Everybody's Somebody

by D. Breeze

  He used to smile at me.

  He used to hold the door open for me, even when I tried to make myself invisible.

  He stood up for me against everyone, even his own family.

  He noticed.

  I had wasted so many years being nobody. What if I’d spoken to him sooner? Was I really aloof and unapproachable? Could I have changed the course of my own life all along?

  Too many questions, not enough answers.

  Everything was beautiful in my mind, surrounded by flowers and trees. The breeze blew softly, causing the leaves to ruffle and I breathed deep. Oh it felt so good to be free.

  “What’s actually wrong with her though? Why won’t she wake up if she’s not injured?” My dad’s voice penetrated my thoughts.

  “Sir, although we cannot say for certain, from what you’ve said about the events leading up to Miss Shepard being admitted we believe that her brain is just not allowing her to wake up. It’s only been a few hours. She’ll come round when she’s ready to. In the meantime, we’ve got her monitored, so we’ll be aware of any changes. Just keep talking to her. She’s been through a lot.”

  I heard a sigh.

  I was confused, why were they talking about me?

  I drifted back into my beautiful dream world and I relaxed again.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  The beeping was really beginning to irritate me, I groaned and coughed.

  Blinking my eyes open, I heard a sharp intake of breath and turned my head.

  “Hello sweetheart, I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

  I tried to talk but my throat was too dry. He seemed to know what I wanted and held a plastic cup of water to my mouth.

  “Why am I here?” I winced, why did my voice sound so scratchy?

  “You fainted honey, but you’ve been out for hours. They admitted you onto the ward.”

  I started to ask why I fainted but then it hit me. Like a freaking freight train. I started to breath heavily, threw back the covers and sat up.

  Whoa!

  My head spun. I was pushed lightly, back down onto the bed.

  “Sweetheart, you need to lie down and rest.”

  “No! No no no! Jamie, I need to see him. How long has it been? Is he ok? He needs me!” The beeping increased so I tried to slow my breathing. I couldn’t control anything though.

  My mother stabbed my boyfriend.

  Oh...my...gosh...my mother stabbed my boyfriend.

  My breathing was still laboured and the tears starting falling. Flowing, like little rivers of agony. I looked to my dad, no I didn’t forgive him, but he was the only one there.

  His face was white as a ghost and he just stared. No answer.

  Oh God.

  I knew what that meant, he didn’t want to tell me. I wished I hadn’t woke up at all. Ever. After everything that life had thrown at me, didn’t I deserve my slice of happiness?

  I let out a gut-wrenching wail. Burying my heads in my hands, the sobs that wracked my body were making it hard to breathe but there was no way I could have stopped myself.

  How could he leave me?

  “Oh, no! No, he hasn’t left you Rhianne, he’s still fighting. He’s ok, for now.”

  It took a few seconds for his words to register.

  “H-h-he’s n-not...dead?” I asked, finishing on a whisper.

  “No sweetheart, he’s not. He’s a fighter, I don’t really know anything else because I’ve been sat with you. I can go find out what’s going on if you like?”

  Did he really need to ask?!

  “Yes! Go now. Right now! I need to know, oh please, please let him be ok. He has to be.”

  I’d have given anything, including my last breath, for him to be ok. Realistically, I knew he wouldn’t be fine, I’d seen the damage for myself, but as long as he was alive, nothing else mattered. Not one single thing. I clutched my hands together, pleading with anyone and anything, just to let him make it through.

  As soon as the door swung shut behind my dad, I unhooked myself from the heart monitor and turned it off at the plug so it wouldn’t beep. I took a breath and scrambled from the bed. Feet touching the floor, I stopped again to clear my head, and searched for my clothes.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  No one even blinked at me in the hallways, even though I had fully convinced myself that someone would stop me and force me back into bed. That wasn’t going to happen. I was on a mission. I followed a good twenty feet behind my dad as he, unknowingly, lead me to Jamie.

  Any person who seriously thought I’d lie around in bed and wait for someone to tell me how he was, was out of their freaking mind.

  I felt it before I could see anything. The fear, the concern...the lingering sense of dread. My heart was racing, my palms sweating and I couldn’t even remember the last time I took a breath. Everything was riding on whatever I found around the next corner.

  I stood back for a moment and listened.

  “He’s been in surgery for four hours, they said he’s out now but no one can see him yet. Apparently we have to wait for the doctor to come and tell us what’s actually going on...” Cheryl said, I assumed she was telling my dad.

  Harvey interrupted her, I’d never really seen him truly angry, but he sounded fierce. “Motherfucking psycho bitch, I can’t believe it. What the fuck? What the actual fuck? Why wasn’t she locked up or somethin’? This never would have happened if she would have been...”

  My heart hurt. I wasn’t crazy, how could he say that about me? Maybe I was, maybe everything really was my fault.

  Oh God.

  But he wasn’t finished.

  “I swear to fuck, if she wasn’t already dead, I’d fucking kill her myself. Fucking crazy bitch. She got off easily, I’d love to see her behind bars. I hate that bitch, I hate her.”

  He didn’t mean me, clearly, but that meant...

  I stepped out from behind the wall, into the waiting room. Eerily, it was the same room we had all sat in when we were waiting for news about Harvey. Did normal people spend that much time in hospitals? Probably not.

  “My mother is dead?” My voice sounded flat. It was not a question. It was a statement.

  All eyes swung to me and my dad rushed over to support me. I felt weak all of a sudden and leant into him.

  “Damn fucking right she’s fucking dead. Good thing she is too. How could you not know that she was a fucking psycho? Maybe you’re just as fucked up. You’re so fucking stupid. I warned Jamie that he’d regret spending time with you. Now I know I was right all along.”

  I gasped.

  “Harvey, please. We’re all worried, and angry, but have some tact. Ree just lost her mother.”

  He harrumphed and looked to the floor. I would never blame him for his outburst, but that’s when it hit me. I really didn’t have a mother anymore, and I felt...free.

  I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t even scared. I felt like my whole life had been leading to that moment, hearing that she wouldn’t ever make me feel like a nobody again, that she couldn’t hurt me anymore and that somehow, no matter where she’d gone, she’d finally find some peace, make me feel whole.

  Or it would have, if the biggest piece of my heart was still there. He wasn’t. I needed to see him.

  I didn’t acknowledge anyone else, I went on my hunt. I checked the room Harvey had been in when he was there but it was empty, I glanced around the wards and couldn’t see him, I was starting to panic more. They said he was out of surgery, surely he’d be in one of the rooms I’d looked in.

  I retraced my steps back in the direction I’d come from and stopped dead. Watching the love of my life be pushed past me on a bed, looking deathly pale with no sign of the protective, loving personality I’d come to know so well anywhere in sight, I think I heard my heart shatter.

  I froze, my body ignored my brains pleas to move, nothing worked.

  It wasn’t until they pushed him into a room and out of sight that my body caught up with my brain and I ran. Skidding to a halt at the door
of the room, I lowered my head my kept my eyes on Jamie. I honestly do not know why I lowered my head, mainly because it always made me invisible before, I thought it might work then. It didn’t.

  “Excuse me miss, you can’t be in here” one of the porters informed me. A fact I already knew.

  “Um, sorry. I was looking for...a...um...vending machine.” He frowned at me. So I’m not a good liar, apparently. I shuffled away but stayed close.

  As soon as both men left Jamie alone, I looked in both directions and slid inside the room. I bit my lip to keep from crying, I’d done too much of that. I needed to be strong for him, just like he always was for me.

  My feet moved of their own accord, taking me closer to the bed and I reached out to stroke his head. So pale, so still...but still so gorgeous. I’d have given anything for him to open his beautiful blue eyes and watch them light up like they always did for me. Instead, I dragged a chair over by his bedside, held his hand between mine and rested my head on top of them.

  I rambled on and on about how much I needed him, how much I loved him, how everyone was willing him to fight. I talked about how brave he was for saving me, how I couldn’t live without him and lastly, but most importantly, how the world would be a lesser place without him in it.

  ~*~*~*~

  Whispers woke me.

  “Shh, don’t talk so loud. Look how beautiful they look.”

  “Beautiful? He’s in a fucking hospital bed, ain’t nothing beautiful about that. You’ve got some fucked up ideas of beauty, mum.” I knew that was Harvey.

  I kept my eyes shut, I wasn’t quite ready to face reality yet. I just listened to them all talk.

  “Language Harvey! I didn’t say the situation was beautiful, but they are.” Cheryl sighed in contentment. She really did see the good in every situation, I still wasn’t sure whether it was amazing, or naive, but it was lovely all the same.

  I faked yawning and sat up, stretching my arms. The first thing I saw was Harvey’s scowling face.

  “They said no visitors, yet when they tell us we can come in, you’re already here. Do you not listen to what anyone says?”

  Now, I can’t say whether it was the intense situation, or if the last shred of my control had severed, but I finally found the strength, the confidence to stand up for myself and told him exactly how I felt about all his snide little comments.

  “What is the matter with you? You’re damn right I was already here because he’s my heart and I love him with every fibre of my being. I’d have found a way to stay right by his side if it meant fighting every single person in this god forsaken place because I know he’d do the same for me. Don’t you realise that you’re not doing any good by making nasty comments and being...being a dick all the time? Yeah, your comments hurt me, but they hurt him too and he’s your family, for crying out loud! I thought you’d have come to terms with this by now. So you wouldn’t have anything to do with me, I do not care about that because it’s not you I want. It’s him. It’s always been him and I’ve loved him since I was six years old. I’m tired of everything you say, tired of everything you do and I’m not having it anymore. Jamie deserves better than having to put up with you all the time...and so do I. You treat me like I’m no one, I’m a nothing, well I am not. I’m a person, a good person too, and I have feelings. If you can’t shut up for ten freaking minutes, then you should leave. He wouldn’t want you to talk to me like that.”

  I blew out a breath and it hit me. Oh, my, gosh! I was practically giddy on the inside! There was no denying it, I’d give him what for and it felt freaking...amazing!

  I expected a mouthful of abuse or a decent comeback from him, what I did not expect, was clapping. My eyes flew back to him to see a huge grin spread across his face and he was, truly, clapping.

  What?

  My confusion must have been written all over my face because he explained. I should have hated him, but I just didn’t have the energy.

  “It’s about fucking time you did that. It’s been weeks and you’ve just been this timid little lamb, always hiding behind Jay and leaning on him to support you. He ain’t gonna always be there ya know? He has to have his own life too. But he’d never wanna do that if he was scared something would happen to you. So I was a dick? Damn right. I wondered how long you’d put up with it before you actually stood up for yourself.”

  I was stunned into silence. My gosh, he was doing it on purpose? What a...well, I don’t even have the words to describe how utterly stupid that plan was. I threw him daggers and ignored him. He didn’t deserve a response.

  I held my breath and swung my eyes to the bed when I heard shuffling.

  “Fuck...” There was a pause. “You r-really are such an asshole.”

  “Jamie!” I exclaimed, clambering as close to him as I could get and pulling his face to look at me. He winced and I silently cursed myself for not thinking.

  “You’re ok...” I breathed.

  He was awake! He was alive...there was no stopping it, I sobbed. Again!

  “Even a knife couldn’t keep me away from you for long,” he whispered into my hair.

  “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry. This never would have happened if it wasn’t for me,” I cried, still clinging to him as if he wasn’t really there.

  “Pretty girl, look at me.” I looked up into his beautiful face... “I would never let anything happen to you. I promised you and I meant it, nothing about this is your fault...but could you please stop clawing me with your nails? I really think I’ve been through enough without you doing more damage!”

  I gasped and released him...slightly. He’d only woken up seconds before and he was already making jokes with me. That’s when I knew, he really was going to be ok. My hero, my life-saver, my Jamie, always so strong, I sighed with relief. I didn’t respond to his sarcasm, just looked him straight in the eyes and said, “I love you so much.”

  I knew he was feeling weak, so it didn’t hurt when he didn’t reply, he just smiled and squeezed me.

  Cheryl bustled around, declaring her love for him and calling a nurse and Harvey made jokes about ‘the Travis boys’ being about to defy death. I did not appreciate these jokes.

  I just could not stop staring at him. He was real, he was awake, he was alive and that was the most important thing in the world to me.

  No one had mentioned my mother since, which I appreciated. I figured it would really hit me, eventually, that the only mother I’d ever known had taken her own life, but until then, I’d let the fleeting thoughts of her pass me by. My whole world was right in front of me and I wasn’t letting go of him for anything, or anyone.

  He was alive.

  Nothing else mattered.

  My Jamie. Safe. Awake. Alive.

  Not one thing could, or would, ever make me happier.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Life

  The next six weeks, passed by without anything major happening – or anything minor for that matter. It was just...normal.

  Considering I’d never had normal, I was still waiting for something drastic and life-changing to happen or for the world to just, stop spinning. These thoughts, apparently, were ‘irrational, paranoid and damn fucking annoying’, Jamie’s words, not mine.

  As it turns out, staying in hospital for two weeks and then having limited mobility for the next four, made for one very grumpy Jamie Travis. He was a handful, to say the least.

  He scowled at the thought of anyone helping him out, whether it was helping him get dressed or, God forbid, helping him go to the bathroom. Let’s just say the argument that started when he first tried to go by himself was neither good nor pretty. He fought tooth and nail for the right to be able to go by himself, I guess I found out where he got him stubbornness from by watching Cheryl hold her ground.

  So she took him, he grumbled about it for a good hour or so afterwards. In all honestly, I just found the whole thing rather amusing. Actually, everything was funny for a while. Everyone thought I was cracking up, but I ju
st felt free, alive, real.

  I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life and it made me happy, I wasn’t going to apologise for it. So I laughed, a lot.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  I wiped my hands on the tea-towel and threw it over my shoulder after fishing the dishes. I felt like a true house wife, a good little wifey.

  I giggled. Wifey!

  Check me out, getting down with the street lingo! I snickered at myself, then jumped when I felt two very familiar arms slide around my waist.

  I leaned back into him and smiled when his lips touched my neck. My skin broke out in goosebumps , I don’t think I’ll ever get used to him openly showing his affection.

  “How are you feeling honey?” I asked.

  His lips barely broke contact with my skin but he answered. “I’m fine, Pretty girl. It’s been weeks, stop worrying so much. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I sighed. No matter how much he told me, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to come. I hoped not. It’s not like we hadn’t been through enough for anyone to handle, let alone two eighteen year olds – or nearly nineteen in Jamie’s case.

  It was the week before his birthday, and eight days before Christmas and I still hadn’t bought anything for him. He kept reassuring me that he didn’t need anything, that as long as I was with him, he had everything.

  Yes, yes, it was all very sweet and lovely...and gave me butterflies every time he said it, but I would never just do nothing. I wanted to give him something special, something that he would remember for the rest of his life. It was his first birthday with us being together as a couple, and I was determined to make it memorable.

  “What time are you going out?”

  “Abbi’s picking me up at eleven. I’ll be gone a few hours, will you be ok?” He gave me a look that said I should probably stop asking him if he was ok. I gave him a sheepish grin.

  He patted my bum twice and I shuddered. We’d been working ourselves up a lot lately and I knew he was waiting for me to give him the green light on s.e.x, but I kept stalling. I have no idea why. My body wanted him, more than I’ve ever wanted anything and I was walking around with a constant ache between my thighs, but I just wanted it to be perfect. I knew it would be, no matter when or where, because it was Jamie, and it was us.