by TJ Thomas
“You told everyone to come over around three?”
“Yep, it’s a beautiful day for a cookout and I thought it would be great to have everyone hang out at the house rather than in a loud restaurant, that way we can have better quality conversations.”
“I agree. So how would you like to spend the next few hours?”
“Well, everything’s all set for later. We could ride up the coast again or walk around the park some more. Or did you have something else in mind?”
“You could say that.” Dawn pushed Cam onto her back and rolled on top of her. She insinuated one leg between Cam’s and kissed her. Teasing her lips with her tongue and then slipping her tongue into Cam’s warm, sweet mouth, she savored the taste. She slid her hands up into Cam’s hair and pulled her closer. When Cam moaned, she didn’t stop. Instead she increased the pressure between Cam’s legs.
Cam’s body was on fire and she was about to lose herself. She bucked her hips and rolled, so she was now on top. She shifted a fraction of an inch away from Dawn, relieving the pressure on her throbbing clit. She slowed the kiss and lifted her head. Dawn’s lips were swollen and open waiting for more. When her eyes opened, Cam noted the surprise in the green turbulent pools. She tried to add levity to the situation. “A couple more minutes and we might have given the whole park a show.”
Dawn gripped Cam’s shoulders and held her in place. She didn’t want to let her back away this time. “So, let’s go home and continue this in private.”
Instead of answering, Cam kissed Dawn’s forehead and rolled away. Dawn let her go. Cam sat up, pulled her knees to her chest, wrapped one arm around her knees, and clasped that wrist loosely with her other hand. She was still beside Dawn, but her gaze was fixed in the distance.
Dawn sat up and studied her profile noting the tense set of her jaw. “Cam, what’s going on?”
Cam glanced briefly at Dawn and then fixed her eyes on a volleyball game off a ways. “Hmm, what do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. I just blatantly propositioned you and you put the brakes on. I want to know why. Unless I’m reading things wrong you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. So what’s the problem?”
Cam was quiet for so long, Dawn was certain she wasn’t going to answer and she was quickly going from curious and frustrated to angry. Finally, Cam said, “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t understand it myself. I love you, and God, I do want you. You are definitely not misreading that…but for some reason I can’t explain even to me, I keep stopping. I wish I knew what was happening, but I don’t.”
The sadness in Cam’s eyes broke Dawn’s heart. She scooted over so she was right next to Cam and laid her hand on her arm. “Oh, baby. I didn’t know you were struggling with anything. Why didn’t you say something before now? Is there anything I can do? Or anything you want to talk about?”
“I didn’t know what to say. I don’t even know what’s going on so there’s nothing I can explain. I think I just need a little more time. Is that okay?”
Dawn lifted Cam’s chin, so she could look her in the eye. “It’s absolutely okay, sweetheart. You take all the time you need.”
Cam released a pent-up breath and leaned over and kissed Dawn softly on the lips. “Thank you. How about we finish this picnic and then go for a quick ride before everyone comes over?”
“Sounds perfect,” Dawn said sincerely.
The rest of lunch was pretty subdued. They were both lost in their own thoughts. And motorcycle rides did not foster conversation. So Dawn had a long time to think about Cam’s revelations. She knew Cam was turned on by her. Even this afternoon in the park, Dawn could feel Cam’s arousal, yet Cam had pulled away. What was keeping her from wanting to be intimate with Dawn? That was the million-dollar question. When Dawn had revealed she was in love with Cam, before Cam had a chance to respond, Dawn had wondered if she was too late, if Cam no longer wanted that type of relationship with her. Cam had assured her she wasn’t and that she definitely still did. But…clearly something was still between the two of them, and until one or both of them figured out what that was, Dawn would keep her word and give Cam all the time she needed. It was more than fair since Cam had done the same for her when she needed time to figure things out for herself.
Cam pulled into the driveway and stopped the motorcycle. She let Dawn dismount before she followed suit. She didn’t think she would ever tire of watching Dawn take off her helmet and shake out all that flaming red hair. She appeared so carefree and happy. Riding the bike, with Dawn holding on tightly behind her never failed to stir Cam up. She wished she knew why it also unsettled her now.
Dawn came close and leaned in. “That was a great ride.”
Cam pulled Dawn to her.
Dawn wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her down for a long, searing kiss. “I meant what I said before, you take all the time you need. Whenever, whatever you need, I will be right here.”
“I appreciate that. I love you, Dawn.”
“I love you, Cam.” She stole another quick kiss. “Now let’s go make sure everything’s ready for our guests.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Chapter Twenty-one
Cam and Dawn sat on the back patio sipping beers and talking about nothing in particular when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Cam said. She was surprised when she opened the door to June and Kate. “Since when do you two ring the bell?”
“Since we didn’t know if we’d be interrupting something,” June said with a glint in her eye.
Cam glanced down at her pants. “All zipped up. You’re safe.”
Kate laughed. “You can’t blame us. Your relationship is still new. We’re sure you don’t spend a whole lot of time outside the bedroom.”
“You’d be surprised.”
June pretended to hold her hands over her ears. “Please don’t go into all the other places you are getting busy. I don’t want to know.”
They all laughed and made their way out to the patio. Cam saw no reason to clue them in to how little action was actually happening. She had shared many personal things with her friends over the years, but for some reason she felt like this was something she didn’t want to share with them, at least not right now. Maybe it was because the two of them were friends with Dawn as well. In any case, this was not the time to go into any details.
June and Kate greeted Dawn, then grabbed beers from the cooler and made themselves comfortable. Jack and Mozz wandered over to welcome the new arrivals and were rewarded with full body rubs.
Next to arrive were Cindy and Lynn. Kate happened to be in the kitchen when the two of them walked through the front door. She pointed to the backyard. “Everyone’s out back.”
Cindy held up the dish in her hands. “I’ll put this potato salad in the refrigerator first.”
“Yummy.”
Cam went to the door again when the bell pealed a second time. As soon as she opened the door, Cam pulled Jo into a fierce hug. “It’s about time.”
As soon as Cam released Jo, she wrapped her arms around Rhonda tightly. “Welcome to San Diego. I’m so glad you both could come.”
“Thanks, Cam. It’s great to see you again,” Rhonda said.
“You too. Everyone’s outside. Would you like a quick tour or do you just want to jump in?”
“Oh, let’s jump in. You can show us around later.”
After all the introductions were handled and everyone had something to drink, Cam set out appetizer trays. She wouldn’t put the steaks on right away, and she didn’t want anyone drinking too much on an empty stomach.
“Dawn,” Cindy said, “Since we’re so close, would you mind giving us a tour of your studio?”
“I don’t mind at all.”
Jo said, “I’ll stay here with Cam. Have fun.”
Everyone else jumped at the chance to see Dawn’s art.
As the others crossed the yard and passed through the gate, Jo grabbed a fresh beer and walked over to Cam where she
was lighting the charcoal so the grill could get hot for the steaks. “So, you want to tell me what’s going on?”
Cam turned in surprise and brushed off her hands. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re in a brand new relationship which means you should be getting plenty of stress relief, so why the hell are you so tense I could break an egg on your neck?”
“How can you possibly know that?”
Jo stared at Cam waiting for an answer to her own questions.
Cam met Jo’s steady gaze. “Dawn and I haven’t slept together in weeks.”
“What? Why not? Trouble in paradise already?”
“No, nothing like that. Things are good between us, but I keep putting the brakes on every time we get close.”
“Come again. Why on earth for?”
“Dawn’s made it clear that she wants to sleep with me.”
“Okay…so what’s the problem?”
“I love her and I want her, but I’m not sure I trust her feelings for me.”
“Because until a few weeks ago she was telling you she doesn’t date, that she’d basically sworn off relationships?”
“That’s part of it. But something happened and I should have told her about it, but I didn’t. Now, I’m thinking I don’t trust her even though I want to. I’m not sure I trust that she won’t change her mind if things get hard or maybe it’s that I don’t want her to have to deal with things if life got too hard.”
“What would get hard? What’s going on?”
Cam checked to make sure she and Jo had time to finish this conversation in private. “I found a lump.”
“Fuck!”
“Yeah.” Cam released a long, slow breath. “Exactly.”
“Have you seen the doctor?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And I’m scheduled for a mammogram the day after tomorrow.”
“You haven’t told anybody?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know anything yet.”
“You know enough to have someone with you. Jesus, Cam! This must bring up so much. How are you keeping it all inside?”
The corners of Cam’s mouth lifted in a ghost of a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Mostly denial.”
“That’s not going to work forever.”
“I know.”
“You need to tell Dawn.”
Cam stared at the ground but didn’t say anything.
“She loves you, Cam. She deserves to make the decision to be with you for herself. You need to trust her, and if she doesn’t deserve your trust isn’t it better to find out now?”
“I guess. But I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
“What do you really have if you can’t trust the woman you love to stand by you?”
“But it’s all still so new and it took a lot for us to get here. Dawn deserves to know. You’re right, I need to tell her.”
“Good. You know I’m never too far away if you ever need anything, right?”
“I know. Thank you, Jo.”
“One more thing before everybody gets back, if your conversation with Dawn doesn’t go the way I think it will, and she doesn’t insist on going with you on Monday, call me and I’ll go. You shouldn’t be alone for that.”
Cam’s throat tightened with emotion. “Okay.”
By the time the others returned from the impromptu art show, Jo had Cam laughing about the latest antics of Rhonda’s grandchildren. “All of them keep us on our toes and Christie delivered a beautiful little girl three weeks ago. I’ll show you pictures after dinner.”
“You love being surrounded by kids, don’t you?” Cam said, appreciating Jo’s enthusiasm.
Rhonda overheard this and chimed in as she wrapped her arm around Jo’s waist. “She can’t seem to get enough of them and every one of them loves her too. I think she’s the favorite.”
Jo kissed Rhonda quickly. “Hi, how was the art tour?”
“You missed something special. Dawn is very talented. We will definitely have to go back over there together. She has a piece I’d like for the living room.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
As they freshened their drinks Cam put the steaks on the grill. Dawn brought Cam a cold beer and wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her down for a tender kiss and said low enough so only Cam could hear, “I missed you.”
Cam’s hands rested lightly on Dawn’s hip. She put her head on Dawn’s, drawing in the scent she couldn’t put out of her mind. “I love you.”
*****
As the flames died down in the fire pit, Lynn stood and pulled Cindy to her feet. “It’s time I get this one home.”
June and Kate shared a look. “We’ll walk out with you,” June said.
At that point everyone stood and exchanged hugs and good-byes.
Jo said, “We should probably get out of here too. We’ll see you all tomorrow at the beach, right?”
There was a chorus of agreement and everyone moved en masse to the front door. Cam closed the door on the last of their guests and turned to Dawn who was by her side. “Did you have fun?”
“I had a great time. Rhonda and Jo are fantastic, and you were right when you said the two of them work. I know exactly what you mean. I’m glad we’ll get to spend more time with them tomorrow.”
“Me too.” Cam reached for Dawn’s hand. “Are you tired?”
“A little, mostly I’m relaxed but not really sleepy yet. Why?”
Cam led Dawn over to the couch and pulled her down so she was facing her. “We need to talk.”
“Okay.” Dawn frowned at Cam’s serious tone. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m not sure. That’s what I need to talk with you about.”
“You’re starting to worry me. What’s going on? Are you okay?”
Cam held Dawn’s hand in hers and ran her thumb lightly across the top as she spoke. “Something happened the other day, and I should have told you about it sooner. I’m still not sure why I didn’t.”
“What happened?” Dawn asked.
“I found a lump in my breast.”
Dawn leaned forward, her forehead close to Cam’s. She squeezed Cam’s hand. “Have you been to the doctor?”
“Yeah. She’s sending me for a mammogram on Monday.”
“What time? I’m going with you.”
Cam’s eyes opened wide. “You are?”
“Of course I am. Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I didn’t know what to think. I know it’s a lot. We haven’t been dating that long. If you don’t want to go, I’d understand.”
“Seriously? You’re not going alone and I want to be there with and for you. Wait, is this why you didn’t tell me? Did you think I’d run if things got tough?”
Cam didn’t miss the flash of hurt in Dawn’s eyes. She shrugged. “Maybe I thought it was too much too soon. I know how hard it is being on your side of things.”
“All the more reason for me to go with you. This must bring up so much for you. You’ve got to be thinking about Melanie.”
“Some.”
“No doubt. Who have you told?” Dawn asked.
“Only you and Jo, but she figured out something was wrong on her own.”
“I should have too. I’m sorry I didn’t.” Dawn rubbed Cam’s leg. “Listen, I know you’re not ready for sex, and I respect that, but…I would like to stay tonight. Would it be okay if we just sleep together?”
Cam was absolutely sure that wasn’t the best idea, but she wanted to hold Dawn too. “I would like that.”
Dawn borrowed a T-shirt and used a new toothbrush Cam had on hand. By the time she finished changing in the bathroom, Cam had stripped down to a T-shirt and boxer briefs.
Cam looked over when the bathroom door opened. Her T-shirt fell to the middle of Dawn’s thighs. Her gaze lingered on Dawn’s long, creamy white legs. Her red hair tumbled past her shoulders. Cam wanted to run her fingers through i
t and pull Dawn close and breathe her in. Her clit twitched with lust, so she did the most logical thing she could think to do, she escaped to the bathroom to brush her teeth. As she moved past Dawn on her way, Dawn stopped her with a hand to her arm, and Cam’s mouth went dry.
“Which side of the bed do you sleep on when you’re actually sleeping?”
Cam could barely breathe. “Um…usually the right but either side is fine.”
“Perfect, I sleep on the left.”
Before Cam could make a complete fool of herself, she made a hasty exit.
By the time she returned, Dawn had slid under the covers. She was still alluring, but Cam almost had a handle on her desire. She could just give in and make love with Dawn. She knew without a doubt Dawn was willing, but it still didn’t feel right. She wished she knew what was wrong with her, and she wasn’t thinking about the potential health issues. There was a beautiful woman in her bed, and she wasn’t planning on having sex with her tonight.
“You okay?”
“Hmm, yeah, why?”
“You’re standing in the middle of the floor looking at me in your bed like we’re going to swallow you whole if you come any closer.”
Cam laughed at herself. “Yeah, I was standing here telling myself how crazy it is that I don’t plan to have sex tonight with the gorgeous woman in my bed.”
Dawn absently licked her lips. “Either way is fine with me, but the choice is yours. I meant it when I said I just want to hold you tonight.”
“I know you did. I’m just having a hard time figuring out why I’m not ready for more than that.”
Dawn patted the bed beside her. “Come over here. I promise I won’t bite until you want me to.”
Cam swallowed hard and climbed into bed next to Dawn, careful not to touch her quite yet. She lay on her back and pulled the covers over her chest. Dawn scooted down in the bed and rolled toward Cam. She laid her head on Cam’s shoulder and put her hand on Cam’s stomach, stroking softly. When Cam’s muscles tightened under her light touch, she stilled her hand and met Cam’s eyes. “Sorry.”