by AKM Miles
“What now?” Benny asked. “You think he’ll show up?”
Benny sounded as low as Daniel felt. “We can only hope. We’ve done all we can. Hell, I sounded like an advertisement for her place, huh?” Daniel said, shrugging his shoulders. Benny took his hand, and they headed back toward Mama Sasy’s. It was late, but they could see Boddy in the diner, pouring coffee for a couple of truckers to go with the pie in front of them.
“Mmm, pie. Want to see if there’s enough for us?” Daniel asked, hoping there was banana cream.
“Hey, I’ll help make some if there’s not. I could sure use some. Come on. It was a good try tonight.” Daniel felt better at Benny’s words. Benny made him feel better in a lot of ways. They’d held hands all the way back to the diner, dropping them only as they walked in the door.
Boddy’s smile was welcoming and his response to their request for pie made them both happy. They had hope, Daniel thought. Hope, pie, and each other. Nice.
Chapter Eight
Daniel had a vicious dream about three nights after they’d met Franklin on Tanner Street. He jerked, trying to dodge Jack’s fists and bumped into Benny, whose cry woke him immediately.
“Ow!”
“Benny, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Where did I get you?” Daniel turned in the bed, close quarters for sure, and tried to see if he’d done real damage to his best friend.
“Shh, it’s okay. You just startled me. Bad one?” Benny asked, and Daniel knew he was asking about the nightmare.
“Yeah, flying fists. Sorry, really.” Daniel reached up to where Benny was rubbing his forehead and moved Benny’s hand aside. “Aw, Benny, I hurt you.” Daniel was devastated even though the bump on Benny’s head was small.
“It’s fine, Daniel, seriously. Just kiss it and make it better, and don’t worry about it anymore.”
Daniel tried really hard to see the look in Benny’s eyes, but, though there was a small amount of light always left on, it wasn’t enough for him to see if Benny was kidding or not. He found that he really wanted to do as Benny asked, joking or not.
Leaning over, Daniel put his lips on Benny’s forehead for a second, then pulled back slowly, his eyes watching Benny to see how he responded. He was surprised when Benny followed Daniel’s backward move with his head, as if wanting a longer kiss.
“Benny?” Daniel whispered his question.
“Please.” It sounded so soft and needy, and so unlike the Benny that Daniel had come to know. He just wanted to wrap him up and give him whatever he wanted. Wait. What did he want? Daniel was so backward when it came to anything either romantic or sexual that he hesitated, afraid of doing the wrong thing.
Benny must have thought that Daniel was rejecting him. He pulled back and ducked his head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry.”
Daniel couldn’t have that. He reached over and put his fingers on Benny’s chin, pulling his head up. Daniel was scared, but he leaned in and put his lips to Benny’s, softly, afraid of his own rejection. It didn’t happen.
Benny leaned in and their mouths meshed a little harder. It felt wonderful to Daniel, soft and warm, and so very sweet. Daniel really wanted to take it further, maybe push his tongue into Benny’s mouth, but he didn’t have enough nerve. He must have made a sound that made Benny worry about how he was feeling, because his bed partner pulled back suddenly.
“What? Are you okay? Was it, uh, not good?” Benny asked, quietly.
“No, it was good. I was, I mean, I didn’t mean to stop, or make you stop, I mean.” Daniel felt like a fool. He couldn’t even talk, couldn’t even get through a simple kiss without screwing it up. “I don’t know what I mean, Benny. I’m sorry I ruined it.”
“Honey, you didn’t ruin anything. I’m still right here. I liked kissing you. I only stopped because you sounded like something hurt you or upset you. I don’t ever want to do either of those things. You mean a lot to me, Daniel. Is that all right?” Benny sounded as unsure as Daniel felt.
“Very much all right. I think we’re starting something really good, and I really want that with you, but I’m afraid you’ll get bored with my insecurities and fears, how backward I am.”
“Daniel, neither one of us is a player, okay? We’re here because we both have a crappy past. Yours is definitely worse than mine, but we understand each other. Come here and snuggle with me. Let’s go back to sleep. I don’t want to go back to my own bed anymore. How about you? Want me to keep on sleeping with you?” Benny asked.
Daniel didn’t hesitate on that at all, nodding quickly.
Afraid that wasn’t enough, he said, “Definitely.”
“Good. C’mere.” Benny opened his arms and Daniel eased over into them. This was the first time that their being in the same bed seemed like more than comfort and support. This was an embrace. Benny’s arms closing around him felt so good. He had to tell him.
“Feels good, Benny, being in your arms, I mean.” Daniel knew he wasn’t eloquent, but he got his point across.
He couldn’t have been asleep for more than twenty minutes, it felt like, when Boddy’s voice woke them both.
“Daniel, Benny, you’ve got a guest in the diner. You need to come out here in a hurry. He looks like he might run at any minute. He came in asking for you all. Mama’s already asleep. I’d get her, but he said he only wanted to see you. He’s in bad shape, guys. Up and at ‘em,” Boddy said.
Daniel and Benny were moving before Boddy had even turned away. They both slept in undershorts and T-shirts so in seconds they’d thrown on jeans and shirts, grabbed shoes and were running after Boddy.
Daniel said, “It’s got to be Franklin. Who else could it be? I hope he’s okay.”
They nearly ran over Boddy as he got back to the kitchen.
“Sorry, sorry, Boddy,” Benny said, for both of them and then they thudded into the diner and saw Franklin standing by the front door, one hand lingering on it.
“Easy,” Benny whispered to Daniel.
Daniel understood. It was like approaching a wild horse. Franklin had been beaten again; his eyes were wild, and he was shaking. Daniel could see the tremors from behind the counter as they stood by the door to the kitchen, afraid to advance and scare him away.
“Hey,” Daniel said.
Even though Franklin was looking at them, he jumped when Daniel spoke. There was a cut on Franklin’s face, blood still running down and dripping onto his shirt. His hands were scraped and he held one arm close to his side. Daniel didn’t know if the arm was hurt or the ribs under it.
“Come on in. You’re welcome here.” Daniel spoke the words quietly, knowing that too much kindness could break the young man, but he had to get closer to him. He looked around the diner and noticed that no one else was there. He hadn’t really thought about others. They were open all night, so he just assumed there would be people there all the time.
“Come back to the booth over here. Boddy is getting you some food, I’m sure. That’s what he does. Can you walk?” Benny asked.
“Of course I can walk. How you think I got here?” The words were trying for belligerent, but they fell short since they were so clearly said through pain and shortness of breath.
In a few seconds it became clear that Franklin was holding onto the door, not because he was about to leave, but because he wasn’t able to let it go. Daniel took Benny’s hand and pulled him toward Franklin. Clearly, the boy needed help. Daniel had no doubt that Boddy had already gone to get Mama Sasy. This wasn’t something they could handle on their own. This kid might need more help right now than they could give.
“Let us help you a little,” he suggested as they neared the trembling boy.
He shook his head and pushed back into the door, but it was a wasted effort. He’d come to them, and he knew he needed their help. They all knew it was fact. Daniel knew the motion was instinctive.
“It’s okay. We’re not going to do anything you can’t handle, but you’ve got to admit, you need help. Give in, man. We’ve got your back n
ow.” Daniel waited until he saw the boy’s shoulders ease a little, as if in both defeat and recognition of his situation, before he reached for Franklin.
“Is it your arm or your ribs that hurt?” Benny asked.
“Ribs,” Franklin hissed. “Bastard kicked me — a bunch. Cut me, too.” Franklin finally seemed to be with them in spirit as well as body. He let them take hold of his shoulder and his good arm and they walked toward the family booth. Daniel noticed that he limped on his left leg and, looking down, he saw that Franklin’s jeans were really tight over one knee. It must be swollen badly. How had he walked all the way here?
As expected, Boddy and Mama Sasy came bustling in.
“Stop right there, sweet boys.” Mama Sasy hurried over to them. Boddy must have told her the condition Franklin was in, because she showed no surprise at all at the mess that he was.
“With that knee and those ribs, it will be hard on him getting into and out of that booth. Bring him to the dorm, and we’ll check him out.” She turned to Franklin and said, “Hello, sweetheart. I’m Mama Sasy, and it’s nice to meet you. I’ve been through this before, so don’t worry. I know you don’t want to go to the hospital. You don’t even have to tell me. I’ll see if you can be checked out here enough to get by or if you need the professionals. If so, we’ll take care of it. You’re safe now. What’s your name?”
Franklin looked from Daniel to Benny and then back to her and mumbled, “Uh, Franklin, ma’am.”
“Can you make it on your own just a little farther, baby?” she asked him, peering at the cut on his face. The stream was slowing down, and bruising was showing up all over his face.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Daniel couldn’t believe how quiet and shy Franklin seemed with Mama when he’d been so rough and defensive with them. The woman knew what she was doing. She didn’t smother, was very matter-of-fact, but she threw in so much love and comfort that the kid just couldn’t resist. Daniel was tickled at the transformation.
They got him back to the dorm, where Boddy had turned on all the lights and a bed had been readied. How? Daniel was surprised to see Mama Rosa rolling out of the bathroom with her lap full of medical supplies. Well, it hadn’t taken her long to become part of the team. She pointed to the bed that had been covered with towels and they eased Franklin down onto it. He hissed as he settled and looked at Mama Sasy for guidance.
“Okay, hon, we need to get that shirt off. I think you should let Daniel help with it until we know how badly you’re hurt under there. Pants, too, I think. I want a look at that knee. Don’t even act embarrassed, young man, I’ve seen it all a hundred times. Your injuries aren’t the worst I’ve dealt with, and I don’t care about your privates. Daniel, Benny, help him back up for a moment and get those jeans off. Careful of his knee, now.” Mama was just so quick and sure about her commands that they were carried out without delay and soon he sat in his underwear, breathing hard through the pain all the movements had caused.
Mama Rosa had been quietly laying out all the supplies on the bed from the other side. In the next half hour, the two Mamas spit out orders for this and that from the bathroom, water, washcloths, towels, etc., and Daniel and Benny moved back and forth, helping as they could. After Franklin was cleaned up, poked and prodded, moved and turned, studied and discussed, it was decided that they could take care of his injuries.
The cuts were assessed and cleaned, the ribs were checked and it was decided they were just very badly bruised, his knee was iced, and his scraped hands were bandaged. The bruises were checked to make sure they weren’t hiding anything broken. Franklin was clearly exhausted by the end of it. After discussing any allergies and so on, Mama Sasy said he could have some ibuprofen.
Mama Sasy patted his cheek and tucked him into the bed like a child and Daniel could swear the kid soaked it up like a sponge. Hey, who was he to judge? If it hadn’t been so awkward with his father here and everything he would probably have been just as taken with her. He had to admit, she was winning him over.
The two ladies headed back to their apartment. Boddy had stayed in the kitchen. Daniel looked at Benny, shrugged and headed for his bed as Benny headed for his.
It didn’t occur to him that the events of the night would send him right back into the nightmares. He’d been so tired he thought he would sleep hard, but the next thing he knew Benny was shaking him and telling him to wake up.
“Daniel, hey, shh, it’s okay. Come on, man. You’re just dreaming.” Daniel jerked awake and almost threw a punch before he realized it was Benny standing over him.
“I’m sorry.” Daniel hated the nightly fears, but had gotten used to them being headed off by Benny’s close touch and calming warmth. With him sleeping alone again since Franklin joined them, he was more prone to them. His feeling of being alone again might have something to do with it.
“Scoot over, I’m coming in.” Benny took the edge of the cover and made a move to get in with him.
“We can’t, man,” Daniel said, looking over to the bed where Franklin was awake now, watching them silently.
“Why the hell not? It’s not going to hurt anybody. Relax, Daniel. You need to sleep.” Benny didn’t even look at Franklin, as if he didn’t care at all about the other boy. It was clear that his only mission was to help Daniel get some sleep.
Daniel gave in, scooted over, and was a little unnerved to realize he was facing Franklin’s bed with Benny lying behind him. Franklin was still just watching them, silently. Daniel looked back and, to his surprise, Franklin dipped his head in a nod before closing his eyes. It was an acknowledgement of the situation, an acceptance. They didn’t need his approval, but knowing he wasn’t going to cause a problem for them was good. It was good. Daniel finally relaxed enough to go to sleep.
§ § § §
Days passed and Franklin got better, his bruises changing colors and finally fading. Daniel and Benny worked as usual, and both Mamas doted on Franklin. While he was still aloof with the boys, he was a total sap when the ladies were around. It was a source of secret amusement to both Benny and Daniel, not that they’d ever mention it to him. As he became able, he was quick to ask to help out in the diner. He wasn’t too good at taking orders, since his attitude still needed adjusting, so he took over the busboy and dishwashing duties, cleaning up and so on while Daniel continued to help in the kitchen and Benny worked the front. In cases of really busy times, Daniel sucked it up and worked with Benny, but he still flinched each time the door opened.
One day, about a week after Franklin came to them, Mama Rosa motioned to Daniel to come over where she’d just finished filling pie shells. Boddy was taking them to the oven and she smiled up at Daniel.
“Wanna take a walk?” she asked, eyes gleaming.
Uh-oh. He just bet there was a talk coming, but he was so fond of her that he readily agreed. It was still warm enough for just a sweater for her, so he pushed her out and just naturally headed for their spot by the picnic table.
As they moved along they talked about how warm it was for October and how pretty the sky was, and Daniel was lulled into a false sense of easy-going harmony. When they made it to the table, he turned her so that they faced each other as he sat on the bench.
“Franklin is a sweet boy,” she started, and he still wasn’t ready for what came next. “Have you thought any about asking your father for some help with getting him a job at a garage? You and I both know the restaurant business is not really his, uh, area of expertise.” She smiled at him as they both thought about how many dishes Franklin had broken and his language each time.
“Not really, but you’re right. This isn’t his thing. I don’t know how to go about it. I haven’t really,” Daniel paused and searched for how to say the next part. She let him figure it out. “I mean, I don’t know about just walking up and asking him to help Franklin after I…” Daniel stopped again, not knowing what he was going to say.
After what? After refusing to give the man the time of day for all these
weeks? After ducking his head every time his father tried to make eye contact with him? After ignoring the hurt, despairing look he saw each time his father left the diner, despite Mama Sasy trying to make him feel good? He was beginning to feel like he was the one who’d done something wrong.
His face must have shown some of his thoughts because Mama put her hand on his knee and patted him, saying, “Honey, it’s okay. I certainly don’t have any place pushing you to do or feel something that you have trouble with, but if you search your heart, can you say, for sure, that you don’t want to try to reconnect with him? I know you love him, because just like I’ve seen it on his face, I’ve seen it on yours, too. You don’t realize how often you watch him when he’s here talking to Mama Sassy or Boddy, or the other boys. There’s a kind of hunger there.” She watched Daniel closely and when she saw tears in his eyes, she opened her arms.
Daniel looked at the welcoming embrace and was torn. He hadn’t expected this heart-wrenching feeling that was a mixture of anger, love, and hope. How to process all that? He leaned into her and since they weren’t close enough to hug, he ended up just dropping his head to her lap. He didn’t cry, not really. But tears flowed, and she rubbed his head and shoulder.
“You love him, don’t you?” she asked, quietly.
He nodded, unable to look up but able to admit it if he didn’t have to face her eyes.
“How could you not?” she asked, and went on, as if it was matter of fact, “He’s your dad. You did everything together as a solid unit. That one horrible night, that one mistake, and it was a big one, doesn’t erase all the wonderful times, the closeness you had. I think you need to know just how much he suffered while you were gone.”
Daniel shook his head in the negative, and she pressed on his shoulder.
“It’s funny how I can read you without seeing your eyes. Suffering is the issue, isn’t it? You feel like he couldn’t have suffered as much as you, and it was his fault, so you’re righteous in your need to punish him. Honey, he suffered in a different, but no less painful way, I assure you. He had the weight of guilt and remorse added to the worry, the disappointment each time someone came back without finding you, and the abject fear that you were lost to him forever. I don’t know how he held out hope. I think I would die without my Mano. It would kill me to lose him. How do you think your father felt?”