by J.D. Selmser
I kept staring up at the off white painted square-tiled tin ceiling with an ice pack wrapped in a dish cloth waiting for Kristina to come home. I am not sure what hurt worse, the bruising on my face or the freezing cold from the ice that made my skin feel like cement. None of the furniture matched and the small loveseat I was sitting on had this felt like material on it that made my whole body itch. The whole family must have been readers because the whole back wall was filled with various books from classics like Don Quixote and Anna Karenina, to a wide variety of Stephen King books. The one that truly stood out to me was Anne Rice’s “Interview with the Vampire.” Not because I read the book, but because I saw the movie. I always say why waste days reading when you can watch it in two hours and three minutes.
I assume my savior’s name was Kate since that is what it said on the mailbox. She kept joking and cackling as she sat at a small table, working on one of the paint by numbers pictures. There was a whole mess of gaudy things hanging all over displayed with some kind of pride I will never understand. Horses, cats, tigers and even a hippo. The whole place was like some kind of funny farm, but I guess there are scarier hobbies.
Sitting up, I placed the ice pack beside me, “Can I use the bathroom?”
Shaking her head Kate said, “I don’t know can you? Jesus boy don’t be so polite all of a sudden. It’s at the top of the stairs where it’s always been.” I was creeping up the thin steep stairs when I heard her say, “I will be damned. That punch to the head he took must have been harder than I thought. Asking me if he can use the bathroom like we are high society or something.”
At the top of the stairs, I found a small bathroom that was so small it felt like somebody had jammed a toilet and bathtub into a closet and I wasn’t even sure the door would close if I was in it. I looked to the right and saw more paint by number portraits fastened to the wall and assumed it had to be Kate’s room. From the open door, I could see a small flat screen TV and a brass bed that had been painted brown. There were chips and cracks in the paint and the brass glowed compared to the dingy color of it. I turned to the left and saw a smaller room with a little desk, some books, loose paper and a frameless single bed that I thought must have been Kristina’s room.
I stepped into the room and found a collection of long dresses hanging in a little closet. Beyond that, there were no pictures anywhere just a mountain books stacked on top of each other. Beside the night stand was a clock radio and a few rings and necklaces scattered along the top. Where most girls I knew had cases filled with makeup in various shades of reds and blues, but there was only a single stick of lipstick and what I think was two shades of blue mascara. One darker and one light. It was a rather plain room that felt cramped and lonely as I stood in the doorway. I walked to the desk and found a collection of drawings that Kristina had made. They all consisted of a view from a window. The school and swing set with the graveyard scattered all around it. As I flipped through, I saw another one. Only this one was across from a shopping center with a Chapters bookstore, a Loblaw’s grocery store and a Michael’s craft store. Detailed images of cars passing through the night caught my attention. She had skills, but it bothered me that everyone saw a lonely image from a desk in front of a window.
There was a picture frame tucked in next to the bed. I wondered what picture Kristina held so dear that she kept it beside her at night while she slept rather than hanging it on the wall. I was expecting something warm, like a memory from her childhood. Maybe a family photo from a happier time or together with a friendship she held so dear. It was strange that it was just a news clipping.
In big bold letters it said, “Police investigators say sexual assault was just a big misunderstanding”. Even by the title, I knew that it was pure bull and I had not even started reading it yet. I couldn’t believe it as I started to read the news report.
Katherine Harris states that when she reported that her niece, a minor, was choked and raped at a party, police officials didn’t take it seriously. “I feel like my niece has been victimized, not only by the boy in question, but by the local authorities as well.”
At a local party the young woman in question was invited upstairs under the pretense that a young man wanted to lend her a book and then forced her to have sex with him.
The victim screamed, “No I don’t want this to happen, and definitely made it clear that was not what she wanted.” Katherine states. “No means no and there was no way that this was consensual. She thought she was going to die because of all the hitting and choking. There were even bruises.”
“After, the assailant acted like nothing had happened and even walked her to my car.”, states the girl’s aunt. “Once home, we immediately called the police and I took her to the hospital to undergo a rape kit and have her injuries documented.”
Detectives informed the family late yesterday that charges will not be laid and the case will be closed after the man accused of the sexual assault told police that he thought it was consensual. Investigators stated that he claims, in earlier contact, the young woman in question had emailed him erotic photos and flirted with him in a sexual manner.
A Jansen College study released this week found that only 40 percent of women who reported a sexual assault to local police felt the first officer believed her and only 31 percent found that the officer was considerate of her feelings and opinions.
I set it back against her bed, wondering just how unlucky one girl’s life could possibly be. I remembered when the police came to our school. They questioned me about the comments I had made and it scared the hell out of me, but it was because of my career, not prison. I was never questioned about if she had offered to send them because it was obvious that I only commented, not posted. The others though, I am sure that the police asked did she offer to send them pictures more times than they asked did you ask her to. I couldn’t really remember though and either way, I knew that the day when a fictional lover threatened to break her heart, he stole more than just her innocence. He darkened her future.
I stared out the window and Kristina was walking towards the house with her head down and book in hand. There was no bounce in her step. Just a slow steady walk that reminded me of one of those movies where the inmate is heading for the gas chamber. Every step is measured as they decrease their speed with each step.
I walked out of the room and looking back, realized that there wasn’t even a computer in Kristina’s room. I understood why she wouldn’t want to have one, but the news clipping stated that she had emailed him erotic pictures, but if she didn’t have a computer, how the hell did she send them? Shoddy police work I guess, all because she had a reputation. All because she was young and naïve, not cheap and stupid.
I could smell something frying as I made my way down the stairs and it reminded me just how hungry I was. I made a U-turn through the living room towards the kitchen that had a small table conveniently placed by the door. Kate stood in front of the stove frying chicken and smiled when she saw me. “I was beginning to think you fell in.”, she laughed. I was trying to think of something witty to say when she added “Your parents aren’t back yet, are they?”
“No I just came home because school starts tomorrow.”
That made her laugh so hard she almost snorted, “A Hines not wanting to miss school. Who would of thought? Miracles do happen.” Turning, she muttered, “So do you believe in alien abductions?”
Puzzled, I answered, “No why do you ask?”
Laughing even harder, she responded, “Because somebody replaced the real Jason Hines with a clone.” She was shaking her head, muttering, “Coming home early for school. Who would have ever figured that would happen?” I couldn’t help but laugh. In a lot of ways, she was right. No teenager would willingly come home just to start school on time. I should have said something like, “Because of my bad grades, my mother made me.”
I watched her shaking pots and moving the frying pan around as she cooked the food. My mother was more of a stick something f
rozen into the microwave type of mom, not the peel potatoes and fry chicken type so it was quite the sight to see. It also smelled amazing as my grumbling stomach announced. “Boy what are you eating over there? Frozen pizza or those fattening pizza pop things that are filled with artificial flavoring and fake nutrients?”
I really didn’t have much idea what was in the run down shack I was sleeping in, to eat. I saw warm soda, a loaf of bread and some kind of luncheon meat with what looked like cheese and noodles of some kind squashed in. Of course, that wasn’t something I could tell a stranger so I added, “That and cup of noodles.”
Reaching into the cupboards, there was a slight clanging sound as she pulled out three ugly square plates. Handing them to me, she said, “Take these and set the table. You aren’t eating anything from a microwave tonight. You will eat here and have real food like a civilized man should. Only thing worse than frozen pizza, is deviled eggs and I wouldn’t feed that to my dog.” Kate was rummaging through the cupboards, pulling out bowls and other dishes, handing them to me two at a time. She went through a side door and came back in with two beers and a can of cola. As she handed me a cold beer, she just smiled. “Seems like ages since you and I had a beer together, but don’t tell your mama that I gave you one. I think she is still sore under the collar from the last time I gave you some and you threw up in the bathtub.” Shaking her head, she added, “I could tell you some wild stories about what she did when she was your age, but then you would never look at her the same way again.”, and a giant laugh filled the room.
I tried to play coy and raising an eyebrow said, “Oh really?”
Smiling she said, “Yes really, but I am on thin ice with her already and if I tell you anything like that, I think it might sink the whole ship.” I decided to leave this be since it wasn’t really my mother and I didn’t care. Not like my mother would have done anything interesting anyway. I am pretty sure that the only way they got me was too much wine on my father’s birthday. That also probably explains why my new step mother is only five years older than me, but even that is not really that important anymore.
I was sitting at the table sipping on the beer when I heard the door open. Kristina came in and had her sweater half off, realizing her low cut dress displayed just how much cleavage she had and there was plenty of it. Then she turned and realized I was sitting on the opposite side of the door and I think panic set in because her eyes went from warm to freezing cold in seconds as she quickly pulled her sweater over her shoulders and turned away. She continued buttoning up her sweater and vanished around the corner. I heard the loud clunking sound as she made her way up the stairs.
Looking at Kate, I said, “Maybe I should go.”, even though with the aroma of delicious food already firmly in my mind, I wasn’t really looking forward to whatever I could manage to find to eat at home.
“Pay no mind to her. She is just not very friendly with anybody who can pee standing up and I guess she doesn’t like very many people that don’t stand up when they pee either. The poor thing has good reason to feel that way and if you haven’t heard why, I won’t tell you. The whole damn thing would make you sick Jason. That’s one of the reasons I will never have a computer or internet in my house. Terrible things happen with anything that the law can’t control. Hell, terrible things happen that the law is supposed to control. Either way, I won’t have a computer or the internet in my house.” She puckered her lips and crossed her arms, “Not even if it was free.”
It wasn’t too long before I heard footsteps slowly coming down the stairs and within minutes, Kristina was sitting across from me. She had on a thinner sweater that was zipped up all the way to her neck and her hair was pulled back in a tight pony tail. She didn’t wear any make up so I can only assume that the change wasn’t for me, but rather because of me. It wasn’t a sign of attraction, but some kind of defense mechanism she had developed.
She was sitting across from me with Kate on the other side. Kate served giant portions of food onto her plate and set the bowls back down on the table. She started eating and then looked at us, “Well I am not your maid. Serve yourself or go hungry.” Kate went back to eating her supper and seemed to be getting annoyed the longer we waited.
I passed the plate of chicken to Kristina and said, “Ladies first.”
At first there was a slight smile, but as quickly as it started, it faded. In a low whimper, she said, “Thanks.” Taking her fork, she stabbed two pieces of chicken and it seemed like she was going for a third, but pulled her hand away. Her eyes kept glancing back to the plate of chicken and there was lots of chicken left. I took three pieces and thought that I should give her some more, but didn’t know how she would handle it. Would it make her feel comfortable or dive deeper into her shell?
Kate stabbed the chicken in the bowl and dropped it onto her plate then she plopped one onto my plate. “Dear god you two. Eat already. Who are you trying to impress; me?” She started laughing even harder. “I have seen both of you eat and don’t think that eating tid bits then complaining that you are hungry later is going to impress me.” She slapped some potatoes onto my plate and smiled, “I don’t believe in the big boned nonsense. Some people are born to be fat. There is nothing to be said except fat folk like us are meant to be fat. It’s a matter of fact. Now you can hate what you see in the mirror and hate what you look like, but be thankful you aren’t one of the twig people.” Pointing at Kristina, she added, “Besides, when you don’t look so glum and actually smile, some might say you are damn sexy.”
I wanted to break the tense feeling in the room. Kristina looked like she wanted to just find a hole to crawl in. “Well inside me is a one hundred and forty-five-pound Asian kid.” Kristina smiled a genuine smile and I saw her real beauty for the first time. There was something magical about it that I hadn’t imagined until now. I stared down at my ugly pink plate, trying to force myself not to stare. I figured with Kristina’s experience with men, the last thing I needed was to be the guy staring at her like he was starving and she was a nice juicy steak.
Kate smiled, “Is that some kind of slang talk I never heard of because if it is, inside me is about a dozen boxes of brownies and I am pretty sure there is a cookie from last night hidden in the girls.”, as she looked down her top.
Kristina actually started laughing and my God she looked beautiful. Not swimsuit model beautiful, but in a glowing way. Well maybe not even glowing, but her eyes were smiling. There was unexpected beauty that flowed from her when she let her guard down, even if it was only for a minute. “Well if there is a hundred pound Asian inside of you, there must be the rest of his family inside me. My shadow weighs more than a hundred and forty-five pounds.”
I wasn’t sure if it was a joke or if she was putting the insult out there first like she had many people do before. “No I think an Angel lives inside you.”, I said, trying be adorable.
Kristina’s smile faded and her head dropped. I looked at Kate who seemed as confused as I was. “You shouldn’t talk like that. There isn’t anything like that inside me.”, she said.
“I am sorry.”, was all I could think to say. I wasn’t sure if I was sorry for upsetting her or everything horrible that had happened in her life or maybe both, but I was sorry.
Wiping her mouth, she squeaked, “Don’t be sorry. It’s just that some of us are ugly on the outside and even uglier on the inside. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking I am a good person.” Before I could even say a word, she got up and then I heard the pitter patter as she ran up the stairs.
I was at a loss as to what to do. Part of me thought I should run after her, but another thought, for tonight at least, was to leave it alone. I stood up and Kate just shook her head. “No boy, you didn’t do anything wrong. Besides, I think talking to her will help.”
I drank the last of my beer and decided that I had done enough damage for one day. I was headed out the door, but didn’t want to leave without at least saying something positive that mig
ht help. “Can you tell Kristina something for me?”
Sitting back in her chair, she raised an eye brow, “And what should I tell her?”
“Tell her she is like a dandelion.”
“A weed?” Kate snorted in shock like I had just insulted her whole family.
“Yes just like a dandelion. She keeps comparing herself to roses and only sees a pesky weed, but there are those who see the beauty in a dandelion that no other plant has. It’s full of vitamins and minerals and some use it to flavour salads and teas, but there are those that just see its beauty. To me, I see a beautiful dandelion, not the pesky weed.” I opened the door and said, “Thanks for the great meal. I hope Kristina feels better and tell her I am sorry if I upset her.”
I decided to walk along the highway then headed towards my new home with Kristina’s smile in my mind. All actions have consequences and it seemed like her whole life was just filled with scars, but they were inside so nobody ever got to see them. It made me wonder just how many people, especially woman, were scarred on the inside where nobody could see them because of my actions.