and the baby to his cabin. He hadn’t intended to do that, even though he’d been driving in that direction. He just happened to like this road, which was one of the reasons he’d decided to buy a couple of acres out here and put up a small log house. He had no neighbors within several miles, but he did have a phone, running water and electricity. Most of the time.

  With one last disgusted look at the tire, he climbed back in the truck. “I think—”

  “Close the door gently if you can, so you don’t startle her.”

  He glanced at Katherine and caught his breath. Her green blouse was unfastened, although she’d modestly pulled it around her so that her breast barely showed. Somehow that made the whole picture more erotic to Zeke. Rain drummed on the roof of the cab, but he could still hear the soft sucking noises Amanda made while she nursed.

  He pulled the door closed as best he could, knowing he’d have to open it and slam it again before they started driving. Then he stared straight ahead and tried to concentrate on following the path of an individual raindrop as it slid down the windshield.

  He seemed to be having trouble getting enough air, and he cracked his window open a little.

  A woman nursing her child was no big deal, he told himself. He lived among wild animals who raised their young that way, and this was the very same activity. Except it wasn’t even close. A year ago he’d desperately wanted this woman, and she’d desperately wanted him. Now the result of their mating that night lay in her arms, the tiny mouth fastened to her breast. God help him, he wanted this woman still.

  “Is the tire done for?” she asked quietly.

  “Pretty much.” He cleared the hoarseness from his throat and hoped she hadn’t attached any significance to his husky tone of voice. He didn’t want her to know how she affected him.

  “Maybe somebody will come along.”

  “That’s not too likely.” He took a deep breath and let it out. He wanted to touch her, to cradle her breasts in both hands as he once had, to taste her. “Not many people use this road, and this isn’t a good day for sightseeing.”

  “Zeke, please don’t...don’t leave me here and go for help.”

  He glanced at her in astonishment. “It never occurred to me.”

  Relief shone in her eyes. “Maybe I’m being silly. If I didn’t have Amanda I wouldn’t mind, but—”

  “I wouldn’t leave you.” His pulse raced as he gazed into her eyes and saw the fulfillment she drew from nursing her child. No woman had ever looked so beautiful to him, so desirable, as Katherine did now. Motherhood had given her a glow that he found almost irresistible. But he would have to resist.

  “What are we going to do?” she asked.

  For a moment he wondered if she was asking about the flat tire or if she wanted a solution to their much bigger problem. He didn’t have one for it. But she probably was talking about the tire. “We’ll drive on it,” he said. “I have a cabin out here. It’s not far. From there we can call a tow truck.”

  “You live out here?” She sounded quite interested.

  “Yeah, when I’m not on duty at the park. It beats renting an apartment somewhere.”

  She nodded. “I can’t picture you in an apartment. I imagine you clearing the land and building something out of logs, like Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett.”

  That made him smile. “Which is exactly what I did.”

  She gazed at him, her expression wistful. “That’s the first tim
e you’ve smiled since we met at the lodge.”

  “Yeah, well, this experience hasn’t been a laugh a minute.”

  “I hate that it’s so painful for you. She’s a beautiful little girl, and I wish you could share some of the joy I feel.”

  “You’re really happy about this?” All along he’d thought she was being a good sport for the baby’s sake.

  “How could I help being happy? Maybe I was a bit shocked when the doctor told me I was pregnant, but in about five minutes the shock wore off and I started feeling excited. A new life was growing inside me. That’s a miraculous thing, Zeke.”

  He wondered if he’d have reacted that positively if she’d called to tell him right away. Maybe not, but he’d never know. Well-meaning though she might have been, she’d cheated him out of that sense of anticipation. “But what about your career? Isn’t this messing things up for you?”

  “It could, if I had a different boss, but Naomi gave me all the time off I needed to make sure this baby had a chance to survive. Now that she’s here, I’m able to take her to the office with me, and when she’s a toddler she can stay in Cachet’s in-house nursery while I work.” She paused. “My only regret is whatever trouble I’m causing you.”

  “You haven’t caused me any yet.” She’d caused him a fair share of heartache, but she’d protected him from any inconvenience so far. He wasn’t sure he thanked her for that.

  “We wouldn’t be stuck out on this road if it weren’t for me.”

  “We wouldn’t, but I would be. This tire would have blown on the way back home whether you were riding with me or not. And I probably would have decided to drive on it instead of hiking through the rain to the cabin.”

  “That makes me feel a little bit better.” She glanced down at Amanda. “I think she’s about finished. If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll burp her and put her back in her carrier so we can get going.”

  “Sure.” He understood the message. He was supposed to stop looking at her and focus on something outside the cab so she could get herself together again. With some regret he did that, staring across a meadow to the misty forest beyond. Normally he could see the Tetons from here, but the clouds had moved in and completely covered them.

  For once the landscape he’d grown to love didn’t interest him. He tried to ignore the rustle of clothing as Katherine buttoned her blouse, but it was pretty tough to ignore the happy little sounds she made as she talked softly to Amanda in the process.

  He wondered if his mother had ever talked to him that way, with a singsong lilt to her voice. All he remembered were the frowns and the switches made of willow, and even those memories were hazy now. He’d only been three when she’d driven him to the entrance of Lost Springs and ordered him out of the car, but he still remembered everything about that moment—the clothes he’d had on, the smell of the dirt under his feet, the hawk circling overhead in a huge, cloudless sky.

  “I’ll burp her, change her diaper, and we’re done,” Katherine said.

  Zeke took that as his cue that it was safe to look at her again. Sure enough, she was properly dressed now, with Amanda propped over her shoulder as she patted the baby’s back. He’d probably never have the chance to watch her nurse Amanda again. Maybe that was best.

  Amanda made a sound like a bullfrog. The magnitude of it startled Zeke. “Does that hurt her?”

  “Nope.” Katherine smiled. “It would hurt her if I let that gas stay in her tummy. Then she’d really scream. Listen, would you mind getting me the diaper bag from the back? This will just take a second.”

  He leaned over the back seat and hauled the multicolored bag up front. He placed it between them where she could reach it. “Want me to look away again?”

  Katherine laughed as she placed Amanda on a pad on her lap and popped the snaps on the baby’s pink jumpsuit. “Not on Amanda’s account. She’s a free spirit who doesn’t mind in the least who sees her naked.”

  “Unlike her mother.” After he’d led her back to his camp last summer, she’d made him hang a blanket between two trees so she could hide behind it when she took off her soaked clothes.

  Her cheeks turned pink and she concentrated on untaping Amanda’s disposable diaper. “I barely knew you then.”

  “You barely know me now.”

  She didn’t look at him. “That’s true, I guess.”

  “So why not make a clean break before this gets any more complicated? It’s what you decided to do last summer, isn’t it?”

  Her movements stilled. “I thought that’s what we both decided.”

  “Yeah, I guess we did.” Wild horses wouldn’t drag the truth from him.

  She glanced up, her hazel eyes troubled. “But now there’s Amanda.”

  “Look, I’ll be glad to send you a check every month if that’s—”

  “No. I don’t want money. I thought I made that clear.”

  “Then what do you want?” He watched the confusion in her eyes and believed that she didn’t really know. “We can’t make this turn out like a storybook,” he said. “You can’t wave a magic wand and turn me into the daddy who goes off to the office with a briefcase every day and then comes home to play patty-cake with his daughter.”

  “I know that.” She popped open a plastic container and ripped out a moist towelette with an angry motion.

  “So given that I’m staying here and you’re going back to New York with Amanda, what kind of a real father could I be?”

  “I don’t have all the answers, Zeke.”

  “But you don’t want me to sign away my parental rights to this baby.”

  She glanced up. “No, I don’t. But you still have that option. If you decide that’s the best thing for you, then by all means do it.”

  “I do think it’s for the best,” he said quietly.

  “All right.” She swallowed and leaned down to finish diapering Amanda. “Then I guess I’d better stop trying to change your mind.” She snapped the baby’s jumpsuit together again. “Hold her for a minute while I get organized to put her back in her seat.”

  He took the baby from her, and Amanda’s tiny body felt a little less foreign to him this time. She stared up at him with the same concentration as before. Then she began waving her arms and kicking with her legs.

  “Hold still now,” he said, trying to keep his voice gentle. He didn’t want her to start crying because he was too gruff with her.

  She stopped wiggling and went back to her staring routine.

  “That’s better.” He smiled in spite of himself. She was so serious-looking for such a little thing.

  Then, to his total amazement, she smiled back.

  Something stirred within him and his throat grew tight. He looked away from that endearing little smile and swallowed hard. “You about ready for her?” he asked.

  “Yes.” Katherine leaned over and lifted Amanda from his arms.

  * * *

  KATHERINE REMAINED SILENT as the truck rolled jerkily along the pavement, but the ride became more jolting when Zeke turned off on a dirt road. She kept glancing into the back seat, but Amanda slept through it all. As long as she was in motion, she was content.

  But someday her needs would be much more than that, and Katherine wondered if she’d be enough parent for the little girl. So long as Zeke was a faint possibility on the horizon, she hadn’t really contemplated the job of raising Amanda alone, even if Naomi had thought that was the logical decision. Now that Zeke had completely rejected fatherhood, Katherine realized that she’d unconsciously counted on him to have some influence in Amanda’s life, no matter what she’d told Naomi.

  Besides that, his rejection felt like a personal insult, both to her and her baby. She couldn’t imagine how someone could look at Amanda and choose never to see her again. From the tender way Zeke had made love that night a ye
ar ago, Katherine had thought he had a soft heart. Apparently she’d been wrong.

  The truck approached a wooden bridge that spanned a rushing creek and Zeke put on the brakes. “Damn, but that water’s high.”

  “Are you worried about the bridge holding?”

  “Not going across this time, but if the rain keeps up... Well, we’ll just tell them to bring the biggest, baddest tow truck they have to get across the creek, that’s all.” He stepped on the gas and the truck limped across the bridge, the tires making a hollow sound on the boards.

  Katherine turned to look back at the creek when they were on the other side. Brown water boiled only about a foot beneath the boards. The sight made her a little sick to her stomach as she remembered the helpless feeling of being tossed around in the rapids. Without Zeke she surely would have died that day. “Has the bridge ever washed out?”

  “No, but I only built it two years ago, when I bought the property. I’ve never seen the creek running that high.” He glanced at her. “Hey, don’t worry. Forget I said anything. We’ll be fine.”

  “I’m sure we will.” Katherine faced forward again as they entered a grove of aspens, their white trunks shiny with rain.

  “There it is, through the trees on the right.”

  She peered out her window and spotted the clearing between the glistening tree trunks. Behind the clearing rose a hillside covered with pine, and nestled against the hillside was the sweetest little log cabin she’d ever seen. It looked like something out of one of her history books in school, right down to the stone chimney and the small front porch. She almost expected to see a pioneer woman come out of the front door and wipe her hands on her apron as she waited for her visitors to arrive.

  “It’s charming,” she said.

  “Thank you.” He sounded pleased with her response. He pulled the truck up beside the cabin, shut off the motor and glanced at her. “We can at least have a cup of coffee while we wait for the tow truck.”

  “Only if you have decaf. Everything I put in my stomach affects my breast milk, so I have to be careful.”

  His gaze warmed for a brief moment before he broke eye contact and cleared his throat. “Sorry. No decaf. Come on. Let’s go in and make that call.”