Darker the Release

by Claire Kent

  “So it doesn’t go away. That doesn’t mean there’s nothing left at all. Does it?”

  Caleb didn’t answer, but the question hit him strangely. Like it shocked something awake in his mind that had been in a coma before.

  There is always more than one choice, Kelly had said. They weren’t living in a Greek tragedy where their lives were fated from the beginning. She’d said something like that too.

  “Caleb?” Wes said, sounding worried. “If I screwed this up for you, I’m really going to hate myself.”

  “It wasn’t you. It was never you. It was always me.” Caleb was muttering, speaking mostly to himself.

  Wes evidently didn’t realize this because he responded, “Well, then, I guess that means you can fix it. If you want.”

  “Yeah,” Caleb said, his breath picking up and an excitement building in his body he hadn’t felt since Kelly had walked out of this office two weeks ago. “Yeah. Maybe I can.”

  There was always more than one decision he could make. He’d been ignoring one possibility since it never would have been on his radar before.

  Three months ago he never would have dreamed of doing it. He would have done everything in his power to stop it from happening.

  But now he realized he could do it. He wanted to do it.

  It was the only thing that could possibly change the end of this story they were living.

  —

  The following afternoon he’d done everything he needed to do, and he was waiting with Ralph in the park.

  The same park where he’d met Kelly on that very first day.

  He was ten minutes early, and he’d worked himself up into an emotional fervor, waiting and hoping and praying she hadn’t changed her mind in the last two weeks.

  It was possible. He hadn’t treated her well. But she’d seemed to understand him and want him anyway.

  Maybe she still did.

  Ralph seemed to sense his excitement and was running in exuberant circles.

  Caleb felt like a fool, but he couldn’t seem to help it.

  Because he was watching for her, he saw Kelly five minutes later when she appeared at the entrance of the park.

  She was wearing one of her pretty hippie outfits, and she looked lovely and golden in the sunlight.

  She was searching the park, looking for the client she was supposed to meet here.

  He was the client, but she didn’t know that yet.

  He called for Ralph and started walking toward her, drawn by a kind of yearning in his heart he’d never experienced before.

  It felt different than it had before—like it was partly unreal, like it was a dream come true, like it was happening to someone other than him.

  This was him. Caleb Marshall. And she was Kelly Watson, daughter of a research scientist who had been murdered to save a pharmaceutical company.

  And they had both done what they’d done. But maybe it didn’t mean there was nothing left.

  Maybe there was another choice.

  Maybe there was something worthwhile to salvage in the wake of the destruction.

  He saw the moment her eyes landed on his approaching figure. She seemed to freeze, even though he was still too far away to see her expression.

  Ralph evidently recognized her and rushed over to greet her with panting joy.

  She leaned down to pet the dog, but her eyes never left Caleb.

  Soon he was close enough to see that she was pale and shocked and bewildered. But there was something small and hopeful underlying it on her face.

  When he reached her, she stood up so she was facing him. “I was…I was supposed to meet a new client.”

  “I’m your new client,” he admitted, having to hold himself back from reaching out to her.

  She was exactly who he’d loved before—strong and vulnerable, loving and broken, golden with dark shadows underneath.

  Deeply human, with a heart so much like his own.

  She was panting visibly, and she wrapped her arms around her belly protectively. “You are?”

  “I thought it would be a good idea to get a portrait done of Ralph, if you think you’re up for the job.”

  Her eyes slipped down to the happy dog, who was bouncing slightly in a sitting position, but they darted back up to Caleb’s face. “I would love to paint him.”

  “If you have room in your schedule.”

  “I have plenty of room.” She took a shuddering breath. “Caleb, what is…what is going on? Is this…is this what I’m thinking?”

  She looked so hopeful and fragile and confused that he could hardly resist pulling her into his arms. She was so close now. He almost had her now.

  He just had to get through the last steps.

  “You were right,” he said, his voice cracking strangely. He was too emotional. It wasn’t like him. “There is always more than one choice to make. So I’m making a different choice.”

  The realization burst out like sunlight on her face. She wasn’t smiling but she was still radiating joy. “Really?”

  He nodded, feeling a matching joy and an awkwardness at the same time. “Yes.”

  “And all the rest of it, I mean, you’ll be okay with…” She could barely speak. She was hugging herself like she needed to hold the feelings inside.

  “It wasn’t okay. I mean, we can’t just erase the past. So the choice I had to make was…was big.” He pulled out from his pocket a folded piece of paper he’d printed earlier. He opened it and handed it to her. “I’m submitting this to the board tomorrow morning.”

  She took the paper with a shaky hand and stared down at the printed words.

  She stared down at them for a really long time. So long that Caleb was suddenly nervous.

  Finally, she lifted her eyes. “You’re…” She could barely speak. “You’re resigning?”

  He nodded.

  “Oh, God, Caleb.” Her hand was shaking so much he was worried, so he took the paper and folded it back in his pocket. “I never would have wanted you to do something like that. I never would have expected…You don’t have to…”

  “I do. I do have to.” He couldn’t stand the distance between them anymore, so he reached out to cup her cheek with one hand. “Because you were right about what you said before. We’re not living in a Greek tragedy, but I’m still Claudius in this. And his problem was always that he refused to give up what he’d gained through his sins. I don’t want to live with that guilt around my neck my whole life. I got this job in part because your father was murdered—whether or not I was directly responsible—and I just don’t want it anymore.”

  “You’re sure?” She’d raised a hand to cover the one he still had on her face. “Caleb, are you sure? I don’t want you to have to sacrifice something you love.”

  “I was sacrificing what I loved before. I was sacrificing you. And you’re who I’m not willing to give up anymore. This is my choice. This is my different choice.”

  She gave a little sob and threw herself on his chest, and he was finally able to wrap her in a tight embrace.

  She was all feeling, all emotion, all depth and generosity and intelligence and courage and beauty.

  And she was all his. He could feel it. He knew it for sure.

  When she finally pulled away, tears were streaming down her face. “So what are you going to do?”

  He gave her a little smile. “I thought maybe we could take a walk with Ralph.”

  She sniffed and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands. “I mean for a job.”

  He’d known what she meant. “I don’t know, blossom. I really don’t know.”

  —

  They walked in the park, and then they drove back to Caleb’s house. Breah made them dinner, and then they were both so exhausted that they went to bed early.

  Caleb wasn’t sure whether Kelly would want to have sex, since she seemed so incredibly tired, but she scooted over to kiss him as soon as he got under the covers.

  They kissed deeply for a few minutes. Kelly�
�s lips were clinging and tender, and her embrace was passionate, almost desperate. Caleb wasn’t surprised to feel his arousal building with depth, with force.

  When he finally tore his mouth away from her in order to start getting rid of some unnecessary clothing, Kelly asked him, “So do you think we need to talk about some of the stuff that happened between us?”

  It might have been temporary, it might have been from the bliss of finally making the right decision and of having everything he wanted, or it might have been the distracting compulsion of his hard cock, but Caleb didn’t even care about any of that at the moment. “Not now. Maybe later. Unless you want to.”

  Kelly’s smile was beautiful and blinding. She rubbed deliciously against him, quickly finding the bulge of his erection. “Not now,” she repeated, rhythmically rocking up into him. “Maybe later.”

  Caleb captured her lips again and plunged his tongue into her mouth, stroking it erotically against hers.

  While they kissed, Kelly’s hands fumbled to yank her nightgown off over her head.

  Moaning deep in his throat, Caleb lifted off of her just long enough to pull off the T-shirt he was wearing, so that he could feel her naked breasts moving against his skin. “Kelly,” he murmured, his teeth grazing her throat. “Kelly, I love you.”

  Her voice sounded almost like a sob, and her body was rocking like a wave beneath him. “Caleb, I love you too.”

  Then he felt her hands—eager and seeking—beneath the waistband of his shorts. When he felt her warm little fingers on the sensitive length of his cock, he groaned helplessly.

  Her responding moan mirrored his. She was already trying to generate some friction by pushing her pelvis up into his, but one of her hands was still struggling frantically with his shorts, trying to push them off.

  “Caleb,” she said in frustration, trying to undress him, massage his cock, and grind against him simultaneously. “Help me get them off.”

  Laughing warmly, he pulled himself up enough to rid himself of his underwear. Then he allowed her to pull him back down over her, and he slid his hands under her hips to massage the firm flesh of her ass.

  Still trying to kiss him, Kelly closed her hands over his cock in a way that made him choke on a curse. Then she was trying to guide his erection toward her entrance, and he hissed when she rubbed the head against the wet, swollen flesh of her arousal.

  Looking in her eyes, he found her mouth again. Kissed her long and deep. He tried to show her how much he loved her, although he was having some trouble focusing on the kiss, since her insistent hands were still trying to get him into position.

  Finally she gasped, “Caleb! I want you inside me right now. Why are you taking your time?”

  “Sorry,” he murmured, chuckling again. “I didn’t realize there was such a big hurry.” His fingers joined hers, brushing along his cock until he was able to slip a finger into her entrance. She was very hot and soaking wet, and her muscles clung deliciously to the intrusion of his finger. “Eager, are we?”

  She scowled up at him, despite her hum of pleasure as he used his finger to do a little exploring. “Don’t be smug. It seems like you’re kind of eager too.”

  To prove her point, she rubbed her palm in tight circles over the head of his cock, and Caleb jerked dramatically and burst out, “Fuck, yeah!”

  Having effectively made her case, Kelly smiled up at him sweetly. “That’s what I thought. Now, can you fuck me, please?”

  Returning her smile, Caleb positioned himself more comfortably between her widely parted legs. Used his erection to nudge and tease her until she was groaning and quivering with impatience. But then he finally pushed inside of her.

  They both released their breath as he fit himself into the tight sheath of her body. Caleb closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, feeling unexpectedly drained after all the events of the day and therefore nervous about the extent of his control. Fortunately, Kelly’s muscles were wet and clasping him in erratic flutters, so he was pretty sure it wouldn’t take her very long to come.

  Pulling up her legs so that he’d sink into her even more deeply, Kelly twined her arms around his neck, holding him in a close embrace. She pumped her hips a couple of times. “Caleb,” she prompted breathlessly. “Any time now.”

  He adjusted his weight onto one arm so that he wouldn’t crush Kelly, and then he reached down to guide her thigh up to where he wanted it.

  Responding to his silent request, she wrapped both legs around his waist. Closing her eyes and whining in pleasure, she still managed to ask drily, “Better?”

  “Yes,” he gasped, shaking a little at the sensations of sinking deeper inside her. He loved having her legs around him. Loved feeling like she wanted him deep, like she didn’t want to let him pull out. Her body was the most luscious home he’d ever known, and he clung to any evidence that she felt the same way about his.

  He moved his forearms until they were crossed under her neck, and he kissed her again as he started to thrust.

  He had great plans for keeping their lovemaking slow and leisurely tonight, but as soon as he began to move inside her, Kelly started bucking her hips up urgently and whimpering with pretty little sounds of pleasure and impatience.

  Her obvious need for him broke the lingering threads of his control. With a rough groan, he pumped his pelvis more rapidly, and his kiss became hungry and clumsy. He could feel his climax building with dangerous speed, and he tore his mouth away from hers so he could try to regain his focus.

  It didn’t help. Because now he could see Kelly’s lovely face. It was flushed and twisted with the sensations washing over her, and her eyes were hot and wild, never looking away from his face. She was already panting and was still making those erotic little sounds every time he drove his cock into her.

  “Kelly,” he moaned, the one word almost a plea, squeezing his eyes shut and burrowing his face into the space beside her neck in a vain attempt to hold back his release. It was almost embarrassing. He was usually so much better than this—he usually lasted so much longer.

  She was gasping against the side of his head, and her breath was warm and moist. “God, Caleb,” she choked. “Faster. And harder. I’m almost there.” Her body was writhing frantically beneath him, her legs tightening around him with each of his thrusts and her fingers digging painfully into the skin of his back.

  He tried to kiss her again, but they just moaned and panted against each other’s mouths. He accelerated their motion, trying to please her, making his strokes shorter, faster, and more powerful. Her inner muscles had contracted around his throbbing cock, and the tighter feeling made him want to howl.

  Then Caleb felt his balls tightening, and—in a panic—he reared up, clinging to the last of his control. “Come, blossom,” he demanded roughly, clenching his jaw until it ached. “Come. I can’t…”

  Her whimpers were louder and more desperate now, and her face was contorted with effort and rising pleasure. “Yeah,” she gasped, jerking her hips wildly as she tried to claim her orgasm. “Caleb…Yeah…I’m…God, Caleb!”

  The last word was a sob as her body shattered beneath him. She shuddered through her orgasm, but Caleb could see that she was trying to keep her eyes open. On the first spasm of her channel around him, he let himself go, thrusting hard a few more times before he let his pleasure erupt.

  He choked on her name as her muscles contracted steadily around him, and then the white rush of sensation overwhelmed him. He forced himself to keep watching her, and their eyes met in a vague, hot blur as he released himself in spurts into her quivering body.

  He was weak and gasping when the pleasure finally faded, and he had to force himself not to collapse with his whole weight on top of her. Her arms and legs were still clinging to him, as if she couldn’t bear to let him go.

  Caleb never wanted her to.

  “Caleb,” she said at last, her voice just as breathless as he felt.

  “Yeah,” he panted, nuzzling her neck and not finding the
strength yet to pull away from her.

  “Are we really all right?” she asked softly, her hands now stroking the little scratches she’d made in his skin. “After everything that happened? Do you think we’re going to really be all right?”

  Her words weren’t entirely coherent, but he knew exactly what she was asking. And for the first time in so long, the answer didn’t scare him. “Yeah. It doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be…to be good. I love you. You love me. That’s never going to change. If we can survive this, then I’m sure we’re going to make it.”

  He paused. Added, because this was still so new to him, “You think so too, right?”

  She pressed a damp kiss just over his ear. “Oh, yes.”

  They hugged and lay together in silence until he wondered if she was starting to go to sleep.

  But finally she asked out of the blue, “So, seriously, what do you think you’ll do for a job?”

  “I really have no idea.”

  “I guess you’ll probably get a bunch of offers. With your résumé, I mean. You’ll be asked to sit on boards or do all kinds of things.”

  “Yeah.” He was sure he would get offers like that. He wasn’t planning to accept them.

  “You won’t take them, will you?” she asked, as if she’d read his mind. “Because it will still be a result of what…”

  “What I did. Yes. I won’t take them.”

  “So what do you want to do?”

  He smiled and shook his head, nestling her closer to him. “I have no idea what I want to do. I’ll figure it out. It’s a strange feeling—being jobless like this, without any direction at all.”

  “Well,” she said, a teasing note in her tone that warmed his heart, “at least you have plenty of money to tide you over in the meantime.”