The Disappeared

by C. J. Harper

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘So . . . then we got involved, but the Greater Power started bombing us – that’s how the Wilderness was made. The Wilderness is the area that got the worst of the bombing. Didn’t you even know that?’

  Ilex looks at his feet.

  ‘I thought the Wilderness was there all the times,’ Kay says.

  ‘No. Only after the war. So . . . the Greater Power cut off our supply routes. There were food shortages. People were getting really angry and then the old government was overthrown by the Leadership. They took control and made a peace deal and started sorting everything out.’

  All three of them are just staring at me.

  ‘Why are you telling this?’ Kay asks.

  ‘Because you should know! Everyone should understand what’s happened in their past and what it means for them. It’s because of the war that The Leader decided that we needed to train more factory workers to make our country great again.’

  Kay narrows her eyes. ‘So that war thing means I’m in the Academy learning to be a factory worker?’

  ‘Well, yes, but that’s not all that the war—’

  ‘I knew that.’ She flicks her ponytail over her shoulder and heads for the centre of the floor.

  I sigh. Why is it so hard to explain things in here? It’s like the whole structure of sense has been torn down. I turn to Ilex and Ali. ‘You’d never heard about the war and how important it was either?’

  Ilex’s eyes slide to Ali. She shakes her head firmly.

  Ilex points to the centre of the room. ‘It’s starting,’ he says.

  Rex struts on to the cleared fight floor. The Specials start shouting at the top of their voices. I wonder if Rex would be able to gain control if a riot broke out. He’d probably just join in.

  ‘Do you want fights?’ he shouts.

  The audience roars back. Ali shrinks closer to Ilex.

  ‘Let’s have good fights. Now it’s tough girl . . . Kay!’

  I shout this time, I can’t help myself. And I’m not alone; Kay might not have reached the inner circle of Reds and their friends yet, but people know who she is and they know what a good fighter she is.

  Kay bounces lightly into the middle of the room. She looks full of energy.

  ‘And Kay fights our Red . . . Lou Emerly!’

  I spin round to watch Lou get up from her seat in the centre of the Reds crowd. She smoothes her dark auburn hair behind her ears and makes her way towards the fight floor. As she passes Dom, Dom whispers something in Lou’s ear and gives her a high-five. When she reaches Rex I can see that she’s pretty skinny and not much taller than Kay. I don’t think the fight will last long.

  Rex blows his whistle and the Specials start screaming.

  Kay raises her hands, but before she can get a punch in Lou slams her fist into Kay’s cheek. She stumbles backwards. While Kay is off-balance Lou swings her skinny leg up and aims for Kay’s stomach. I expect Kay to twist out of the way, but instead Lou’s foot connects and Kay is knocked to the ground. Get up, I urge but Kay stays down. Lou stamps a foot into Kay’s middle again. Finally, Kay rolls over out of the way. She gets to her feet, but slowly.

  ‘What the hell is the matter with her?’ I ask Ilex.

  ‘She won’t win it,’ he says.

  ‘Why on earth not . . . ?’ Then I realise. Lou is a Red and also Dom’s best friend. Kay doesn’t want to upset them. ‘That’s stupid. I thought Kay wanted to be the best fighter. Is she going to lose just because Lou is a Red?’

  But Ilex isn’t listening to me; he’s watching Ali, who is staring at Lou with an expression of horror.

  ‘What is it?’ he asks.

  Ali shakes her head.

  Ilex looks back at Lou, who is trying to get her hands around Kay’s throat. ‘It was that one, wasn’t it? Lou is the one that got your hair out.’

  Ali gives the smallest of nods.

  Ilex gets to his feet.

  ‘No, wait,’ I say, pulling him down.

  The fighters are locked in a hold. Kay is clearly holding back.

  ‘Kay!’ I yell above the sound of the shrieking Specials.

  She turns her head so she’s looking at me.

  ‘Lou is the one who pulled Ali’s hair out.’

  Kay’s eyes scrunch. I don’t know if she can hear me. ‘Lou hurt Ali!’ I shout as loud as I can.

  Kay breaks out of the hold and looks up at Lou. Lou is saying something to her. Some taunt.

  Kay’s whole body changes. She pulls up. It’s like I can see the power running through her. In a blur she lifts Lou’s arm up high, spins under it so she has her back to Lou and yanks on the hand to flip Lou over her shoulder. Lou lands hard on her back. While she struggles to get up, like an upturned beetle, Kay lays in with the kicks and punches.

  The Specials love this change of fortune. They’re on their feet screaming Kay’s name. It’s like the charge in the air has suddenly ignited.

  ‘What is it?’ I ask Ilex.

  ‘Reds don’t lose,’ he says.

  He means that Reds are always allowed to win. I didn’t know. I’ve tried not to watch many fights. I should have expected it. I should have known that even in a fist fight Reds get the unfair advantage. My stomach contracts. What will happen to Kay if she beats a Red?

  Lou is back on her feet. Kay storms in with a double jab to the stomach followed by a high spinning kick which catches Lou under the chin.

  ‘Come on, Kay!’ I shout. ‘Give it to her. Take her out. Show her—’ Halfway through my scream I notice a dark figure in the doorway. An enforcer. I look up. It’s my mother. She’s staring right at me. My words die on my lips. She doesn’t look impressed to find me ranting at the fighters. But she doesn’t know what Lou did to Ali. She doesn’t know how much every non-Red kid in here wants to see a fair fight for once. And I can’t tell her. I hold up my hands in a helpless expression. My mother looks back to the fight. Kay has Lou in a headlock with one arm. She jams her other elbow down on her. Mum’s mouth is open in horror.

  Lou breaks away, but Kay hounds her with a series of punches to the head followed by a powerful kick that sends Lou crashing to the floor. Kay swoops down on her, pinning her arms behind her back and pressing her face into the floor. Rex blows his whistle. The audience go crazy. She’s done it. She’s won.

  My eyes swing back to my mother. She shakes her head in disgust and slips back out of the door.

  Marvellous.

  This isn’t exactly the way I pictured my mother meeting the girl I like.

  For days, all anyone can talk about is Kay’s victory. Lou is furious. The morning afterwards, she and Dom push past Kay in the corridor and the rest of the Red girls follow their lead; none of them will speak to Kay.

  ‘Don’t worry about those Red girls,’ I say to Kay, while we’re chatting in the salon. ‘Who cares what they think?’

  ‘King Hell!’ she growls in annoyance. ‘You don’t get it, do you Blake? I care. I want to be Dom!’

  She’s right. I don’t get it. She won that fight fair and square and she did it for Ali. She should be proud of that. Why does she care so much about being Dom and what the bitchy Red girls think? I want to tell her that she doesn’t need them, that she’s better than them.

  ‘Listen, Kay—’ I start, but I’m interrupted by Rex walking into the salon with Dom and his usual train of followers.

  ‘Hey . . .’ he says, stopping by our chairs. ‘It’s our no-ranker brainer boy.’

  I flinch backwards as he reaches out to slap me on the back. His entourage laugh. Rex smirks. He doesn’t seem to mind me so much when he’s making fun of me.

  He turns his grin on Kay. ‘And our top-ranker, Kay.’ He turns to Dom, who is hanging on his arm. ‘Kay’s a big good fighter, isn’t she?’

  Dom narrows her eyes at Kay. ‘Yes,’ she sneers. ‘Kay likes the win.’

  Rex winks at Kay and he and his pack move on to the other end of the salon.

  I shake my head in disgust, but Ka
y is beaming. ‘Maybe you’re right,’ she says. ‘Maybe I don’t care what the Red girls think.’

  I don’t get the opportunity to explain to my mother about why I was cheering Kay on in her fight, because the last time I saw her we didn’t have time to arrange our next meeting before we got interrupted by the impeccables. I have to wait for her to sign me a message in class. Finally, eighteen long days after our first late-night meeting, my mother signs to me that we should meet tonight.

  When she arrives through the back of the cage at two in the morning she starts talking straight away. ‘I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to meet you, but I’m worried. Every time I turn around Rice is watching me. He knows I saw that fight.’

  It wasn’t a smart move. Enforcers never go to Fight Nights so it was bound to draw attention to Mum. ‘Why did you come?’ I ask.

  Her face falls. ‘I didn’t realise how infrequently enforcers leave their quarters after lessons are over. I just wanted to see how you were getting on. I know it was silly. And anyway, you were . . . busy.’

  I remember the look of disappointment on her face when she saw me cheering Kay on, but I don’t think we have time for me to try to explain that now. ‘What did you say to Rice about being at a fight?’

  ‘I told him that I was interested to observe the students in their leisure time. He said that wasn’t the way we do things here. In fact, what he said was, “We’re not here to be interested. We’re here to enforce.” Ever since, I’ve had the feeling that he’s checking up on where I am and what I’m doing. I think he’s asked my roommate to watch me. She even follows me to the bathroom sometimes.’

  ‘Do you think it was safe to come tonight?’

  ‘This will be the last time before we get out of here. I have an appraisal scheduled for two weeks on Friday, after that I’ll get my security clearance and ID card, which means access to the exits. We’ll leave on the Saturday night. Meet me here at two a.m. Wear both your uniforms, it’ll be cold out.’

  I nod. ‘I’ll tell Ilex, Ali and Kay.’

  ‘I don’t know about that,’ she says slowly.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  She bites her lip. ‘I hear from Enforcer Baxter that Ali is a sweet little girl and I know that Ilex has been a friend to you, but I just don’t know if we can help them. It’s going to be hard enough to look after ourselves.’

  ‘What about Kay?’

  She sighs. ‘I can see that you’re . . . fond of Kay, but we’ve got to be careful. The more people who know about us leaving, the more likely we are to be found out.’

  I can’t believe she’s saying this. ‘You don’t trust her, do you?’

  ‘I’m not judging her; I know that her life has been hard and that she’s grown up with different values. I understand—’

  ‘No you don’t,’ I snap.

  ‘I can imagine—’

  ‘No you can’t.’ I’m raising my voice. I try to get control of myself and bring it back down to a whisper. ‘I’ve been living here for months now and there were times when I thought you weren’t ever going to come for me. There were times when I thought that I was going to end up in a factory and that I would spend the rest of my life as a Special. But even I can’t, for one minute, claim to understand what it’s like to be Kay. I know that you’re a good person and that you want to be able to empathise and that you try to understand her motives, but until you have lived the life of a Special, a life that’s devoid of hope or joy or comfort, you will never know what it feels like.’

  My mother is quiet. There are tears in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ she says.

  ‘You have to go,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to fight with you.’

  ‘I just want to get you out of here,’ she says.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Promise you’ll be here on the night after my appraisal?’ She pauses and looks at me, before adding, ‘You and Ilex and Ali and Kay.’

  I smile at her.

  She does her best to hug me through the bars and then she’s gone.

  A few nights later it’s Saturday again and Kay and I sneak into ‘Rex’s Room’ – namely, the toilets next to the salon – for some privacy. Only Reds are allowed in here but they’ll all be heading for Making Hour in a minute. Kay is writing words using pieces of string to shape the letters, this way if anyone comes in we just bunch up the string and there’s no evidence. She shapes ‘Academies suck’ and looks at me with a smile. This would be a good time to talk to her about the escape plan, but I’ve found myself putting that off. Even before I had a definite date, every time I tried to talk about leaving Kay kept changing the subject. It’s like she doesn’t believe it’s going to happen.

  The six o’clock buzzer sounds, which makes me think of something else I’ve been meaning to say. ‘I wanted to ask you about Making Hour again.’ The words tumble out of my mouth.

  Kay raises her eyebrows. ‘Do you want to Make with me?’

  ‘No! I mean, it’s not that I . . . I just wanted to know what it’s all about.’ King Hell. Why can’t I have a conversation with Kay about this without turning into a babbling idiot?

  ‘Blake, I told you they—’

  ‘I know what they do, I wanted to know why . . . I mean, I know why, but why is the Academy encouraging them?’ Once again my face is purple.

  ‘Come with me,’ she says and leads me out of the toilets. ‘The Leadership says we need factory workers. To make the workers they need Academy Specials.’

  I nod. Everybody knows that the factory workers are vital to our economy.

  ‘They need lots of Specials. So they get Specials Making more Specials in the Making Hour. They say, “Do it for your country” and all like that.’

  That bit, I didn’t know. Even if factory workers are important, I can’t believe that they encourage teenage girls to get pregnant. At the Learning Community they taught us that sex and relationships must wait until we’d completed our education. At the Academy they’re telling them they can serve their country by having sex. It seems like another way that everyone is being pushed into believing something without questioning it. ‘Are you sure you’ve got this right? Are you sure that the Leadership even knows about Making Hour?’ I ask her.

  Kay shrugs.

  ‘Does the Making Hour happen in all Academies?’ I ask when we get on to the main corridor.

  Kay frowns. ‘I don’t get you, Blake. You’re a brainer, yes?’

  ‘Don’t call me that. I’m smart, okay?’ But actually I’m not even sure about that any more. ‘Well, at some things anyway.’

  ‘So why don’t you know all-things? You know about old things like Long War, didn’t they teach you about things that are . . . now?’

  We did learn Topical Issues at the Learning Community. It’s only now that I realise that what we covered was pretty narrow and, again, we were never taught to question what we were told. It’s hard to explain to Kay that no one at the Learning Community has any interest in what happens at Academies or factories. We’re completely focused on our future roles.

  At the bottom of the stairs, instead of walking straight down the corridor where the second lot of grids are, she turns left down a smaller corridor.

  ‘You’re missing the point of a Learning Community,’ I say. ‘It’s about ideas and theories.’

  ‘What’s “missing the point”?’

  ‘It’s when you don’t understand, you don’t get the most important thing. “Important” means the biggest thing, the special thing.’

  ‘People are the most ’portant thing. People are the point,’ she says.

  I open my mouth to answer her, but I can’t explain. Kay is staring at me. Why did I never ask myself the questions that Kay asks?

  I stop and shake my head. ‘I know I don’t know lots of things,’ I say. ‘But I do want to know. Has the Making Hour . . . er . . . worked well here?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she sighs. ‘Lots of babies to put in Academies and then into the factories.’

  �
��Babies?’ I sound like an idiot, but it’s out of my mouth before I can stop myself. ‘I haven’t seen any babies.’

  ‘When they’re borned they go to a place. There have been lots. That Lou I beat had one a bit before you came here. Dom is having one. And Carma in our dormitory, she doesn’t all times fat-walk like that you know.’

  ‘Have you ever . . . ?’

  Kay laughs. ‘You know lots of words, but sometimes . . .’ She nods at me to show she has remembered this word from when I explained it to her a couple of days ago. ‘Sometimes you can’t talk the right words, can you?’ She tugs at my arm to make me walk down the corridor. ‘No, I’ve not-one-time had a baby,’ she says. ‘Carma’s had two before this.’

  ‘Two?’

  ‘She had two same-time babies.’

  ‘You mean twins?’

  She nods. ‘Same-time babies.’

  ‘So how old do they . . . er . . . start?’

  Kay looks amused. ‘Making is only for the biggest Specials. You can Make when you’re fifteen. Carma says baby-ing is crimson, but you can’t fight with a baby-belly. It’s hard for Carma because she likes to be fighting with her long nails all the times.’

  ‘Why does she do it then?’ I say.

  ‘Baby-belly girls get more food and more rest and the enforcers are all no-hitting, no-shouting. Carma says the more babies you have the littler you work at the factory.’ She rolls her eyes.

  ‘Don’t you believe that?’ I ask.

  ‘Believe?’

  ‘Do you think it’s true? Not a lie?’

  ‘I don’t know. It’s nice to have some believes.’

  We’ve reached a different corridor; this one is white. Leading off it are white doors with Vacant/Engaged signs on them.

  ‘Is this where they . . . ?’ I look at the door nearest us. The sign says Engaged.

  ‘Yes, Blake, there is where they have sex.’ She crosses to the nearest vacant room and pushes the door open, then she turns back and looks over her shoulder at me. My stomach turns over. Does she want me to go in there? With her? I try to walk towards her, but I seem unable to control my legs; my feet feel massive. I’m surprised I manage to get through the door. The room is tiny. Kay is sat on a white bed. Should I close the door? I try not to think about Kay. Other than the bed, which I am not looking at, there’s only a wash basin in the corner. Under the sink are two great big rolls of tissue. I feel myself blushing.