Dawn’s New Day

by TJ Thomas

  Cam, with Daphne atop her shoulders, looked over at him. “Hang on a sec, Matt.” Then she addressed the audience. “Hey, everyone, this is my friend Dawn. Dawn, this is everyone.”

  “Hi, Dawn,” a chorus of voices rang out.

  Dawn laughed. “Hi, everyone.”

  A little boy in a wheelchair spoke up, “Dawn, wanna sit with me?”

  “Sure.” Dawn took the last vacant seat. She was a bit confused about what was going on, but she seemed to be the only one, so she played along.

  Cam exaggeratedly cleared her throat, “Heh, heh, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, it is my pleasure to present the lovely song stylings of Daphne Gray and the Oncs.”

  There were hoots and hollers and loud applause. Dawn joined in wholeheartedly. Seconds later, the music started, the two kids at the back of the stage now had guitars. Cam put Daphne down and Matt handed Daphne a microphone. Cam went over to an electronic keyboard. She joined the guitarists and then all heads turned to Daphne, who danced to the music. Daphne raised the microphone to her lips and started singing. Dawn was surprised by the strong, pure voice of the little girl. She fixated on Daphne’s young face, hardly able to believe the amazing sound she heard from someone so small and young.

  Dawn finally looked to where Cam rocked the keyboard and her heart fluttered as she realized Cam focused on her.

  The band moved effortlessly from one song into the next. But after three songs, Cam put an end to it. “Thank you all very much. Let’s give Daphne and the Oncs a big hand.” The applause was enthusiastic from the small audience. Daphne and her bandmates, even Cam, took their bows. Cam addressed a boy in the audience who was maybe twelve. “Ryan, are you ready to be pulverized?”

  The boy Cam challenged had a mischievous glint in his eyes. “In your dreams, Cam.”

  Without another word, most of the kids stood and moved their chairs or rolled their wheelchairs around a large TV. Before Dawn realized what was happening, Daphne tapped her on the shoulder. She held up a book. “Dawn, would you please read this to me?”

  “Of course, let’s move over to the couch, so we can be more comfortable. By the way, I loved your singing. You have a beautiful voice.”

  “Thanks, I love singing. Whenever Cam comes and I’m feeling good enough we put on a show.”

  “How long has Cam been coming to visit?”

  Daphne cocked her head in thought. “Well, as long as I’ve been coming, and I’ve been getting treatments for about two and a half years. She used to hang out with us while Melanie was getting treatments, and then after…well, she just kept coming. We always have so much fun with her.”

  “How old are you, Daphne?”

  “Nine.”

  Dawn couldn’t believe this girl was only nine. She was so confident and articulate. But she was also small for her age. As she and Daphne settled on the couch, Dawn saw Cam engaged in a video game battle with Ryan. Daphne climbed into Dawn’s lap as she opened the book and began to read aloud.

  Cam was aware of where Dawn was and what she was doing. She watched her for a while, losing focus on her game. Ryan’s cry drew her attention back. “Ha, gotcha!”

  “Not for long, my friend, not for long,” Cam replied enthusiastically. The battle waged on, Cam refocused and became engrossed in combat.

  Dawn and Daphne moved from reading to playing dolls, where a couple of other kids went to play with them. Cam glanced over again when Ryan rose from the soft chair in front of the TV, in defeat. His seat was quickly taken by one of the older kids, ready to challenge Cam. She turned back to the game. This process was repeated over and over as each challenger went down in flames.

  Finally, Cam told Dan, who was next in line that she would take him on next time she visited. Dawn helped Daphne and the other kids clean up the toys. Daphne hugged Dawn and asked her to return soon. Without any discussion, Cam and Dawn walked out of the ward together.

  They walked for a while in silence. Cam’s hands were in her pockets so she wouldn’t be tempted to reach out to Dawn, the connection she felt for her already so tangible.

  She glanced at Dawn. “So?”

  “So…?”

  “Did you have fun?”

  “Yeah, I did. I was skeptical. It’s not a place you expect to have fun.”

  “I’m glad you had a good time.”

  “I did. Thank you for sharing that with me. The kids are great. Some of them seem so much more mature than their age.”

  “All of them are great. The group changes a bit from visit to visit, since different kids come in for treatments, some kids get better, and some kids, well, they aren’t so lucky. Each one has been through a lot. It makes them grow up fast. But I like to think I can help them have a little fun. It can be such a dreary place, you know?” Cam shrugged self-consciously and shook her head.

  “You showed no mercy while playing video games with them. All the kids liked that; it was obvious. You don’t treat them any differently just because they’re sick. I imagine most of them don’t get that many places.”

  Cam shrugged again. There was no way she could explain everything she felt or thought when she was with them, but she was comforted by Dawn’s understanding. “They’re just kids.”

  Dawn caught the tone in Cam’s voice. Not to you. Every one of them is special to you. How much does it cost you when you lose one? “I understand more than you might think.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I volunteer at a shelter for women and children who are victims of domestic violence.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “It’s not something I talk about very often. I help them with their garden and sometimes teach basic gardening skills to some of the women. But what gets me the most is the kids. They’ve been through so much in their lives, but time and again they bounce back. They’re so resilient. That’s not to say they don’t have their own struggles, but it’s almost as if they know they’re safe at the shelter…a lot of them seem carefree and happy. That helps their moms realize they made the right decision to leave.”

  “I can only imagine that is very rewarding work,” Cam said.

  “It is. I enjoy it very much.”

  “What made you decide to give your time there?”

  Dawn studied Cam’s face trying to discern what Cam was really asking. All she saw was genuine curiosity.

  “That is a story for another day.”

  “Fair enough.”

  *****

  Cam sat in her backyard with June and Kate. It was the anniversary of Melanie’s passing. She was melancholy, and they didn’t want her to be alone. The three of them sat around the fire pit and drank wine and swapped stories and memories of Melanie. They did this each year, a memorial of the life Melanie lived. Cam was a little beyond tipsy and she didn’t care. She hurt and wanted the pain to go away.

  As the light waned, June stood. “We should go. Will you be okay?”

  Cam nodded. “Sure, I’m just gonna sit and watch the fire for a while, then I’ll head inside.”

  They said their good-byes, and Cam poured the last of the wine. On a night like this, she had no desire to climb into bed. It reminded her in stark detail Melanie was gone and she was all alone. The tears started, and she didn’t try to stop them, letting them soothe her pain.

  Dawn stepped outside to take in the stars and fresh night air. She smelled the smoke. She didn’t hear the voices she expected over the fence, so she walked over to make sure the fire was contained. She stopped when she saw Cam sitting all alone. Cam must have sensed the movement because she met Dawn’s gaze. “Hi,” Cam said quietly.

  The torment in Cam’s dark eyes wrenched Dawn’s heart. “Hey.” Dawn moved farther into the yard. “Are you okay?”

  Cam shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”

  Dawn didn’t miss the slight slurring of Cam’s words.

  Standing directly in front of Cam, Dawn held out her hand. “Let me help you inside.”

  “No. I don’t
want to go to bed. I miss Melanie.”

  “You don’t have to go to bed. But you shouldn’t stay out here all night.”

  When Cam stood, she wobbled and had to grab Dawn to keep from tipping over. Dawn was ready for that and took on her weight. She shifted so her arm was around Cam’s waist. She helped Cam inside and to the couch. When Dawn tried to steer Cam onto it, she tipped over and both of them landed on the couch, Cam slightly on top of Dawn. “Sorry,” Cam said flatly. She tried to scoot over. She didn’t make it far; moving on the soft couch in her condition was difficult. She managed to look into Dawn’s eyes. “Please stay.”

  Dawn searched Cam’s pain-filled eyes, wondering what this was all about, but at that moment she couldn’t deny Cam’s request. “Okay, for a little while.”

  Cam laid her head on Dawn’s lap and closed her eyes. Dawn sought only to soothe as she brushed Cam’s hair off her forehead. Soon she heard the change in Cam’s breathing and realized she had fallen asleep. She sat watching Cam for a while, losing track of time. The pain vanished from Cam’s features during slumber. As Dawn studied Cam and listened to her breathe, her heart fluttered and her resolve began to soften.

  *****

  Cam smelled coffee. Her eyes fluttered open. It took her a minute to get her bearings. When she realized she was on her couch, fully clothed, the events of last night gradually came back to her. Dawn! She groaned inwardly. She had fallen asleep on Dawn crying about Melanie. She covered her head with a throw pillow. Great. She lifted herself up and half expected to see Dawn standing in the kitchen. She was both disappointed and relieved she wasn’t there.

  She rubbed her face with her hands trying to clear the cobwebs from her memory of last night. She needed to apologize to Dawn, but it should probably wait until her stomach wasn’t threatening to revolt and her head cleared. She pushed off the couch and headed for the bathroom in search of something that would dull her throbbing head. She was grateful it was Saturday and there was nothing she had to do.

  *****

  Dawn strolled along the water’s edge. She often came to watch the ocean when she had serious thinking to do. She hadn’t slept. She’d sat listening to Cam’s breathing and contemplated the promises she’d made to herself. Were they worth it? Was she giving up on life? Had Ali been right? Even after she left her in the early morning hours, she was still too stirred up to rest. Now, as the sun rose over the water, she thought about Cam.

  The devastation she saw in Cam’s eyes the previous evening struck a chord deep inside her. What she had to figure out now was what to do about her. Cam had been clear she would like them to be more than friends. As Dawn kept her vigil throughout the night, she finally admitted to herself she was tempted by the possibility.

  Dawn couldn’t believe how she thought for one minute that Cam was anything like Lori. Aside from a very slight physical resemblance as far as their build, there was virtually nothing similar about them. Cam was strong yet tender, patient, compassionate, and kind. Lori was none of those things. Oh, she played a good game for a while, just long enough for Dawn to fall for her fake charms. Gradually, Lori revealed her true self. Cam lived her life with honesty. There was never any pretense with her.

  Cam was surrounded by lifelong friends which, in and of itself, should have been a testament to her character. Lori had worked hard to isolate Dawn while they were together even bad-mouthing her sister and parents at every opportunity. Cam visited sick children in the hospital and helped her neighbors. There really was no comparing the two. They were completely different women. She had to stop judging Cam on a surface level. She had to examine the whole situation. Maybe Cam was worth the risk.

  *****

  Late Sunday afternoon, Cam knocked on Dawn’s front door. Dawn answered with a tentative smile. “Hi.”

  Cam grinned sheepishly. “Hi, can I interest you in a walk?”

  “Yeah, that sounds nice.” They walked down the porch steps and took a right on the sidewalk.

  Cam glanced over at Dawn. “I want to apologize for Friday night and thank you for taking care of me.”

  Dawn shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize or thank me. That’s what friends are for.”

  “It was still very sweet and I appreciate it.”

  “Well, then, you’re welcome.” They shared an easy smile and kept walking. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “You can ask me anything.”

  “Who’s Melanie?”

  “You don’t mess around do you? You could have started with an easy one,” Cam said wryly.

  “I’m sorry. If it’s too personal you don’t have to answer.”

  “It is personal and I do have to answer, because you need to know. I probably should have told you before now, but when’s the right time to share something like this?”

  Dawn didn’t say anything, giving Cam the time she needed to continue.

  “Melanie was my lover. We met about seven years ago. It was one of those chance encounters, totally random, in a grocery store of all places. I was at the meat counter getting steaks for a cookout. I already had the beer in the cart. I caught Melanie out of the corner of my eye. She was this leggy brunette smiling at me like she knew me. Somehow she struck up a conversation right there on the spot. I have no idea what we talked about. I can only imagine it had something to do with the cookout. Anyway, you don’t need all these details. To make a long story short, I invited her to the cookout. She followed me home and helped me prep for it. One thing led to another, and soon we were dating and in love. We had an amazing relationship and four years together.”

  Cam cleared her throat and looked directly at Dawn. “Then she got sick.” She stared straight ahead as she explained the rest. “Cancer. She was young, strong, and healthy. All the doctors thought she would beat it. But after almost a year of battling, she lost her fight. She’s been gone two years this past Friday.”

  Dawn laid her hand on Cam’s. “Cam, I’m so sorry. You must miss her terribly.”

  “Sometimes it still hurts. I was so in love with her. A part of me will always love her.” Cam turned her hand over and linked her fingers with Dawn’s. “But I’m still here and very much alive. I made a promise to Melanie before she died that I wouldn’t close myself off to the possibility of finding love or that passion with someone else. It hasn’t mattered before now because there hasn’t been anyone I thought I might find that with. There wasn’t anyone else that mattered, until I met you.”

  “Cam…” Dawn stared down at their linked hands. She had no idea how to respond. She could see the truth in Cam’s eyes, she could see the passion she felt for her, and it concerned her, but not as much as it once did.

  Cam squeezed Dawn’s hand lightly and let it go. “Well, that’s enough of the heavy stuff for today. How about we talk about what else we can do in my yard?”

  Cam looked vulnerable, but Dawn was hesitant. Flowers and plants seemed like a safe topic. “Sure. I’ve wanted to talk about what trees we might put back there.” Dawn was glad Cam had cut her off. She wasn’t at all sure she was ready to share what she’d almost said.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The following Saturday, Dawn weeded the flowers she planted weeks before in Cam’s backyard. Most of the choices she made for Cam’s yard required little maintenance, easier for someone not used to gardening. But she couldn’t resist putting in this splash of color.

  The sun beat down, but a light breeze made it bearable and rock music played softly in the background. The dogs lounged in the shade of the big maple tree. Dawn sat back on her heels and wiped her brow with her sleeve. She glanced over to where Cam was digging a large hole to plant another tree on the side of the yard they hadn’t filled in yet. The sun glinted off her sweat-slicked hair. The simple scene knocked the breath out of her. It felt so peaceful and so right. I’m falling in love with Cam. As Dawn had the thought, her first instinct was to run and hide. She checked that impulse and studied Cam. Cam has been steady and patient, never asking fo
r anything more than I can give. Still, somewhere along the way I started to fall in love with her. Cam would never believe me if I told her. She has absolutely no reason to. I’m ready. She’s waited long enough, too long. She braced herself and dove in. “Cam?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Can we take a break?”

  Cam leaned her shovel against the fence. “Sure. Let’s get out of the sun and get something cold to drink.”

  Dawn stood up and dusted herself off.

  Jack and Mozz must have sensed something happening. Both raised their heads, watched for a moment, and ambled after them.

  “What can I get you to drink? Water, lemonade, iced tea?”

  “Ice water please.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Cam let herself into the house to get their drinks. The dogs both took long drinks from their water bowls and plopped down on the covered patio. Dawn tried to sit, to relax, but too much swirled around in her head. She couldn’t settle down. Instead she paced the patio anxiously.

  Cam held out the water. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.” Dawn took a long drink and then set it on the table.

  Cam sat in one of the patio chairs around the table.

  “Sorry, this is hard. Give me a minute, okay?” Dawn said.

  “Take all the time you need.”

  See, damn it. It’s when you say sweet things like that that just makes me want to curl up on your lap and snuggle in forever. And that scares me more than you could ever know.

  Dawn didn’t know where to begin. This was not a story she had told often. In fact, only her family knew the whole story. But they already knew the background and players. She decided the best thing to do was start at the beginning.

  “I was what most people would call a late bloomer. I didn’t date much in high school. The boys were much more interested in dating Ali, and it didn’t matter much to me. It never occurred to me that was because I was going to be more attracted to women. We lived in this tiny town in North Carolina, and that wasn’t something anyone talked about.