by J.D. Selmser
Chapter twelve
A piece of your soul
Hell is for lost souls, so they say, and the minute my eyes opened, I knew what Hell really was. With my head pounding and my back burning, I felt like crying but I didn't. I just clenched my teeth and slowly forced myself up off the floor. It was neighbourly of them to beat me outside then drag me into the house. Who knows? If they would have left me outside, somebody might have driven by and helped me. I have never felt this kind of pain before, but then again, I had to imagine living in this much pain. My whole body was quaking and quivering when I finally sat up and tried to focus. I always thought in such situations I would rise to the occasion, but I was crying like a little girl. Not exactly the manly image I had of myself, but not being a man is what got me into this situation to start with.
It must have been twenty minutes before the burning faded away to a low throb. This was just the first step, I knew that, and I didn't even want to think about the next. Taking slow deep breaths, I stared down at the dried blood on the floor. It wasn't a very big pool really, but it was a little scary to look at. It was just evidence of how fragile I was, even if the body I now possessed was giant compared to my own. I kept forcing slow steady breaths in and out as I tried to decide if slowly tugging on my shirt would be better in the long run, rather than just one quick yank. I always thought that a quick rip to remove a band aid was best, but this wasn’t just another paper cut. This was most of my back and the idea of pain being involved, scared the hell out of me. After ten more minutes of trying to talk myself into it, I decided it was time. I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and yanked upward. The pain was unbearable. I told myself that I wouldn’t scream and cry, but the pain burned like nothing I had ever felt before.
I was on the couch reeling in pain, smashing on the cushions. My whole body was quivering and shaking uncontrollably. I was curled in a ball trying to force myself to keep breathing, but the agony was relentless. Removing the shirt that was fastened to my back was much worse than the actual beating I think, though I barely remembered it. No I know that it was much worse than the damn beating that they gave me. It was a good ten minutes before the pain eased up enough for me to stop kicking and screaming. I tried to steady myself, but my body wouldn’t stop shaking. I think I just laid there for a half hour or so before I finally got the strength and courage to sit up. I don’t think that anything I could have ever done or imagined doing would have prepared me for this. I staggered to my feet, feeling like I would throw up at any minute. Running down the short hallway towards the bathroom, I stumbled and fell, causing more piercing pain shooting through my body.
I sat in the bathtub letting the cold water pour onto my body. My logic was that if ice could help with swelling, then cold should be able to help with this. What was I thinking? The minute that the cold water touched my skin, every muscle tensed and burned until finally, a numbness started. I thought that it would make me feel a lot better, but it didn’t. The only thing I really accomplished was that my skin started turning blue and my body shivered uncontrollably. I probably should have gotten out of the tub after I turned the shower off, but I didn’t. I just sat there staring down at my man boobs, thinking that half the girls I ever dated didn’t have as much cleavage as I had right now. Just that thought made me laugh. A man whore who was a confessed breast man, now owned a good-sized pair.
The phone started ringing. I didn’t run for it, but just let it ring. A few minutes later, it rang again. About the fourth time they called again, I ran for it. It was one of those old time rotary phones that had your phone number posted across the dial. It always made me wonder, who can’t remember their own phone number? Then I remembered all the times my dad was ordering pizza and my mom had to tell him what it was. He had the same issue with postal codes. I never actually figured out if it was because he was old, forgetful or had too many other things floating around his mind. Pulling the receiver to my ear I said, “Hello.”
“Mister Hines I am glad you answered. This is Mister Andersen your principal.”
“Yes Sir, I know who you are.”
“That’s very good Mister Hines. It’s seems though that you forgot about school today and the appointment that we had.”
I turned to look at the clock hanging on the wall to check the time and that made my whole body quake. As I struggled not to scream out when I saw the time was 10:30 AM. Damn! It was 6:00 AM when I woke up and I didn’t think I had wasted that much time. “Well in all honestly Sir, we didn’t have an exact time set Mister Andersen.”
“Is that really all you have to say for yourself? That there wasn’t a time agreed upon? I think you don’t quite understand the difference between stop off sometime tomorrow and be in my office first thing. Now Mister Hines, I expect you to be here knocking on my door in the next twenty minutes or else I would suggest you don’t return until you and your parents can come and talk with me.” Running my fingers through my hair sheer panic set it. This is the last thing I needed and definitely not something I didn’t have time for. My very soul was dependent upon saving Kristina and how was I supposed to do that if I was stuck watching her from a distance. “Am I clear Mister Hines?”
“Yes Sir. I will be right over.”
“Very well. Just come to my office.” Before I could even say ok, I heard the click as he hung up the phone. I must have misjudged how fond Mister Andersen was of Kristina because just by that cold tone in his voice, I knew that he was just pining for a reason to kick me out of that school. I couldn’t understand it because I hadn’t done anything wrong. However, I knew who did wrong and Mister Andersen wanted to make sure I’d talk.
I went to the bathroom and examined my back. I was an absolute mess with too many bruises to count and three long wide gashes that went right across my back. I looked like some kind of mutant zebra boy, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was. It was just flesh wounds, nothing more. When this was over, Jason would have some manly scars to lie about and I assume anybody that saw them wouldn’t want to mess him. In a lot of ways, he was getting all the glory while I got all the pain.
I was looking through his closet trying to find something that wouldn’t burn when it touched my skin while not showing the blood that I knew would come. Finally, I settled on some kind of silk-like black dress shirt that had some kind of cow’s head sewn into the collarr with a western looking design down the front. Yes, I was in redneck heaven here and I am sure by wearing this, I could easily step into any of those singing cowboy movies from back in the 40’s. I went to his parents’ room, thinking that a plain black shirt wouldn’t be enough and combing through the closet, found a leather vest. I guess it was time Jason dressed up rather than stick with the simple country boy look. Hell, if this was going to be his last day of school, he deserved to look cool. If only I had time to fix this Archie haircut of his then he would look half decent. Before heading out, I grabbed a bottle of Aspirin and gulped a handful down, hoping that it would ease my pain. Yes, that is me, a freaking optimist.
I went straight into the school, heading for Andersen’s office. Not because I wanted to squeal about what happened yesterday, but because I couldn’t afford to pay the price that keeping my mouth shut would cost. Turning the corner, I came to a dead stop. Cliff was sitting at a desk hidden by Andersen’s office. He looked up and smiled, beaming with pride, “It’s only the second day of school and I am already Andersen’s special project. Last year it took me three months to get here.” Laughing he added, “This year, I am an overachiever.” I didn’t know what he was talking about so I just smiled hoping he would explain more. “Andersen said that you didn’t tell him much so if he asks, we were horsing around and it just got a little rough. Remember, we are family.” He pulled out a little jack knife and started carving something on the top of his desk. With a giant smile, Cliff bellowed, “Well go on in and get the preaching over with.”
It was amazing how Cliff just acted like nothing at happened. He was sittin
g there slouching in his desk as if nothing had happened last night either. There was this little voice inside my head that was screaming and knocking him right in the face, but common sense said that he would break me like a twig if I did. After all, his shadow had more muscles than I did. With that thought in mind, I went to the office door and knocked. Mister Andersen’s voice boomed, “Come in.” I walked in and took a seat in front of this desk. My back was still sore as hell, but if I moved too slowly, that would raise questions I didn’t really want to have to answer.
Leaning back in his chair he said, “So Mister Hines, I find myself facing a conundrum. I mean, I am torn between what I see happening and what my mind already knows.”
Of course, he had to be the philosophical type. You know that kind that talks in riddles, trying to confuse you just enough so that you slip up and never even realize it until it’s too late. “How do you mean Sir?” Since I didn’t have any idea what he was talking about, I figured playing stupid was better than trying to deny anything.
He rested his hands on his chest, twiddling his thumbs as he leaned back into his chair. “I have so much to say to you Mister Hines that I am not quite sure where the best place to start is.”
He had this stare that told me he was serious about this but at this point in the conversation, I wasn’t sure what point he was trying to make and to what degree I was screwed. So I thought I would just play it by ear. “Well Sir, why not just start at the beginning.”
He slammed his fist onto the top of his desk glaring at me, “Don’t talk. Just listen. Things will go a lot smoother if you do that.”
“Yes Sir.”, was all I managed to say. What can I say? Fate gives me an impossible task and keeps throwing nails on the highway just to make the trip interesting.
"I have been a teacher for a little more than thirty years." Tapping the top of the desk, "Twenty of those were sitting here behind this desk as the principal of this school. Most people think that a teacher educates and shapes the minds of tomorrow while the principal's main job is to punish and expel, but I challenge that way of thinking." Pointing towards the door, he continued, "On the other side of that door is a desk. One student sits there every year. I like to think of that student as my special project. A student that most would be happy to be rid of, but I think that, if given the proper amount of attention, can be saved, can graduate and maybe even excel in college." He paused as if to give me time to think it through. "I don't just give up. I struggle to educate all, even those that don’t see the value of a good education. Now over the past twenty years, I would say there has been a Hines sitting at that desk more than 70% of the time. I know that number is staggering and imagine my surprise when your cousin Cliff has made it there three years in a row. Amazing isn't it?"
Ok I had to give him that. He took being an educator seriously. Unlike so many that claimed they did it because of a love of teaching, he actually did love teaching. Of course, where Cliff sat wasn't exactly my biggest concern. Whether he sat outside the principal’s office, in the parking lot or even a jail cell, didn't matter to me. "Ok so my family has warranted your special attention."
"Shhh.", he hushed me, placing a finger over his lips. "Don't speak. Just listen." With a smile he added, "Now comes the part that involves you. I honestly didn't expect to find you here in my office. You never seemed like a troublemaker or a cause for concern until now."
I wasn't even sure why I was a figure of concern. All I did was stand up for Kristina against the family, as the whole Hines family would put it. "Oh and how is it that I am a reason of concern?"
"I am getting to that. Now I will admit, standing up against your peers in anybody's defense is admirable. I assume that you have heard of Miss Harris's reputation, so the fact that you defended her, especially against not only your fellow students but your family, I truly can respect. Now this is what bothers me Mister Hines. In this world there are leaders and followers. Now your cousin Cliff is a born leader. Captain of the hockey and baseball teams, a born leader. Most of the school population follows him without question. Which are you? A follower or a leader?"
Smiling, I crossed my arms which was a great mistake as it sent pain everywhere. "I am a leader."
"I wish I could believe that, but I have watched you. You follow his move ninety-five percent of the time. You are bright and I believe an honest guy with good intentions, but you cave under peer pressure. Especially when it comes to facing your cousin Cliff. Whether its loyalty or fear, I have seen you submit to his will when your heart told you to stand firm Mister Hines. "
"That might be true, but this is that five percent. I can't bow on this because there is a steep price if I cave into anybody’s will, but my own. I think you already know that though, don’t you?"
"Mister Hines I truly hope that is true. Miss Harris is a very bright young woman who can have a great future if given a chance. What I mean is this. We all make mistakes as we travel through life. It’s how we learn and it helps us become who we are, but our past mistakes and misfortunes shouldn't define who we are. I have heard the rumors about miss Harris and about her reputation as I imagine you have as well. There is more to her than her past deeds and she can be one of those rare shining stars that matter."
"Are you asking me if I am playing with her emotions?"
Smiling he nodded, "That's exactly what I am asking. I am here to do everything I can to help Miss Harris through her educational career and I am asking, are you here to help me help her or are you here to stand in my way?" He held up his finger, "Now before you answer, think of this. Your cousins told me how you stood up against them in her defense yesterday, but I don't see you as the leader. If you and the others are playing some kind of game with her for your amusement, there will be Hell to pay. I only have one desk outside my office and it’s already been reserved, so any other mishaps will result in suspensions, and if that fails, expulsion."
I knew he was serious and I knew that soon enough, I wouldn't have to worry about any of this. I really didn't know what to say to convince him that I wasn't screwing with her or that I wasn't trying to help her. A man like this had probably seen more than most and wouldn't be easily fooled. "I will show you my intensions are genuine. If I can prove it to you, will that set your mind at ease?"
He seemed intrigued and merely questioned, "And how do you plan on doing that Mister Hines?"
"Easily but I need your word that anything I tell you or say, can never leave this office. No cops, other teachers, parents. Nobody at all. Agreed?"
He was tapping his finger against his bottom lip in deep concentration, as if measuring his next words very carefully. "Was there a crime involved? You know I cannot idly sit by and not report a crime."
"No that's not what I mean.”
“Then prove to me that you are genuinely interested in Miss Harris's well-being."
"Is that a yes?"
He seemed reluctant to agree, but finally did. "Ok so I can tell you that Kristina is a great artist and loves to read."
"Yes Mister Hines, I think that the whole school knows that. If you are trying to prove genuine concern for Miss Harris, it will take more than that."
"I am the guy who searches for her every day and finds her at the library and will be waiting for her at her locker."
"That's all fine and well, but I’m honestly concerned that your friendship with Miss Harris isn't going to be healthy for her. I want to trust that you have her best interests at heart, but I fear that you don't."
It didn't take a freaking genius to see that, like most small towns, there aren't any real secrets and he knew what happened to Kristina. He also knows that, in places like this, family bonds are stronger than right or wrong. "Give me three more days to show you that I am her friend and not trying to hurt her."
"I really don't think that I am willing to risk it. Now I can't legally stop you, but I can promise you, if you or any of your family hurt Miss Harris again, I will ensure that you never
set foot in this school or any other school in our district again."
I said, "Deal."
"Mister Hines I am not negotiating. I am telling you in plain simple English how things stand. I am ashamed..."
He stopped short of saying ashamed of what your family did to that poor girl. He was right to feel that, but this Jason wasn't here or involved. "Listen, I can't change the past. God only knows I have a long list of things that I want to change. Standing up for her isn't out of pity. I did what was right, that’s it.”
“Such values are very admirable, but what happens when family pressures are stronger than your morals? Every man is born with his own moral compass, but unfortunately, it’s when they are tested that most of us bend them and some even abandon them.” It was obvious that he wasn’t going to drop this. He seemed lost for words as he watched me intently. “You know Mister Hines, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the statement, knowing that it wasn’t the road I took. My highway to Hell was just a piece of paper with the names of all those I have hurt in life. Mine at least, isn’t paved in good intentions, it was created from my selfishness. “I won’t cave to peer pressure.”, was all I said.
“Fine then. Just remember that our choices in life have consequences. Some are steeper than others.” He was preaching to the choir about this, that was for sure. He patted my shoulder and the pain dug so deep my knees started to crumble from under me. I groaned and fought back the tears, trying to hide my pain. No, I would fight the pain. My whole body shook as my back began to throb and my hands trembled. I was trying to force myself to breathe slowly as if that would stop the pain.
When I finally looked up, Mister Andersen seemed to be consumed with shock. He was staring at a small smear of blood on his hand and just said, “What happened to you? Who did this?”, as he stared at me with such pity in his eyes.