Everybody's Somebody

by D. Breeze

  It was always straight, wouldn’t stick in any other way. I tried to curl it twice a few years ago, looked really good I thought, but it only lasted about fifteen minutes both times before the curls began to drop and I just ended up with my usual flat, straight, boring hair.

  I stopped thinking about hair when Mrs Travis asked, “Are you here with my Jamie?” Her eyes held something, I wasn’t sure exactly what it was, a mixture of curiosity and...excitement? I couldn’t tell, but before I could respond, Jamie came bounding down the stairs and stopped when he hit the kitchen. He looked between me and his mother a few times before he walked over to her, kissed her on the cheek and murmured, “Hey mum.”

  I thought that was beautiful too.

  I didn’t think teenage boys still kissed their mothers. She sent him a warm smile, a motherly smile, a loving smile and patted him on the cheek, which made him grin like a little boy. I watched with avid fascination, wondering what it would be like to have a mother like that. A mother that obviously and openly, adored her children.

  “Mum, we’re just gonna go over the fields ok? We’ve got a project for college that we’re working on together. I’ll be back in time for dinner though.” She nodded, but her eyes were on me and before we left, she asked, “Would you like to come back for dinner as well Rhianne?”

  I thought Jamie might blanch, or scoff at his mother inviting me for dinner, but he didn’t. He just stood there waiting expectantly for my answer. Dinner? At the Travis’? It would have been lovely, but the thought made me uncomfortable, so I shook my head and answered, “No thank you Mrs Travis. Thank you for the offer though.” She gave me a funny look that I couldn’t figure out and repeated “Call me Cheryl sweetheart.”

  As I edged towards the door, she intercepted me, she placed one hand around the curve of my cheek, patted her fingers there lightly and said cryptically. “Such a pretty face. We all have hope, I hold mine for you.” Then she shuffled away and back through the door she entered from.

  Chapter three

  Defense

  Jamie led us to a spot on the grass in the field, under a huge oak tree providing shade. He slumped down against the base of tree, rested his back against the trunk and bent his knees. I followed him, but I didn’t slump, I sat opposite him, crossed my legs and kept my back straight as I emptied my bag on the grass.

  He started reaching for notes and diagrams I had drawn, studying them intently before declaring, “These are really good babe, you know what you’re doing. It’s weird though, psychology is my favourite class, I pay attention, but even I don’t remember some of this stuff being covered.”

  It hadn’t been.

  That’s why he wouldn’t remember it. I found the information by myself because I loved to read. Anything and everything, I read it. Some days, I spent hours in the library by myself¸ just reading. Honestly, I don’t remember a time when I didn’t love to read, it was just a part of me, books were my passion.

  The diagrams however, I didn’t ‘find’ those, I saw them. They came to me, and I copied them onto paper. Even I had to admit they were good, intricate, detailed...yeah, I was proud of them. I knew I probably had enough material to complete the assignment within a few days, but I didn’t want to.

  Jamie was nice. I knew I’d never get the chance to spend time with him again, so I wanted to drag it out until the deadline for the assignment.

  I had a fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, he could end up being my first ever friend. But it passed quickly as I realised I wasn’t even on his radar in the ‘friends’ department.

  I blushed, but thanked him for the compliment about my work and started shuffling the papers around, trying to gain some semblance of organisation in my written ramblings. We were quiet for a while, both sorting through the information we had when he made a suggestion.

  “We should just decide what title we are going to use first, that way, once we have the question down, we can sort through the stuff we actually need, yeah?”

  I figured this was the sensible route so I just nodded and grabbed my assignment brief to read the questions available. After a few minutes, I glanced up to see he was watching me intently. I frowned at him and he shook his head as if to clear it before asking which question I thought I could answer best.

  “Well, I don’t um...what I mean is, I think I’d be fine with any of them. So you choose, I’d prefer that.” He glanced down at the brief and then back up at me, answering with, “Well, I was thinking we could do, ‘What causes psychological distress when a person is placed into an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation?’ Then we could use the psychosexual and behaviourist theories. We can use those to determine whether it’s a natural reaction to different situations, or if it’s a reaction based on your childhood experiences?”

  “Sounds good, maybe we could...” I stopped speaking when I heard footsteps approaching. I twisted my neck and stiffened when I saw Harvey approaching with a smirk on his face.

  “Hey fucker! What’s with the freaky date Jay? Just get her to do the assignment. This ain’t your scene.” I gulped and lowered my eyes to stare at the grass. I knew I shouldn’t be there, but hearing it said so brazenly in front of me, made a lump form in my throat and my heart squeeze painfully.

  Jamie sent a death glare Harvey’s way and I was more than shocked when he opened his mouth to speak and his voice came out grave and held a definite warning.

  “Don’t you ever, speak about Ree like that again. She’s a person for crying out loud. What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop being such a jackass and go somewhere else, away from us. NOW.” Harvey looked visibly taken aback by his brother’s outburst but he recovered quickly and muttered, “Chill the fuck out bro’. Don’t see what the big deal is.”

  He might not have seen what the big deal was, but he did hang his head and shuffle away looking thoroughly chastised. There was no preventing the small smile that formed on my face at seeing big bad Harvey Travis put in his place. But as I turned back to Jamie, he looked almost, resigned and I couldn’t help but ask if he was ok. He laughed a humourless laugh and answered.

  “Babe! You’re asking me if I’m ok? My stupid brother just strolled over here as if he owns the fuckin’ joint and basically insulted you, to your face, and you’re worried about me? You should be angry.”

  “Well...yeah. I’m used to that Jamie, it’s really just normal. I just asked if you were ok because that’s your brother and you were mad at him.”

  “Babe, he’ll always be my brother, and I love him, I would never want anything to happen to him, but you know more than most other people, that he can be a complete jackass. Eventually he’ll learn, because he’s really not a bad guy ya know? He’ll learn not to treat people like shit.” He frowned looking at me, then added, “But as I said, he was a jackass to you, and you might be ‘used to it’ but you shouldn’t have to be. And if he ever does it again, if anyone says anything to you again, I want you to tell me, right? No one should have to deal with that shit.”

  I struggled to swallow around the lump in my throat. The feeling that, finally, for the first time in years, I had someone who was looking out for me, was battling with a gut-wrenching fear that if I really did have a friend, they’d find out my secret. Plus, I knew I couldn’t hide from Jamie, he owned me.

  He just didn’t know it.

  It’s hard to explain, you know? How it feels to be completely alone. I know I have my mother, but well...she’s there...she’s just not really there! I guess you could say it’s pretty complicated; she’s there in body, but not in mind. I could touch her...I don’t, but I could. But I never feel the attachment. It’s cold, mute, frankly non-existent. I cling to it though, the shred of companionship I have left, because I think, no I know...it’s better to have a shred of something, than nothing at all.

  So saying this, it’s probably easier for you to understand my internal conflict regarding Jamie’s attention. It was good, nice, amazing, more than I ever could have imagined. But...and it
’s a big but!

  How could I expect him to be my friend, if he couldn’t know the real me?

  I knew I was probably reading too much into it, but I couldn’t help it. I should have been sat there thinking about the fact that he had never spoken to me, not once, living on the same street for eighteen whole years, going to the same pre-school, same junior school, the same high school and now the same college. Nothing, not a word, then suddenly he deemed himself my go-to protector?

  And that day, he was nice to me, spoke to me like I was an actual person. He called me pretty, helped me out of the car and he invited me into his house! The behaviour was all wrong and out of the ordinary. I should have asked him about it, what he wanted from me. I didn’t though, nope, I just gave him a timid smile, and stayed silent.

  I don’t think Jamie liked the silence, he stared at me expectantly. That would have been fine, well, not fine, but it would have been ok, if I had any freaking clue what he was waiting for!

  Seeing as I didn’t, and his eyes were still on mine, I took the time to appreciate his eyes. Beautiful eyes have always interested me, because I really do have beautiful eyes, I’ve never doubted it. But my eyes are special; my eyes see things that others don’t see. I always wonder...what if my eyes are so beautiful because they see things that others don’t see? This of course leads to further thoughts of...what if other people with really beautiful eyes can see special things too? Maybe they’re scared people will think they’re a freak too.

  There are too many what ifs, I shouldn’t think about them, drive myself mad. But the thought was there, what if Jamie could see things too?

  His eyes were green, but not just green. They started a pale green next to his pupil and gradually darkened towards the edge, looked almost like there was a dark line drawn around his iris. They were shockingly beautiful, they tried to draw you in and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t look away. Almost hypnotising.

  He had a thick set of curled lashes on either lid and I was seriously jealous of them because no one should have naturally thick, dark, curled lashes without five layers of mascara and an eye lash curler. I could have sworn, if they weren’t on his face, they should have belonged to a girl, but he worked them.

  They added to his boyish charm, his whole face did. He wasn’t rugged and he didn’t have the ‘rough and ready’ thing going on like Harvey did. No, he was just plain gorgeous. His face was clean shaven and his skin was smooth and held a hint of a tan from spending so much time outside in the summer. Not that I watched him...Ok, so I spent time watching him, but it wasn’t stalking.

  I didn’t follow him or anything, it was more like, abject longing from a distance!

  I followed the lines of his face but got sidetracked by his mouth again, I wanted to feel his lips on mine, so soft and smooth and full, just so perfect. They were a subtle shade of pink, not pale, not dark, just somewhere in the middle. I watched as he ran his tongue along his bottom lip and he pulled it into his mouth and bit down lightly.

  It looked as if he was fighting a smile so I glanced back up into his eyes to see them dancing with humour. I frowned trying to figure out what was so funny, when he spoke in an amused tone.

  “Babe, seriously, you’ve got the innocent thing down to a tee, but if you want it to stay that way then you really should stop looking at me like that!”

  “Like what?” I asked.

  “I’ve just sat here for the past five minutes watchin’ you studying my face like you’re trying to memorise every inch. You don’t need to memorise it, I’m not going anywhere.” I could feel my cheeks blazing and I looked at my lap when he asked, “Have you got your phone with you?”

  My eyebrows rose at his question being as he changed the subject so quickly, but then he probably could sense my discomfort. I nodded and he asked for it, I didn’t even think, just gave it him. I prayed he wouldn’t go through it though, as he would discover that I had four contacts, my house-phone, the doctors, the college and the sales department at one of those TV sales channels.

  That’s it!

  He didn’t go through it though, he clicked a few buttons and then glanced up before shuffling across to me. I stiffened, wondering what the hell he was doing when he turned the phone around and put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. I went woodenly but relaxed when he told me to.

  “Smile, pretty girl” he said.

  I smiled and heard the camera tone click a few times. Then he did something that made me melt. He rested his head on mine and took a few more photos before turning his face and pressing his lips against my cheek and clicking the phone again.

  He kissed me!

  Ok it wasn’t on the lips or anything, but it was perfect all the same. My conscience was screaming at me to never wash that cheek. Without realising, I bought my hand up to my cheek and caressed the area his lips had been.

  His face was still only inches from mine and he whispered, “Now you don’t have to memorise me at all. Pictures last forever babe.”

  I gave him another small smile but I couldn’t speak through my shock.

  This boy? The boy I had loved since I was six years old, was acting like he knew me, he was comfortable around me, he called me ‘pretty girl’ like it was an endearment made just for me and he’d kissed me!

  He held the phone in his hand and was pressing numbers so I asked what he was doing and he replied, “Putting my number in pretty girl. We’re gonna be spending a lot more time together you and me.”

  “We are?” I asked incredulously.

  “Of course we are, gotta do the assignment remember?”

  “Oh...the assignment...uh...yeah of course.” I mumbled in response, trying to disguise the disappointment in my voice, and failing. I knew I’d failed as he looked up into my eyes and whispered, “Not just that babe, me and you, we’re gonna get to know each other properly.”

  “We are?” I asked again, not entirely sure when I’d started repeating myself all the time.

  “Oh yeah” he responded and then he pressed his mouth to mine in a gentle kiss. My heart soared, but my body froze. My first kiss! Eighteen years old, never been kissed, not even peck. He didn’t push me though, no tongue, no pressure, just a gentle touching of his lips to mine. It was perfect, magical...everything to me.

  My brain suddenly started working overtime and I panicked.

  Oh no, what was I doing?

  This was...Jamie...Travis!

  He knew what to do with girls, I knew he was experienced and I didn’t have a clue what I was doing at all. Not only that, but I couldn’t let him get to know me, what would his friends think? He would be ridiculed! I shot up to my feet, fumbled around with my things and started to run.

  I heard him shout my name but I just kept running. I didn’t want to bring him down with me. I was destined to be alone forever, it was my place in the world. Mother told me. People like me, we’re not good for others, ‘you’ll drag them down’ she’d say.

  Poor Jamie...no I couldn’t do that to him. I wouldn’t.

  I scrambled around, throwing things haphazardly in my bag and ran as fast as my legs would let me, straight back to my house. I heard him call my name, but I ignored him.

  Chapter Four

  Visions

  I raced into the house, breathing heavily. I threw my bag down in the hallway and ran straight upstairs. I lay down on my bed, curled into a ball, and for the first time in as long as I could remember, I cried. I cried for the fact I wasn’t normal. I cried for the fact I’d never even have a taste of normal. I cried for the fact that the boy I loved, the boy who was just so perfect, could never exist in my world, and I cried for me.

  I don’t know how long I was crying but my tears eventually subsided and I just curled even tighter and held my arms around myself in comfort. No one else would comfort me...that was the way it had to be. A short while later, I heard knocking at the front door, I ignored it, I knew who it would be. The only people who had ever knocked on our d
oor were the postman and the guy who delivers our shopping.

  I heard the door open and my mother speaking to Jamie. The conversation was too quiet, so I walked to my door and cracked it open slightly to listen in.

  “I really need to speak to her Mrs Shepard” Jamie said.

  “I haven’t been Mrs Shepard in nine years young man, it’s Ms Wilson. But no you cannot see my Rhianne, she does not need your type bothering her. Now go on, leave.” I couldn’t help the startled gasp that left my mouth. I knew my mum was slightly harsh, but I couldn’t believe she’d be so rude to Jamie. I wanted to run down and stand up for him, but I knew she would lecture me about associating with people so I stayed routed to the spot. Maybe that made me a coward, so be it. I had to protect myself from her, he didn’t have to live there.

  It was silent for a few beats before Jamie spoke again.

  “Fine, I’ll leave, but Ree left her phone with me earlier and I’m assuming she’ll need it back so you can tell her to come over when she wants it.”

  And with that the door clicked shut. I threw myself back onto my bed and waited. Not even a few seconds later, I heard footsteps on the stairs and cringed, waiting for one of my mother’s lectures. The door opened and I braced, but opened my mouth to defend myself first. I didn’t get the chance though.

  “Young lady, how could you? That poor boy does not need your sort hanging around him and bringing him down. I had to be rude to him to get him to leave. Now he thinks I have an issue with him, when of course I do not. My issue is with you. Just...just...how could you? You know we can’t go around connecting with outsiders. What if the people go after him now as well, because you’ve shown him to them? Not only that, but have you no shame? They are all going to know soon, you know. They’ll mock you and in turn, you’ll bring down my name.” She scoffed at me and I flinched.

  “I’ve taught you better than this. Do not see that boy again, he’s not like you. No one is. You must be on your own. You don’t belong in society. You are just not normal, you’re a disgrace.” Then she turned and closed my door. The click echoed throughout the room in the silence and I hated it.