Right Here Waiting for You

by Pugh, Rebecca

  She could remember the feel of his hands on her body, how excited she’d been to finally get her hands on him. She hadn’t thought about Sophia once. She’d blocked all and any guilt from her mind and done the dirty deed. ‘So, you came back to see Sophia?’ she asked, pushing those images away.

  ‘Yeah. I did, but then I didn’t have the balls to actually go inside and find her.’

  ‘Seems like this reunion is bringing more people together than I originally thought it would. It’s like we’ve all come back at the same time. All with our own problems, trying to figure things out.’

  ‘I guess so.’ Tom shrugged. ‘I got an email about the reunion from an old mate. He’s probably still there waiting for me to turn up.’ He laughed then, although awkwardly. ‘I fucked up. Good and proper.’

  ‘I think we both have,’ she said quietly as the wind whistled through the wooden slats above them. ‘Monumentally fucked up.’

  ‘Oh yeah? What have you fucked up?’

  ‘My life. My marriage.’

  ‘You got married?’ asked Tom.

  ‘I did. Soon after I left town. I thought it was the perfect escape. To get out of here and leave it all behind. Turns out, I would have been better off if I had just stayed and sorted things out with Sophia. She didn’t look happy to see me tonight but who can blame her?’

  ‘I doubt she would have given me any other sort of welcome. Possibly a smack round the face, which I deserve.’

  ‘You do,’ nodded Magda. ‘You really do. God, I bet she was heartbroken. She bloody adored you.’

  ‘I know. I’m a dick. I know what I did was wrong. Everything that I did back then was wrong. That’s why I went away. Tried to get my head round it all.’

  ‘And have you? Got your head around it all now?’

  Tom nodded. ‘I think so. I’m ready to step up and be the man she wanted me to be.’

  ‘Don’t you think it’s a little too late for that? It’s been years, Tom.’

  ‘I won’t know unless I try, will I?’

  ‘I suppose not, but if you’re imagining it’s going to be easy, you’ve got another thing coming. She looked furious when she saw me so I can’t imagine what she’ll look like when she sees you.’

  ‘That doesn’t bother me. I know she won’t be happy to see me but I’ve got to try. That little girl is my daughter too.’

  ‘Good luck to the both of us then. We’re going to need it.’

  Chapter Fourteen

  The morning after, Sophia woke with a ferocious headache. Esther had already skipped into her bedroom twice but had given up and relocated to the lounge by herself. The faint sound of the television burbling away could be heard. Sophia knew she couldn’t really stay in bed much longer. She needed to get up, get a shower and get herself a cup of coffee, and grab some breakfast for Esther too.

  Even though it took a monumental amount of effort, Sophia managed to make it to the bathroom for the quickest shower she’d ever taken in her life, and was downstairs in the kitchen a short while later waiting for the kettle to boil and taking a bowl of cereal through to Esther who was playing with her doll’s house in the centre of the lounge.

  ‘Good morning, darling.’ Sophia dropped a loving kiss onto the top of Esther’s head. ‘I’ve brought you some cereal. Did you have a nice time with Hannah and Harry last night?’

  ‘Yes, it was really fun and me and Harry watched loads of films together and had some chocolate ice cream,’ Esther told her. She looked adorable, still dressed in her pyjamas with her hair askew. She began to dig into the cereal with her spoon so Sophia rose and went to prepare herself a cup of coffee in the kitchen, massaging her temple as she walked.

  Sophia thought back to the night before, and spinning on the dance floor with Michael. How much she’d smiled and laughed and loved having his eyes on her the whole evening. She’d felt like the only woman in the entire hall.

  She couldn’t stop thinking about Magda either. Although she’d managed to push all thoughts of her old friend to the very back of her mind last night, now she was alone in the kitchen, her reappearance came flooding back all over again. She couldn’t believe she’d come back for the reunion. Sophia had thought Magda would be far too busy for such things. Where did Magda live now, Sophia wondered. Somewhere exciting and busy, no doubt. They had stopped speaking to one another only a short while before she’d left town with that fella of hers, who Sophia had never had the chance to meet. Not that she’d wanted to at the time. She hadn’t really cared about what Magda would do next. Not after what she had done to Sophia anyway. In Sophia’s mind, it was unthinkable.

  Her mind then wandered to Tom. Tom bloody Archer. The man who had completely broken her heart and then deserted her as if what they had had meant nothing to him at all. Which she supposed it didn’t, seeing as he’d slept with Magda behind her back. Oh yes, it was all going on back then. Long before Michael had made an appearance. He hadn’t a clue about any of it. It was a good job really. He knew Esther’s father had got up and left, and he’d made his thoughts about men who did such things crystal clear. ‘Waste of space’ and ‘better off without him’ came to Sophia’s mind when she thought back to the time she’d told him about Esther’s dad.

  She’d been so scared at the time, but she’d thought she loved him and so they’d agreed, after Magda had left for good, to give it another go. To see if they could make something of what they had. She’d lost her virginity to Tom Archer. She could remember it as if it had only happened yesterday. The nerves. The excitement. The pleasure of seeing Tom’s body completely free of clothes for the first time ever. Of taking in the perfection of it. Of him. Of feeling his fingers running across the goose-pimpled surface of her skin. His breath against the sensitive part of her neck. It had hurt. But everyone said the first time did. That it wasn’t how the movies made it out to be. She’d still treasured that moment though. It had meant the world to her. But it hadn’t meant the same to him. Because it was shortly after that, that he came clean about Magda. And understandably, Sophia had hit the roof. But again, she’d wanted to forgive him and try once more. They were good together really, and with Magda gone, she’d had nothing to worry about.

  She couldn’t believe her very best friend could do something so heartless to her. Something so deceitful and selfish. Sophia could clearly remember the times she had shared with Magda, where she’d spilled her feelings for Tom. Magda had been jealous, Sophia had realised later. Sophia had always thought Magda had a thing for Tom, although Magda had never come clean and said anything about it. Still, she’d never in a million years expected that Magda would go ahead and do something about it. Sleep with her bloody boyfriend, for goodness’ sake! It still hurt now, to think about it, even though it had all happened so long ago. Sophia had always thought she could trust Magda, maybe even with her life, but after that, she hadn’t wanted to be anywhere near her, and Magda hadn’t come to apologise either.

  A few weeks went by where they avoided each other like the plague, and then she’d gone. Disappeared. Just like that. Leaving her poor old man behind, who was still in the stages of grief that meant he shut himself away from everything and everyone. Sophia only knew because one of her friends told her. And she hadn’t seen Magda since. Nor Tom. But she supposed that, every now and then, when she caught a glimpse of her darling Esther from a certain angle, Tom was evident in the way she smiled and in the shape of her little nose. It was like a jolt from the past when that happened and it always took Sophia by surprise.

  Sophia had forgiven Tom all those years before, on the grounds that she didn’t think she could live without him. And then she’d been faced with the positive pregnancy test that shook her world completely. Tom hadn’t been happy at all and he’d gone without another word. Travelling, his father had told Sophia when she’d barged into the chip shop a couple of nights later, demanding to see him. She’d sobbed her bloody heart out on the countertop while Tom’s father had stroked her
back and apologised on behalf of his son. Tom hadn’t told his father about the pregnancy and he had been furious that Tom would leave his pregnant girlfriend in such a way. She’d got over it in the end. When Michael arrived in town, he’d lit up her life once more after the darkness of what had gone before, and she’d remembered what it was like to have a friend again, after losing both Magda and Tom. And they’d been closer than close ever since.

  So, to have Magda suddenly back in town was a shock to the system to say the least. Sophia thought she was rather bold to return as if nothing had happened, but she knew, too, that she couldn’t exactly stop her from doing so. Her father, Charlie, was still here, although Sophia hadn’t caught sight of him for years. And so was Magda’s mother. Perhaps something had happened that had brought Magda back? Or maybe nothing had happened and she’d finally realised Charlie was the only family she had left so it was time to be grateful for that. Whatever it was, Sophia wasn’t sure, but she did know there would be no open arms welcoming Magda back into her life. Not a chance.

  Chapter Fifteen

  ‘Nice time last night?’

  Magda was in the throes of preparing a fry-up in the kitchen. Charlie leant against the counter with a mug of coffee in his beefy hands and watched as the sausages sizzled in the pan.

  ‘Yeah, it was… okay, I guess.’ She shrugged and flipped the bacon over.

  ‘See any old friends?’ he continued as he slurped his drink.

  ‘Not really. I hardly recognised any of them.’ Magda shrugged and checked the beans weren’t burning in the pan.

  She wasn’t going to tell him about bumping into Tom. Or Sophia. She didn’t even want to believe it herself. It had been… odd, and she wasn’t quite sure if she’d dreamed the entire thing when she woke up this morning. Bumping into both in one night had been too much for to handle. But why? Hadn’t she secretly been hoping for it to happen? Hadn’t she wanted to see her old friend again? Wasn’t there a part of her that had wanted to know Sophia was doing okay? That life was treating her well? Sure, she’d been a massive idiot and hurt people in ways she had never imagined, but she still had a heart. A crumpled one maybe, but a heart all the same.

  All her favourite teenage memories had been made with that woman and it killed her inside to think she’d screwed it all up and then run off, leaving all of those problems behind unsolved. Sophia was now a mother and Tom, her teenage crush, was the father. So, they’d opted to try again with their relationship after Magda had left town to live a long and happy life at Greg’s side. She was happy Sophia had felt strong enough to try again with Tom, but she wasn’t happy about how that had ended. Hadn’t Sophia suffered enough at Magda’s hands? And then Tom had turned around and abandoned her right when she’d needed him most?

  Thinking back, Magda didn’t even know why she’d done what she had to Sophia. After all, Sophia had only ever tried to be there for Magda when she’d needed it. Mostly after the death of her mother. Sophia had helped with the grief. She’d always been there for Magda with comforting words, hugs and support. And what had Magda done? Selfishly thrown it all back in her face and trampled all over Sophia’s relationship to make herself feel better. She was a bitch. A cold-hearted bitch who didn’t care about anybody except herself.

  Magda instructed Charlie to sit down and began to serve them both a hearty breakfast. Charlie tucked into his greedily while Magda sat opposite, picking at her own plate. She wasn’t that hungry. Her appetite had buggered off completely.

  ‘Have you been to see your mother yet?’ Charlie asked after swallowing a chunk of sausage. He looked up at her with his fork in hand.

  ‘I have,’ Magda said with a small nod. She was surprised Charlie had brought up the subject. He was usually so closed-off and reluctant to talk about it, even now, after all this time had passed. ‘I took some flowers there and sat with her for a while. It was… nice. I haven’t done that for so long.’

  Charlie nodded wordlessly and continued eating.

  ‘Have you been to see her?’ Magda asked.

  ‘I haven’t. Not for a while. I guess I find it… hard. Still.’

  ‘You should go. I’ll come with you if you like? If it makes it any easier?’

  Charlie looked up and their eyes met across the table. Almost identical in colour and shape, people had always said they could see she was Charlie’s daughter. ‘I’d like that.’ He put down his cutlery and ran his hand across his mouth to wipe away the bean juice. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to see her, Magda. It’s not that at all. I still find it hard to stand and stare at a headstone rather than seeing your mother’s face. It shouldn’t be a headstone I’m talking to. It should be your mother. And it fucking kills me inside. It’s still so raw. I’ve been grieving for her all this time. I just miss her so damn much. I know it’s useless, and I’ve probably wasted so much of my time moping about, being miserable, refusing to leave the house, but I can’t help it. I feel like this is who I am now, and I’m not sure I could change even if I wanted to.’

  Magda swallowed. ‘Listen, Dad. I’ve been meaning to say this since I arrived but I didn’t know how. I know I hurt you when I left. It’s not even that. It’s that we lost contact for so long, and now I just imagine you sitting here alone for all that time with no one to talk to about how you felt. I was very young and very selfish. I realise that now, and if I could go back and do it differently I would, because I made the wrong decisions. It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, you know. I haven’t been living the high life. It’s been bloody miserable the last couple of years and all I’ve thought about is you and what you’re doing back here. I wanted to come back and see you so many times but Greg is…’

  ‘Greg is a prick,’ Charlie finished for her. He ignored Magda’s open mouth and continued. ‘I know he’s your husband, Magda, but I never liked him since the moment you brought him home to meet me. The way he looked at this place? As if it was beneath him somehow? I didn’t like that one bit. But he was the man you chose, and who was I to tell you what to do with your life? I knew once he got you away from here he’d try and stop you from coming back. I just thought you’d fight a little harder and come back here anyway, you know?’ He looked at her sadly.

  ‘I tried, Dad. I really did. But Greg always came up with stupid excuses, and then eventually he just told me the truth. That he didn’t like this place. That he wanted me to stay with him and that he didn’t like spending any time apart from me. Back then, I thought it was love. I thought it was because he loved me so much he never wanted us to be apart from each other. He was a bit controlling and it only got worse. Things aren’t great between us right now. In fact, they’re horrendous.’ She massaged her temples and blinked away the tears. ‘You know, we went out for dinner just before I got the invitation to the reunion, and we just sat there, and it was like neither of us could think of a single thing to say to each other. It was awful. And I looked at him sat opposite, so interested in what was going on around us, but not even remotely interested in me, and I thought to myself, what are we doing? Why are we doing this? Acting like there’s something keeping us together when there isn’t. There’s nothing between us any more. Our relationship is dead. It’s gone. We can’t get it back, God knows I tried when everything first started getting fucked up, but there was nothing there to fix. But for some stupid reason, I kept on trying, scraping at the very bottom of the barrel for the tiniest scraps, hoping I could make it all better. But I couldn’t. I know now it was useless even thinking there was a chance. I was desperate. I wanted him to love me.’

  ‘I knew something wasn’t right when I opened the door and saw you standing there. The reunion isn’t the only thing you came back for, is it?’

  Magda shook her head. ‘No. You’re right. It isn’t. I came back because I wanted to feel like a little girl again. To see you and see this place and figure out where it all went wrong. I’ve made some bad decisions. I’ve done some stupid things. I guess I…’ Her botto
m lip trembled. ‘I guess I want to start all over again. Go back to the beginning and do the right things this time. If I’d known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have gone with Greg. I would have stayed right here and made everything okay. I would have helped you through everything and been here when you needed me to be.’

  Charlie stayed silent as he listened to what she was saying.

  ‘And now? Now everything’s just a mess, isn’t it? I’m married to a man I don’t think I should be married to. I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this stupid, awful situation and I don’t know how to get out of it. I always aspired to be as happy as you and Mum were. I wanted that for myself so badly, I guess I started to ignore the reality of me and Greg and pretended it was something else entirely. You and Mum were the perfect couple in my eyes. You were made for each other. I thought me and Greg were too, but we weren’t. We were never meant to be and I know that now. Why can’t I go back and change it all, Dad? Why?’ She was sobbing now, her breakfast completely forgotten about. The food was splashed with her tears, as if they were some sort of topping, but she couldn’t stop.

  ‘Hey, hey, stop that,’ Charlie said as he got up and went to her. His large hand landed on her shoulder. ‘Come on now. There’s no need for tears.’

  ‘But there is, Dad. There is. There’s need for them because I feel so hopeless and lost. I’m living a life I don’t even want. How do I get myself out of this mess?’

  ‘You can’t turn back time, Magda. No matter how much we want to, and trust me, I’d love to as well. We just can’t do it. The only thing we can do is fix our mistakes now. Apologise for the wrongs we’ve done and then focus on moving forward. This thing with Greg. That can be fixed too. I know what you’re doing here, love. You’re running away from it, but trust me, that won’t solve anything. Once you go back, your problems will still be right there waiting for you.’

  ‘But what should I do? What can I say to him? I hate him, but I can’t imagine life without him either.’