by Soraya Lane
“What happened?” she asked, wishing she could touch him, comfort him, as she would a friend.
He pushed a hand through his hair and stopped walking, bending to pick up a rock and turning it over and over in his hand as if it were something interesting, something that he’d been looking for. “We lost a man when the bomb went off,” Tom said, a hard edge to his voice that she hadn’t heard before. “I hate that I’m not doing my job still, but we lost one of our own that day and SEALs don’t ever lose one of their own.” His voice had gone from deep to impossibly deeper, the muscles in his arms flexing as he started to squeeze the stone as if he was trying to kill it.
Caitlin didn’t say anything. She stood on the spot, watching him, knowing he wanted to talk. That he had to get it off his chest. And she wanted to be the one to listen. Even if her pulse was starting to race. She tried to drag her eyes from his hand.
“Whenever I think about it I want to…” He started to walk again.
Tom didn’t need to finish his sentence. It scared her anyway.
“I should have been able to do something. I should have been… Damn!” He hurled the rock through the air, hefting it with all his might, his big frame rising and falling with every breath he sucked back.
“I’m sorry,” she said, trying hard not to whisper, not wanting him to see how much he was frightening her. Caitlin tried not to let her mind go there, but she wasn’t strong enough.
She hid among her mom’s clothes, hands over her ears, not wanting to hear what he was doing to her. Not wanting to hear her mom whimper as her dad hit her, aiming his punches low where no one would ever see the bruises.
She’d tried so hard to make him happy, to deflect the attention from her mom, but no matter what she did, it never seemed to work.
Caitlin fought to keep her feet planted, resisting the urge to run blindly down a track she’d hardly taken any notice of. She needed to trust in Tom, to try to believe that he wouldn’t hurt her.
Tom’s angry gaze met hers. “I’m sorry, too. I think about it every day and I don’t know what we could have done differently, but there must have been something.”
“And your ear?” she asked, forcing her fear away, pushing through the barriers she’d had up for so long.
“I have another specialist appointment next week, but it’s not looking great,” he said, blowing out a breath. His voice softened, returned back to normal, and Caitlin started to relax. “I just have to get over it and move on, right?”
Caitlin frowned. “Tom, I…”
He shook his head and stepped up the pace, body all rigid again. “I don’t want to be rude, Caitlin, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I find it hard enough dealing with it all inside my own head without talking about it and making it all real again.”
She bit her lip and kept walking. He was more restrained now than angry, but she still felt that she needed to keep her distance from him. I know how you feel, she wanted to say. Because I’ve lost what I love, too. The words were there, in her throat and waiting to be shared, but he’d stopped her. His anger had made her falter.
“Come on, let’s stop being morbid and have a good look around. See if we can find us some bobcats.”
Caitlin blinked away a tear, pleased he was looking ahead and not at her. Because she never spoke about what had happened to her, what she’d been through, to anyone, and she’d been so close to opening up to him. To telling him about her past to try to help him deal with his future. He’d scared her, but she’d still been so close to braving up and telling him.
“Sure,” she said, putting on a bright face. “I bet they’d eat you first though, given that you’re bigger than me.”
Tom chuckled, smiling at her over his shoulder as he held his hand out, completely at odds with how they’d been only moments before. “I’d disagree, but you’re probably right.”
She gingerly reached for his hand as they went off-trail, liking that he wanted to help her, but terrified of his touch all the same. The thought of how those hands could hurt her.
“Tom…ow!” Caitlin scrambled to stop her ankle from turning over, flung her arms out, but she was too late. Tom caught her before she completely hit the ground, his big hand clamping over her wrist.
“Jeez, Caitlin.” He dropped to the earth beside her, gently pulling her ankle out from under her.
It hurt. Like hell. Tears burned in her eyes.
“Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”
She grimaced as he touched her foot, as much from pain as seeing his hand against her skin. “My ankle,” she said, trying to be brave. “It hurts real bad.”
Tom frowned as he undid her shoelace. “It’ll be fine, I’m sure it’s only a sprain.”
Caitlin shut her eyes as he gently guided her shoe and then her sock off, his hands touching her as if she were a breakable doll that needed the most careful of attention. His touch was soft enough that it almost calmed her.
“It’s starting to swell a little already,” he said, pushing up the leg of her pants.
Caitlin started to heat up and it had nothing to do with the burning sensation in her ankle. She watched as Tom ran his fingers over every inch of her foot and ankle. He was inspecting her, checking her as he might a patient had he been a doctor, and it was making her flush. Then his hand went to slide higher. Caitlin fought the urge for a moment and then quickly brushed his hand away. “I’m fine.”
“Did that hurt?” he asked, confusion crossing his face.
She shook her head, mute. Maybe it did hurt, she didn’t know anymore. All she did know was that the way his fingers were playing across her skin could make even the most painful of broken bones feel healed. And at the same time she couldn’t bear them getting any closer to…
“Where did you get this scar?”
Caitlin looked down. Oh. Her face burned as though it was being licked by flames.
He was crouched in front of her, inspecting the now-faint scars marring her skin, translucent against her light tan. She pulled at her trouser leg, covering the marks.
“Oh, them,” she stuttered. “An accident, a long time ago.” A few minutes before, she’d been ready to open up to him and tell him what had happened to her. But she didn’t want to open up to him now, not injured and thinking about him the way she was. Not when he was already feeling sorry for her. The only reason she was going to tell him was to help him through his problems, not because she wanted him to feel sorry for her.
And besides, she didn’t want to go there. Wasn’t brave enough.
She’d spent years proving to herself and everyone around her that she was strong, and she had no intention of changing that now. What was she going to say? Yeah, I don’t want you touching me because I’m scared you’re going to hurt me. Oh, and those scars are from my psycho ex-boyfriend, who was just like my dad.
“Do you think you can walk?” Tom asked, still frowning, looking at her with way too much intensity.
Caitlin looked up and into warm brown eyes that stopped her from thinking. Or maybe they didn’t, because she could think plenty about the way he looked, the way he was looking at her, as if she was the most precious thing in the world. At least it took her mind off her past, which all of a sudden seemed to be haunting her like a nightmare all over again, the way it used to.
Caitlin cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’ll try to walk.”
She took Tom’s hand and tried to rise, held on to him and pulled herself up, knowing it’d be stupid not to accept his help.
“Take it slow,” he instructed, hands firm against her body, holding her tight.
Tears sprang into Caitlin’s eyes, but she fought them, tried hard not to show it, because she didn’t want him to think she was weak.
“It hurts like hell, doesn’t it?” Tom asked, voice gruff.
When she didn’t respond, couldn’t get the words out through the pain even with her teeth clenched, he took one hand from her waist and cupped it beneath her chin. “Doesn’t it, Ca
itlin?”
“What?” she whispered, staring into his eyes, trying to stop her body from shaking.
“Hurt?” he asked again, but this time his voice was lower, as though he was distracted, too. Tom’s gaze moved to her lips. He hesitated, but only for a heartbeat.
Caitlin hardly even had time to think before Tom dipped his head, lips brushing against hers in the most delicate of motions, touching her so gently she wondered if she’d imagined it.
He pulled back, watching her, seeming to want to give her the chance to pull away, to push him back. But she didn’t. As flushed and hot and scared and in pain as she was, Caitlin had no intention of pulling away, of telling him no.
She couldn’t. Because after so long keeping her distance from men, Tom’s lips on hers felt so darn nice.
Tom bent, his big frame curved to bring his face to her level. He pressed his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes, before tugging her closer with his hand to her waist, the other tangled in her hair as though he didn’t want to let her go.
Caitlin scooped her arms around him, catching them at the back of his neck, not caring that her ankle was burning and throbbing or that her fear was trying so hard to strangle her. Because Tom had taken all her weight and was holding her to him, mouth moving over hers as if he were hungry, lips caressing hers over and over again until they felt bruised. Plump from all the attention.
And she wasn’t going to complain.
Tom pulled back, but he didn’t let go of her. “I didn’t plan this,” he said softly, forehead pressed to hers again, eyes looking at her as though he’d never looked at anything so important in all his life.
Caitlin was breathless. Absolutely, ridiculously out of breath.
She fought not to wriggle away from him, braved his gaze. “Good, because my ankle’s killing me.”
Tom dropped another quick, gentle kiss to her lips before scooping her up and cocooning her against his chest. “Better?” he asked.
Caitlin shut her eyes and tucked her head against the warmth and breadth of him. She couldn’t deny that being held by Tom felt great. As if she was finally, truly safe, when before she’d only ever felt safe on her own. “Much.”
“Well, let’s get you out of here,” he said, walking back to the trail and carrying her as if she weighed no more than a child.
She nestled her body in, liking feeling weightless, enjoying the way his arms curled around her shoulders and supported her legs. “Are you sure I’m not too heavy? I mean, it’s a fair walk back,” she asked.
Tom placed his chin to the top of head but didn’t slow his steady, even pace. “I’ve trained half my life for situations like this,” he said with a chuckle. “Believe me when I say I’d rather carry you for a mile than some of the things I’ve had to haul for ten or more.”
“Seriously?”
“You’re a ballerina, not a heavyweight wrestler,” he joked. “And besides, it’s about time I practiced what I preach. I make the recruits do stuff like this all the time, only they don’t get to carry anyone near as pretty as you.”
Caitlin blushed. “Do you have a favorite running cadence?”
He laughed, looking down at her as he moved. “How did you know it was called a cadence? Most civilians just call them running songs.”
Caitlin hadn’t meant to let anything slip. Had had no intention of telling him she’d been an army brat, that her dad had been a Marine. “Something I must have heard somewhere,” she lied. “So, do you have one?” Caitlin pressed, forgetting all about her sore ankle again.
“Ha, I sure do.” Tom started to run, feet thumping on the trail. “Hey Baba-lou-ba, SEAL team training.”
He kept running before stopping and staring down at her.
“The whole purpose of this is for you to repeat after me,” he said, his expression serious.
Caitlin laughed at the stern look on his face. “Me?” She wasn’t going to let on that she knew a thing about them.
Tom rolled his eyes. “Well, it’ll just sound stupid if I have to repeat it.”
She went to laugh again but his mouth caught hers, took her by surprise before she had the chance. Caitlin wriggled in his grip before relaxing into the possessive way his lips moved over hers. It still made her heart pound from fear as much as excitement, but she was starting to get used to it.
“Ready?” he asked, breaking away and looking all serious again.
“Ready,” she answered, forcing her face to be as serious as his.
“Hey Baba-lou-ba, SEAL team training,” Tom chanted.
“Hey Baba-lou-ba, SEAL team training,” she sang back.
“I joined the Navy now people think I’m cra-zy.”
Caitlin started to giggle and then laughed so hard she had tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked up to see Tom’s big smile.
She tucked her head back against his chest and sighed in between hiccuping bursts of laughter.
She was being carried through a trail after a failed hiking attempt, singing as though she didn’t have a care in the world, in the arms of a man she’d never dreamed she could be attracted to. She was facing her fears head-on, and she liked it.
It was quite possibly one of the best days of her life.
CHAPTER EIGHT
TOM put Caitlin gently on her feet beside the car. He almost kept hold of her, but after nearly twenty minutes of walking with her against his chest, he had to give her up. Any longer and he’d have to start explaining himself.
He didn’t remember the last time he’d held a woman like that. Wondered if he ever had. It was like learning to touch again, to feel, to connect with another human being. He’d been close to the men he worked alongside, but he hadn’t had contact. Holding Caitlin against him was like reigniting someone he used to be, stirring the flailing embers of a fire and slowly coaxing them to flame again.
“How you feeling?” he asked.
Caitlin turned her face up toward him and smiled. “Okay. I think maybe it’s not as bad as I thought.”
He resisted the urge to bend down and touch the delicate skin at her ankle again. She’d flinched earlier, had looked almost panicked, as if she’d thought he was going to hurt her.
Tom pulled his thoughts away from earlier. It was stupid, he must have been mistaken. There was no way Caitlin could have actually been scared of him. Maybe she was jumpy, but she couldn’t be scared. Could she?
Tom tried to change his focus, dragging his eyes from her mouth and trying to forget all about what had happened back there. Or at least he wished he could. Because that kiss had his mind spinning.
“Do you think I should get it checked out?” Caitlin asked.
Tom opened the door for her and guided her down to the seat so she didn’t have to hop on one leg. “I’m sure it’s fine. I had a pretty good look at it. But I bet you’ll need some crutches for the next few days.”
Caitlin pulled her hair tie out and ran her fingers through her long hair, before tying it back up into a more orderly tail again.
His throat ran dry.
She had no idea what she was doing to him. No idea how her every action was affecting him.
“Tom?”
And he had no idea what she’d just said. “Sorry?”
Caitlin gave him a curious look. “I was asking if I should just ice it when I get home.”
“No,” he blurted.
“No? Should I put heat on it? I thought I’d need to ice it, but then you’d know.”
“I don’t want you going home alone. How about you come over for dinner so I can keep an eye on it for you?”
Caitlin’s eyebrows raised. “You cook?”
“Well, no. I mean yes, I do cook, but I’m not cooking tonight,” he corrected.
Now she looked even more confused. “Take-out’s fine. I mean, if you’re sure you want me to come over. I kind of ruined your fun last night and now I’ve ruined your hike, so I don’t mind if you want to run and never see me again!”
Tom’s mout
h went dry. She had no idea. Seriously no idea how beautiful she was or how cute she was being all chatty and innocent. She’d made him wild last night, sure, but ruined his night? Been on his mind all night, more like. And today couldn’t have been more enjoyable if he’d planned it, aside from her being in pain over her fall. Today had been exactly what he’d needed.
“We’re actually all having dinner tonight, my whole family, so it’ll be my mom’s cooking and I can definitely vouch for it being great.”
Caitlin visibly relaxed. “So you’re asking me to your family’s get-together…” Her sentence trailed off. “Are you sure they won’t mind?”
Tom chuckled as he leaned in toward her, arms folded over the door as he looked at her. “Mind? I’ve never taken a woman to my mom’s house for dinner in my life, so I’d say their reaction would be the complete opposite of mind.”
Caitlin stared at him, didn’t say anything. But a gentle smile did make her lips curve.
“I didn’t mean to freak you out,” he apologized. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal at all. We can go out to a restaurant instead if you’d like?”
Her smile widened. “I don’t mind either way. I’d love to come.”
Tom was relieved. “Well, alrighty then.”
Caitlin was still smiling when he got in beside her. “Maybe you should phone ahead, text your mom or something to tell her that I’m coming. I’d hate her to freak out at the thought of you bringing a date.”
Now it was Tom trying not to laugh. A date, huh? If she wanted it to be a date, then he had no problem with that. At all.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” he asked, just to be sure.
“I don’t have any family, Tom, so it’d be kind of nice to spend time with yours,” she told him, cheek against the headrest as she wriggled in her seat to face him, watching him. “It’ll be fun.”
“You don’t have any family?” How could he not have known this already?
Caitlin kept smiling at him, but it was sadder this time, the happiness not reflected in her eyes. “Nope, just me.”
“Can I ask what happened?” How could she have no family at all?