Dishonored

by Maria Barrett

  “Business or pleasure?”

  “Sorry?” Suzanna found his gaze disconcerting. It was a very long time since anyone had looked at her like that.

  “What are you here for?”

  She thought for a moment, then said, “Holiday. What about you?”

  “Business,” he answered. “Only I’m taking a couple of days’ hard-earned rest.”

  “I see.” Suzanna took her drink off the tray the boy held out and waited for Charles to do the same. “Cheers,” she said, “and thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” Mick sipped his beer. “So, Suzanna, do you like India?” He watched her face. He always used this question, it opened them up, led to all sorts of things.

  “I don’t know, I’ve not seen much of it.”

  Mick nodded. “Just Delhi, right?”

  Suzanna finished her drink. She was thirsty, she clicked for the boy. “Not even Delhi,” she said. “The Taj Mahal Hotel.” She laughed hollowly.

  “Would you like to see Delhi?” Mick kept his eyes on her face. “I have some free time, I could always show you—”

  “No.” Suzanna cut him short. “Thank you very much, it’s terribly kind of you but no. I don’t think so.”

  He shrugged casually to cover his irritation. He’d moved too fast, he should have been more careful. “If you change your mind at all, if you need any company, for dinner maybe, just let me know.” He smiled and pressed his palms together, imitating the Indian way. Suzanna smiled back.

  “That’s better,” he said. “You don’t smile often enough, it changes your whole face.”

  Suzy looked up at him. It was the nicest thing she’d heard in months. He was right though, she didn’t smile often enough, she was far too sad nowadays. “We could meet up for dinner,” she said suddenly, without thinking, “in the hotel restaurant.”

  Mick grinned. “Hey, that would be really nice! To tell you the truth I could use the company.”

  Suzy laughed; she was glad she’d suggested it. He was genuinely pleased, he wanted to be with her.

  “Shall we meet in the bar for a drink first?” he asked.

  “Yes, all right. What time?”

  “Say I book a table for eight and we meet around seven-thirty?”

  “That sounds lovely.”

  Mick held out his hand and Suzanna took it. “I shall look forward to it, Suzanna.”

  “Suzy, everyone calls me Suzy,” she said.

  He nodded and grinned a second time. It had worked like a charm, always did. “See ya later then, Suzy.”

  “Yes, thanks.” The boy arrived with her drink and she held up her hand to wave before she took it and swallowed down a hefty gulp. She felt good, the sun, the vodka, here on her own, independent for once in her life and she knew what was going to happen next, she didn’t have to think about it. She watched Charles walk into the hotel and waved a second time as he turned and glanced back from the doors. Thank God she didn’t have to think about what would happen next.

  Jane and Phillip sat in silence. Dinner was over; they sat on the terrace in the flickering lantern light and looked in opposite directions. Phillip thought about Suzanna, he missed her, he longed for her and he felt guilty about her. He also felt guilty about Jane. He felt alone and for the first time since he had imagined all this he felt the terrible pang of doubt. He wondered what the hell he was doing.

  Jane thought about nothing in particular; she wouldn’t let herself think about Rami and she had no feelings about Phillip, so she simply stared at the floodlit gardens in the distance and wondered how the maharani’s roses were doing. She started when she heard Phillip’s voice.

  “Janey?” She looked around. “Janey, I think we should talk.”

  She sipped her water and watched him over the rim of the glass but she remained silent. It was he who had disappeared off to Delhi without warning or explanation, and it was he who had returned difficult and morose. Jane had nothing to say.

  “Jane, when did things get so silent between us?” He leaned forward and touched her hand on the table. It lay lifeless under his own. “You’re not unhappy, are you?”

  “No, Phillip, I am not unhappy,” she answered. She could have said so much more, made accusations, voiced her opinions but she couldn’t be bothered. She wasn’t sure she really cared that much anymore.

  “Jane, I need you, you know, I really do.” He picked her hand up and squeezed it. He wanted some sort of physical contact, he was down, he wanted some comfort from his wife. “I don’t want things to go on the way they are.”

  Jane sighed. She placed her glass on the table and sat forward. “Nor do I, Phillip,” she answered honestly. It was no life, this silent hostility.

  “Jane, can we sleep together tonight? Try to sort this out?”

  But Jane immediately recoiled. She sat back and looked away. “No,” she answered quietly, “I don’t think so, not tonight.”

  Phillip kept his eyes on her face. “Please,” he said, “just in the same bed, just close to each other, that’s all.” He had no more desire to make love than Jane did but he needed the solace of her, he needed physical reassurance.

  Jane faced him. How could she refuse? She was his wife for pity’s sake. She stared down at her lap and nodded her head.

  “Thank you, Jane.” Phillip reached out and took her hand a second time. “Thank you.”

  Suzy stepped into the lift with Charles and he pressed the fifth-floor button. They smiled at each other as they traveled up in silence, each of them watching the floors light up on the elevator panel. The lift stopped, the door opened and Suzy stepped out. “I’m just up here on the right,” she said as she dug in her bag for her key. “Thank you for seeing me to my room.”

  Mick shrugged. “It was a pleasure Suzy, thank you for a wonderful evening.”

  She turned to him and smiled. “It was nice, wasn’t it?”

  “It was delightful.” Mick dug his hands in his pockets. “Look, erm, Suzy…” he broke off.

  “What?”

  “Nothing, you’ll think I’m interfering.”

  She smiled. “No I won’t, come on, tell me, what is it?”

  “Well.” He hesitated a second time for effect, then said, “I know it’s none of my business but over dinner you said you’ve been pretty uptight recently and can’t sleep, I just kind of thought that maybe I might be able to help.”

  Suzanna stiffened but Mick noticed it. He played the next bit very, very carefully.

  “I get the same you see, when the work gets on top of me.

  She nodded and relaxed again. Charles had talked a great deal about his work, he was creative, a writer, and he’d said he thought Suzy was creative too. He could tell these things, sense them. “Well look, I, er, have a couple of pills here,” he said quietly, “little things I take very now and then, when I get a bit kind of stressed.” He brought his hand out of his pocket and held it out, palm up. Suzanna stared down at two pink capsules.

  “Here, take them.”

  Suzy shook her head. “Thanks, I appreciate it, but no thanks.” She smiled to cover her shock. He could be anyone, offering her drugs, she turned away toward the door. “I must get into bed,” she said quickly. “It’s late.”

  Mick caught her hand as she turned. “God, Suzy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  “No, no you haven’t offended me!” She laughed nervously.

  “Look, I’m only trying to help, that’s all. Please, don’t be shocked.”

  Suzanna looked at him. He popped one of the pills into his mouth and swallowed. “They really help me unwind,” he said, “help me sleep.”

  Suzy still wasn’t sure but Mick pressed the little pill into her hand. “Take it,” he said. “Flush it down the toilet if you don’t want it.” He smiled. “I’ll never know.”

  Finally Suzanna smiled back. She had no intention of using it but there was no point in being rude. “I must go,” she said. “Thank you again for your company.”

&nb
sp; “And yours,” Mick replied.

  “Right then.” She put the key in the lock and Mick turned toward the lift. He pressed for it and it opened immediately. “Good night, Suzanna,” he said before stepping into it. “Sleep tight.”

  “Good night, Charles.” She waited for the lift doors to close again, then she let herself into the suite, dropped the little pill into the ashtray on the table and went through to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

  It was two A.M. and Suzanna woke with a start. Her heart was racing and she felt sick. Rolling on to her side, she opened her eyes and saw the light from the bathroom, it reassured her and she sat up.

  It happened a lot now, a few hours of heavy, vodka-induced sleep, then she woke, suddenly, with a fright and a stale, dull taste in her mouth. She knew the drink didn’t help, only made it worse really, but if she didn’t drink she wouldn’t have slept at all.

  Dropping her legs over the side of the bed, Suzy stood, and groped her way in semi-darkness to the bathroom. There she poured some water from the jug, drank it down and sat on the edge of the bath, looking at herself in the mirror and thinking about Phillip. She missed him so much it hurt. She wrapped her arms around her body, hugged herself and let her head fall on to her chest. What if I rang him, she thought, just to say a few words, just to know he wasn’t so far away. She glanced up and saw the dark shadows under her eyes. If I spoke to him I might be able to sleep, if I could just reassure myself. She stood up and walked out of the bathroom, switching on the lights in the bedroom and sitting on the edge of the bed.

  Opening the bedside drawer, she took out her diary and turned to the back page. She had written down his number from his business card while he was in the shower. She hadn’t meant to, but she’d seen it there in his wallet and she couldn’t help herself. Phillip didn’t want her to have his number, he said he’d call her daily in the UK but she took it all the same. If I can just hear his voice, she thought, picking up the receiver, I’ll feel all right, I’ll know that he’s there for me. She dialled the operator and read out the number in her book, then she replaced the receiver, sat back and waited for the call to come through.

  Jane wasn’t asleep. She lay next to Phillip, listening to him breathe quietly and evenly and looked out at the night sky. The moon was a slither, a tiny slice of iridescent light covered every now and then by a passing cloud. It was hot, hot and still and silent, only the small sound of Phillip’s sleeping, steady and slow, broke the unending, suffocating quiet.

  Suddenly the phone rang.

  The sharp, shrill bell shattered the night and Jane started with fright. She had had a telephone extension fitted into her bedroom while Phillip was away and cursed that fact now. She took a breath to calm herself and reached for the receiver. It could only be bad news, she thought, switching on the light, who else would telephone at this time of the night? Phillip rolled over and opened his eyes as Jane answered the call.

  “Hello?” Her voice was unsteady. “Hello? Jane Mills speaking. Who is it?” She looked at Phillip. “It’s silent,” she said, “there’s no one there!”

  “Hold on for a while,” he answered her, sitting up. “It sometimes takes a minute or so to connect.”

  Jane did as he said; they waited in silence.

  “Here, give me the phone.” Phillip was unnerved. He took the receiver. “Hello? Who’s there?” He held it close to his ear. “Hello?” Then he heard her. A soft, heavy breath, a sob, so quiet he almost missed it and he knew. His heart plummeted, he held on for a moment longer, then he reached across Jane and replaced the receiver. “God knows who it was,” he said, “but if it’s urgent they’ll ring back.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. “You go back to sleep, darling.” He pulled on his dressing-gown. “I’ll stay up for half an hour in the sitting-room, see if anyone calls back.” He walked around the bed, kissed her lightly on the cheek. “I’ll finish the night in my room,” he said.

  Jane nodded. She waited for him to leave the room and, relieved, she plumped up her pillow, switched off the light and settled down for the rest of the night.

  But Suzanna didn’t ring back. She dropped the receiver into its cradle after hearing Phillip’s voice and stood, walking through to the sitting-room of the suite. She found the small pink pill that Charles had given her and popped it into her mouth, swallowing it down. Then she returned to the bedroom, laid down on the bed and curled herself into a ball, hugging her knees in tight, squeezing her eyes shut. Jane means nothing to him, she kept saying over and over again, Jane means nothing to him. But the image of Jane and Phillip in bed was locked in her mind, it plagued her, sickened her and tortured her. And it did so until the pill took effect, her body finally relaxed and she at last fell into a deep, black and heavily drugged sleep.

  Twelve hours later when Suzanna woke, the sun was high in the sky, directly overhead and as she drew back the curtains, shielding her eyes from the bright white light, she realized that the morning had gone and that for the first time in months she hadn’t woken with a terrible feeling of fatigue. She sat down on the edge of the bed and stared out at the sky, a perfect clear blue and sighed heavily. She felt tired but a different tired from what she knew, a relaxed feeling that made her limbs heavier, her whole body looser. She felt better too, she was hungry, had an appetite without any vodka inside her.

  Standing, she went to the telephone and dialled room service to order some lunch but, glancing down, she saw her diary open and remembered the call last night. She hung up, her appetite suddenly gone. She dropped her head into her hands and wished she could sleep some more, blank it all out, sleep away the pain and give her body, give her mind a chance to recover. She slumped on to the bed and lay there for a while, her eyes closed, trying to shut her mind off. Then suddenly she sat up, picked up the phone and called reception.

  “Room one-fourteen please,” she said and waited for the ringing tone.

  Mick sat on his balcony and watched the poolside down below; he wasn’t moving from his room until he saw Mrs. Harvey. He reckoned that she’d probably call him but if she didn’t then he wanted to be on hand when she appeared. Either way, he’d got it covered.

  Relaxing back on his sunlounger, he moved on to his side to tan under his arms and made sure the pool was still in view. Closing his eyes for a couple of moments, he imagined what lay ahead and, unable to help himself, he felt the stirring of a magnificent erection.

  The phone by his bed rang.

  Jumping up from his sunlounger, he hurried in from the balcony and took a breath before he answered; he didn’t want to sound rushed. He held the receiver and said, “Yup. Charles Swan speaking.” Then he clenched his fist in a gesture of triumph. “Hi there,” he said, smiling. “Hey, glad to hear it. I told you, didn’t I? Those pills are magic!” He laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure I can, just one of the little babies? Yup, no problem at all, Suzy. What d’ya wanna do, come up here and get it, or will I bring it down for you?” He reached across the bed for his shirt. “Right! No probs, Suzy. I’ll be right there!” And he hung up, threw his shirt over his head, pulled on his shorts and took the pill he had already prepared from a small dish in the bathroom. He winked at himself in the mirror and walked out of the room, along the corridor and down to the lifts. Within minutes he was knocking at the door of Suzanna Harvey’s suite with a ready smile and a measured drop of the highest quality LSD in the small pink capsule he held in his hand.

  Suzanna stood. She went to pour Charles another cup of coffee but the pot moved on the table. She screwed up her eyes and saw the table move, the rug under it lifting it up into the air like a magic carpet.

  “Jesus!” She sat down and put her hands up to her head. “What’s happening? I…” She shook her head from side to side, trying to clear her vision but the room started to move, the walls buckled, bulging in the middle, great chunks of plaster coming off and falling heavily to the floor. She coughed on the dust. “My God!” she cried. “There’s an earthquake! Quick! The whol
e place is…” She jumped up but her legs gave out and she stumbled, hitting herself hard on the table. She fell forward and slumped down against the sofa. She couldn’t see Charles. Was it Charles? Who was it? She wasn’t sure if anyone had been there, she didn’t know what she was doing there. She began to panic. “Where am I?” she called out from the floor. Nothing looked right, the room was a mess, it was moving, the floor rolled and she felt sick, she thought she was going to vomit and turned her head to the side. Suddenly it stopped. It changed color, the whole room changed color and beautiful shapes of red and gold, orange and turquoise floated up from the rugs, drifting across the walls.

  “Phillip?” She tried to look for Phillip, he’d been there only a few moments ago, they’d been having coffee, she had taken a pill to help her sleep. Was it Phillip? Had she taken a pill? She laid back and stared up at the ceiling. The colors had moved on to the ceiling and they looked so amazing she could hardly breathe. “Phillip?” she called out again. “Phillip?” Then she closed her eyes and let the shapes dance in the air and the room twirl her round and round.

  Mick stood up as Suzanna closed her eyes and walked through into the bedroom. He always used LSD, it was a mind-bender and by the end of the day she wouldn’t know what the hell had happened, let alone who Charles Swan was and what he looked like. He opened the bedside drawer and took out the velvet bag Suzy had placed there. He dropped it into a plastic bag he carried in his pocket and started on the rest of the room. He was systematic, a professional and there wasn’t much that escaped his attention. He went through the entire suite in a matter of minutes and when he was sure he had everything, he walked across to the door, glanced back at Suzanna Harvey, smiled, and stepped out into the corridor. He went back to his own room, finished his packing, adding the money and the bag of jewelry to his case, then he showered, dressed and went down to reception to check out. Exactly half an hour later he had gone.

  Suzanna saw the last color drift out through the window and opened her eyes, standing to follow it on to the balcony. Outside the sun had moved lower in the sky and it suffused the world with a warm, golden light. Suzy smiled; it was so beautiful she wanted to cry. As she made her way out toward the gold, she glanced sideways at the mirror above the side-board, expecting to see her face, tanned, drenched in the same wonderful light. She smiled at her reflection, gazing for a moment at her own beauty. Then suddenly, she screamed.