by Soraya Lane
“My ear could get worse but it’ll never get better, and that means I can’t do my job. Ever. End of story.”
Tom wished he hadn’t snapped that last part out so harshly, but it was true. His career as a SEAL was over and he had to come to terms with it. And the fact that they’d lost one of their own when they were usually so careful, usually so precise. The operation had gone from as routine as could be expected for their kind of work to bad and then to worse before they’d even known what had hit them.
“I’m so sorry, Tom. I don’t know what to say.”
He gave her what he knew was a sad smile because it hurt just forcing it. “There’s nothing anyone can say that’ll make me feel any better, so don’t beat yourself up about it.”
Caitlin stood up and walked over to check on Gabby, bending over her, running a hand over her forehead—the same gentle way of moving her fingers that she’d done to him, comforting him with one soft stroke, and he watched her openly while she did it.
She scooped up her cat before walking back toward him, snuggling her pet to her chest.
“I know what it’s like, Tom,” she said, sitting down across from him again. “I know exactly what you’re going through.”
Her voice was low, tense, but it didn’t soften the blow any.
Tom shut his eyes, clenched his fists and tried to push his anger away. Why the hell did everyone always think they could understand! He restrained himself, fought not to explode.
“I don’t think that’s possible, Caitlin.” He kept his voice as even and calm as he could, but he jumped up, ready to leave, all the same. He should have kept what had happened to himself. This was why he didn’t tell people about what had happened, because no one could understand and no one ever would.
“You’re wrong, Tom,” she insisted, eyes wide. “I’ve been there and I know how it feels.”
* * *
“You have no idea what I’ve gone through, okay? No one does.” There was a sharp edge of finality to his voice.
The cold, bitter tone sent a ripple of nervousness down Caitlin’s spine. She went ice-cold herself. Didn’t know how to respond, what to do. Other than tell Tom to get the hell out of her house for speaking to her like that. But she was scared. Nervous about the change in him, how he could go from so earnest and gentle one moment to looking as if he was going to erupt like a long-dormant volcano the next. Opening up to her so genuinely then shutting down as if the conversation had never taken place.
She wanted him out. Now.
“I do actually,” she said, forcing herself to be as frosty to him as he had just been to her. Not prepared to quiver beneath his sudden show of strength, of power. Because if there was anything she hated, it was a man trying to assert his dominance like that. She could fall into a heap later, but right now she was going to stick up for herself.
Tom glared at her before striding over to the sofa and bundling Gabby into his arms, scooping her up like a rag doll. He held her tightly to him, his big hands firm to her tiny body, mouth touching her hair in the gentlest of ways, so at odds with how dominant, how intimidating she felt he was being.
“Thanks for dinner,” he said, walking straight past her. “I appreciate you helping me out this afternoon.”
Caitlin stood dead still, cat still in her arms, trying to stop her mouth from hanging open as Tom swung open the door and walked out. Left as though they’d shared nothing, as if tonight had never happened.
Good riddance.
“Good night,” he called over his shoulder before shutting the door and disappearing into the dark.
The beast, she thought, anger pumping like adrenaline through her veins. Rude, arrogant, cold son of a…beast. She corrected her thoughts. There was no way she was bringing herself down to his level.
So she’d thought he was nice, that he deserved a chance. That maybe, just maybe, she could have been attracted to him. That he could prove her wrong, that it was time to trust her man-radar again.
Caitlin put Smokey down, locked up and made herself walk into the kitchen to start loading the dishwasher.
She’d been way wrong about Tom Cartwright. He was exactly like she’d originally expected him to be, and she’d been a fool to think he could be anything else. There was a reason she didn’t let men into her life so easily, and he was only making her see that more clearly.
CHAPTER FIVE
TOM pushed himself to run faster, punishing his body with every pounding footfall. He lived for the adrenaline of exercise. For the way he could lose himself so completely from his thoughts, push so hard, make his body hurt and scream out from exertion. Sometimes it was his only savior, the only thing he could cling to when his thoughts were at their darkest.
Tom slowed, wanting to keep his control while he trained the young men working hard to keep up with him.
What had happened to him could at least help him produce the most elite of SEALs. He doubted any of the men he was training would struggle with their physical exams. Not if he had anything to do with it. So long as he stayed focused instead of acting as though the demons troubling him were literally hot on his heels.
“Keep going!” he commanded. “Let me hear you!”
The recruits’ feet hit the pavement in time with his as he started the running cadence, singing for them to follow the beat, trying to pick his mood up and encourage the young men. “Hey buba-louba SEAL team baby.”
“Hey buba-louba SEAL team baby,” they chanted back.
“I joined up for this, now people think I’m cra-zy.” Tom ran backward, watching the men, pleased to see them sweating hard. “I shaved my head, make me pretty for the la-dies,” he bellowed out.
“I shaved my head, make me pretty for the la-dies,” they sang back.
Tom kept up the song along to the thump-thump of their footfalls, but he couldn’t help reaching up to run a hand quickly through his too-long-for-his-liking messy hair. Maybe that was his problem. He needed to cut his hair again.
Not that he wanted to be “pretty for the ladies” but he sure wanted to feel like a SEAL still. At least he wanted to look like the team leader he sorely wanted to be, no matter how much he moaned about his new role.
Because training the young recruits was important; the Navy was nothing without them.
Only it didn’t feel anywhere near as important as being out there in the field, and he doubted that for him, personally, it ever would be. No matter what anyone said or how much he tried to convince himself.
“Anyone who do this just ain’t right,” he continued, pushing their pace to make them work even harder. “Left, left, left-right-left.”
Tom tried to focus on the constant of each foot thumping down, the sounds of all their feet hitting in unison as they ran in rhythm, but there was only one thing he could see, no matter how hard he pushed himself.
Black hair caught up in a ponytail and aqua eyes looking at him as though he’d just run over her cat as he turned before leaving her house last night.
He shouldn’t have walked out like that, not when she’d been so kind to him, but he couldn’t deal with people trying to pretend that they knew how he felt. Because no one did and no one would.
Not his brother, not his sister-in-law, and certainly not a pretty little teacher with not a care in the world. The darkness that he’d lived through was hard enough for him to talk about without people pretending they’d ever understand, without seeing others pity him for what he’d lost.
“Let’s go, boys,” he ordered. “Hit the pool as soon as we get back. And don’t you dare even think about stopping for a rest.”
A groan echoed out from behind him. Tom kept his face straight as he ran backward again, pleased that at least his general fitness was better than any of these kids’. He could run for hours without stopping, and before his injury he could easily have stayed as long in the water, too.
“Do you want to be Navy SEALs or not?” he barked, waiting for a Yes, sir. “So let me hear you or it’ll be a d
ouble run next time!”
“Yes, sir!”
“I wanna be a Navy SE-AL,” he sang, “run with me-e if you dare.”
Tom clamped his jaw tight and gritted his teeth. He wasn’t used to being distracted, and he didn’t like it one bit.
* * *
Caitlin pulled off her trousers and replaced them with her black leotard, wriggling in the confines of the teacher’s bathroom.
“You definitely need a night out.” Lucy was waiting for her on the other side of the door. “Seriously, it’ll do you good.”
At least she hadn’t said I told you so.
“I don’t know…” Caitlin finished getting dressed, folding all her things back in her bag.
“Did I mention I wouldn’t take no for an answer?”
Caitlin flung open the door, hair tie in her mouth as she fingered her hair into a bun. “Did I mention how bossy you are?” she mumbled as she plucked out the tie and twisted it into her hair.
“I don’t care.” Lucy picked up the bag for her and swung it over her shoulder. “The best thing to get your mind off a guy is to go out and have fun. Believe me, I know from experience.”
Caitlin laughed, Lucy’s attitude was contagious. “I’m not having any problems getting my mind off him, Lucy, I just wanted to tell you what a jerk he ended up being.” She was lying. The way Tom had behaved had upset her, cut her up inside, but she didn’t want anyone knowing that. Not even one of her closest friends. Men never rattled her, not anymore, and that was the way she wanted it to stay.
“Yeah, yeah.” Her friend swatted her hand in the air as if what Caitlin was saying was completely irrelevant. “I don’t need more details right now, what I need is for you to say yes to coming out tomorrow night. Okay?”
Caitlin grabbed her bag back and bumped shoulders with Lucy. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
She laughed at Lucy’s surprised expression. “Pick me up on your way,” she said as she walked toward her car.
“Don’t go all miss prissy ballerina on me, either, okay? I want sexy Caitlin!” Lucy called.
Caitlin cringed, hoping no one else had heard their conversation. But the truth was, she did need a night out, and Lucy was the perfect playmate. She was confident, engaging and loads of fun. Exactly what Caitlin needed to make her feel better. It was one of the reasons she’d been drawn to Lucy in the first place.
She started the car and made her way to ballet. Her only hope now was that Tom would drop Gabby off outside. The last thing she needed was to bump into him and get herself all tangled in knots again.
* * *
Tom went through Gabby’s schoolbag, fishing out some uneaten lunch and her school books. “Is there any homework in here?”
Gabby called back at him from her room. “Nope.”
He seriously doubted that. “Gabby, come on out here.”
She didn’t call back. Tom dumped her lunchbox on the counter and put her books beside it. He was sure there’d be something in there they were meant to be addressing. He checked to make sure there wasn’t an uneaten banana or anything else lurking, but found a note instead.
Hmmm. Tom unfolded the tatty piece of paper, recognizing Gabby’s handwriting and an unfamiliar child’s writing. He wondered how long it had taken the little girls to write the note when they were meant to be listening in class.
Miss Rose asked us for dinner last night.
Why?
Don’t know. But my uncle kept looking at her all funny.
Like what?
She made nice food. Like my mom does.
Tom put the note down, unable to stop smiling. It didn’t seem to matter how hard he tried to ignore the woman, she kept popping back up in his thoughts. Or right now on paper in front of him. He hadn’t even known six-year-olds could write that well.
“Whatcha doing?”
Tom dropped the note and cleared his throat. Caught out. “Oh, nothing, just emptying out your bag.”
“Were you looking at my things?” Gabby had her hands on her hips.
“Nope,” he said, shaking his head as he pushed her books forward. “But I’ve been trying to find your homework.”
“But Tommy, it’s my last night,” she whined. “I don’t have to hand it in till Monday. Can’t we have fun?”
She sure knew how to work him. Her parents were back in the morning and it did seem stupid not to have fun on their last evening together. “Okay, I’ll make you a deal.”
Gabby looked up eagerly, eyes alight.
“You read some of that story to me we started the other day, then we can watch a movie together. Eat some popcorn or something.”
“Yay!” She ran around to him and flung her arms around his hips, holding on tight. “Thanks, Tommy.”
He gave her a pat on the head as she stopped squeezing, watched her skip back off to the spare room she liked to call her own.
But as soon as she was out of eyesight he rustled up a piece of paper and started to write a note of his own.
Maybe Caitlin couldn’t ever truly understand what he’d been through, but he liked her and he’d been rude.
If he wasn’t man enough to apologize to a woman for his behavior, then he wasn’t worthy of the position he’d held as a SEAL. He needed to suck it up, be a man and say sorry.
* * *
“Gabby?” Caitlin stood behind her desk, leaning toward her young pupil. “You know how I feel about notes being passed in my class.”
She watched confusion cross Gabby’s face as she put the neatly folded piece of paper on her desk. “But it’s for you.”
Caitlin’s eyebrows rose. “For me?”
Gabby giggled and ran back to her seat.
“Ten more minutes to finish your writing,” Caitlin instructed, before sitting back down herself. “Then you can all share your stories with the class.”
She carefully unfolded the paper and looked to the end of the letter as soon as she had it unfolded. Tom. His name was printed neatly at the end, his handwriting bold and uniform, just as she imagined he was at work.
For the first time since he’d walked out on her, his name made her smile.
Caitlin looked up to make sure all her children were busy before letting her eyes rove back to the start. Her pulse started to race, body tingling with…anticipation. She’d never been sent a letter by a man before.
Dear Caitlin,
Gabby came home with a note in her bag last night and it made me think of you. I’m sorry for the way I behaved. Thank you for a lovely dinner and please don’t think I’m some rude idiot with bad manners. My mom would kill me if she found out.
Meet me Saturday afternoon? I’d like to make it up to you if you don’t mind giving me a second chance. Let’s go hiking. I’ll pick you up around
2:00 p.m.
Tom.
Caitlin could feel the heat in her cheeks, flushed from reading the words he’d penned. She scanned the letter again before tucking it into the top drawer of her desk.
A note, huh? Almost cute, and he was right, he had been a brute. But she was always telling her pupils that sometimes all a person needed was a second chance, so she’d be a hypocrite to say no. Right?
Caitlin pulled out a clean sheet of paper and picked up her pen, toying with it, playing with it between her fingers and chewing on the end while she figured out what to write.
* * *
She worried the edges of the paper of the paper until they were creased after she’d scribbled her reply before folding it into a square and standing. She walked to Gabby’s desk and crouched down, tucking the note into the front pocket of her bag.
“This is for your uncle. Would you mind giving it to him?”
Gabby giggled, looking at her little friend, before biting her lip. “Sure.”
Caitlin tried to give her a stern look back but their smiles were infectious. “Tell Tom that he’s not to write notes anymore, do you hear me?”
But the girls were already laughing again, schoolwor
k forgotten.
Caitlin could hardly tell them off. She was more than a little distracted herself.
CHAPTER SIX
“THANKS so much for looking after her.”
Tom leaned into his sister-in-law as she hugged him. Penny wrapped her arms tight around him and squeezed.
“I see where Gabby gets it from,” he said drily.
Penny swatted him before getting into the car. “She said she had a great time. I really appreciate it.”
Tom leaned into the open window, pulling a face at Gabby as she sat beside her mom and angling his head to make sure he could hear his sister-in-law properly. It was strange how quickly he was becoming used to it. “She’s a pretty good kid, Pen. You know I love having her, even if she is a rascal.”
Gabby poked her tongue out and Penny scolded her.
“Do you want to come around for dinner tonight?” Penny asked, putting the car in gear.
Tom shook his head. “No, I’m heading out for a few drinks.” He fingered the carefully folded piece of paper in his pocket, eager to open it. Gabby had given it to him with a big grin on her face, but he’d managed to bribe her with chocolate promises not to tell her mom.
“Hot date?” Penny waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
“I wish.” He thrust his other hand into his pocket, too, and stepped back onto the pavement. “Just Friday-night drinks with the guys from work.”
Penny threw a smile his way before waving. “If things change, come on over. You’re always welcome.”
Tom waved to Gabby as she turned in her seat, watching until they disappeared around the corner. He sighed and walked back into the house.
He wasn’t even in the front door yet and he knew how it would feel. Empty. He’d get use to it, but there was something nice about sharing his home with someone else. Even if that someone else was a pint-sized kid.
But at least he had something to read.
Tom opened the paper, smiling as he paused to look at the big red love heart Gabby had drawn on one side. Damn it, that kid was making him way too soft.