by J.D. Selmser
Alfred Lord Tennyson said "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.", but the day I woke up alone in the cold hospital room, I had to wonder if the dude had any idea of what he was talking about. At first, I was certain that it was just a bad dream. You know too much alcohol and an overactive imagination. I felt an emptiness waking up, but I was ok with it then I looked down and saw Hazel's list in my hand. My heart shattered with the realization that my nightmare was my reality.
I didn't go and see Kristina or her aunt’s body. I wanted to remember them as they were. Kristina always shy at first, then she suddenly became beautiful. Her aunt Kate was always warm and charming in her own redneck way. I didn't want to remember them any other way. They both died on the way home from bingo, so the police report says. They were hit by a drunk driver on the corner of Hunt club and Bank Street. They say Kristina’s last words were, “I will be waiting for you. I will love you always.” It’s one of those things that I know was her heart whispering to mine.
Kristina was buried beside Hazel in the graveyard beside her house. It was a small yet tactful event. To my surprise, I inherited Kate's house. I know that life’s full of ironies being so close to the woman that you love, but knowing that you have to wait such a long time to hold her again. I still go to her grave every Sunday and read to her. I liked to think that she was listening to me read Anne of Green Gables, staring at me with adoring eyes like she did on that night.
Her room was the same as it always was. I kept it just like she left it with fresh paper waiting for her. Every now and then I’d find a picture of us cuddling on the couch holding a book or kissing. She always signed them with love K. Wang. I might not be able to see or touch her, but she's always with me.
On what would have been her eighteenth birthday, I had her name tattooed on my arm and around my heart. I added Hazel's a few years later to my left arm. People ask me why I carry their names on my body. I always tell them that one taught me that the world is full of possibilities if you just open your eyes and the other taught me that love is eternal if you just open your heart. That was the year I released the only song I ever wrote. It was called, "The beauty within." Why only one song? Kristina inspired it and my heart could never write another. I donated all the proceeds to the children's help line with the hopes that the other Kristina's of the world never find themselves feeling so alone that they can't see a better life beyond five days.
I became a teacher. I teach music and drama across the road at the small school surrounded by a graveyard. I learned the power of names and try to shape minds and I always tell them our story. I leave out the dying part, of course. I just tell them about how a skinny Asian kid found love in the most unlikely place. I tell them about how destiny makes sure that we all find love if we can just keep our eyes open to it. Every now and then, somebody asks me why I never married or even date another woman. I just smile and tell them that Kristina Harris loves me so much that she ruined me for all other woman. Some might say that I love her so much that my heart can't love anybody else. Either way it gets looked at, the result is still the same.
Now I just live my life, one day at a time, trying to enjoy the moments as they happen. Knowing though, that the happiest moments are yet to come. I just need to wait until my time comes so that I can share a kiss and hold my soulmate again. Life is short, but soulmates are forever and mine waits for me just outside the gates to Heaven.