After knocking tentatively, Magda stepped back and waited for someone to answer the door. There was no movement from inside. She glanced around and wondered how she hadn’t noticed the desolate look of the place when she’d walked up the garden path a few moments before.
She knocked again, wondering whether her memory had failed her and she was at the wrong house. But no, she was sure this was the right one. She would have bet her life on it. She took a step back and took a harder look at the exterior. She went to the lounge window and peered through. It was empty of all furniture. The walls and floor were bare, not at all the cosy home it had once been.
Magda felt her heart sink. Had Sophia’s parents moved? They must have. This place was completely empty. And then she saw it. The ‘sold’ sign. How had she missed it? So, Sophia’s parents had sold up and moved away. For a reason she couldn’t fathom, Magda felt sad. This place had been such a massive part of her life, and so had Sophia’s parents.
‘Everything all right?’
Magda turned and found a man standing outside the garden, peering at her curiously. She recognised him immediately. He was Sophia’s friend who had been at the reunion that night.
‘Yes, fine, thanks. Just having a nosy.’ She turned away.
‘They don’t live there any more. Packed up, sold the place and moved away a year or so ago. Is that who you’re looking for? Grace and Joseph? Sophia’s parents?’
Magda looked back at him. She walked down the path towards him. ‘Yeah. Yeah, it is. I’ve only just noticed the “sold” sign so put two and two together.’ She eyed him, wondering if he knew all about her and Sophia.
‘It’s a shame. Nice people they were. They really livened this place up anyway.’ He stared back at her as if trying to figure her out. ‘You were at the reunion the other night? Sophia’s old friend? You used to live here?’
Magda nodded. She took another look at the house before answering. ‘Yes, that’s right. She told you about me then?’
‘A little, but not all.’ He paused before saying, ‘Sophia still lives here.’
‘Yeah, I thought as much. How is she?’
‘She’s okay.’ Magda could tell he didn’t want to say too much. An awkward silence fell between them.
He nodded. ‘Well, have a good day.’
‘Hey, wait!’ she called, following him up the street. She stopped when she reached him. ‘I don’t suppose… I don’t suppose you have Sophia’s phone number, do you?’
His eyes narrowed slightly. ‘What if I have got it?’
‘I really want to speak to her. I don’t have her number and I don’t know where she lives. Even if I did, I wouldn’t feel right turning up on her doorstep, not after how she reacted on the night of the reunion. Do you think I could possibly have it?’
He didn’t look too keen on the idea. ‘Listen, I’m not sure if I should, you know, give Sophia’s number out. It sounds silly but she’s a private person and I don’t think she was too happy to see you at the reunion. I don’t know the ins and outs of you and her but I just got that impression. I don’t imagine she’d be too happy with me if I gave you her number, and I don’t fancy getting into trouble because of it either. We’re good friends. Really good friends. And my guess is that you two aren’t, so…’
Magda sighed. This had to work. She needed that number. ‘Listen, I get that. I really do. But this is important. I know you don’t really want to get involved in this, but you’re my only option now.’ It sounded dramatic, even to her own ears, but she had to try. ‘If it helps, I won’t tell her who I got the number off. I don’t even know your name, do I?’
He chewed the inside of his cheek as he studied her. Eventually, he sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. ‘If I get into any sort of shit for this, then I’ll know who to blame.’
‘You won’t,’ Magda said with relief. ‘I promise I won’t mention you at all.’
He glanced up the street then back at her. ‘Fine.’
Magda whipped her phone from out of her pocket and tapped in the number as Michael reeled off the digits. ‘Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate this.’
‘Like I said, it didn’t come from me, and it stays that way, okay?’
‘Yes, of course. Thanks again.’
He didn’t reply. He took one last, long look at her before grunting and walking away. Magda watched him go, then looked down at Sophia’s number, now saved in her contacts. Now, she just needed to build up the courage to put it to use.
Once home, Magda closed the front door and followed the delicious scent that filled the hallway and led her to the kitchen. She found Charlie stirring a thick stew in the hotpot. The closer she got, the more delicious it smelt and a deep rumbling of hunger began in her stomach. God, she’d missed her father’s cooking.
‘What’s in there?’ She peeped over his shoulder and inhaled deeply, eyeing the vegetables and thick chunks of beef that bobbed around as he stirred. She imagined what Greg would think of such a meal, and the fact that she’d soon be spooning it into her mouth, not caring about her stupid bloody diet, filled her with sheer joy. She could have whooped right there on the spot.
‘I’ve made us a beef stew. Hope that’s okay?’
‘It’s more than okay. I’m starving and that smells amazing.’ Shrugging off her jacket, Magda hung it on the back of a chair and sat down, unleashing her hair from its ponytail. She ran her fingers back through it before bringing out her phone and clicking again on Sophia’s name in her contacts as if to make sure it was still there.
‘Good day?’ Charlie asked as he began to slice up a loaf of bread for them to dip into the stew, a habit Magda had picked up from her father when she’d been young.
‘Yeah, it’s been okay. Didn’t get up to too much. I went to visit Sophia’s parents but found out they’d sold up and moved. I couldn’t believe it.’
Charlie paused in his slicing for a moment. ‘Yeah, I remember hearing about them leaving. I couldn’t believe it either. Bit of a shock. I thought they’d stay here for ever, they seemed so settled.’ He continued with his slicing of the bread.
Magda smiled at the slices that were thick as doorstops. Just how she liked them. ‘You need to get out more, Dad.’ She said it gently, so as not to offend him. ‘You should go and see some of your old friends. They all miss you, you know. Everyone I’ve seen so far has asked me how you are and mentioned that you should catch up. You should go. You don’t want to stay cooped up in here for ever, do you?’
Charlie shrugged. ‘It’s not so bad. I like it in here. It’s familiar, and I’ve got no busybodies trying to poke their noses into my business.’
She rolled her eyes behind his back. ‘Yes, well. You should think about it anyway. It might do you some good. Plus, those people aren’t busybodies. They’re people who knew Mum too, and probably just want to make sure you’re okay. I’m sure they don’t mean any harm by it. You know how much everyone loved her.’ She paused for a moment, wondering if what she was about to say would make any difference at all. ‘She’s not coming back, Dad. You know that, don’t you?’
The atmosphere in the small and cosy kitchen shifted. Magda watched Charlie’s back stiffen. He returned the lid to the hotpot but didn’t turn around. ‘I know.’
‘No matter how much you sit around and wait, she’s gone. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Mum would have wanted you to continue to live. To enjoy the rest of your life, Dad. To experience things and laugh and smile and maybe even fall in love again. Mum is dead, Dad. It’s horrible and sad and something I wish had never happened, but it did, and there’s nothing we can do about it. You didn’t die. You’re still here and you’ve got the world at your feet. Don’t waste it. You owe it to Mum to make the most of it. Don’t you think so?’
Slowly, Charlie turned around to face her. A single tear was running down his cheek, leaving a glistening, wriggly line in its wake. ‘You’re right. I do owe i
t to Mum. If she saw me now, she’d…’
Magda rose from her chair and walked towards him. ‘She’d think you were a silly old fool who had done more than his fair share of grieving for her.’ Magda smiled through her own tears, remembering so clearly how happy and full of life he’d once been. She wanted that man back. He needed to come back. He’d been sad and lonely for far too long.
‘I just miss her, Magda.’
‘I do too. Every single damn day, but sitting here hoping she’ll walk back through the door one day isn’t going to make any difference to what’s happened.’
‘I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her.’
‘Dad, of course you won’t. She was your one true love. Your wife. Your everything. No one expects you to completely forget about her. You just need to move forward, that’s all. When I arrived here for the reunion, I saw you and it felt like no time had passed since I’d been away. Like you were still in exactly the same position as you were when I first left. You can’t stay like this for ever. You need to get out there and find something worth living for again. Go fishing. Go and see your old mates. Have a pint in the pub. Enjoy yourself! Mum never would have wanted you to be miserable. She would have wanted you to be happy. Some people wait a lifetime and still don’t find the kind of love you and Mum shared. You’re lucky you experienced it. She’ll never be gone. Not really. She’ll always be in our hearts, along with all of the memories we shared with her. But if you believe in life after death, then until you meet her again, you may as well make the most of things. Right?’
Charlie was looking at Magda as if he’d never seen her before. As if she was imparting some huge, life-changing words of wisdom he hadn’t considered before now. ‘You’re right. When did you get so smart, huh?’ Without another word, Charlie pulled his daughter into his arms and squeezed her tightly. ‘Thank you for coming back. Thank you for not forgetting about me.’
‘Oh, Dad,’ Magda choked out through the tears that were now spilling down her cheeks. ‘I’ve never forgotten about you. How could I? I would have come back so much sooner. I would have come back and helped you. Or, scratch that. I would have stayed here the first time rather than running away. You know that, don’t you? That I regret ever leaving this place?’
‘I know. You’re here now. Don’t cry, Magda.’
She sniffled into Charlie’s neck, inhaling the familiar scent of him. The faint whiff of aftershave and the homeliness of beef stew. It was time to start living again. For her and for Charlie.
Chapter Eighteen
Once upon a time, the sight of Tom Archer coming back to Worthington Green and back into her life had been the thing of Sophia’s wildest dreams. Not long after he’d left and headed off on his travels, she’d cried her way through most nights, hoping and praying that perhaps the father of her child would return. But he hadn’t. She’d gone through the stresses and strains and beautifully memorable moments of childhood by herself, without Esther’s father by her side. Sure, she’d had the help of her parents, which was something she’d always be grateful for, but it wasn’t the same as having Tom there. A father her daughter could look up to, appreciate and admire. Instead, he’d been a coward and turned away from it all, refusing to take on his responsibilities.
And now, sitting behind the counter in the post office, those fantasies from so long ago had finally come to life. She blinked, unsure whether he was real or simply a figment of her imagination. It looked like Tom, although older and a lot stockier than he’d once been. Rather tanned too, from all the sun he’d caught while roaming around the world, no doubt. It was the eyes, she realised, that gave his identity away. Those piercing, dark eyes of his that she would recognise anywhere.
He stood on the other side of the glass and looked at her hesitantly. His mouth kept opening and closing as if he wanted to speak but wasn’t quite sure of what to say to her. She couldn’t blame him. It was a bizarre situation, and she felt the same way.
‘Tom,’ she croaked out, unable to bear the awkwardness for a moment longer. Thankfully there wasn’t a queue behind him. ‘You’re back.’
Tom nodded. ‘I am. How are you?’
‘Fine.’ She felt ridiculous sitting there in her uniform with the glass screen between them. She was surprised she didn’t feel angrier at his appearance. She wasn’t sure what she felt, other than a bit numb and bewildered by the sight of him. Her thoughts were all over the place and she couldn’t seem to get them into any coherent order.
‘Fine. I’m great. You?’
Tom nodded quickly. ‘Yeah. Good, thanks.’
Silence descended between them again, and Sophia looked down at her hands in her lap.
‘How is…?’
‘Esther?’ she prompted, raising her eyes to meet his again.
‘Esther. Yes. How is she?’ Something in Tom’s eyes lit up at the mention of his daughter.
‘She’s great. Perfect.’
‘Good. Good.’ He nodded and looked down at the floor.
Sophia stared at him, drinking him in. She took note of everything. Of his dark, mussed-up hair. His hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. The leather jacket which seemed to suit him down to the ground. He’d always had that bad-boy edge she’d found irresistible back when they’d been young. He’d carried it through to adulthood. Pulled it off well. He raised his head.
‘It’s been a long time.’
‘Yes,’ nodded Sophia. ‘It has. It’s been a really long time, Tom.’ She cleared her throat. She wanted to know why he was here. There was no point in beating about the bush. ‘Why have you come back?’ she asked bluntly.
‘I was at the reunion,’ he said.
‘You were?’
‘Yeah, I decided to show my face, but I kind of lingered outside for a while, too scared to come in.’ His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. He was nervous.
‘Oh. I didn’t realise you were there.’
‘Yeah, I didn’t want to come inside in case…’ His voice trailed off.
‘It was a good night.’
‘Good. I’m glad you enjoyed it.’
‘So, you came all the way back from wherever you were to go to the reunion?’ Somehow his explanation didn’t quite add up. Sure, don’t stay for the birth of your child, but come back for a night of drinking with your old mates. It seemed like typical Tom in Sophia’s opinion.
‘Well, no. Not entirely. I came back to see you.’ A strange glimmer of hope, mixed with a little bit of desperation, flashed in his eyes. ‘And hopefully Esther too.’
‘Oh. Right.’
‘Yeah.’
Sophia felt claustrophobic behind the glass screen. It felt hot. Too hot. Unbearably hot. She had the sudden urge to race outside into the cool, fresh air. She felt as if Tom was a danger, threatening to pull apart her and Esther’s perfectly happy life. She’d worked so hard to keep Esther safe, to not let anyone emotionally hurt her. And now her father was here, and he wanted to see her. Sophia wasn’t sure whether she wanted him to see her or not. She felt protective of her daughter and it was perfectly understandable that this sudden appearance should send her into defensive mode.
After all, what right did he have really? He hadn’t participated in Esther’s upbringing. He hadn’t seen his daughter take her first steps, lose her first tooth, or head off on her first day at school. He’d missed it all. Sophia had been the one to change nappies, feed and bathe their daughter. To make packed lunches and help with homework. It had been Sophia who had been the one to take care of Esther whenever she fell poorly, nursing her baby back to health like any mother would. Where had he been through the struggles? Where had he been through the good times? He didn’t know anything about her. He didn’t know Esther’s favourite colour or what her favourite animal was. He didn’t know what she liked to have for breakfast or who her best friend was. He knew nothing about his daughter whatsoever, and now here he was, having turned up out of the blue, expecting to walk int
o Esther’s life as if he’d been there all along? No. No way. Sophia wasn’t having it.
‘Is there anything you wanted help with?’ she asked. ‘Stamps? Are you sending a parcel? What do you need?’ She tried to look businesslike but knew her face was giving every true emotion away as she began to busy herself behind the counter. The threat of tears grew stronger with every passing second.
‘What? What are you talking about?’ Tom looked taken aback. He watched her tidy up her pen pot.
‘I’m working, Tom. That’s what I’m doing. Now, if there’s nothing else, you should leave.’
Tom glanced behind himself, as if looking for evidence of a queue of people waiting impatiently. ‘Sophia, come on. Let’s talk about this like adults. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for all of that. We need to sit down together and go over it all. Let me apologise properly. Please. I’m begging you.’
Sophia faltered when she looked up at Tom’s heartbroken expression behind the glass. But she wouldn’t feel sorry for him. Not now. Not ever. He’d made his decisions. Now he could deal with the consequences. She stared back at him, willing the tears to stay hidden. Their eyes remained firmly on each other, neither one about to break the contact first.
‘What exactly is it that you’re asking for here? Do you seriously believe you can waltz back into Esther’s life as if you’ve never been away?’
Tom’s shoulders sagged. ‘No, of course not. I’m not stupid, I know it’s not that easy. I just want to… try. Give me an hour of your time. Half an hour. Let’s just talk it over. I’m not expecting to be let back into your life with no questions asked. Just the chance to talk to you properly would be enough.’
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