by Soraya Lane
Because he wasn’t that guy anymore. He didn’t have the strength to deal with his own problems, so he certainly didn’t have anything to give a woman, and he didn’t want to have to explain himself. Or hurt anyone else, let anyone else close, and then expose them to the demons that kept him awake at night.
“Brownwood Elementary School.”
Tom cleared his throat and made a fist, pressing it hard into the desk. “I’m sorry to call during school hours, but I need to speak to Miss Caitlin Rose.”
* * *
Caitlin nodded to the office lady and walked quickly down the hall. It wasn’t often she had to disrupt her lessons to take a phone call.
“Hello?” she pressed the telephone to her ear, dread crawling in her belly.
“Caitlin? It’s Tom.”
She didn’t know whether to be relieved or terrified! A ripple of goose pimples tingled across her skin. “Hi, Tom. Is…ah, everything okay?” Why was he phoning her during school hours?
There was silence, followed by the deep rumble of his voice. “Yeah, everything’s okay, it’s just that I’m not going to make it to pick Gabby up and I don’t have anyone else to phone.”
Oh. Caitlin ignored her feelings, kicking herself for hoping, even for the tiniest of seconds, that he might have been phoning her for something else. He’d hardly call her during class time to ask her out on a date!
“Caitlin?”
She had no idea what he might have said. “Sorry, Tom, I was listening to one of the children.” Caitlin cringed. She was a dreadful liar, surely he’d know she was fibbing?
“You wouldn’t be able to watch her for an hour or so, would you? I’m not going to be able to get away early and I don’t know what else to do.”
Caitlin relaxed, forced her shoulders to fall from their hunched position. “Of course. It’s no problem at all.”
“Are you sure? I hate having to ask you.”
She started nodding before realizing that he couldn’t see her. “Honestly, don’t even think about it.” She paused, knowing she had to end the call yet reluctant to say goodbye. “I’ll take her home with me if that’s okay? Save me hanging around here, then you don’t have to hurry.”
“I really appreciate it, Caitlin. I owe you.”
They said goodbye and she placed the receiver down carefully, before leaning against the wall and shutting her eyes, needing a moment to herself. Needing to think about what she’d said yes to, about the fact that she’d just invited Tom to her home. Sure, it was only to collect Gabby, but home was…well, until now it had been private. Sacred.
She’d never, ever invited a man there. Yet right now, without even being pushed into it, she’d told Tom to collect his niece from her place.
And there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she’d be asking him in. No matter how hard her heart was pounding at the thought of it.
She’d always known the day would come, but it still troubled her. Her privacy—being alone—had been her sanctuary, the only way she knew how to protect herself, to stay out of harm’s reach.
CHAPTER FOUR
CAITLIN peered out the window, then berated herself for doing it. There was no point waiting, mooning around. He was coming to collect his niece, not to see her.
She looked up as the timer on the oven rang out.
So if she wasn’t trying to impress him, thinking of ways to lure him in, why had she scooted home to make lasagna as if her life depended on it?
So much for being committed to keeping guys out of her domain.
“Miss Rose, look at him now!”
Caitlin crossed the room and fell onto the sofa beside Gabby. “I think he likes you.”
She watched her patient, kind-natured Burmese cat as he stretched out in Gabby’s arms, paws swatting at the little girl but meaning her no harm. She knew he’d never show his claws.
“I’d love a pet.” Gabby sighed dramatically.
“They’re a lot of work you know,” said Caitlin, reaching over to stroke Smokey. “You need to feed them and love them every day, and if you get a dog you need to walk it, too.”
Gabby rolled her eyes, but she didn’t let the cat go and she was still smiling. “You sound just like my mom.”
“Well then, your mom must be a very smart woman.”
A knock echoed through the living room and Caitlin jumped. Jeez, just when she forgot that she was waiting for someone. The loud knock rang out again.
“Coming!” she called.
Gabby stretched out on the sofa, Smokey curled up against her belly. “Tommy always knocks like that. My mom says it like he’s always in a hurry and can’t wait for even a moment.”
Caitlin didn’t turn around when Gabby spoke, was too busy rushing to the door and running her hands over her jeans to answer.
Because no matter what Gabby’s mommy said, Caitlin guessed she never felt like this when Tom was knocking at the door. And Caitlin didn’t want him to be in a hurry, she wanted him to stay.
She didn’t know why, she just did. Even if she was nervous as hell.
Caitlin pulled the door back and found a rumpled-looking Tom standing on her porch.
“Hey,” she said, as though seeing him there was the most natural thing in the world.
“Hey,” he replied, running a hand through hair that looked as if he’d just fallen out of bed. “Sorry I’m so late.”
Caitlin took a step back, gesturing with one hand. “Come on in.”
He hesitated, shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t want to put you out, Caitlin, so we’ll head straight home.”
“But Miss Rose made us dinner,” Gabby called out.
Caitlin shut her eyes for a beat before forcing a smile on her face, trying to stop her hand from shaking, from trembling. She’d never been so pleased for a child to interrupt a conversation in her life, and she’d never felt like she’d held her breath for so long, either.
Tom raised an eyebrow, his head on the slightest of angles. “You cooked for us?”
Caitlin swallowed. “Yeah,” she said softly, “but it’s just lasagna…”
“Just lasagna?” Tom was grinning now, one hand falling from his pocket to rest on the doorjamb. “On second thought, I’d love to come in.”
Caitlin stood back as Tom passed her, his frame dwarfing her as he moved toward Gabby, grabbing her around the waist and planting a kiss on her head before following her to the sofa.
She paused, just for a second, knowing she’d taken a big step, but feeling as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Just like that, she’d invited a man to step over the threshold and into her home. And she had no regrets whatsoever. Maybe if he’d been on his own she’d have thought otherwise, but with Gabby here, too, it comforted her. Made her feel secure.
“Tommy!” Gabby squealed.
Caitlin followed and stood, watching them play, seeing the look on Tom’s face as he pulled his niece onto his knee. Even if it was only one dinner with the pair of them, she was going to enjoy every moment of it. After years of wanting to live alone, to keep a distance from others, suddenly she was pleased to have company. No, more than pleased, she was happy.
* * *
“So, tell me about being in the Navy, or is that a taboo question?”
Caitlin nursed her glass of red wine, taking a slow sip before turning her attention back to her meal. She watched as Tom swallowed before pausing, his knife and fork hovering an inch above his plate.
“If I tell you I’ll have to kill you.” His voice was deep and dangerously serious.
Now it was Caitlin who was swallowing, or more like gulping furiously. He was joking, she knew he was, but those kinds of flippant comments still made her teeth rattle.
“Kidding,” he said, raising his eyebrows, smile hitting his eyes.
Caitlin laughed nervously and blew out a breath. “I didn’t mean to pry, I’m only interested, that’s all.”
Tom kept eating, focused on the food, b
efore raising his head and setting the cutlery down. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. It’s— I don’t know, complicated, I guess.”
Caitlin understood complicated. “Honestly, Tom, I was only making conversation.” The last thing she wanted to do was pressure him into talking about something he’d rather keep private. “Don’t feel like you have to answer me.”
“Tell her one of your stories!” Gabby called out from the living room, cross-legged on the floor and leaning against the sofa, eating her dinner in front of the television. “Please.”
Caitlin waited, not wanting to stare at Tom but finding it difficult to look away. She’d thought he was too similar to her father and her ex because he was military, and because he was physically imposing, but she could see from the look on his face that she’d been wrong. He was different. At least he seemed to be.
Tom didn’t have the hard edge to his profile, the cocky, self-assured aura that she had expected. Maybe when she’d first met him she’d wanted to think he did, but he was so far from that she didn’t know how she could have been so judgmental. When he’d found out that she’d made dinner for them tonight, his face had lit up like hot embers being coaxed back to flame.
The last thing Tom wanted to do was talk about his career, that much was obvious, but he never snapped at Gabby, and seemed to want to shield her from any hurt. “Maybe another night, okay?”
Caitlin could see the pain, see how troubled he was behind those deep, dark eyes. But if he didn’t want to talk she wasn’t going to push him. Because she’d been there herself.
“How do you feel about dessert?”
Tom grinned at her, his face breaking into the most genuine smile she’d seen in a long while. “I think that’s the best question I’ve heard all night.”
“It’s not much, so don’t get too excited. Some ice cream and a chocolate brownie,” she told him, clearing their plates and leaving them in the sink to do later. “And before you ask and make me feel guilty, they’re store-bought brownies. I’m not the world’s best cook.”
Tom laughed. “You could have fooled me. I’d never have known.”
She was pleased he was still at the table. Having him here—it was different. Ever since she’d been single she’d kept home as her private place, only ever inviting girlfriends over. She’d been on dates every now and again, but she’d never let a man collect her or come back to her place, so Tom being in her private space was…not uncomfortable, but something she was going to have to get used to. Slowly. Just like ever learning to trust a man again would be a huge leap of faith for her.
Caitlin ran her wrists under the cold water she had running; she was nervous, jangling like a bunch of jittery wind chimes. He was just a parent. An acquaintance.
Argh. Who was she kidding? He wasn’t a parent and that’s not why she’d asked him in.
She turned off the faucet and served up dessert.
“Can I help?”
Caitlin spun around and pressed a plate into Tom’s hands. “Here we go, this is for Gabby.”
His gaze held hers, eyes questioning, but he took the plate and took it to his niece.
Caitlin bit the inside of her mouth and finished serving the other two brownies.
Lucy had been right. She was interested in Tom. And the first step in the right direction was admitting it to herself. Even if she had no intention of acting on her desires. She was a bad judge of character when it came to men, and she still didn’t trust her instincts. Not yet, and maybe not ever.
* * *
Tom scooped up the last of his dessert before sitting back in the chair. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt content. Full, happy and oddly satisfied. And it wasn’t just the food. It had been a long time since he’d enjoyed an evening without thinking about work or what he could or couldn’t do in the future.
“I think she’s asleep,” Caitlin said.
Tom looked up and followed her gaze, angling his body slightly. Gabby was tucked up on the sofa, cat curled into the curve of her belly, sound asleep, and he used her being there to reposition himself properly so he could make sure he’d be able to hear Caitlin without her realizing what he was doing. “She looks so peaceful, don’t you think?”
“She looks happy.” Caitlin’s voice was soft, caring. “I like that she feels safe enough to curl up and drift off to sleep.”
Tom didn’t ask but he almost did. The way she spoke…it made him wonder if she knew what it felt like not to feel safe, or whether she was simply referring to children in general. She was an elementary teacher, after all, and had probably seen plenty of situations that had upset her.
“I’m sorry I cut you off like that earlier. When you asked about my work.” His voice was low, gruff. The words hard to expel.
“Don’t be sorry.” Caitlin turned her attention back to him, her aqua eyes echoing the smile that traced across her lips.
Tom blew out a breath and folded his hands together, pressed them into the table.
“My entire adult life I’ve had to keep quiet about my work, pretend I had a normal job and that it wasn’t that big a deal.” Tom kept the burning fire, the anger, perfectly contained within him. Exercised every ounce of restraint he possessed.
Caitlin was listening intently, leaning forward, encouraging him. He watched her hands, long, elegant fingers, as they played with the edge of a napkin.
“And now?” she asked.
“If I’d met you a year ago and you’d asked what I did, I’d have made up some ludicrous story instead of telling you the truth.” Tom laughed. “The truth is that we have to be so careful to protect our families, and sharing where in the world I was at any given time, or why I was away, had the potential to put those I loved in danger.”
“And family is super important to you, right?” Caitlin’s voice was so soft, unassumingly gentle. As though she understood implicitly what he was trying to explain.
“Family is everything to me. Without…” Tom paused, cleared his throat and looked at Gabby’s tiny sleeping form. “Let’s just say that without Gabby I don’t know how I would have dealt with everything that’s happened over the last few months. It’s been tough.”
“It’s amazing how much little people can help.” Caitlin’s hand skimmed his, the lightest of touches. “They seem to understand so much but at the same time they’re so innocent.”
“It sounds stupid, but Gabby seems to put everything in perspective for me,” he told her. He’d never said it to anyone else, but it was true. “I made a career for myself in the Navy. My brother always knew he’d leave—he only joined to get his qualifications, a means to an end, but the Navy was my life. It was everything I’d ever wanted, and it still is.”
Caitlin squeezed his fingers beneath hers before reclaiming her hand and wrapping both arms around herself as if she was cold, only it was warm in the room. Tom touched his plate then crossed his own arms and leaned back. Part of him wanted to change the subject, but there was something about talking, about getting his thoughts off his chest and being able to be honest to someone other than family that felt good.
“What happened?” Her voice was so soft he could have missed that she’d even asked a question.
Tom took a deep breath. He didn’t have to tell her, could make something up or avoid the question entirely, but he wanted to tell her. Liked that she cared enough to ask. Enough to sit up late talking about him, what had happened to him, when they hardly knew each other. And it was different than trying to talk to his family or Navy buddies. Because in them he saw pity. With Caitlin he could hold things back, could keep parts to himself, and share snippets of what he wanted, needed, to get off his chest.
“We were on a mission.” His mouth went dry, every drop of saliva gone, his tongue struggling to move. Tom ran a hand through his hair, tugged at the end, then dropped his hands to his side. Stood up because he didn’t know what else to do.
He looked at what remained of the man he’d been
so close to. Of the brother he’d served with, the life gone from his body, other guys he knew so well lying injured.
Remembered the screaming pain in his chest, the truest of heartaches, as he’d realized his friend was gone. Remembered how the pain in his ear was nothing like the pain he felt at knowing he’d failed him.
Tom forced his eyes up, made himself connect with Caitlin as she watched him.
“Everything seemed to be under control. We were so careful, like we always were. We all trusted each other so much, knew we were the best at what we were doing, and then it all went wrong.”
Caitlin didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. The look on her face, the open expression and concern in her eyes, told him she wanted to know more. That she was waiting for him to continue. And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he wanted to talk.
“The explosion took us all by surprise. One minute we were focused on our mission, the next I was flying through the air.”
Caitlin leaned forward and touched his hand again, but this time her grip was firm. She locked her fingers over his, shaking her head gently. “How could you survive an explosion like that? What happened to you?”
Her eyes were darting across his face as if she was trying to see where he might have been harmed. Trying to figure out what had happened. Wanting to know how it had ended for him.
Tom raised his other hand, trying to ignore the soft, warm touch of her palm over his. He tapped his ear. “I’m almost completely deaf in this ear.” A burst of pain exploded from his chest—the pain of admitting he wasn’t strong enough, that he had failed. “I can’t pass the physical anymore, so it’s all over for me.”
Now she knew. He watched her, really watched her, waited for the look of pity that he dreaded, was becoming so used to seeing.
But it never came.
Tom’s breathing slowed. He relaxed.
Caitlin was nodding, the expression on her face hadn’t changed. “So that’s why you’re teaching at the moment?”
Tom sighed. “That’s why I’m teaching for the rest of my working life.”
Caitlin’s eyebrows knotted. “When you say the rest of…”